My Heart is Still Singing

After Clear Water

Percy

Pride's Bar was finally done. The past few months were absolute hell but we were finally able to come back to work last week.

The endless interviews and finally a suspension for all of us. If it wasn't for the Clearwater residents and the Police Chief, they probably would have just shut the Nola office down.

The time spent working on Pride's bar was soothing in many respects but it allowed for awkward moments around him. I don't get it. All those months I rejected the thought of accepting that Christopher LaSalle cared for me and that my heart cared for him, he shut me down cold.

There were so many times at the bar that I could feel his eyes on me while working, sweating and cussing at a banged up finger or two smashed by the hammer that I was swinging. I would look around and there he would be stopped in a moment of time quickly looking away when I caught his eye.

Twice we had literally run into each other carrying items from different points in the bar. The last time I gave him a weak smile, my heart breaking at his glance. He quickly allowed me to pass seemingly to look past me to an unknown spot on the wall.

And then there was Gregorio. I could feel her watching me too. She even modified her usual intense interrogation to carefully ask how I was doing and if I was looking forward to getting back on the streets.

We spent way too much time together that first week. I tried to find a reason to work with someone else, but it was like Pride knew that I needed to be with another woman for a while and constantly put us together doing something.

Finally back to work, I was once again teamed up with LaSalle most of the time but it seemed that something had changed. It was hard for me to be around him but this was my job so I adjusted.

Yesterday day I was sitting at the computer and up walks Gregorio with some tickets to a concert at the Essence Festival and who was the artist – Jill Scott. "Want to go" she asked? How could I say no to center eighth row seats?

Given how difficult the past few weeks had been around LaSalle, I saw this as an opportunity to let my hair down. Finally Friday came. I had planned to leave about 3 p.m. when Gregorio came up and pulled me into the kitchen. "Pride asked me... (oh hell no I thought) to take some documents down to the Navy Landing so why don't I just meet you there. I'll take the trolley down and we can drive back this way and pick up my car after the concert."

No problem. I walked out the door and took a big breathe. It occurred to me just then that I had made it through another week of dealing with LaSalle after making a near fool of myself going to tell him how I felt about him.

Not bad even if I say so myself as I put on my earrings. This blue dress, humm, the same color as LaSalle's eyes, looked slammin' on my body. I got these earrings last Christmas at the office exchange, the one that LaSalle missed being with his 'girl' and Tucker. Shit where did that thought come from?

Christopher LaSalle. The man sure got around. I knew of him before I even met him. He was a lady's man and had burnt one of my friends. Told him to his face he was a no good but also said that I had heard 'that he was the first one through the door and the last man out and he's the only man you want when a job goes sideways.' So I was pleased when Pride assigned us together.

My history with men was not good. Didn't have any brothers, had a couple dump me, and professionally had had it with men in my field. Wished we had medals like in the military so that men would get off my ass. I was as good of a shot as any of them and finished second in my ordinance class at the ATF. And while Gregorio could work your mind, I could peg a phony just by their body language. Every once in a while LaSalle would come up with some shit insinuating that I couldn't do this or that element of my job that I took because I was female.

LaSalle

Whew, she's out of here. The last few weeks have been difficult. She has no idea how much I want to be with her. I know what she wanted to do that night a couple of months ago and I just couldn't do it. I knew some crap was coming down on King, really on all of us, so it wasn't the time to be dealing with personal stuff.

My heart loved her because she was my friend first. While others thought we fought/argued in a vicious manner, I saw it as a challenge. I had worked with female officers before but this woman, Sonja Percy, was different. She could out shoot me for one and I was not happy about that. She would bring her target sheets in, hang them behind her chair and sit there with her feet up on the desk gloating. How could anyone shoot perfect every time on the range? Not one miss? Then there was the time that Darrell came in and cold cocked me. When I finally got my bearings, Percy had already taken the clown down and was cuffing him.

I told King I didn't think she was a fit for the team but I had been wrong. The day she got shot she put her sim card into a phone that Baitfish had on him. King was using the signal to keep track of her with that dangerous mission. So when the card showed that she was right outside the office, we all went out and there was that scumbag Baitfish. When Brody and I finally found Percy injured down by the levy, I put two and two together. She had put her chip into his phone knowing that we could track it and him. She was worried about us while she was in so much pain and not knowing if she was going to live.

As much as I liked teaming with Brody, I thoroughly enjoyed being partnered with Percy. First she took no crap, none. Second she knew her job. More than once her sixth sense alerted us to a dangerous situation that I didn't see coming.

She seemed hard. King explained that some of it was because she was a female in the ATF which was even tougher on women than other law enforcement agencies. Undercover is no easy assignment. You never know when your cover would be blown and the past year had taught me that Percy had put away some really bad guys.

Then she was fearless. I could feel her right on my six as we approached a building. Once she took point and kicked in a door with her little butt, I all but laughed having no doubt that she could kick my ass just as strongly.

I did find her like an onion though; you had to peel off one layer at a time. She shocked me when she expressed sympathy for the situation with my brother Cade. I thought she was making lite of it until after we arrested the guy who had stolen some navy guns. She had addressed Savannah as the mermaid which didn't bother me until after she had died. She made that reference again and I corrected her that Savannah had a name. It tightened in my chest until I looked her in the eye and I was able to relax at the softness in her face.

I needed my mom and sister after Savannah but they were half away across the country. Percy always seemed to be there with a kind word or a touch on my arm. However it did confuse me when she when joined in with Brody with their harassment.

I had just started to finally get myself together. Thank goodness for King. When he spoke to me, I could hear my dad. Not all of his words were kind, shit some I even found intrusive, but one day I heard him. I finally told him why I couldn't stay in that house at night after being embarrassed by Brody and Percy when my house keys were "dropped by" the office after a nightly binge.

While Percy stood by us all at NCIS, it was the day she let Nadine go that I realized she did have a loving heart. We were all arguing about the guns and what those weapons could do, but what Nadine was going to do was illegal and we couldn't turn our heads. I waited for her as she came down from meeting with King. When she told me what she did, I had no words. Stunned when she was arrested, King and I did everything we could do to get her out of there. She looked so small when King and I went to see her in jail. I about lost it when she called me to tell me they were moving her to general population. I knew it was that damn Hamilton.

So any way we finally got her out and I found myself wanting to hug her tight but that thought went , zip, right out my head knowing that she would push me away just like the last time I tried to comfort her.

The clashes came slowly and when they did they were whoppers. I was not about to let her get on that boat. She pushed back and Pride sided with her. I tried not to let her see the fear in my eyes. I could have cried when King finally radioed with seconds to spare, that she had defused the bomb.

We came back to write our reports and talked among ourselves that we need to help Pride with the bar. A couple NOPD stopped by and told us that they had started a groundswell in the community. I heard that there would be a bunch of folks stopping by the bar the next few days to help Pride.

Done. We all talked a little more after watching news accounts of the situation then Sebastian said we better head out.

Percy hung back and called out to me. I looked at her face and saw that same look she had when she told me that she had let Nadine go. My mind went there – shit, not now. I can't deal with this now. No. I have to take care of King. The hammer will drop on him once Vance and DOJ get here. We still had the deal with the Clearwater residents. I can't deal with this now.

So when she opened her mouth and started to talk, I shut her down. "Look..." I started out "before you say what you're getting ready to say..." While the words might have stung, she had no idea that it cut into my mouth and heart to say them. Four months ago, I would have easily taken her into my arms right there, but right now our 'world' would not allow that to happen.