It wasn't that she didn't love him, but it was the fact that she felt he didn't love her. They could be making love all night and he'd cuddle her and tell her she was perfect and that he truly, deeply, loved her. It was extremely hard for her to hear these compliments especially since she didn't believe them. He'd assure her that he did mean them and then he'd say she was special. But then he'd send her back out on the streets; she wasn't sure what she was expecting considering he was her pimp. That, and her body was generally used for men to ogle at as she took off her clothes and later that night she'd have sex for money with whoever he found that night whom was willing to pay.
Amanda loved Michael, but she couldn't play this game anymore. Sure, the money kept a roof over her head, but was it all worth it? She hated feeling like crap all the time and she hated that she was treated like an object. Was this the life she really wanted? Did she really want to use her body this way? The easy answer was no-no woman, she thought, would willingly do this unless she didn't have a choice. Amanda was one of those women who didn't have a choice since she was only twenty and she ran away when she was sixteen to get away from abuse. She did go for her GED and got that with the little money she had to her name. But what good was it when nobody even cared when she filled that out on any job application? This resulted in her stripping for money followed by meeting Michael Townley one night and became a prostitute after he bought her breast implants so she could make more money. But did the implants really increase her self-worth?
She had so many conflicting thoughts about Michael as well as herself. It was so overwhelming that she'd sometimes break down in tears in the trailer she shared with three other prostitutes. When she cried, the other three were never there. If she showed any weakness she feared they would go crawling to Michael and tell him how much of a wimp she was and that she couldn't handle this lifestyle. If she was being truthful with herself, she wasn't even sure if she could handle this anymore. Amanda felt as if she was slowly breaking and would soon turn into her mother.
All of these feelings and thoughts that kept her up at night were coming to the surface. She was taking deep breaths to keep herself calm as the other women came back for the night (technically early morning). Amanda dried her tears and was thankful the electricity was cut earlier. "It's your turn," one of the girls said to her. She looked at the woman who put a hand on her shoulder and shivered when she saw just how young she looked. Sure, Amanda was the same age, but it scared her. How could these girls be doing this? She was raised to do this-they all were- but it simply wasn't right. Despite this, she stood and got ready to go. "Hey, good luck. I heard this client ain't…well…he ain't pretty. But he pays well. You'll get a good cut."
"Thanks for the heads up. How was yours?" Amanda asked her as she straightened out her short red dress.
"Not cool. He was in his thirties, though. Married. I swear men like him are pigs. It's Christmas Eve for Christ's sake! Anyway, Michael's waiting for you in the car."
"See you later," Amanda said and left the trailer saying goodbye to the other girls quickly. She got into the car and shook because she was so cold. Why couldn't men find women in warm pajamas attractive?
"Hey, Manda," Michael smiled. She was thankful that the car was already warm. She smiled back and greeted him as she always did. He kissed her cheek before driving off. She listened to Michael talk about one of the heists he did. He didn't speak of these to any of the other girls. He seemed to have this trust that Amanda wouldn't snitch on him. She never would, but she found it odd that he trusted her this easily. Maybe he really did love her. But then why was he bringing her to a client?
Michael parked the car and she got out when it came to a full stop. Michael got out as well and led her over to a man standing outside of some expensive, shiny car. They stood underneath a light and he looked at Amanda with lust and grinned. He was about sixty and bald. He was very overweight, but the rings on his finger showed that he was very wealthy. Usually, she would just go with the man and make whoever it was feel as if he was a king. This time, she looked at his disgusting smile and his muddy eyes and took a few steps back. Michael turned towards her when the man asked where she thought she was going. "Just a sec," Michael promised before he went after her. Amanda's arms were crossed as she quickly walked away in her heels. It was freezing and there was snow on the ground, but she couldn't bring herself to go back there. "Hey!" Michael shouted after her, obviously not using her real name for privacy reasons. "Where you going?"
"I can't do this," she cried. She didn't care if he thought she was weak nor did she care that he gave her a funny look when he saw just how upset she was. That funny look turned into a concerned expression.
"Amanda," he said in a low tone. "This guy is gonna pay good."
"I don't care. I-I can't do this anymore, Michael," she bit her lower lip nervously. She knew how other pimps worked and that was they tended to kill, rape or harm their prostitutes who wanted to get out of the business in fear that they'd go work for another pimp.
"What are you getting at?" he asked in an irritated tone.
"I don't know, but all I know is I'd rather freeze to death than get in his car and fuck him for the night," Amanda said in an angry tone. "Michael," she said more calmly. "If you have to, kill me. I'm already dead anyway." They were silent for a while. The heavy man left and peeled out of the parking lot. Even if she wanted to go back, they lost the client.
"Amanda," he said in a much calmer tone than he used beforehand. "I'd never kill you."
"Even if I refuse to do this anymore?" she queried.
"I love you. I couldn't kill the woman I love."
"There's no way you love me," Amanda took a step back. "You're just using me to make money. That's not love, Michael. I mean, I don't know what love exactly is, but it's not this," she cried. "Not this."
"This is sudden," he pointed out. "What's wrong? What happened? You never do this."
"I'm pregnant, Michael," Amanda finally told him. "I'm fucking pregnant."
"Oh shit. Aren't you on birth control? What the fuck! How could you let this happen?" he ranted.
"Of course I'm on birth control," she retaliated. "But for whatever reason it didn't work. Once I get this abortion, I never want to be part of this again. I won't raise a baby in a trailer park in North Yankton while fucking to support us. I'm not going to turn into my mother." Tears fell down her cheeks at rapid speed as she cried. She was shocked when he brought her into a hug. He held her as she fought against him, telling him to get off of her. However, she gave up and welcomed the comfort that was there.
"Come stay with me," Michael said. He felt so warm despite it being so cold. She gripped onto his coat as if it was a lifeline. "I'll take care of you and this baby. We won't be like our parents; we'll be great, I promise."
"Don't make a promise you can't keep," Amanda warned. "I don't know if it's yours or a client's."
"Amanda, when I say I love you, I really mean it. I know I don't show it well. I can be a real asshole most of the time, but I love you. And even if this baby isn't mine, I'll love it like it is. I love anything that's a part of you. I think we can make this work-me and you. Come move in with me. I don't got much, but I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, because you deserve it." He looked into her eyes and she could tell by looking up at him that he truly meant every word.
"You really mean it," she stated and choked back a sob.
"I do," he said, his arms still wrapped around her. "I don't wanna lose you. You're the best thing that's happened to me."
"I love you," she cried and pressed herself up against him.
"Love you, too, Amanda," Michael said before he kissed the top of her head. She tilted her head up and he kissed her with so much passion it made her heart flutter with happiness. Sure, it wasn't exactly conventional-she a prostitute and he her pimp-but it was probably the most romantic thing that ever happened to her. She had a fear that he would leave when the baby was born and it didn't look like him. Or maybe he'd leave her before she even had the baby. She pushed those thoughts out of her mind. Michael was different and he loved her. She would have to learn how to trust again. It wouldn't be easy by any means. But she couldn't help but love him and the happiness inside her was genuine. "I have a horrible way of showing it. I'm sorry."
"Please don't be like the other men around here," she said with her head against his shoulder. "Don't be saying this and then take it back."
"I don't say things unless I mean 'em," Michael assured her. "I will say that I am not a rich man; I can't give you the luxuries that you deserve, but I love you. You won't be alone with all of this."
"I don't need to be rich. All I need is you right now."
"You got me," he replied.
Nothing about this situation was romantic; Amanda fell in love with her pimp, Michael Townley. She was used to him handing her off to clients and then she'd go back to his place and spend the night there. He always treated her nicely despite the fact that he knew she just gave some man a blow job and fucked him only about an hour ago. But despite the absurdity of the situation, it was romantic because Michael loved her and he was bringing her back to his trailer (instead of a castle like in fairy tales but it was a start). Even though she loved him and she wanted it to last forever, she had a feeling it wouldn't last forever and it would end. But that was okay, she decided, because she could have this one moment of happiness in her life-she had to live in the moment.
Months later when her daughter was born, Amanda still didn't know who the baby's father was. When Michael held her and cradled the infant, Amanda mentally fabricated the story about how she had been a prostitute and that her pimp took her in when he found out she was pregnant. She'd never let that little girl know that her father may not really be her father. She mentally prepared herself to tell her daughter the not so romantic story about how she and Michael decided to spend the rest of their lives together and leave out the fact she was pregnant at the time. It was better this way. It didn't really matter, Amanda thought, because she could already tell that Michael adored her.
Little Tracey Townley would most definitely be a daddy's girl.
The semester ended, so now I have time to write again! I had a ton of Michael/Amanda requests so this is what I came up with. And before anyone asks, I left the ending ambiguous for a reason. It is for you to decide whether or not Tracey is Michael's biological daughter. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story!