Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars and all characters belong to their respectful owners.
Summary: It's been a while since Alison's disappearance, and with everything that's happened, Spencer still finds herself impossibly haunted by Alison. Sequel to Temporary Bliss.
Rating: Strong T(not really)
A/N: Holy crap, it's been wayyyy too long. Hi, how's everyone been? I'm not sure if I promised a sequel to Temporary Bliss but I've had this document on my computer for about a year and a half now and it needs to get published. I have a lot of ideas for this sequel, and I was planning on doing each meeting that Spalison has(before Alison gets found), but since this one is definitely a favorite (well, it's my favorite. That scene was the death of me), I decided to go into detail with it(AU of course). UNFORTUNATELY, my headcanon for the other story was horribly smashed by the show but hey, we can dream can't we? ;)
Anyways, I'll work this sequel up to where we are on the show eventually. Hope you're ready for some good ol' fashioned angst, because I'm going to be writing a ton of it! Enjoy guys! Oh, and please do give some love to the other Spalison fics, this pairing needs some attention!
Also, I added in some poetry, just to get you guys into the mood of the story :D the poet is awesome and if you have a tumblr, you should definitely check her out.
'. . . she asks him if he believes in ghosts and
he thinks about how he sees her on
every street corner and without thinking
says, i do.'
- r.i.d/inkskinned on tumblr
"Come on, give it up, Spence,"
The moment Spencer took her hand was the moment she finally gave into the sweet insanity that haunted her for years. She was tired of the plotting and the solving, of ending up with more questions than answers, but what had exhausted her the most were the never ending thoughts about Alison - always about Alison.
She thought she was crazy, at first. She'd assumed that the constant thoughts that plagued her mind had decided to play tricks on her eyes and that she'd imagined seeing Alison through her window that night. She more than missed her, she loved her, so of course she would have seen her ghost around every corner she turned.
But then -A happened, and she almost felt her heart stop at the sight of a shared secret in the form of a threat through a text. It should have scared her, and it did, but it also lit a fire of hope that she thought had diminished with the search for Alison.
Every text struck more hope in her heart, more hope than it should have. For all she knew, all five of them could have been stalked, which would explain why this -A person knew so much about them, but what if it was Alison? What if she was just messing with them, like old times - using the girls as her puppets was always her favorite past time.
Spencer could have cared less about the repercussions. If it led her to Alison, she'd play these games 'till her death.
And then there was the visit. A flash of blonde appeared before her eyes as the figure had rummaged through the duffel bag and then she was met with the cerulean blue she'd longed for ages to see. She was speechless.
In the back of her mind, she wondered if this was just another longing dream. If Alison caressing her hair and pushing it back and telling her how much she missed her was all another trick from her subconscious, just like all her other dreams had been. But when she awoke the next morning to a cold living room, an open patio door, and the bottle of her pills still open, she felt her stomach flip. Perhaps she really was insane.
She'd never been a believer in romances that 'drove people crazy', but she was starting to think that this was all punishment for being so ignorant. She repeated it all in her head - every word, every touch, every look.
It wasn't real. It was just a dream. She was sleep deprived from trying to find answers from all the junk in that bag. She'd convinced herself that her mind had played tricks on her, but although she tried strongly to believe it, she couldn't ignore the tingles that she felt on her left ear when she remembered that night.
But now, she knew she was way passed the point of sanity. She swayed with Alison to the record, felt how real the hand in her left felt and almost closed her eyes at the feeling of the blonde's head on her shoulder.
She was insane, and she couldn't have cared less.
Spencer didn't want this to ever end. She wanted to dance with Alison for the rest of the night - perhaps the rest of her life, if she could. Everything was so messed up, so unfixable, she didn't want to go back out there and face the wrath of every person that wanted to throw her into harm's way. All she wanted to do was forget everything and sway endlessly in the arms of the girl she loved.
She greeted her insanity with open arms. It was the only thing she had left.
"This feels like a dream," She murmured softly, her eyes closing as she leaned her head against Alison's. She could almost see the blonde's smile behind her eyelids and it caused a smile to break out on her own lips.
"Do you think this is a dream?" Alison asked just as softly, so as to not shatter the moment. Spencer's eyes opened only slightly as she contemplated her answer. She pulled Alison closer to her and held her hand a little tighter, physically removing her doubts.
"I hope it isn't," She answered honestly, inhaling the scent she'd missed desperately over the course of the years.
The memories flashed in her mind before she could stop them. Every kiss, every touch, everything shared between the two of them came back tenfold. She felt the telltale aching behind her eyeballs that warned her of the oncoming tears and she swallowed the lump in her throat.
She flashed back to the night Alison disappeared, and the words left unspoken. Those words that haunted her every second of every day for the past few years. And like her insanity, she accepted them as well.
"I love you, Alison," She whispered, and just like that, she let her ghosts drift away. She almost felt a weight lift off of her shoulders at the words and she smiled to herself. It was as if Alison had never disappeared.
They danced in silence, moving slowly back and forth to the sound of the music, and Spencer had never felt closer to heaven than she did at that second.
"I know," She heard the soft response and exhaled a small breath at the sound.
"I wanted to tell you," She began, her voice cracking only slightly under the emotions spread throughout her body. "You already knew, but I wanted to tell you. I wanted to show you how much I loved you and tell you how alive you make me feel and to tell you that," She swallowed again and pulled away to look at the girl before her.
Her expression was foreign again, but not like it had been the night she disappeared. It was a look Spencer recognized very well. She only always saw it whenever she looked in the mirror.
"That I would give up everything for you." She watched the girl process her declaration and felt the familiar eruption of butterflies when she saw a smile grace the blonde's lips.
"Spencer Hastings, you are the most passionate person I've ever met," Alison said with a playful smile, but she still had that look that Spencer knew all too well. She didn't even need to hear the words, she knew from the moment it flashed in the turquoise irises. Alison felt the same.
Everything seemed to click when she kissed Alison again, holding the back of the blonde's neck and finally bringing their lips together. It wasn't crazy with lust or sex, but there was an underlying passion to the way Spencer firmly pressed her lips against Alison's - as if she needed the contact more than her lungs needed air. Her brows furrowed and her closed eyes tightened to keep the tears from flooding through. She'd wanted this, wanted to feel this way again for so long that she felt if she let go, it would slip between her fingertips once more. When she felt the blonde's fingers grasp her shirt and pull her closer, she almost sobbed.
Spencer took Alison's face in her two hands and eased one kiss after the other, lack of oxygen be damned. However, when her lungs did feel like they were going to burst, she pulled away, but instead proceeded to kiss all of Alison's features - from her nose, to her eyelids, to her cheeks - anything that she could get her lips on. She heard a giggle erupt from Alison and her heart soared at the sound.
"Spencer!" The blonde laughed, squirming in the brunette's hands. "Stop being so silly."
"I can't help it," Spencer whispered, leaning her forehead against Alison's as she closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay. "I love you. I love you so much that I feel like it'll swallow me whole if I let it. I need you so much, Ali," The brunette's voice cracked suddenly and no matter how hard she tried, she could not keep her throat from constricting. "I can't lose you again, I don't know how I'll live if you leave me. I just - "A sob broke through her throat and the tears finally fought their way through her eyelids.
"Hey," Alison said softly, taking Spencer's head in her hands. Spencer couldn't bring herself to open her eyes, but she let another sob rip through her. She felt lips caress her forehead and it brought out another wave of tears that she couldn't keep behind her eyes.
"I'm here, Spencer," She whispered, tilting Spencer's head up and kissing her nose. "I'm right here." The blonde brought their lips together again in a chaste kiss, full of the reassurance Spencer so desperately needed. She sobbed into the kiss, holding on to Alison like she was her life line, and she doubted she would ever be able to let her go ever again - physically or emotionally.
By now, the music had stopped playing. The record player had stopped completely and there was no sound in the empty storage area besides the ones that the two made. What had started as a loving, sweet kiss quickly turned into a lustful frenzy.
Spencer grasped Alison's sweater and pulled her closer, pressing the blonde's body to her own and whimpering at the contact. With her hands on the blonde's waist, and Ali's hands going further upward and into her mess of brunette hair, she slowly lead them backwards. She didn't care what was behind them, she just needed a surface, whether it was vertical or horizontal - any surface would do.
Only when Alison collided with the table behind them did she stop. Perhaps it was because of the 'crazy' pills she'd been taking or maybe it was all those years of field hockey that decided to kick in, but when she cupped the back of Ali's thighs and lifted her on to that table, the reason wasn't even important. Not even the sound of the record player crashing to the floor could stop the two. They were far passed the point of no return.
She pressed herself in between the blonde's legs and groaned at the contact. Her senses were on fire, the kind of fire that only Alison could ignite within her. She let her hands travel all over the blonde, from the front of her sweater, which earned her a moan from Ali, all the way down to her waist, where she let them rest.
Spencer felt as if she could write a fifty page essay on each and every curve of Alison's body, or how her fingertips burned wherever she touched the blonde, or no matter how much she kissed her and how far she touched her, she felt as if it were never enough. Her hands traveled under the hem of the sweater and felt the skin she so desperately longed to touch again. Tonight, it would be enough.
Spencer detached herself from heavenly lips but never ceased her movements. She craved skin, and she was tired of denying herself the pleasures she only dreamed of. She trailed kisses from Alison's jaw all the way down to her neck, making sure to leave little love bites as she moved. If Alison was going to leave her again after this, she would make sure to leave her a few reminders of this night.
As she kissed and sucked the blonde's neck, reveling in the moans that vibrated against her lips when Alison moaned at her ministrations, her hands continued to move under the sweater as well. They traveled up heated skin painstakingly slow, as if she was committing every little detail to her memory. Every curve, every piece of skin she could reach, she wanted to remember it all.
As she reached higher, a smirk working its way on to her face as she listened to Alison's heavy breathing, memories began to play in her head once more. More specifically, memories of the first time Alison kissed her, when she'd let her best friend touch her somewhere she'd never been touched and do things to her she didn't even think would happen to her yet. Her eager hands roamed higher, wanting to finally do what Alison had done to her all this time - drive her crazy.
Her smirk widened when she cupped the breasts fully in her hands and squeezed, earning a strangled moan from Alison as she arched into her touch. Spencer kissed her on the skin under her ear and chuckled.
"No bra, hm?" She whispered hoarsely, emphasizing her words with another squeeze to her breasts. Ali's head dropped on to her shoulder with a whimper, and Spencer thought she could spend forever listening to that sound.
"Spencer," She heard Alison pant out as she kissed the area between her neck and shoulder, her hands never stopping their teasing movements on Alison's breasts. "Stop."
"No," Spencer whispered softly, kissing her way back to Alison's neck. "I can't stop, Ali," She whispered each sentence against the blonde's neck between kisses, not wasting a second of their time together. "I won't stop. I want you so badly. I need you."
"Just for a second," Alison groaned out, stopping Spencer's movements with her own hands. Spencer pulled back and looked at the blonde, a question on the tip of her tongue, but she saw the turquoise eyes focused on something else. She followed their gaze and looked over her left shoulder, where she saw a mattress in the corner of the room.
Her heart pounded in her ears when she turned back and saw Alison smiling at her, and the look on her face practically screamed what she was thinking. She cupped Spencer's face and kissed her, a silent but deadly persuasion, before she jumped off the table and dragged the brunette with her over to the abandoned mattress.
When she reached the foot of the mattress, Alison turned around and found that Spencer was still rooted to the place she'd left her at moments before. A smirk graced the blonde's lips as she lifted a finger and bent it back and forth, urging the brunette to come over. Spencer didn't even fight her legs as they subconsciously walked over to Alison, even though there was a war going off within her over what was to come next.
As soon as she was in front of the blonde, Alison didn't waste a second in connecting their lips in a languid kiss, cupping the brunette's face as she did so. Spencer moaned softly into the kiss and temporarily forgot the debate in her mind.
Alison kissed her way down the girl's jaw until she reached her neck, where she started leaving open mouthed kisses along her neck. The sensations traveling down Spencer's body and to her core had her gasping and her mouth slightly hung open. She grasped Alison's sweater tightly and fought the urge to thrust forward when the blonde licked a long path up to her ear and blew into it.
"Let's get on the bed," The blonde whispered softly into her ear, licking the shell lightly. Spencer shuddered and bit her lip to keep from groaning too loudly.
"Ali," Spencer whimpered as the blonde trailed kisses back down her neck while her hands began to move teasingly down Spencer's front.
"Hm?" Alison murmured against her throat, her hands meeting the brunette's breasts through the material of the gown. She squeezed the mounds softly, her thumbs brushing over the nipples, and Spencer could hardly hold back the groan that ripped through her.
"I don't think getting on there is such a good idea," Spencer panted, her eyes closed as she tried to keep control over how badly she wanted to throw the blonde on to the bed.
A few seconds ago, she would have been completely okay with the idea, but she also didn't think it was a possibility to go all the way. Now that it was, she was a little terrified. If she gave Alison everything tonight only to wake up with an empty spot beside her, she honestly didn't think she would make it out of Radley.
"Why not?" The blonde whispered against her shoulder, her breath sending pleasurable chills all over Spencer's body. Her lips had moved from the brunette's neck to her shoulder, where she was kissing all the exposed skin that the strap of Spencer's gown left behind as she pushed it further down until it hung limply on the brunette's arm.
"B-Because," Spencer stuttered weakly when she felt the lips move down to her chest, which was more exposed now because the strap wasn't on her shoulder. "It could be dirty or something. I-I mean, what i-if it has like b-bed bugs or something," She panted, her back arching slightly as Alison kissed even lower. She felt the lips stop just above her breasts and she sighed with relief as the blonde looked back up at her with what she recognized as irritation.
"Very romantic, Spence. You really are a heart-throb." Alison said, rolling her eyes. Spencer sighed softly and leaned her forehead against the blonde's.
"I'm sorry," She whispered, her eyes closing in regret. She knew she was blowing it right now, but being ruled by her insecurities for so long really took a toll on her. She felt a pair of hands reach up and cup her face again and she instantly relaxed.
"What is it?" Alison's voice was soft and soothing, and although she'd only heard it a handful of times, it was comforting to hear such care in her voice.
"I'm scared," Spencer whispered sheepishly, laughing a little at how ridiculous she must have sounded. She was about to make love to the love of her life and she was scared. Actually, that doesn't sound ridiculous at all, She assured herself mentally. People are scared of this kinda thing under regular circumstances.
"I know," Alison whispered softly, the sound sending a new wave of chills down Spencer's body. "I am too." She was slightly shocked at the admittance. She'd hardly ever heard the blonde speak so sensitively. It was as if she were seeing the blonde again for the first time, and it made her fall even harder for her. She stared into the cerulean irises, and the loving emotion swirling in them almost stole her breath away.
Slowly, she pressed her swollen lips to the blonde's once more. They'd been kissing the entire night, and although her lips were raw and no doubt a little bruised, she didn't think she could survive even a few minutes without kissing the girl. It was the only addiction she couldn't and wouldn't get rid of.
"We're together now," She whispered against the blonde's lips, her heart beat picking up once more. "That's all that matters." She kissed her again, over and over, until the uneasiness left them both and the arousal coursed through their veins again. It was slow, but needy, as if they wanted to devour each other completely.
Eventually, however, both girls ended up on the mattress, thanks to Alison, but their kissing had slowly subsided until they were both simply staring at each other, the only sound in the room being their breathing.
Spencer watched the girl before her with eyelids that grew heavier with each passing second. Her crazy pills were definitely kicking in now, and mixed with the adrenaline that had been in her system, she wasn't far from passing out. Yet, she fought her body's urge to shut down every second that it was screaming for her to give in. She was Spencer Hastings, after all – her fear always won over her exhaustion.
She wasn't going to lose Alison this time. She refused to let the girl become a ghost to her again – she would rather die first than lose her again. Her body, tense with exhaustion, watched as cerulean orbs ghosted over her features before a soft hand reached out to stroke her cheek. She welcomed the action easily and closed her eyes, instantly feeling her body relax against her own will. She knew what Alison was doing, but she wouldn't let the girl lure her into a false sense of security.
"You look exhausted," The blonde whispered, her thumb stroking the purple skin under Spencer's eyes.
"I look exactly as I feel," Spencer murmured with a small smile on her face as she reveled in the girl's touch. The hand kept caressing her face, as if kissing it really, before the brunette heard words that made her tense up all over again.
"Go to sleep, Spencer,"
"No," The brunette spoke firmly, her dreary eyes opening slowly to meet the soft blue of Alison's.
"Spencer,"
"You're not leaving, Alison," The blonde watched her quietly, a sad smile on her face as she stared at the brunette. Spencer felt her throat tighten suddenly, and then it hit her. With just one look she knew - she just knew - that she had no control over this. No matter how hard she fought, no matter how long she stayed up, Alison had to leave. It was the girl's nature – she had to run. Even if she chained her to the wall and locked the door with endless locks, the blonde would find a way to leave. It was out of their hands.
The brunette closed her eyes and swallowed tightly, willing her tears away. She'd hoped desperately that tonight would have been different, that tonight she would have Alison back for good. She laughed ruefully inside her mind at the word hope. It really did breed eternal misery.
"Please," She whispered brokenly, trying to calm herself enough to speak without her voice cracking. "Just stay with me tonight." She didn't open her eyes, but she felt movement beside her and her heart nearly sank at the thought of Alison leaving so soon. But when a pair of arms wrapped around her and held her so close that she thought she would meld to the body against her, her own arms grasped at the sweater from behind as sob after sob wracked through her body.
She cried for what felt like hours, inhaling Alison's scent as best as she could through her nose as tears rolled down her face and fell on to the blonde's sweater. She held on for dear life, because if this was the last time she'd be able to hold the girl, she'd want to make sure it would be equally as hard for the blonde to let go. When she felt the other girl begin to shake in her arms, however, she realized that it wouldn't be an issue.
Soon, Spencer's sobs and tears ceased and her body began to relax the more she inhaled the sweet scent that was all Alison. She couldn't fight her body's wishes any longer, and soon enough, she began to nod off. She swore, for a tiny second, she'd heard the whispered words I love you, too, but she was hardly coherent enough to understand anything, so she simply moved closer and let sleep devour her.
She was hardly surprise when she awoke with an empty space beside her and not a single bit of proof for her to believe that the blonde had been with her last night. She didn't even bother getting up, even if she knew in the back of her mind that her doctors were probably ransacking the entire institute to find her. She simply stared at the spot beside her and rolled over to lay on it.
That's when she smelled it. It was a strange scent, definitely not something that an old mattress should have smelled like. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly, and a smile appeared on her face. It almost smelled like her.
Yes, perhaps she really was insane.