"5, 4, 3, 2,1!"
Though Olivia visited the Ellipse this time every year, her eyes never failed to widen with wonder when the national Christmas lit up. She quietly hummed along to "O Christmas Tree" as the band started to play.
He was directly in her line of vision. Her heart reflexively sped up watching Fitz, as he swayed side to side in time to the music, lovingly cradle Karen with one arm and wrap the other around Gerry.
It's the most wonderful time of the year, she thought to herself bitterly. Truth was she couldn't help the amusement that curved up the corners of her mouth as she watched Fitz bellow off-key in a duet with Gerry to "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer".
Fitz had delusions of grandeur when it came to his singing ability, boasting that it had been his serenading of Olivia with Sinatra's "Here's to Love" that had finally won her over.
Olivia could feel the oncoming tears pricking at the back of her eyes. Normally she would've steeled herself and willed those tears into defying gravity, but on this night, she allowed them to flow. It was a freeing experience; taking in Fitz's joyful celebration with his family confirmed that it had been the right decision to resign. There was no denying to herself that she loved this man, she loved him like she had never loved anyone before, sometimes even believing that she would give up just about anything for
him. And she did. Olivia acerbically chuckled to herself. She gave up her integrity, her belief in the fairness of the democratic system, her sense of morality. For what? To give Fitz what he wanted, what he deserved, to bestow the country with a worthy leader.
Fitz looked so happy up there with his family, she reflected. He looked like he had everything in the world, as though he weren't missing a thing in his perfect, white picketed - no- white housed life.
Olivia's diaphragm clenched when Fitz leaned over and kissed Mellie on the cheek. Her lungs constricted at the loving gaze he directed at his wife while mouthing "Merry Christmas" to her. A self-satisfied smirk found its way on her face when she noticed Fitz's left fist curled tight. Of course. Fitz always unconsciously curled his left fist when he was playing nice with someone he couldn't stand. Yet at present, Olivia derived little pleasure in knowing his ins and outs.
What right? What right did she have to feel this way? Olivia sharply inhaled the crisp winter air and mentally shook herself. She had no right to feel this way. He was the married President of the United States, and she had left him when she had promised to always be by his side.
Indignation surged through Olivia. But he had no right. He had no right to ask her to wait for him-not while he was married. Despite all of Fitz's grand proclamations and whispered incantations of his undying love, the harsh reality of their situation had to hit at some point, Olivia told herself.
Best to have cut it off when everything was neat and contained. Before the situation unravelled into a muddy mess of unchecked emotion. Before rumours spread among the White House aides and found its way into the press. Definitely. Karen and Gerry didn't deserve to see their father devolve into a national punch line. Olivia refused to play the Lewinsky to his Clinton in the sordid tale that would play out on news stands and television screens. It was simpler this way. And if she repeated the mantra to herself enough times, she would start believing it too.