I'm not sure where this idea came from, but here it is. I needed a break from the crap Fluff i'm trying to write... There is heavy subject in this one shot and if you a huge Ami-chan fan.. dont' read past this note!!
Otherwise.. read at your own risk...but don't throw things at me.. i don't like it :)
The party is just getting started but my mind was slowly shutting down as I glance at them. Her arm snaked through his, her smile genuine and true. She's happy and how can I fault her for that? Slowly I make my way from the buzzing atmosphere to the quiet of the bathroom. I close the door and lean my elbows against the vanity my eyes staring deep into their reflection. I am living a lie and to me it is written all over my face, balling my fist I force it into the glass in total anger. The glass splinters at my force and pieces fall. My hand is fine I assess moving my eyes from the small scratches on my knuckles to the shards of glass laying on the vanity. I pick up the largest one, observing the perfection in its creation. Mesmerized by the reflecting light as I move the piece back and forth the idea occurs to me, I wonder if it'll hurt or help? Slowly I lean to the door listening intently for any possible interruptions, I slide the lock closed and bring myself to the floor, my knees curled to my chest, my arm rested against them. I place the glass against my wrist pushing hard until I see the deep red surrounding my blade, I feel no pain. With purpose I pull the blade down, letting the red escape. Anger overwhelms me as I watch my blood trickle about, no pain, no relief. I repeat the process on my right hand, laying it against my knee before inserting the tip of the glass and running it down my arm. Still nothing. Why? What do I have to do? I ask aloud careful to use a quiet voice. Frustration over takes me and soon my hand is around the shard and in a stabbing motion I am attacking my body, arms, legs, it doesn't matter. Weakly I toss the blade aside and bow my head; I have failed at this too.
The room is starting to blur I can make out shadows but nothing more. I open my eyes slightly to notice the pool of sticky red surrounding me. I can still hear the soft music and murmurs from the party below. Have they even noticed I'm not there? The idea that I should have written something down occurs to me, but I figure it's long past too late and with my last remaining strength I lean toward the door and flick the lock back, letting the door open slightly. I feel the cool air of the rest of the house. The sound of screaming is the last clear sound I remember as she has me in her arms. My head is resting on her lap, she's calling my name but I can't answer her. 'Hold on.' She says to me but I've already let go. 'Call 911.' She demands to one of the blondes who is already on her cell phone. I decide this is it, my last breath. And with it I look to her, my eyes are dry and my lips are parched but I manage 'I love you, and I'm sorry.' I close my eyes after that and see a warm light trying to over take me. Everything I've done for the good of this world has forgiven me for my last act and into the embrace of whatever you might call heaven I ignore it for now, there are things I need to do.
I stare at the body that I once called my own, looking at it lastly as she holds me tight. Her dark green dress is covered in my blood and she's rocking back and forth as tears escape down her cheeks in a race for her chin. Her date is trying his best to comfort her but she shrugs him off. I watch the paramedics come, they shake their heads and place me in the body bag, zipping the cover so I'm concealed. The others leave the scene and a hint of regret goes through me, someone will have to clean this up, and I fear it will be her. 'I'm sorry.' I say again but I know she can't hear me this time. I feel freer now as I move through the house that belongs to her; I stop at her bedroom suddenly filled with a feeling of fearlessness I push my body through. Being a ghost has its perks I decide as I rummage through her things. Smelling her scent, pulling open drawers and reading things I know I shouldn't.
'Oh god how I love her.' My eyes stop on a much hidden piece of paper I pull it closer. 'Ami is the world I wish I could give myself to. But how could I do that to her? She deserves so much better then me.' If I had a heart it would have stopped. She loved me. She really did and now our chance was gone. All my intelligence had been for nothing if I had missed this. How could I have missed this? Slowly I replace the paper, feeling my soul pull me away pull me to the home I will be calling now. I walk by the bathroom again; she's still there green dress damp with nearly black blood. I want to put my arms around her and tell her she is loved but I know it will do no good. I follow the light now, letting it take me over take me feeling in my last thought like the most selfish stupid person ever to walk. 'Goodbye Mako-koi.' I whisper. She looks at where I stand, her eyes don't see me but I know she feels me. She hugs herself closer and new fits over take her and I take my last step into the light adding only. 'I love you.'