Chapter 1
Marlene McKinnon
I know I shouldn't be here.
I know that they will all be angry or disappointed.
I know that Emmeline will not be happy, though she'll stay silent.
I know what Alice will say.
I know what Mary will do.
I know how Lily will look at me.
Alice will tell me that I shouldn't do this to myself, then Mary will snap at her. I don't know how many times Mary has snapped at Alice for lecturing me about him and told her it's my life and I can do whatever I want. Then later when Alice stalks off and Em follows her and maybe Lily too, Mary will sit me down on my or her bed and she will ask me to stop. She'll tell me to stop this, tell me that I can't do this anymore, I have to say no to him. I'll either, nod and tell her I will or I'll break and tell her how I feel and tell her I can't.
Because the truth is I really can't. I want this as much as he does… I need this just like he does. The only thing is, when it's over I will be the one left broken and he'll be the one feeling better.
Usually we don't shag in the Room of Requirement and god for bit in his dormitory. Usually we use the broom closets that are all over Hogwarts, like that isn't humiliating enough.
I don't really know why he chose the Room of Requirement tonight, but sometimes he likes to sleep and other times he likes to leave me when he's done, maybe take one last look at me as he drops me to the floor and then he stalks off and I wait for someone to rescue me, but no one really does.
But it isn't like he is forcing me; it's really not like that at all. I tell myself I don't want this, but I have this habit to lie to myself. It's not that I like being treated like he treats me, or maybe I do, I don't know.
But we've done this since fifth year, or really the summer before fifth year. As disgusting as that sounds, I surrendered to him when almost still on my fucking fourth year when I was just a little over fourteen.
Mary often reminds me that now I'm just fifteen – sixteen in only three weeks - I shouldn't be doing this. That's the point were I spit at her that we began shagging at fourteen – though, he was fifteen - that usually shuts her off.
I know he doesn't love me but I also know he feels something, otherwise he wouldn't come back. I usually try to stay away from him for few days, but he always gets me running back. Sometimes he hands me a note, sometimes he whispers into my ear, sometimes he just looks at me but however he tells me to meet him and where, I always come.
Because I want him.
He moves beside me and I shudder, usually he leaves before I do. But not today, today I'll leave him, that'll give me something back of my dignity. Hopefully.
I look at the clock on the wall, five thirty. Alice will be up in a half'n'hour, maybe earlier because its Tuesday, she's always worked up on Tuesdays.
I look desperately for my clothes, there is not a chance in hell I'm walking back to the Gryffindor tower just wrapped in a blanket.
At first I only see his clothes, and I think about taking them and burning them. But I don't.
I search for my clothes, find at least some of them and dress in them, and then I stare at him for a moment, wishing he'd wake up and tell me to stay. He doesn't. So I leave.
– Hunting for Happiness –
When I wake up the second time this morning it's almost seven and it's Alice's cheery voice that wakes me up;
"Mary, Mars! It's time to get up!"
I hate it when she calls me Mars. He used to call me Mars. Now I'm just McKinnon and he's just Black.
I force my eyes open and yawn and look over to see Mary already standing up and pulling her clothes on.
"Really tired?" Alice asks me and raises her eyebrow; I stare at her back and shake my head 'No'. She's suspicious as always, I think Alice knows everything, I think she even knows that I was with him again.
"So you weren't with Sirius?" she asks me, I grit my teeth.
"Ali, leave it alone" Mary comes to my rescue, "she clearly is here and she was here when I fell asleep and I was the last one too."
Alice raises her eyebrow but lets it slide "Alright, you just know I don't want you to be hurt."
"Good thing I'm not," I tell her and finish dressing myself, carefully picking none of the clothes I wore yesterday.
"Are Lily and Em already gone to breakfast?" Mary asks as she finishes making her hair look nothing less than perfection.
"Yes, I already ate, just decided to wake you guys up." Alice answers, "You have to eat something" she adds and stares at Mary
"Naw, I don't feel like going to breakfast, waste of time." Mary responds and both Alice and I growl out;
"Oh yes you do!"
Mary always had this problem of not eating, but if you ask her she says its healthy not to eat like a horse. But if you ask me, I think it's not healthy either to eat nothing at all.
Mary rolls her eyes and says "Let's just go down to breakfast then, I'll have some toast."
– Hunting for Happiness –
When we arrive at our table in the Great Hall, I freeze, like I always do when I see him "the next day". The second time I see him is never as bad.
Black sits next to Jamie and Rem and eats his bacon, he looks actually happy; he actually smiles. Other than I with a scowl stuck on my face.
"What's up with you today?" Em asks as I plop down in the seat next to her,
"Nothing. Tired, That's all." I answer and feel everyone's eyes at me. They all know about Black and me and always expect when I say I'm tired it's because I've been staying up all night shagging Sirius. Noisy, annoying, stupid people who should mind their own business. "I had night terrors," I add, "'bout dad, you know"
That shuts the up until Mary speaks after almost a minute of silence "Haven't they gone away?" she asks and rubs my shoulder trying to comfort me.
"Nope, clearly not." I tell her with a scowl and lean over the table to get the orange juice.
"You know you can always ask Madam Pomfrey for some Dreamless Sleep medication," Lily says.
"I don't need medication." I tell them and they sigh.
Alice then turns towards Mary "Aren't you hungry Mare, eat."
Mary makes a face at her but grabs a toast from a plate, a toast, with nothing on.
And that's how it is with us. Black and I don't talk during breakfast; he doesn't really talk to anyone but Jamie. James try's to talk to Lily, but she won't listen to a word he says. Alice complains about Mary not eating and Mary snaps at Alice, Emmeline tries to make peace between them and I just watch them all carry on with their lives and eat my breakfast.
– Hunting for Happiness –
We have double Potions as our first lesson on Tuesdays and that's why Alice is always so nervous on Tuesdays, she sucks at Potions. I know it isn't nice saying that your friend sucks at something but the truth is, we all suck at something at some point. And beside Alice doesn't really suck, it's just her least favorite class, she's way better than me.
Professor Slughorn decides we should work in groups for today's lesson.
"Mr. Potter, Ms. Lane and Mr. Lupin" he says and James goes to sit with Lupin and Christie Lane, or at least that's what I think her name is.
"Ms. Evans, Mr. Belby and Mr. Snape" he then says and I watch as Lily freezes, both she's stuck with two Slytherins. Rotten luck! And one of them is her former best friend. Double rotten luck.
Slughorn then says my name and I realize I'm paired with Alice and someone something for Slytherin. I walk over to Alice who smiles at me. The Slytherin girl just scowls, so I scowl back but Alice still smiles.
I try not to listen to when Slughorn tells Black with who he is, but I do and I feel mortified when I realize Slughorn paired him with two girls – which is just what Sirius likes. He's into threesomes. Not that he has ever had a threesome with me, but I know he enjoys them.
Alice notices I'm looking at Sirius and nudges me.
"Stop staring at him, you're quitting this aren't you Lene?"
I don't answer her just act as I'm trying to read what the book says.
"Lene, I know you're not reading," she tells me through her gritted teeth, "you were with him weren't you?" she then says just loud enough for me to hear.
I still don't answer and she takes it as a yes, because obviously it is.
"No, Lene no!" She says rather loudly and few students – him among them – stare at us. "- Don't put that in," she covers smoothly to save us and they all look away and back at their potions, even him.
"Nice one Alice," I growl at her.
"Don't you 'nice one' me!" she hisses under her breath.
"Alice, it's not a big deal." I tell her, stuck in my denial.
"It is a big deal Lene, you can't let him treat you like this."
"I can do whatever I want too," I tell her and she sighs.
"Lene –"
"Let's not talk about this," I order her "We have a potion to make and a Slytherin to try not to kill, if that's possible"
Alice chuckles a bit "Okay, but on another subject, will you talk to Mary, you know about eating…?"
"She does eat," I say trying to stick up for Mary because of how many times she has stuck up for me.
"Well, she has to eat more," Alice tells me and I know it's the truth.
"I'll talk to her," I promise and Alice smiles shortly before turning her attention back towards the cauldron.
– Hunting for Happiness –
"But Lily Darling please –" James chants and Alice and I laugh as we watch James run after Lily who walks towards us.
"I know you want me, just give into it." James winks at us and we roll our eyes.
"I do not." Lily tells him with both hands on her hips as she spins around. "I have no longing to ever go out with you Potter" she says and then adds "and do not call me Lily Darling."
"Lily Flower?"
"No."
"Lily Love?"
"No!"
"Lovely Lily?"
"No!"
"LilyPad?"
"NO!"
James gives away a sigh but follows Lily to were Alice and I are standing.
"Stop following me," Lily hisses.
"I'm not following you, just gonna go and say hello to my dear friends," he smiles at me and Alice and then walks over to me and puts a arm around my shoulder.
"We're best friends, right Marley?"
"Yes Jamie," I laugh as he hugs me.
"Where is Sirius?" Lily then asks and James looks around
"Clearly not here," he states and Lily rolls her eyes.
"I realized that, but where are the rest of your bellowed Marauders gang, Potter?"
"Probably up in the Common Room, Padfoot said something about going there and I think Mooney and Wormtail probably followed. Where are Mary and Em?"
"Probably still in class," I answer him "they are both taking Divination."
"I can't understand how they can stand that awful subject," James says.
"Me neither," Lily, Alice and I all say at the same time and then we all walk together back towards the Gryffindor tower.
"Butter Beer," James says and the fat lady portrait opens for us and we clime into the Common Room and indeed there Black, Rem and Peter are.
"Padfoot!" James exclaims and we all walk towards the couch were they are all sitting and sit down our selves in the couch in front of them or in one of the chairs, I prefer the couch. "I was looking for you,"
"What was it Prongs?" Black asks and I look at him, only to see him looking back at me so I look away and nudge Alice.
"Have you finished the Herbology essay?"
"Yes," Alice answers simply
"Will you help me with mine?" I ask already knowing the answer
"Yes." Alice says and I smiled "but-" she says and my smile fades.
"But?"
"You need to agree to talk to me about Sir-"
"Don't." I cut her off before she finishes his name and hope he didn't hear.
"Well, will you?" Alice pushes.
"Okay, I'll talk." I mutter.
"Good," Alice says and stands up "I think its time for Defense Against the Dark Arts, isn't it people?"
Lily, Peter and Rem groan but Jamie, Black and I smile. Defense Against the Dark Arts is indeed the best subject in school.
– Hunting for Happiness –
I take it back, DADA sucks!
I swear Professor Aldrin hates me. I have no idea why he would decide to hate me, but he does. He's hasn't even been my teacher for more than couple months! What have I done wrong! What have I done to deserve this?
"Mr. Black you will practice with Ms. McKinnon today," he tells us and my smile disappears as I walk towards Black, I see from the corner of my eye that Alice, Lily and Mary don't look that thrilled for us either.
"I want you all to use the spells you learned last year, do not hurt your opponent, we are just disarming them" Professor Aldrin tells us and Black and I both roll our eyes.
"Begin," the Professor says and Black immediately points his wand at me
"Expeliarmus!"
But I was ready for him, "Protego" I say calmly and his spell hits my shield. "Sure you can do better than that can't you Black?" I ask him trying to make everything normal again. Black and I usually talk, sometimes we even almost act like we're normal.
"What about you?" he asks me as he sends another spell towards me and I call the shield again "Going to hide behind that shield forever?"
Figuring his words have a second meaning I blush a bit before I yell "Evanesco!" and point my wand towards his but he ducks and laughs, his loud trademark laugh that I've always loved.
We continue this for few more minutes, pushing each other over our limits until Professor Aldrin tells everyone to stop and says the lesson is over.
I gather my stuff and suddenly I feel someone's breath on my neck, "Broom closet, sixth floor, fifteen minutes."
I nod my head quietly and he leaves.
"Coming to lunch?" Alice asks cheerfully,
"Actually, I'm to tried to eat…" I tell her "I'm gonna ask Madam Pomfrey for some Dreamless Sleep potion, so I can sleep tonight."
"I thought you didn't take medication?" Lily raises her eyebrow.
"Things change" I tell them, wishing I could tell myself the same thing, because for me, things don't change, I run back to Sirius and start the cycle back again, like his puppet. But I can't help it. I need him.
A/N: I written around 34 pages for this story already, so if you are interested in more I can guarantee there defiantly is! Hehe.
Anyways, I hoped you like and I wrote this story because I don't think there are enough Sirius - Marlene stories, but this is also a James – Lily and Alice – Frank :)
And yes, I know its marked James/Lily, that's because people search more for J/L stories than S/M and J and L are a HUGE part of the story.
I want to add that Marlene is the youngest off the gang, because usually you have reached sixteen when you start your sixth year, but she's still fifteen and is an exception (I know that she is supposed to be in her fifth year if she's younger than sixteen when you start school, but I remembered that after I wrote 20 pages off the story, so I didn't feel like changing, hope you don't mind! Let's just say that rule didn't take place until after her first year …sounds good? :D)
Anyways, hope you liked it.
Btw. Next chapter will be in Alice's pov.
Btw2. I have a tumblr. that you can follow me on - http :/ siggerstho. tumblr. com / (remove the spaces) - (and there I will be answering anonymous reviews and posting spoilers and info on all my stories, especially this one.)