This is my first time writing Cas because I haven't yet been brave enough to tackle his particular brand of adorable quirkiness but…it's cat day…I'm feeling bold…and this just had to be written.
Takes place during the time when Cas is human and homeless. That's my favourite part of Cas' journey so far and I really really really (did I mention really?) want more of human Cas.
He never understood the value of a good trench coat until that night. Or the point of its buttons or collar or belt. He didn't understand what it was to be cold and damp and miserable, to need a barrier against the literal and figurative chill of the bitter earth. He understands now.
Leaning against the dirty brick wall in the filthy back alley, Castiel huddles down into his clothes. The wet cold of that dreary October evening cuts through his layers, it bites into his skin and seeps down to his bones and he shivers for the first time in his ridiculously long life, shuddering and pulling his coat around him.
The rain falls in a tired, misty, drizzle and Cas flinches as it runs down the back of his neck.
He had wanted to be human, had welcomed it when he cast off heaven and the other angels for the sake of friendship, but now he understands why people long for the divine, why they can't go on without hope in something beyond the natural world.
The intensity of human sensation is beyond overwhelming-it's terrrifying. He feels like a raw wound inside and out, assailed by a deafening range of human suffering.
The rain is icy but it burns against his vulnerable skin, the thick, desolation of the dark night surrounding him, suffocating him like great, black hand over his face. The shrill scream of a far off siren keens through the night and Cas jumps, his heart racing in his chest.
He settles back against the wall and tries to breathe deeply. It's all just too much.
He thinks longingly of the bunker, of sitting in a chair around the table with Dean and Sam and eating peanut butter and jelly and listening to Dean make jokes he doesn't understand.
Cas suddenly feels a massive ache in his chest. For a minute he wonders if he's going into cardiac arrest, there seems to be something wrong with his heart… it's throbbing with each beat. He can't seem to catch his breath and his throat feels swollen.
I must be dying, he thinks.
How easily humans fade away, one night in the rain and I'm already half-dead.
But minutes tick by and he's still breathing, still shivering and…is he crying? He'snever cried before and he feels himself shrivel in shame at the idea. What would Dean say? He'd probably call him a girl or a baby in a trench coat.
Cas smiles at the memory, a weak, watery smile and swipes at his damp face with one sleeve.
"Rawrrr.."
A thick, raspy cry greets his ears and he jumps again.
The layers of darkness are barely touched by the flickering yellow glow of the distant street lamp and he can't see into the shadows with his weak, human eyes.
He scrunches down further into himself, his pulse picking up speed again.
"Rawwwwrrrr!"
The cry sounds again and slinking from the shadows comes the sorriest looking black cat Cas has ever seen. Its mangy fur sticks off its body in wild clumps and a jagged scar runs down its face from the inside corner of one tattered ear to the tip of its aquiline nose. It's obvious the cat had seen some pretty tough times, but despite it's ragged body, the cat stares at him with huge, green eyes that glow through the night with an expression of unflinching courage.
Cas sits up and wipes his face again.
"Hello, cat."
He says simply.
The cat blinks cynically and sits down on the street, curling its tail around its paws.
Cas clears his throat and speaks again in his gravelly voice.
"We seem to be in a similar predicament."
He squints at the cat and tilts his head as if waiting for a reply.
"Mrrowrr!"
Cas nods appreciatively. The cat seems to be listening and since he needs to talk to someone he figures any audience will do.
"Do you know what it feels like to be alone?"
He asks.
The cat blinks again, settling down on its haunches almost like it's waiting for the story.
"I never knew until today.."
Cas looks down at his lap, sighing heavily.
"I've been alone for centuries before, watching humanity grow and change, but I guess I never noticed, I never cared. I wondered why humans would make friends and fall in love if it only opened them up to suffering. But I think I understand now…"
Cas drifts off, lost in thought for a minute, his steely blue eyes glinting through the darkness. He starts again after a moment, talking directly to the cat now.
"Humans will risk everything for a chance to be happy. I always thought that was because they were less intelligent creatures but…I still don't understand humans, cat. I thought I would after observing them since their creation, and especially now that I'm one of them. But I don't. They do strange things for no reason." Like throw their best friends out into the cold.
Cas thinks it but can't bring himself to say it out loud-even if it's just to a mangy stray he can't talk about it just now.
"I possesed divine intuition, I know all the mysteries of the universe. I could discuss quantum physics and yet human nature is still a mystery."
While he speaks the cat has been creeping cautiously closer. At last Cas feels its head bump against his hand and he slowly scratches beneath its chin. The cat leans into Cas' hand and starts purring so fiercly it shakes its fragile body.
The wind has picked up and it has gotten even colder and very slowly the cat climbs onto Cas' lap.
In his fragile state this simple act of trust from the little stray makes something inside his chest swell and burst and all at once he's crying again, shoulders shaking as he huddles down into the upraised collar of his coat.
"Rowwrr?"
The cat cries quietly and looks up at Cas with solemn, emerald eyes that shine with a bestial understanding-those beautiful, fierce eyes staring out from a battered body have an expression that reminds Cas of Dean.
Through his misery he finds himself feeling grateful.
He thinks to himself that the father who abandoned him and let him be cast out must still be watching somewhere to send this strange cat to him when he was most alone.
Slowly the night wanes, taking with it the clouds and the chill and Cas watches the sky brighten between the buildings that tower over his head.
Nestled between the layers of his coat, the cat is still sleeping on his lap when the dawn breaks fully, a rhythmic purr stirring through the tangled mass of its ebony chest.
Cas strokes the cat tenderly and sighs a grateful prayer to his father-he has survived his first night as a homeless human, it's a new day, he has a new friend, and maybe, just maybe, he will make it on his own.
~End
I feel like this was kinda pointless…but hopefully cute.
Leave me some feedback if you like.
I'd like to know if you think I did any justice to Cas on my first try at writing his character.
Thanks for reading!