A/N: I had this on my computer already written. While I thought I was going to keep it a bit longer, you guys deserve a bit more in the Ben!Verse though this one relfected my mood when I wrote it: sad.
The title comes from a poem we had to analyze in my senior lit class many many years ago. It's remained my favorite since and when I was looking through my computer for my last paper and came across it and it seemed fitting. Be forewarned. This is a one-shot. Can't seem to write much more than that. But in the near future, I'll write more in this verse. I've fallen in love with AJ and Morgan and all of them.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. I only own Ben, AJ, Morgan, Benny and April.
The Hour And What Is Dead
"Where's Tony?"
"I don't know."
"He better hope he gets here before Gibbs comes down from MTAC."
"Yeah," McGee turned back to his desk.
"Dead Marine, gear up," Gibbs blazed through the bull pen a few minutes later. Looking at his two agents, Gibbs raised an eyebrow at his missing Senior Field Agent, "Where's DiNozzo?"
"Stuck in traffic," McGee said reflexively, as protecting his partner had become, "He'll meet us there."
Gibbs glared at McGee for a moment before nodding, "Gas the car up McGee."
McGee caught the keys and hurried towards the garage to get the car ready for Gibbs to drive.
"You owe big Tony," McGee mumbled as he tried to call Tony again.
"Where's Tony?" Gibbs demanded, two hours later. Gibbs had been tied up, interviewing all the witness who all suddosedly found their Marine. Sadly though, based on the evidence that they had collected so far, this look like a suicide, though no one said the actually word, knowing that Gibbs would slap them silly if he even thought they were thinking the word before Ducky released his results.
McGee hated cases like these. And sadly, as more and more military men and women came back from the war with PTSD, cases like these were becoming more frequent.
"He's," McGee worked quickly to come up with something but was saved when Gibbs cell phone rang.
"Hey Abbs," Gibbs said, "No I didn't know McGee had you running the GPS on Tony's phone," Gibbs glared at McGee, "What do you mean he's at a hospital? Did you- And what-Abby, I'm his next of kin. They should have-Alright, I'm leaving now."
"Boss?" Ziva asked quietly.
"Tony's been taken to the hospital," Gibbs said, "But they won't tell Abby anything over the phone. You two done here?"
Ducky had taken the body away ages ago and Ziva had finished her sketching.
"Let's go. I'm driving," Gibbs hurried towards the Charger with Ziva and Tim hot on his heels.
"I'm sorry sir, this is a close ward, I cannot allow you to see Mr. DiNozzo until his next of kin-"
"I am his next of kin," Gibbs practically shouted at the younger doctor, "And why won't anyone freaking tell me why my Agent is in the psych ward?"
"I'm sorry sir, like I said, his next of kin has been notified and they are on their way. When they arrive, they can choose whether or not," the doctor tried to placate the furious Senior Agent. He was having little luck however.
"Who did you notify? His father? Because I have some news for you, his father is currently out of the country," Gibbs spoke but lowered his tone minutely when he saw the security guards glance his way.
"Sir," the doctor said, raising his hands in what looked like a calming gesture, "I cannot reveal that sort of information. I'm sure as soon as his next of kin arrives, he or she wont mind informing you-"
"Or you could just tell me right now because I am his next of kin!" Gibbs yelled the last three words of his sentence but other than make the doctor sweat more profusely, it didn't help the situation at all.
McGee and Ziva, who were observing from a distance, a very safe and quiet distance, looked at each other in worry. What had happened to DiNozzo in just a few hours?
"Excuse me," a petite woman interrupted quietly, "Are you the doctor I talk to over the phone about Anthony DiNozzo?"
"Who the hell are you?" Gibbs yelled, furious that this stranger had been called instead of Tony's team-his family.
The woman flinched sharply at Gibbs raised voices, making Gibbs feel like a gigantic ass. He hadn't meant to yell at her. But his anger at the doctor and his worry over DiNozzo had seeped through and…he hadn't meant to yell at the woman.
"Ms. Welsh ?" the doctor said, relieved to finally have a valid excuse to get away from this crazed NCIS agent, "If you would come with me, I'll take you to see Anthony."
"Tony," the woman, Ms. Welsh and Gibbs said at the exact time, each looking at each other in surprise.
"Ah, Tony then," the doctor nodded before ushering Ms. Welsh through the secure doors.
"Wait," Gibbs started, but the doors closed in his face and he would have pounded on them if he knew security wasn't already waiting to throw his ass to the curb.
"Boss," McGee said, all three of them suddenly not knowing what to do in the quiet of the hospital hallway, "What do we do now?"
Gibbs sighed and leaned his head against the wall, "Wait."
Minutes, or maybe hours later, the woman, Ms. Welsh, Gibbs remembered, walked through the doors.
Gibbs was up the moment the doors closed but before he could bombard her with his questions, Ms. Welsh raised her right hand to hold him off and used her other hand to cover her mouth, hoping to contain the sob that came through anyway.
"Excuse me," Gibbs said, quietly, as if he were dealing with a shell shocked witness instead of the stranger who was mysteriously Tony's next of kin, "Is, is Tony okay?"
Ms. Welsh nodded, and took a moment to compose herself, opening her purse for some tissues before cleaning the tears of mascara off her face.
"I'm sorry," Ms. Welsh said, taking a deep breath and Gibbs could almost see her counting five second inhale, five seconds exhale, "It's just. It's hard seeing him that way. That, and today isn't helping either."
Gibbs nodded, the scowl on his face showing his worry, "I don't mean to be rude but, who are you?"
Ms. Welsh smiled tightly, before extending her hand, "Morgan Welsh, but please, call me Morgan. I live with Tony."
"Huh," McGee and Ziva both said, floored by the new situation, the whole situation really.
"No," Morgan said, her eyes widening at the implications of what she said, "Not like, oh no, not like that. Me and Tony, well, he and I…what I'm trying to say is Tony's like the older brother I never had. Things have been," Gibbs saw Morgan's eyes flash with the memory of a past horror, "Rough lately and Tony has been helping me out."
"How do you know him?" Ziva asked, stepping forward, "And why have we never heard of you before?"
The woman didn't seem the least bit flustered by Ziva's brashness, "It's a long story really. I think Tony should be the one to tell you."
"How is Tony?" McGee asked, "We all work with him, at NCIS. And we would appreciate it if you told us how he was."
Morgan smiled in greeting, "I'll do you one better. I'll let you see him."
Tony was strapped to the bed, fighting the restraints with everything he had, crying and yelled for someone named…Ben.
"I've heard that name before," Tim said, turning to Gibbs and Ziva, "When he caught that bug and we took shifts watching out for him at the hospital. He called me Ben, kept asking me if I remembered something."
"He had a partner named Ben," Gibbs said, as they watched Tony from the viewing window, "He was his partner in Baltimore. Died while they were on duty."
"But why," Ziva asked, her heart hurting at seeing Tony act this way.
"I think I can answer that one," Morgan said quietly.
"You knew Ben?" McGee turned and looked at the small woman beside him.
Morgan nodded, before deflating slightly, "Ben wasn't just Tony's partner. He was Tony's best friend. They went through Military School together and after Ben left the Army, Tony helped him get a job in Philadelphia. Ben even followed Tony to Baltimore."
"How do you know this?" Ziva asked quietly. She hated this ward and wanted Tony out of that horrible room as quickly as possible.
"Because," Morgan smiled, "Ben was my husband."
It was comical how all three of them wore the exact same expressions of "Oh" on their faces for a second before the realization of what was happening to Tony set it.
"Did the doctors tell you what's wrong with him?" Gibbs asked, being the first to recover from the information they had just received.
"He had a head injury," Morgan answered, "From what the doctor told me, he stopped a robbery at a local coffee shop but the robber hit him pretty hard with the crowbar before Tony managed to subdue him."
"Why is he here then?" McGee asked. Tony had gotten tons of head injuries before but he had never seen Tony act like this.
"He was given a pain killer by ER doctors," Morgan said, "And he had a very bad reaction to it. It seems that it increased his irritability. He's up here because the doctors don't want to give him anything to calm him down because of the seriousness of the concussion. They were hoping that I could calm him down."
"Did you try?" Gibbs asked.
"Yes," Morgan started crying again but let out a shaky breath, "He doesn't listen to me. He keeps calling for Ben. He wants Ben to leave."
"He thinks his partner is alive?" McGee asked, worriedly. Tony hadn't been in Baltimore in years. For Tony to lose this much memory…
"No," Morgan stopped Tim's thoughts with her firm tone, "He knows Ben's dead. But he keeps asking Ben to leave and go rest."
"Would you mind if I go in there?" Gibbs asked, more out of being polite than actually looking for Morgan's permission. He was planning on going in there no matter what Morgan said. Tony was still his Agent, still his family, and it was his job to watch out for him.
"No," Morgan said before lifting up her phone, "I'll be right back. I have a phone call to take."
Morgan hurried off and all three agents watched as her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs.
"Tony," Gibbs said softly, laying his hand on Tony's clenched fist, "Hey DiNozzo."
"Boss," Tony said, his eyes hazy and unfocused but blazing with anger and…fear?
"Tony, you got to settle down," Gibbs continued talking in the same voice, "I know you don't like these but the doctors won't take them off until you settle down."
"He won't leave Boss," Tony let out an angry sob, opening and closing his hands in frustration, "Tell him to leave Boss. Make him go away."
"Who Tony?" Gibbs asked, rubbing his thumb over Tony's hand, hoping the contact would help calm Tony somewhat.
Tony just shook his head in response, hot angry tears leaking out the sides of his clenched eyes, "Make him leave Boss. I don't want him to stay."
"Who do you want me to make leave Tony? You have to tell me," Gibbs said, pushing down the frustration he felt at being utterly helpless in the current situation.
"Ben," Tony cried, "He won't leave Boss. He keeps walking up and down. I can hear him. I can hear him and I want him to go. Go rest. Go sleep. He's earned it, right Boss?"
Gibbs moved one of his hands to Tony's hair and stroked Tony's fevered brow gently, "It's alright Tony. It's gonna be okay."
"Make him leave," Tony cried, throwing his head back against the soft mattress before crying out when the movement jarred his already aching brain, "He can leave now Boss. He can go."
"He knows Tony," Gibbs had no idea what had happened the day Ben had died. He only knew that Ben had been shot by a murder suspect. And that Tony had tried unsuccessfully to stop his partner from bleeding out.
Suddenly, Gibbs remembered the other agent or cop or whatever he had been, how he had slowly bleed out and how Tony had tried so hard to stop the blood…and how Tony hadn't been able to smile for days afterwards.
"It's alright Tony," Gibbs continued trying to soothe Tony's inner demons, "You can rest now."
But Tony just let out another cry and gripped Gibbs' hand, letting out his tears of sadness and anger.
"Today was Ben's birthday," Morgan said quietly to the other Agents, as they all watched Gibbs try to calm Tony down, "Tony…still has nightmares. About that day. He doesn't talk about them, but sometimes, he'll fall asleep on the couch and I can hear him yell. Most the time though, I can only tell he's had one if he's awake and pacing the house when I wake up."
"Him and Ben were close?" Ziva asked as Tony finally seemed to be calming down.
"Like brothers," Morgan said quietly, "My children call him Uncle Tony."
"You have kids?" McGee asked, a bit surprised that kids had been living with DiNozzo for who knows how long and none of the team had even guessed.
"Three," Morgan smiled, "Two boys and a girl. My oldest, AJ, was named after Tony."
"Wow," both McGee and Ziva said. What else could you say to that kind of confession?
"Why didn't," McGee started but paused, shaking his head to clear his thoughts, "I mean, I know you said you would like Tony to tell us but why didn't he tell us about your guys before? If you've been living with Tony for a few months now, why didn't…"
"Tony helped me out of a very bad relationship," Morgan said, "Let's just say I wasn't up for meeting new people at the time. Tony, the big bear he is, didn't want you guys to scare me off. And I agreed. I needed that time alone, just me and my kids and Tony. It helped us heal."
"And your kids?" McGee asked.
"Are with our neighbor," Morgan answered, "She watches them in emergencies and AJ, my oldest, is twelve. He won't mind helping with Benny, whose five, and April, whose going to be turning seven soon."
"We'd love to meet them, someday," Ziva said and all three watched as Gibbs undid each strap. The doctor, who had been coming to talk to Morgan, caught sight of what Gibbs was going and was about to go charging in there but Morgan help a hand, effectively stopping him.
"Wait," Morgan asked and they all watched as Tony gingerly sat up before throwing up into the trashcan Gibbs had grabbed.
"I'll go get a nurse," the doctor disappeared back down the hall and Morgan nodded at Ziva and McGee before quietly entering the room.
"I'm sorry Morgan," Tony said when he caught sight of his friend from where he was propped up against Gibbs shoulder, "I'm sorry I tripped."
"Anthony Dominic DiNozzo Junior," Morgan said, taking the still shaking man into her arms, "You have to let it go. I don't blame you. No one blames you but yourself. You have to let it go."
"He won't leave," Tony pleaded with her, "I don't know what he's looking for. I can hear him but I don't know what he's looking for."
"He wants you to forgive yourself AJ," Morgan used the familiar nickname, squeezing Tony's hand reassuringly.
"No one's called me that in forever," Tony whispered, his eyes slowly falling closed, "Not since Ben."
"It's alright AJ," Morgan smiled and kissed his forehead lightly, "Sleep now."
Tony sighed and held Morgan's hand gently, "Okay."
Tonight my brother, in heavy boots, is walking
Through bare rooms over my head,
Opening and closing doors.
What could he be looking for in an empty house?
What could he possibly need there in heaven?
Does he remember his earth, his birthplace set to torches?
His love for me feels like spilled water
Running back to its vessel.
At this hour, what is dead is restless,
and what is living is burning.
Someone tell him he should sleep now.
A/N2: One day, the team will meet Tony's other family properly. But just not today. Thanks for reading. Like always, reviews are welcomed.