Do Not Look Back: Akkarin's Past
Disclaimer: I don't own the Black Magician Trilogy.
A/N: As Kasloumor said, there are too few fics on this subject. This fic won't include all the events mentioned in The High Lord, since Kasloumor has already written those and I feel it just not right to write practically the same thing again. I strongly recommend Kasloumor's Akkarin's past fic Akkarin and his years in Sachaka, the only other fanfic of that kind I've found so far. It's more heartbreaking than the book itself. Any of the events from Akkarin's narrative in THL that are missing in my fic, you'll probably find in Kasloumor's.
Anyways, here's my story. Most of the chapter will be set in Sachaka. Please R&R! :)
Chapter 1
The rocky landscape was tinged red at the horizon by the setting sun. A brilliant red, so unlike the color of half-dried blood splattered on the post before him…
Davoka laughed as the whip whistled in the air. Akkarin heard his own scream, even though the pain had become so usual that he couldn't feel it anymore…
Then the post faded away, twisting and morphing into Dakova, that dagger held casually in his hand, the blade cutting the skin of the slave kneeling before him.
Dakava placed his hand on the cut, and after a moment the slave fell dead.
Ilaia was next to him, her hand in his for the first time in years.
He must act now.
He pulled her into the shadows. "Run," he breathed, "I can hold him off long enough for you…"
Ilaia smiled and pressed two fingers to his lips. He drank in the sight of her, knowing this would be the last time he'd ever see her, one way or the other. The gentle curve of her lips, her golden skin, her beautiful amber eyes staring at him…
Then suddenly she was drifting away, towards Dakova. Kneeling, she held out her palm. Akkarin couldn't move. He could only watch as the knife, with gems glittering, came down―"
"No!"
Akkarin woke with a start, gasping. Where was he, what ―
He felt the soft covering of the quilt under his hands. He was in the Guild, he reminded himself, trying to steady his breathing, alarmed at how loud it sounded in the bit, empty room Lorlen had saved for him all these years. He was at home. He was safe from—
He tried to stop the thought, but it was too late. Images of Sachaka flashed in his mind: Dakova, Ilaia, the whipping post…
Moaning softly, he curled up under the heavy quilt, hugging his knees to his chest. It felt safer like this, and warmer.
Do not look back, do not look back, do not look back…
As his breathing steadied again he realized just how cold he was. He pulled the quilt closer to his body, shivering as it didn't help much. After a while he realized that he could use magic.
Yet he felt a sudden fear of heating up the quilt as he remembered the consequences that would follow if too much power was used. The pain wasn't worth—
No, he was in the Guild, not in Sachaka. Irritated, he used his strong store of power to warm up the quilt and Heal away the soreness in his cramped muscles. After a month he was still hesitant to use magic…
The Healing power loosened his sore muscles and he exhaled softly in pleasure. Little by little he stretched out his limbs until he was actually lying on the bed again. It made him feel slightly unsafe and…exposed, lying down like this. But he felt it might help. And maybe he'd get used to lying like this after a few days. It was only his third day here, after all…
But the nightmares hadn't stopped, nor had the hesitancy to use magic lessened. A month, and still.
The nightmares were taking a great toll on him. Too often he felt tired to the bone but still couldn't make himself sleep. Taking sleep-inducing herbs seemed to help, now that he could get all the Guild could offer…
He suddenly remembered how before he'd killed Dakova he hadn't been plagued by nightmares, And sometimes during he and Takan's journey to the Guild, when he had no power left for a warmth shield, there were no dreams. Maybe if he exhausted himself magically, he could get a good night's sleep…
But that would be hard, maybe a practice-duel in the Arena─
"Master?"
"Takan," Akkarin couldn't help but feel annoyed. Why did Takan keep trying to remind him, though probably not deliberately, of Sachaka?
"I've brought a drink, master."
"Oh," had he made that much noise?
Before creating a globe light, he eased himself up until he was sitting against the headboard, the quilt pulled up to his chest. After that he made a globe light, illuminating Takan's path.
Takan came in, holding a tray with a single mug on it. The globe light bathed his face in silver light, and Akkarin couldn't help but note how characteristically Sachakan he was.
"Master," Takan placed the tray on the nightstand and offered the mug to him, using both hands.
Akkarin accepted the mug and took a sip, swallowing down with the slightly bitter mixture a reminder that he wasn't Takan's 'master'. Takan's insistence on the matter was not helping him forget.
The drink was just the right temperature. Akkarin drained the mug quickly, conscious of Takan standing by his bed. He set the mug back on the tray.
Takan bowed and left. Akkarin slid back down onto the soft, smooth sheets beneath him. It would take a while for the drink to take effect.
The globe light was still floating above him. He lessened its glow and stared at it, trying to forget all else, getting ready for some sleep.
But the nightmares kept replaying themselves in his mind. It wasn't as bad as when he dreamed, but it still hurt.
It was all wrong. He should be able to forget all that had happened when he returned to the Guild, where he was relatively safe for now. "Don't look back," he'd told himself as he made his way to the Guild's gates. Forget it all, start anew. Don't let them see the scars, don't let them know.
But was that possible?
Sighing, he let the light fade away. He was starting to feel dreary. He warmed the quilt up again and closed his eyes. As everything started to fade away he faintly heard a chant in his mind, telling him to do what he so wanted to accomplish but couldn't:
Do not look back do not look back do not look back…
A/N: I haven't written like this for more than a year. Please review!