The rain hit the window softly and the water droplets ricochet off and I just watched mindlessly I couldn't do anything else because that would involve thinking and thinking would involving remembering and that would involve feeling, none of those things I could cope with right now. Sighing I heard my phone vibrating and the back light on again, I looked over to my dresser where it laid..I knew who it was..it was my best friend Adam, he was probably pissed I haven't called or texted him back in the past two days. The truth, I couldn't because as soon as he heard my voice or got a text back he would know instantly something was wrong.

This was one of those time I was going to build up the courage to put on the best brave face ever known to man. No one could know about this,no one I didn't even want to know about it. I wanted a time machine to go back in time erase this, beg my mom to let me stay home alone, I could see Grandma another time she would understand. Better yet, I want to go back further and tell my younger self what happens and how she should get out now before its too late,before she's blindsided.

"You're so pretty Clare" his voice was soft and he gave me a really warm smile opening his arms for a hug. I walked steadily across the meadow it was a little wet from the bit of rain we had this morning but Chris had asked to hang out again and I wasn't opposed it was better then being in the house all day. Adam did tell me to get out and have a bit of a life over there and so that's what I was doing, having a life and hanging with old family friends.

"Thank you" I smiled back and went into his arms for the hug giving him a light squeeze. I pulled away but he held on for a second longer before letting me go. At the time I thought nothing of it, just a little bit longer of a hug, it made sense we didn't see each other very often.

"You're welcome. So fill me in on what's new with Clumsy Clare" he smiled again sitting on a log he brushed off the seat and patted the spot next to him for me to sit. I sat down and smiled at him shrugging my shoulders before answering.

"Besides my general awkwardness and school work, the only really good things in my life are my best friend Adam and my boyfriend Elijah, or Eli he prefers I introduce him to other people as Eli" I laughed softly, Elijah is only for you and a few select people Clare,otherwise its Eli. I could hear his voice saying that now and it put a smile on my face,god I missed him.

"Yeah, well I can tell by the smile that's true. He's treating you right I'm assuming" he smirked "Cause if he isn't I can take care of him for you" he bumped his fist into his open palm and I just shook my head laughing at him.

"There will be no need for that, he treats me well. I'm lucky to have him " I smiled "Oh and Adam too"I added. I could hear him now too, excuse me Clare bear but Elijahpop isn't the only important one and you said I come first. Then he'd pout and I'd go hug him until he forgave me for the error in my judgment. God, I missed him too wasn't it time to go home yet?

"Glad you found people to care about it with your parents and all ,that way you aren't alone, but you can always call me Clare" he smiled again and I bit my lip nodding I had been trying not think about their split, it hurt too much.

"Oh and Clare if you ask me they are the lucky ones,not you" he nudged me gently and I looked up and smiled.

"Thank you" I said again once again thinking noting of it, it was an innocent comment he was trying to cheer me up is what I told myself.

After talking for hours and laughing about everything it was starting to get dark and Chris looked at me with the smile he had given me when I first got there to meet with him. He moved closer and I scooted back, he grabbed my hand and I tried to pull it away but he jerked me forward crashing his lip onto mine. I struggled against him what was he doing? I just told him a few hours ago about Eli and how much I really loved him, how he was it for me. I kept shoving but it was like harder I fought the more determined he was and he was too strong I couldn't get him off. His hand were all over me and I felt like I was going to die if he didn't stop kissing me to let me breathe . He pulled away for a second but keeping me pinned back I was about to say something but the words were gone, I couldn't find my voice the time I needed it most. I knew what was going to happen next but I wanted this to be a dream, I wanted to wake up and find Eli holding me or Adam telling me it was a stupid dream but it wasn't. And when he was kissing my neck he uttered those disgusting words again and my life as I knew it was over.

"Like I said, you're so pretty Clare"

The door of my room slammed open and I jolted up looking at the figure in the doorway. I wanted to scream my first thought was it was Chris but when I actually looked it was Adam. I sighed half relieved until he came to where I could see him, he looked livid and hurt and like I had done the worst thing I could ever do to him, leave him.

"Clare..explain now" he demanded his hands gripped the frame of my bed as he looked at me shaking his head. I couldn't explain I didn't even want to look up, I just wanted to be alone or go back in time. I wanted it to not be true...to be somewhere else or someone else,anything. So I said nothing and Adams face grew from anger to honestly just hurt.

"What did I do Clare..?" his voice was a little shaky and I wanted to badly to say something but once again my voice was lost. If I opened my mouth I was afraid everything would fall apart so I just shook my head at him to let him know that way. There was a slight relief and then a small smirk that spread across his face.

"If this is over a stupid fight with Elijah..I'll kill you and then him" he let out a small chuckle and looked at me. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath and let the tears fall they were stinging my eyes so bad to come out, I couldn't hold them in anymore one by one they fell until it was a decent flow of tears. I felt two arms suddenly wrap around me and hold me tight not even asking what was wrong,no jokes, just holding and the soft shushing sound as he tried to get me to stop crying.

"Clare..sh..whatever it is I'll fix it..shh" was all I kept hearing Adam say over and over the harder I cried the more he said it. I could hear the tone in his voice was sounding more and more worried. I knew he wanted to know why but he wasn't pressing for answer, which was good because I wasn't sure I could ever give him one.