Author's Note: So technically, "Riders" isn't Race to the Edge, but "Race to the Edge Epilogues" sounds way cooler.
I really, really, really, really, REALLY disliked the part of "Terrible Twos" where Hiccup puts Toothless in the cove like a parent punishing a child or an owner disciplining a pet. It went against all the mutual respect I've always felt was established in every entire other part of the canon. Toothless often defers to Hiccup, yes, but that's very different from the obvious power imbalance in that ep, which just rubbed me the wrong way. Still, it's just arrogant enough that I could fic it, rather than bleep it out of the canon entirely (such as that moment in RttE when whoever was writing decided to get Hiccup to deliberately kill a dragon because they couldn't figure out how else to give Stoick a Moment.)
Beta'ed and edited by the wonderful Thursday26.
Ever since the Torch incident, things hadn't been the same.
For a start, Hiccup still felt terribly guilty. He'd not only ignored his best friend, dismissing his concerns as jealousy – he had done the one thing he'd sworn he'd never do.
He'd treated him like a pet.
He'd punished him. As if he, Hiccup, were the parent and Toothless the child! His one concession to their friendship was to keep him in the cove, not in the dragon stables. He'd been unable to bear the thought of locking him up, his heart twisting painfully at the thought of Toothless behind bars.
Sure, he'd been afraid Toothless would hurt Torch, he'd felt a duty to help the little creature, and it had been all he could think about—protect the small one from the one who's bigger and stronger. Maybe it had felt good to be able to protect a small, weak creature from a bully, for once. Although Toothless hadn't been bullying Torch – he'd been protecting Hiccup, trying to reunite Torch with his mother, warning him. And Hiccup hadn't listened.
And that was it, wasn't it? He'd shut his friend out. He hadn't listened to him. For all Hiccup's claims to respect the dragon, when push came to shove, he'd treated him as an inferior. Like he had all the answers and Toothless was just a mindless beast. For better or for worse, he'd thought Toothless was a danger to the newcomer, and felt a certain pride in his new position as self-appointed little dragon protector.
When, Hiccup wondered, did he ever get that kind of ego?
Hiccup knew, knew for a certainty, that he would be nothing without Toothless. He'd be dead. His friend was every bit as intelligent as Hiccup, and then some. And he'd ignored him because he saw himself as the Great Protector of Little Dragons in Distress. Yet he'd had the nerve to accuse Toothless of being immature. Hiccup was the immature one. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Hiccup feared that he'd broken something that couldn't be repaired.
Toothless still licked him good-morning. They still went on flights as though nothing was wrong. But when Hiccup unclipped himself from the safety harness and went plummeting through the air, Toothless at his side, the dragon no longer gave him his trademark gummy smile and let his tongue flap in the wind, or closed his eyes in utter contentment, face filled with the same wild, exhilarating joy Hiccup felt, or reached out to give Hiccup a playful push in mid-air. He just looked at Hiccup, profound sorrow in his large green eyes.
It broke Hiccup's heart.
At night, Toothless sighed when he thought Hiccup was asleep, and he'd peek out from under the blankets – they had used to sleep curled up together more often than not, but not since the Torch debacle – to find the dragon staring unblinkingly at his bed, eyes still filled with that unfathomable sadness.
After two days, Hiccup had had enough.
"Right, Toothless." He took a step towards his dragon. "We're gonna have this out."
To his astonishment, the curled-up figure shrank back into himself. Hiccup's breath caught to see his friend looking small, blinking big, vulnerable eyes up at him. "Bud," Hiccup knelt so he was eye-to-eye with Toothless, "What's wrong? You keep looking at me like someone died."
He choked on a thought. Oh, Odin. Was it… was it their trust that had died? Was that what Toothless was mourning? "T—Toothless," Hiccup blurted, "did I break our trust? Is that what…" He trailed off, heart pounding.
The dragon tilted his head at Hiccup, then looked away with a soft whine. As if Hiccup might hurt him again. He wants to let me down easy. Images of a life without Toothless flashed through Hiccup's head, the stone slab empty, no-one at his side, his hand reaching out to touch empty air. His words tumbled out in a rush. "I know I broke our trust, but I didn't mean it," he said in desperation. "I'll never treat you that way again, I'm sorry, just—please don't give up on me, I…"
He had reached out a hand in his pleading. Toothless shifted back, avoiding his touch. Hiccup's heart sank. He took a deep breath. "We've come too far to back out now," he said aloud, meeting Toothless' eyes, letting all the love he felt for his best friend show in his voice. "Let me make it right. Give me a chance, okay? Make me understand. I promise to listen."
Toothless blinked rapidly several times, eyes fixed on Hiccup. Hiccup stayed very still, letting his friend examine him, willing him to see how much he meant his words. Finally, the dragon rose, beckoning with his tail. Come.
Hiccup let Toothless lead their flight, unsurprised when the dragon took them to the cove. Sad, but not surprised. Desperation chilled his veins. Gods, he would do anything to make this right. "I'm sorry," Hiccup repeated.
Toothless tilted his wings for Hiccup to dismount, then sat on his haunches in what Hiccup knew as his relaxed-alert pose. Hiccup took a few paces into a lush patch of grass, feeling Toothless' eyes on him. He felt he was already seeing things more clearly, having made the trip – and the commitment – to see things through Toothless' eyes. And now, there was one thing he understood, standing here in the beautiful birthplace of their friendship… The crushing weight of what he'd done hit him in the chest. "I took something that meant a lot to you and turned it into a prison," he said out loud, needing Toothless to hear the conclusion he'd reached.
Toothless looked him in the eye and nodded, the sadness in his eyes visibly receding. "This is why you brought me here," Hiccup said, realizing. "This is where you want me to hear you out."
Toothless inclined his head.
"Okay. Let me go over this. I didn't listen to you." Toothless nodded. "You tried to show me stuff and I wouldn't let you." Nod. "I misinterpreted your intentions as jealousy." Nod. "Toothless…" Hiccup could hear his own voice, a rasp in his throat. It sounded as destroyed as he felt. "I'm sorry. I… I acted like I was the only one who knew anything worth knowing. I need to trust you more. Trust…" Hiccup felt his face crumple with shame, "that you know as much or more than I do."
The dragon bobbed his head again. "Look, I…" Hiccup took a deep breath. "I disrespected you, and I'm sorry."
Toothless was quite still. "There's something more, isn't there?"
Nod.
Hiccup approached his friend, arm outstretched. Toothless flinched.
The motion pierced Hiccup's heart. Toothless never drew back from his touch. Not since… a long time ago. Quicker than thought, he snatched his arm away as if burned. "Please, bud," he whispered, broken. "Tell me what I did. I'll do my best to understand you."
His friend regarded him for a long time, impassive. Only Hiccup's long knowledge of Toothless let him see the way his eyelids slanted unhappily, the angle of the wide pupils that betrayed the sadness in that seemingly cold gaze. Hiccup nodded, trying for a smile. "Go on."
Toothless' pupils were narrower than usual. He nodded to Hiccup to sit down. Hiccup obeyed. Then Toothless moved forward, nosing at Hiccup's prosthetic, trying to undo the straps that held it there.
A heavy chill thudded into Hiccup's chest. He'd had the leg come off by accident on occasion when he was out of the house, but he never took it off on purpose outdoors. It made him feel defenseless and naked. Still, this was Toothless, and he had promised. "You want me to take it off?"
Nod.
Bending forward, Hiccup undid the bindings. The straps unwound and fell to the side, lying in the grass. With both hands, he eased the cup out of the stump of his calf, lifting out the fabric wadding and laying it aside. Then he lifted the length of wood and metal away from his body and laid it in the grass, an arm's length away.
"Okay." He took a deep, shuddering breath to settle himself. He hated how vulnerable he felt. Toothless wanted him that way, so he would do it. He trusted his best friend. But he couldn't help how it set his heart to thudding with fear.
Toothless bent to sniff at the prosthetic, then at what remained of Hiccup's leg, tongue darting out to lave the naked stump with a gentle lick. The tight ache in Hiccup's chest eased a little at the thought that his friend still had it in him to be affectionate. "Thanks, bud."
Toothless took the leg in his mouth. Then he dropped it, looking from the prosthetic to Hiccup, pupils narrowed. He closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Hey, you okay?" Hiccup reached out, but Toothless stepped back. He nodded, pupils still narrowed, then bent to pick up the leg again. He nodded once, decisively, then pulled it out of Hiccup's reach.
This is it. Whatever Toothless had in mind, it involved Hiccup being completely defenseless. He couldn't run, couldn't really do anything but crawl. "I uh…" Hiccup raised his chin. "I trust you."
Toothless took the prosthetic in his teeth. Then he turned and headed for the lake. He swung his head to the side, about to throw the leg into the deep water. Hiccup would be stuck here, defenseless, unable to move, vulnerable to any predator, unable to get out of the cove…
"No no no no no!" Hiccup yelled, voice cracking. Unable to help it, he flung himself sideways, as though he had a hope of crawling to Toothless fast enough to stop him. "Toothless, DON'T!"
And Toothless didn't.
He stilled, back turned to Hiccup. He made an abortive movement towards the lake, then shook his head, hard, once. Then he turned, padded back to Hiccup, and dropped the prosthetic in his lap.
Hiccup accepted his leg, but he could only stare. What just happened?
Toothless gave Hiccup's stump another quick lick, then nuzzled his face with a mournful sound that rasped across Hiccup's heart. Hiccup lifted his hand to try touching Toothless again, but the dragon turned away and retreated to the furthest corner of the cove, face to the rock wall, drooping in defeat.
"Toothless…" Filled with the familiar urge to do something, Hiccup wasted no time strapping his prosthetic on with the speed of long practice. "Bud," he called across the distance that separated them, "I thought you were going to tell me what was wrong!" It was niggling at his brain like the last piece of a schematic that wouldn't quite fall into place. "Toothless, talk to me." Hiccup scrambled to his feet, heart aching to see his friend so broken and alone. "I can't stand seeing you like this—"
And it clicked.
The realization was so shocking that Hiccup sank to his knees where he stood. He sat still, the wheels in his mind spinning. A sound scraped its way up into his throat, not quite a moan. Toothless first flicked one ear towards him, then the other, then turned slowly, padding round to sit on his haunches facing Hiccup. "Bud…" Hiccup could hear the crack in his own voice.
Toothless sat quietly, pupils narrowed.
"I used your disability against you," Hiccup said, and his body ached with shame as he said it.
Toothless' pupils widened, and Hiccup knew he'd hit on it. The dragon's ear-flaps fluttered, and he bobbed his head. His eyes were still wide and loving, but he blinked in… Shame? Fear? Then he looked away.
"No! No, bud, no, don't…" Hiccup jumped up and ran towards Toothless, stopping at the last minute. "You couldn't do it, could you?" Hiccup asked, heart slamming against his ribcage at what his friend hadn't done. He felt dizzy at the thought of it, of the love in it. "You couldn't throw my leg in the lake."
Toothless' eyes flickered up to meet Hiccup's own, and he shook his head quickly, as if he was coming up out of the water.
"Right." Hiccup nods. "But you were planning to, right?"
Another nod, Toothless not meeting his eyes.
"You were gonna throw it in the lake… to show me what I did to you. To make me feel what it's like to be…" He swallowed. What kind of a worm was he? If this was how he treated his best friend, what would he do to his enemies? "To be trapped and defenseless, and have no way of getting out. Because the thing that lets you move is taken away from you."
Toothless nodded.
"And that's what I did to you." It wasn't a question.
Slowly, almost reluctantly, Toothless gave a final nod.
"Oh, Toothless." Hiccup's chest ached. "I just didn't wanna put you in the cage at the Academy." The way he said it made it seem like a lame excuse, as though there could be any excuse for trapping Toothless or locking him up like a yak or a sheep. "I'm so sorry. I only wanted to make it better, but I… I trapped you in here and you couldn't fly. You were here all night. All alone," Hiccup moaned. "I made you feel less. I made you feel…" His heart twisted, but he forced the word out. Making Toothless imagine for one moment that he wasn't the most perfect, most precious, most valued dragon in the world was a wrongness that couldn't be fixed. "...Broken?"
Toothless' head was still bowed, but his eyes came up to meet Hiccup's.
"When I asked you to explain, you were going to throw my leg away… to make me feel what I made you feel, weren't you? Make me go through the same thing I made you go through, so I'd finally get it?"
Toothless' head bobbed.
"But when push came to shove, you couldn't do it. Wouldn't. That's it, isn't it?"
The dragon was quite still.
Hiccup rushed on, in a burst of understanding. "So you just gave me my leg back and figured it was okay if I didn't understand because you didn't want me to go through what you had to go through when I left you here. Not if…" Hiccup took a deep breath through his nostrils. "Not if the price for understanding was hurting me. You couldn't bring yourself to… to hurt me the way I hurt you. Because you'd never hurt me." He looked at Toothless intently. "I'm right, right?"
And Toothless looked into Hiccup's eyes, shyly, pupils wide, and bobbed his head.
Hiccup launched himself at his friend, wrapping his arms around his neck and rubbing everywhere he could reach. "I'm sorry, I was such a jerk, I treated you like dirt, I hurt you, I hurt you so bad and you're the one person I'd never hurt, I'd never hurt you Toothless I'll never hurt you again you have my permission to burn me to a crisp if I do I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry…"
And finally, Toothless nuzzled back, licking him and purring, and wrapped a winground him as Hiccup felt the tears come. Weak with relief, Hiccup burrowed into the dragon's body, aching with gladness to have him back. They clung to each other for a long time, Hiccup whispering reassurances and apologies and endearments, Toothless crooning and purring and cooing to him. They curled up together, exhausted, Hiccup tucked under Toothless' wing, his head pillowed on his friend's foreleg, his own arm wrapped around Toothless' neck. Needing more contact, he hooked his metal foot over his friend's tail as Toothless curled it around to drape his prosthetic tailfin over Hiccup's face. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. I'll listen to you," Hiccup slurred, already sleepy from the exhaustion of tension and worry. "I'll show you more respect, how much you mean to me…" His voice faded as he let his tiredness claim him and nodded off.
Toothless pulled his wings tighter around his human friend. He was glad Hiccup understood. He hadn't told his human the thing that sometimes lurked beneath, mostly concealed by his pride: that if he had been a full dragon, if he were not broken, he would have been able to fly out of the cove, been able to alert Hiccup sooner, would not have been forced by Hiccup to half-close his fin and thus had to turn away from the tell-tale spiral burn-mark that would have alerted Hiccup and the rest of the villagers to the presence of the mother Typhoomerang. He should tell Hiccup to find another dragon, a full dragon with the capacity to protect him. Maybe – he felt a pang – maybe Torch would have been a good partner for Hiccup. Of course, that was practicality speaking, not love. Toothless didn't doubt Hiccup's affection: he knew Hiccup would never let him go, just as he would never let Hiccup go. But one day… well, one day, Toothless knew, his luck would run out. The fate of a crippled predator was sealed, after all. He'd forgotten it for a long time, but this incident had brought it all back. He couldn't fly through a lightning storm without drawing the bolts to his tail like a magnet: he was a dead dragon flying. And perhaps one day, when Toothless' luck did run out, Hiccup might find a dragon he wouldn't need to trap in a cove.
Of course, Toothless should have counted on his human's intelligence. It was stupid to think he could hide anything from him for long.
It was stupid. They had developed a new thing in the Academy where they practiced flying dragons other than their own: sometimes each other's, sometimes new dragons who had come to settle on Berk. "Your bond with your partner is important," Hiccup told them, "but you can't solely rely on that. What if your dragon is injured," he and the other Riders looked uncomfortable at that, but he plowed on, "and you need to mount a rescue? Or they're doing something else – mating season, uh, occupied by moving something or fighting… Sure, other Berkians ride, but we're the people they're going to look to in a crisis. We can't depend on the luxury of only being comfortable riding our dragon partner." He looked over to the twins, who had tuned him out and were seeing what kind of black patterns they could make with long-distance shots. "Ruff! Tuff!" Their attention secured, Hiccup he turned to his own dragon partner. "I've tried to get each of us humans with the type of dragon we have least experience with. Toothless, take Snotlout up, please. Ruffnut, you're with Meatlug. Hookfang, you and Tuff are partners for the day. Fishlegs and Stormfly partner up. Astrid, join me on Barf and Belch." The riders started to move around. "We'll run a series of training exercises on different emergencies that could come up in the village. First…"
"Wait a minute," Snotlout sneered. "How come I get the crippled dragon?"
A spike of ice pierced Toothless' heart. He felt as if he had been found out. For what felt like a thousand years, he stood, unsure whether he was breathing.
Then he bolted.
"NO! Toothless!"
Hiccup stood staring at the arena gate where Toothless had gone, one arm outstretched. Then he whirled.
Astrid was already striding toward Snotlout, but Hiccup got there first. The stockier boy blanched as Hiccup launched himself off the stone floor of the arena and flew into him, head-butting him in the chest. "Hiccup!" Fishlegs yelled as Snotlout was flung backwards by the force of the impact – Hiccup didn't weigh much, but he'd gathered momentum and hit Snotlout with his whole body.
"You can say what you want about me," Hiccup choked. He snatched a fistful of the half-conscious Snotlout's vest, face so red and eyes so dark and wild that the other teens took a step back: he was hardly recognizable as their mild-mannered leader at all. "One-legged, toothpick, loser, you can call me all the names you can think of and I'll take it. You can even say I hurt Toothless, that I'm the reason he—he," Hiccup's voice cracked and he pressed his lips together, "that his tail's…" Snotlout was making desperate noises and shaking his head, trying to move his lips, eyes wide. "But you don't say a word against Toothless. If you ever insult Toothless, if I hear a word about him ever again, I swear to all the gods, Snotlout-!"
"…enough. That's enough. That's enough." Something was shaking Hiccup, had been shaking him for some time. He started to feel hands on his shoulders. He realized there was a small bloodstain at the back of Snotlout's head. He'd been ramming his cousin's head against the stone.
Shuddering, Hiccup dragged in a gasping breath and allowed Astrid and Fishlegs to drag him off Snotlout, the twins picking up the larger boy. As if from a great distance, he heard them talking. "This is awesome! He just snapped! You think we should just let him kill 'im?"
"Nah, Hookfang'd probably miss him."
The dragon in question was standing poised on his claws, watching with equanimity, although Hiccup could see that his wings were spread, his body primed for action and his hackles slightly raised, ready to step in if things went too far. He clearly felt his rider had gone a bit too far himself. Hiccup shook his head to clear the red from his vision. Astrid and Fishlegs were babbling, but all Hiccup could think of was Toothless. "Astrid, take over," he choked, and rushed out of the arena in search of his friend.
There was never any mystery as to where he'd find him.
He knew Toothless hadn't had breakfast: Hiccup had planned to incorporate fishing into the training exercise. Toothless had gone to the cove hungry, and trapped himself there with no way of getting out. What is he, punishing himself? He knows he can't get out of the cove on his own. Why in the name of all the gods would he be hurting himself? The thought of Toothless deliberately trapping himself made Hiccup's heart ache. He can't even fish without his tail, and that lake isn't big enough to hold many fish. He'd have starved back then if I hadn't brought him any… Hiccup shook his head. What's he thinking?
Before he went, he filled a basket with fish, picking out all the ones he knew Toothless liked best. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Toothless, but he couldn't do anything if he didn't know what was wrong. There was something niggling at him, inside, as if he knew what it should be. He should know it…
Hiccup's feet took him to the cove without any conscious thought. He stepped into the cove and set his basket aside. Toothless was a lump in the shadows, wings drooping. Hiccup's chest clenched. He didn't look relaxed, he looked… like prey. Broken. Was he sick?
Heartsick, maybe.
As Hiccup walked towards Toothless, he saw him… shrink. There was no other way to describe it. "Toothless?"
And Toothless turned towards him, and his eyes were the same the same as when Hiccup had raised his knife and told him he'd cut out his heart.
"Toothless!" Hiccup sprinted the rest of the way, touched him easily the way he'd never been able to, way back when, right here in this cove. "Toothless." The dragon's head was turned away from him, but Hiccup darted round this way and that, trying to meet his eyes. Toothless' eyes closed, the same the same, and Hiccup put his arms around his friend's neck and pressed his cheek into Toothless'. "Talk to me, bud," he begged. "Talk to me." Toothless hummed in his throat and nuzzled back. "Atta boy," Hiccup whispered. But then Toothless looked away.
Hiccup took a deep breath. Toothless was clearly hurting, and it wasn't going to help much to keep pressing him selfishly. Situating himself close enough to touch, he sat down, trying for a casual position. "I kicked Snotlout's ass, you know," he said conversationally. "For saying what he said."
Toothless' response was to bring his tailfin around to Hiccup, the prosthetic one, and bat his face lightly with it. Now he had Hiccup's attention, he looked mournfully at the tailfin, resigned. He was right.
Hiccup stared. "Are you saying what I think?"
The dragon got to his feet. The look in his narrowed eyes broke Hiccup's heart. He opened his wings to fly. Hiccup automatically rose to get in the saddle, but Toothless shook his head and indicated, Stay.
Then Toothless took off.
It was painful to watch. He flapped and fluttered brokenly the same way he had the first time Hiccup had seen him in the cove. He tried to climb out with his claws. Hiccup's chest started to feel like it was cracking down the middle. Is this what you did when I left you in here, bud? To protect that stupid little dragon? Is this how you tried to get out, all alone?
Finally, Toothless collapsed onto his side by the lake, exhausted, giving Hiccup a look as if to say See.
"Toothless…" Hiccup said slowly. "I can't tell you how sorry I am." He made his way towards the dragon, lying so alone, so helpless. "I left you alone… I…"
Toothless shook his head. With both front paws, he gestured down the front of his body. This is what I am.
"And Snotlout said…" Hiccup wouldn't repeat it, but the words "crippled dragon" filled his head. "So… You think…" He steeled himself. "You think it's true?"
Toothless looked up into the sky, where, at a great height, a Typhoomerang – possibly Torch's mother – was soaring overhead. Then he looked back down at himself, and brought his tail around in front of Hiccup. I know it's true.
Hiccup stared. And stared some more. "I knew I hurt you with what I did," he said slowly, thinking as he said the words, "but I never knew how much." He took in a deep breath. "I didn't realize I broke your…" He swallowed. "Your spirit," he grated.
Toothless started to shake his head, but Hiccup held up a hand. "You're still hurting from when I locked you in here, aren't you." 'Locked' was about right – this cove was just as much of a prison as a cell. "And you were here alone. You didn't know when I was coming for you." Hiccup felt his throat close. "If I was coming for you. If I was just gonna go out and get a dragon who could fly out of here on his own."
Toothless' body language was astonishingly human. He looked away and shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably.
Hiccup found he could hardly get the words out. "For all you knew, I'd left you here to die." Toothless shook his head at that, but Hiccup met his eyes. "If another dragon found you, attacked you… You were downed. You couldn't fly." He shuddered, knowing what his nightmares would be about in the near future. "You were defenseless." He could have come into that cove and found—and found— oh gods, no…
His horrific musings were cut off by an incredulous, arrogant huff from the Night Fury. Toothless' eyes were wide and disapproving. Defenseless? ME?! He puffed out his chest and snorted.
"Okay, I'm glad you feel you could defend yourself without needing to fly, but it doesn't change what I did. Even if you didn't think that, you still ended up feeling like you were… less than other dragons."
Toothless looked up again. Dragon traffic over Berk had increased about a thousandfold since the peace, and this time his gaze fell on a Nadder soaring overhead. He flapped his tailfin, like the wind moving a dead bird's wings. I am less. It's just fact. He jerked his head toward the Nadder, then toward Hiccup. Go get a dragon who can fly.
The defeated look in his partner's eyes made Hiccup sick. "Toothless, I did this to you! If anyone's to blame, it's me!" The narrowed eyes came up to meet Hiccup's, and he didn't need words to know what Toothless was saying. "Do you think we're together out of guilt? It's not! Toothless," Hiccup looked hard into the dragon's eyes, "do you believe in us?"
A slow nod. Then another flick of the tail. I believe in us, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't find yourself a dragon who isn't broken.
"Toothless. What do I need to say to make you believe that if a Titanwing Night Fury, a Skrill, a Typhoomerang – anything, any kind of dragon! – was right here and wanting to partner up with me, I would never, never…" He shook his head. "I thought you were going to hurt Torch! He was a little guy, I just wanted to protect him and I couldn't bear the thought of putting you in a cage and I figured at least you liked this place…" Hiccup rubbed his hands over his face, his shame choking him. "I was so stupid! I messed up, I messed everything up, I just thought you were gonna hurt him and I hurt you so bad and I don't know how to make you believe me…" Hiccup lowered his voice, edging close to Toothless. "Toothless… bud… you're everything to me. I'd never trade you for anyone or anything in the world. Do you believe me?"
Toothless nodded, but just as Hiccup was about to smile, he looked at his tail with sad eyes. Doesn't change anything. Doesn't change this. He flicked the maimed appendage angrily.
"Okay. Okay." Hiccup bent to his prosthetic. "You think you're broken, right? You think I should get a dragon who has…" he started to undo the straps, "all his parts… in working…" he tugged at the strap wrapped around his leg, "…order..." Toothless' head came up, eyes starting to widen in alarm. "Here—"
And Hiccup yanked off his prosthetic and hurled it into the middle of the lake.
Dragons are fast, but Toothless had been curled up and engrossed in his heavy conversation with Hiccup. By the time the dragon had jumped to his feet, bubbles were already popping along the surface of the water. Hiccup knew Toothless would rush for it; but the bottom of the leg was iron, and Hiccup knew it would be safe down there for a while. Long enough for what he had to say. "Don't dive for it. It's okay. Hold on."
He had to grab Toothless' saddle to make him think twice about diving to the bottom of the lake to retrieve the leg. Hanging awkwardly from the neckpiece wasn't very dignified, but Hiccup tried anyway. "Toothless, just let me say this?"
The dragon took a few paces forward anyway, but paused, afraid of hurting Hiccup, who was still dangling from the saddle, his stump barely brushing the grass, good leg trailing. Hiccup knew he wasn't really heavy enough to weigh Toothless down, but he could make himself as much of a nuisance as possible. And it worked. Toothless stopped before he could pull Hiccup into the lake. He really didn't have much choice: he either had to use his strength to dislodge Hiccup's death-grip on him, which he probably wouldn't do with Hiccup resisting with all his might, or pull Hiccup into the lake with him, or else… What Hiccup had just forced him to do, which was sit and listen.
Toothless settled on his haunches, Hiccup still clasping his saddle. Say what 'this' what? his eyes asked.
Hiccup met his eyes firmly. "If you're a broken dragon, I'm a broken rider."
No! Toothless recoiled, pupils narrowing.
"What, you never thought of it? It's true."
His dragon shook his head rapidly.
"Who helped me walk again? Do you know how many bruises I'd even have if you hadn't been there to catch me? Always, always?" Hiccup took Toothless' head in both hands and tried for a smile. "I'd have fallen so many times that my other leg would have snapped off by now."
There was a small smile in Toothless' eyes, and Hiccup fanned the flame. "C'mon, bud. If you're broken, then I'm broken. You wanna throw me away?"
He knew he'd be bowled over and licked half to death for that crack, and he wasn't disappointed. He didn't even complain about it not washing out. He just put his arms round Toothless and giggled. Then he bucked and rolled, and Toothless obliged by rolling along with him, making dragon-laughter sounds. Hiccup ended up on top of Toothless, smiling a little breathlessly into his face. "Hey, bud. Are we good? Are we okay?"
Toothless nodded, still hesitant. Hiccup hopped lightly off his friend, balancing on one foot. "And do you know," he said, placing a hand over his heart, "that you're my number one dragon and no-one could ever replace you?"
His friend's big green eyes widened. Then his pupils blew wide, covering the irises almost completely, and Hiccup had a brief glimpse of his whole body wiggling before he threw himself on top of Hiccup and licked him half to death. Again.
Hiccup shouted with laughter and play-wrestled Toothless, whispering every time he found himself near Toothless' ears that he was his best friend and his one and only dragon for ever and ever. Eventually, his friend's eyes were brimming with peace and happiness, and Hiccup was satisfied that he'd reassured him enough. He'd never stop, of course, not till the day he died, but he needed to undo the damage he'd done with his stupid action.
For a moment, he was tempted not to do the final thing he'd been planning ever since he found out Toothless saw himself as broken. Ever since he realized just what he'd done to him by trapping him in that cove. They were so happy and it was so sunny and things were so perfect, and Hiccup had never been a masochist.
But he'd hurt Toothless. It was only fair. The only way he'd get to sleep at night.
"I have one last thing to do to make us even. Can you get my leg out of the lake?"
Toothless licked him one last time and bounded towards the water, diving in with a noisy splash. "Overexcited lizard," Hiccup murmured, loving him so much in that moment his heart might burst. But his left hand had already grabbed his little dagger the minute Toothless had run for the lake. He knew he had seconds at most. Night Furies were good swimmers. Well, at least Toothless was.
He flipped aside the fabric protecting his stump, gritting his teeth. Quickly, he pressed the blade into one corner and scored a deep diagonal cut. Before it could start to hurt, he inhaled sharply and held in his breath. He swiped the sharp edge obliquely across the first cut to form an X, just as Toothless burst out of the water.
Metal leg in his mouth, Toothless looked across the cove to Hiccup. For one instant he wore a big, gummy grin.
Then he screeched.
Flapping hysterically, he lurched over to Hiccup, spitting the leg out into the grass to lick at his wound. Did you do this did you do this? Toothless cried in anguish as he looked from Hiccup's face to his bleeding stump.
"Hey, bud, it's okay, I…"
But Toothless wouldn't listen. The dragon was almost hysterical. What have you done what have you done what have you done? He roared at the blade and moaned, then licked Hiccup's stump and spat the blood out with violent disgust. He licked again and again and crooned and keened, wide green eyes meeting Hiccup's in an unmistakable why did you do it why did you do it why did you do it?
"I had to."
Toothless wouldn't stop licking Hiccup's wound, moaning why why why. Hiccup would have felt silly if it wasn't for what he'd done to earn this. "I just… I wanted to – I wanted it to be fair. I used your disability against you, it just, I remembered Gobber said once you should repay a dragon in the…"
Toothless glared. Hiccup could almost hear him say Repay? Seriously?
"Yeah, listen, repay a dragon in, uh… in the same coin they…" He trailed off under Toothless' appalled, wide-pupiled gaze. "Guess he was wrong, huh?"
Toothless roared out to the sky, then nuzzled Hiccup sorrowfully. Hiccup didn't need to understand dragon language to understand why why why. He drew in a deep breath against the throbbing in his stump. "Look, this isn't anything serious. I figured I trapped you in here, and you couldn't fly, and you were alone. This way I get to go through kind of the same thing, not exactly but I'm not gonna be able to walk for a while, so I get grounded the way I grounded you. So we're even."
His friend's loving, caring eyes met his. There was no doubt in Hiccup's mind that if reptiles had tears, Toothless would be crying. He shook his head, crooning mournfully. I didn't want that I never wanted that.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, bud, maybe I messed up but I couldn't see any other way to – well, Gobber said…"
Toothless smacked Hiccup's head with his tailfin, as good as saying since when do you listen to Gobber over ME?
"I'm sorry. I messed up. I'd have done just about anything to pay for what I did."
An explosive grunt burst out of Toothless. Hiccup wondered how he had found his friend so hard to understand before. He could hear plain as day, I never wanted you to pay. I just wanted you to understand.
"Dumb move, I know. I know now, okay, bud…"
Toothless lowered his head and went back to licking Hiccup's stump. It eased the throbbing a bit. The blood was starting to slow, although it hadn't clotted completely yet. Hiccup rubbed Toothless' head, wondering, not for the first time, what he had done to deserve such a loving friend. "Look, you won't have to be grounded, I thought this out. At first I was going to throw the leg into the sea but then you couldn't fly while I made a new one so I'd have been punishing you instead of me. This way I can fly you because it doesn't put pressure on the stump but if I try to walk it'll hurt so I'll be trapped the way you were – it was the only way I could think of to get even…"
Hiccup found himself on the receiving end of another tail-swat as Toothless reared up to the heavens and shrieked. Even? EVEN? You think I want you to hurt yourself to make us EVEN?!
"Uh…"
No no no no no no no no no. Toothless lifted Hiccup into his wings and forelegs, elevating his stump and crooning. Hiccup let Toothless do what he needed to. The dragon didn't calm down until the bleeding had mostly stopped, which took what felt like an eternity of holding and licking. It felt nice, but Hiccup kind of regretted the whole enterprise now. "I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't know you'd be this mad about it, bud. I just wanted us to be even—Okay, okay, dumb idea, I'm sorry." He looked up at Toothless. "Put me down?"
Hiccup found himself carefully lowered to the ground. He landed on his leg, and used Toothless as a support to sit the rest of the way down. He reached for his prosthetic, but Toothless batted it away. You're hurt.
"Can't get either of us out of the cove without it," Hiccup grinned.
Outmaneuvered, Toothless growled, eyes darting from the artificial limb to the lake. It wasn't much of a stretch to imagine him wanting to toss it back in there.
"You do that, and we're both grounded. Until someone comes looking for us." He reached for the leg, only to pause as blood welled afresh from the cuts in his stump. They didn't hurt as much as he'd thought they would – his knife had been sharp – and Toothless' saliva clearly did have some numbing properties, because they were bleeding far worse than they were hurting. "Guess the knife was sharper than I thought." Hiccup fumbled with the fabric wadding inside the cup where limb met metal, trying to tie it over the cuts. "This ought to stop the bleeding."
Toothless looked from the limb to Hiccup's face. I don't want you to put it on. It'll hurt.
Hiccup shrugged. "I deserve it." As he bent to buckle the leg into place, Toothless' head slipped under him, flipping Hiccup into his hold again, scooping him into arms and wings and pressing him against his underbelly, injured leg elevated above Hiccup's head. "Ah, come on, Toothless!" Hiccup drew breath to yell some more—
–and his breath caught at the pain in his friend's green eyes. As the dragon's soft tongue darted out again to press at the cuts he'd made in his stump, Hiccup was forced to realize just how much he'd hurt Toothless. His friend's eyes were big and soft and sorrowful—no, not sorrowful, agonized. Hiccup injuring himself had hurt the dragon just as much as if he'd cut into his friend's skin. Maybe worse. "I'm sorry," Hiccup said softly. "All I wanted you to know was that if you're broken, I'm broken." He felt his hands clench into nervous fists. "Do you agree with me? Are we okay?"
Yeah, yeah. Hiccup found himself settled into Toothless' forelegs and cradled into the dragon's body. Rest, heal? Toothless purred. Rest? The dragon yawned. Not enough sleep, lately.
"Yeah but are we okay? Do you know you're…" Hiccup searched for words. He had to get this said. "You're – uh, you're everything to me. I'd lose my other leg, I'd…" Toothless licked his face. "Okay. You're sure. I'd never… Okay, I get it." Soft wings caressed him and there were more licks, to his face, to his wounded stump. "Okay, you forgive me. I get it. I'm still sorry, but I'm glad we're okay, bud. I'd never hurt you."
Toothless rumbled. Know that. Except when you're too dumb to help it. Hiccup could hear the words as if Toothless had spoken them out loud.
"Gee, thanks." The slow, powerful beat of the Night Fury's heart pulsed against Hiccup's chest. The trees rustled. Maybe Toothless was right – now this was all resolved, Hiccup felt very tired. "Might take you up on that nap, bud." Toothless rumbled. "Okay, okay, you know best."
Toothless pressed his tongue against the wound his stupid little beloved human had made in himself. He purred, comforting them both, his own eyes drifting shut as Hiccup's soft breaths evened out, the tiny, fragile body finally falling limp in his wings. Toothless shuddered with the force of his emotion. He always loved Hiccup, but in moments like this, holding him, protecting him, he loved his Hiccup so much that it felt as if his soul was being unmade.
'Broken.' Trust his human to pin him into a corner. He could never see Hiccup as broken, leg or no leg. He was complete, whole, perfect. And it was this awareness that Hiccup had used to pin him, Toothless, down – to force him to admit that just because you were missing a piece of flesh, it didn't mean you were broken. Especially not when you had…
The same Nadder from before flew back in the opposite direction from which it had come. Probably back from fishing. Toothless could smell the basket of fresh fish Hiccup has laid at the entrance to the cove. He thought about fishing… If he had his tailfin, he wouldn't need Hiccup to bring him fish – or take him fishing. He could just go fishing, like any other dragon.
Without Hiccup.
The thought hurt worse than losing his tailfin.
Toothless bent his head to the soft little weight in his forelegs. He wrapped his wings a little more securely around Hiccup, cradled him a little tighter in his arms, licked and cared for his wound. Maybe… maybe by predator standards, Toothless was broken. Maybe by human standards, Hiccup was broken. But he wouldn't give up his little human for anything in the world. Not even to get his tail back. Because… maybe, maybe Toothless had been broken before Hiccup. And Hiccup had fixed him.
He licked Hiccup's wound again. Maybe Hiccup had had something broken in him too.
And maybe, just maybe – even if they made mistakes, even if they sometimes unintentionally hurt each other – maybe, when they were together, they were whole.