A Father For My Boys by WikedFae
Summary: A mother only wants what's best for her children, but what happens when the best isn't always what comes along?
Disclaimer: ST 2009 and all versions that came before belong to the genius of Gene Roddenberry.
Dedication: To teaberryva in light of our conversations. To memories, childhood, growing older, and the wisdom to learn from it.
Rays of amber light skittered over the spires of corn as the sun began to rise over the Iowan fields. Beams raced down the furrows and chased away every shadow until each green husk basked in the gentle warmth, and eventually sunrise bathed the entire county in the golden swaths of morning. No facade was left darkened, no corner left cold, not even in the graying farmhouse at the end of one dirt road. No, the sunlight even wormed its way through the slats of blinds and curtains, only to obliquely glance off the blonde locks of two sleeping youngsters. The shimmer of their hair gave them the air of angels, but to the woman standing in the doorway they would always be angels—even when covered in dust and dirt as they normally were after days traipsing across the flat land.
Winona Kirk hovered in the doorway, leaning against the frame as she watched her boys slumbering and was relieved they'd already said their goodbyes the night before. She knew if either set of blue eyes were to flutter open, tears would run unbidden down her cheeks and she would inevitably miss her transport. It wasn't an easy decision, to leave her boys for a nine-month deployment, even if she wasn't going much beyond the Terran system. But the farm needed the money, and Frank needed to stay.
Frank. Frank…she mused. He certainly wasn't the ideal, but then again, after George…there was no one else like that. Not that she didn't love Frank and he didn't love her back. Frank was decent, owned land big enough for both her rambunctious boys to grow up on, and while he possessed no natural fathering skills, he'd shown some improvement over the last year. But she still worried. Frank was younger, green to the world in some ways, and she felt guilty at having brought two prepubescent boys down on his shoulders. While he seemed enthusiastic enough, there was a niggling thought that remained decisively ignored in the corner of her mind. The boys seemed taken with him, but not as much as she'd hoped they'd be; George's laugh wasn't as loud as it had been in his younger years and little Jimmy had started hiding behind his older sibling more and more in the last few months.
She only wanted what was best for them. The best for her oldest, even as he lay there, arm flung over the side of the bed, looking as if he didn't have a care in the world. George and his lanky frame—decidedly inherited from her side of the family. His hair was darkening with age and now James was the only one to retain her coloring. But George was still every ounce his father in every other way. She thanked the stars he still had memories of him, sparse and fading as they were, and she was so proud how he clung to the values his namesake had upheld. Yes, George with all his seriousness and headstrong attitude would go far in this world, even as he disregarded levity in almost every situation. His was a dark humor that would carry him through life, even if she couldn't give him the best start.
But she only wanted what was best for them. Her smallest ray of sunshine that outshone all the others…that impish and toothy grin her Jimmy still shot her every now and then from across the dinner table. How she'd miss that smile in the coming months, she sighed and smiled. Deep down, she knew that as long as that smile never left him, he'd be alright, too. His small frame curled under a fraying blanket, his breathing slow and even. She prayed nightmares wouldn't visit him while she was away. His young life had already been marred by sorrow, upheaval, and unwarranted expectation. Dreams were all he had left. His small and slender shoulders would carry the burden of her decision the most, she believed. Would he resent it in years to come, or would he gain his father's rationality to understand the choices she made? Looking at his face, slack with sleep, she hoped her youngest would comprehend it in the end. Even if they couldn't have a real father right now, they'd know they had a caring mother.
As an unwanted tear swelled in her eye, she pushed off from the door frame and hurried down the hall. Passing the bedroom she shared with Frank, she saw he'd not bothered to get up and still lay relaxed in the stupor of sleep. His limbs were tangled in the sheets, his clothing discarded in a messy pile on the floor. The bachelor life he'd lived for so long hadn't been relinquished from his strong and stubborn hands, but Winona had no strength left to play mother to a third child. Frank would grow out of it eventually, she told herself. Regardless, her boys were still priority. They would never be anything but. And in the end, she'd only wanted what was best. She knew what she had, was far from the best, but surely there had to be a way to find the silver lining of this cloud. Even if she had to go to space to see it.
A car horn sounded briefly and she quickly made her way downstairs to grab the bags standing by the door. Walking down the front steps towards the cab, she turned to look back at her home. She knew the house, the farm, the family—heck, even the dirt road—desperately needed a man. It was the ideal that hadn't been proffered. So she took what she could. If she couldn't have a real man, she'd at least be the adult, take responsibility, and not be blamed for trying to play the best hand God's deck had dealt her.
As the taxi sped down the road, engulfed by the dust trail it left behind, Winona chanced one last glance at the shrinking farmhouse, the unbidden tears falling for no one to see. It's for the best…somehow, I have to believe that...she thought.
A/N: I chose to take some liberties with the characters that appeared in this vignette. Frank is not the uncle as he's been depicted in the movie, rather the boyfriend-to-be-step-father as in the novelization. This is meant to take place when the Kirk boys are ages ~8 & 5.