A/N: Okay, this plot has been in my mind for some time, so I decided to type it out and this fic was the outcome. Do note that some of the characters might be a bit OOC, but just work with me here. xD
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It was another beautiful afternoon that day in New Olympia. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, no dim-witted giants were running around causing chaos, Cronus wasn't attacking, Jay was obsessing over the fact that Cronus wasn't attacking, Theresa was trying to get Jay to stop obsessing, Herry was eating the entire contents of their new industrial-sized refrigerator, Archie and Atlanta were out for a jog at the local park, and Odie and Neil were currently hiding behind a bush at New Olympia High with a pair of binoculars. All in all, it was just another normal day in their otherwise abnormal lives.
"That her?" Neil asked, kneeling on the grass and peering through the binoculars with a smirk on his face. He was looking at Orneli, an African-Canadian girl about Odie's height, surrounded by a group of her friends.
"That's her," Odie responded, sitting on the grass next to the snooping boy with his arms crossed, a scowl apparent on his face.
Neil whistled. "She's hot."
And indeed she was, with caramel brown eyes and her straightened black hair in a ponytail, long bangs framing her heart-shaped face. Odie enjoyed staring at her when she wasn't looking, just admiring her natural beauty. He'd sigh dreamily every time she smiled or laughed, and she had even caught him at it once. The young boy had panicked and had mumbled something about 'pancakes' and 'homework' before scampering off in embarrassment. He sighed as he thought about what he was about to do, there was no way she would ever go for a guy like him.
Odie frowned as he thought more about his dilemma and rolled his eyes sarcastically at Neil. "Which is exactly why I can't do this; she's way out of my league."
He sighed once more and got up to leave, but before he could get very far, Neil grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back to their hiding place behind the bushes.
"Relax, little buddy. You're with Master Neil now; and by the time I'm done with you, you'll be a babe magnet…"
"You still use 'babe magnet'?"
Neil ignored his comment. "…But not as hot as me though. I mean, come on. It's me. Anyway, what you need is a makeover. I have some skin cream that'll do wonders on you. It'll leave your skin feeling smooth like a baby's bottom."
"But… I don't want my skin to feel like an infant's posterior."
"Of course you do!"
"I do?"
"You do!"
"No I don't, Neil."
"Yes, you do. Now shut up and listen. Hmm… We should definitely do something with those clothes of yours, too. Talk about a fashion disaster!"
"I like my clothes, thank you very much."
"Yeah, but chicks like her don't. They don't go for the 'nerdy look'. They go for people like me, you know? Hot. Muscular. WITH AWESOME HAIR, TO BOOT! Unlike that… ball of yarn on your head you call hair."
"HEY! I like my hair!"
Neil sighed. "You have much to learn, my friend. Now come, we have a lot of work to do."
Neil put an arm around the younger boy's shoulders and led him away, talking about all the things he planned to do to Odie. And as he listened, the descendant of Odysseus didn't know why, but he got a really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.
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At the Brownstone, Earlier That Week
"HERRY! RUN!"
"OH MY GOD, THEY'RE COMING!"
"FASTER, HERRY, FASTER! THEY'RE GAINING ON US!"
Herry and Odie thundered down the stairs with terrified faces, ignoring the strange looks they were receiving from Theresa, Atlanta, and Neil who were all seated in the living room watching a movie. Without hesitation, Herry and Odie jumped behind the couch and hid.
Theresa turned to Atlanta with a confused look. "What are they running from, anyway?"
Atlanta shrugged while Neil shook his head and took out his infamous three-paneled mirror. "Beats me."
"You don't think Cronus is here, do you?" Theresa suddenly asked, alarmed.
"I think that you've been hanging around Jay too much," Atlanta gave her a sly look, and a faint blush crept onto Theresa's cheeks. "Besides, if Cronus were here, why would they hide behind the couch, of all things?"
"Never hurts to be prepared," Theresa reasoned. "And if I'm not mistaken, you and a certain purple-haired warrior have been spending a lot of time together lately."
Neil, who had been listening all this time, looked up from his mirror and towards the stairs. "Speaking of Jay and Archie…"
For suddenly the aforementioned teens came running down the stairs, weapons brandished, with murderous expressions on their face.
"Where are they?" Archie demanded, holding his whip menacingly.
Atlanta pointed to the direction of the kitchen and the two boys set off at a sprint towards the direction she was pointing. Once they were safely out of sight, the two girls peered over the couch at Herry and Odie, who were crouching on the floor with wide eyes.
"You mind telling us why you're hiding behind the couch while Jay and Archie look like they want to kill you?" Theresa asked.
"Well, you see…" Odie began.
"Odie here had this idea, and it was a great idea, but… it sort of backfired…" Herry finished for him.
"And what, pray tell, was this great idea of his?" Atlanta queried, raising her eyebrow.
"Well, we thought they were taking a nap so we decided to ambush them in their sleep," Herry answered sheepishly.
Odie added, "And instead, we found them talking about how they were going to ask you two to be their da-"
"THERE THEY ARE, ARCHIE! BEHIND THE COUCH!" yelled a new voice. Everyone turned to the direction of the kitchen doorway where Jay and Archie stood, glaring at Herry and Odie with eyes full of hate and annoyance.
"RUN, ODIE, RUN!"
"I'M RUNNING, I'M RUNNING!"
And off the two sped out the front door, closely chased by their perpetrators. Theresa shook her head at them and turned to Neil, "How come you didn't join in on their prank?"
The blond boy looked up from his beloved mirror and raised an eyebrow cockily at her. "Because, based on experience from what happened the last 78 times, I knew this would happen."
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In Neil's Room at the Brownstone
Odie stared at the full-length mirror in front of him with an expression of horror and disbelief. Neil stood behind him, arms clasped behind his back, a satisfied smile on his handsome features.
"Oh. My. God," Odie deadpanned, his mouth wide open in shock.
"You love it. I can tell."
"Oh. My. God."
"No need to thank me. The look of gratitude on your face is enough."
"Oh. My. God."
"You know, I always thought you were the smart one. You should really work on expanding your vocabulary."
"NEIL!" Odie grabbed the taller boy's shirt, causing Neil to shriek in panic.
"Hey, careful! This shirt is 100 percent linen with a thread count higher than the number of hairs on your head!"
"Neil, what did you do to me!? I look like… I look like… I look like you."
And indeed, he looked just like Neil. He wore the clothes Neil usually wore, complete with black cuffs and matching shoes. And his hair, after three hours and ten cans of hairspray, had managed to stay down in a hairstyle that faintly resembled Neil's.
"Exactly. You look hot."
"Now that just sounds strange coming from you."
"Hush, oh nerdy one. I still have to add the final touch."
"The final touch…?"
"Oh, you're going to love this."
Neil brandished a small, rectangular present he had been hiding behind his back the whole time. "Ta-da!"
"Er… what is it?"
"Open it to find out!" Neil exclaimed gleefully, jumping up and down and clapping his hands.
Odie hesitantly tore open the wrapping, afraid of what Neil had given him. He tore the bright green wrapping carefully and slowly, and by the time he was done, there lay in his palm… a silver three-paneled mirror. It resembled Neil's, except that it had an O carved into it instead of an N.
"Oh, dear Zeus."
"Don't you just love it? No need to thank me though. I'm just your friendly neighborhood supermodel."
"You got me a mirror?"
"Yes, yes. Don't act so surprised." Neil waved his hand impatiently. "You need it, trust me. Now, moving on. You've already got the look down, so next is the attitude."
"Attitude?"
"M-hmm. Now, guys like us, we don't walk. We strut."
"Strut?" The word sounded foreign on Odie's tongue.
"That's right. Now, look at me and repeat what I do."
Neil stuffed his hands in his pockets and puffed up his chest. He then began to walk across the room with an air of nonchalance.
"You want me to walk like that?! Are you insane?!"
"Yep. Now quit you're whining and try it."
Odie repeated what Neil just did but ended up tripping over his own two feet and falling to the floor in a heap.
"This isn't working," he groaned from where he lay on Neil's green-carpeted floor.
"You need to keep the faith, little buddy."
"Right."
"Okay, now let's try that again."
After several tries (all of which ended none too gracefully), Neil deemed him ready.
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At the Brownstone, Earlier That Day
We all have our stupid moments.
It's those moments where we make stupid decisions which will eventually lead to embarrassing (and irritating) consequences. Anyone can have them, even a certified genius with an IQ of 190, aka Odie.
Said genius stood outside an elegant white door at the Brownstone, his hand poised and ready to knock. Just as he was about to, he paused, thought about it, and dropped his hand to his side. Sighing heavily, the young boy ran a hand through his voluminous afro and frowned. He picked up his hand again and was getting ready to knock when he paused again, and dropped his hand to his side. He glared at the door as if it was mocking him, and all he wanted to do at the moment was to break it down. Growling in frustration, he took a deep breath and gathered all the courage he had and knocked on the door.
He could hear footsteps on the other side before the door creaked open and there stood a very cranky-looking Neil. He was wearing a white robe and his face was slathered with a green substance. "What?" the descendant of Narcissus asked irritably, arms akimbo. "And this better be good, too. I was in the middle of a facial when you decided to stop by."
Odie gulped and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I never thought I'd never say this," he muttered under his breath, sighing once more. He gathered all the remaining dignity he had and murmured, "Neil, I need your help."
Neil smirked. "Come again?"
Odie glared at him. "I know you heard me the first time."
"No I didn't."
Odie had to restrain himself in order not to punch the blond boy in the face. "I. Need. Your. Help," he repeated through gritted teeth.
Neil gave him a cocky grin. "And what, oh smart one, do you need my help with?"
Odie broke away from Neil's cool blue gaze and blushed. "I need a date for the Valentine's Day Dance," he murmured.
Neil looked shocked. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. "YOU NEED ME AS A DATE!?"
Odie looked up at him with equally wide eyes. "NO! NO!" he yelled, flapping his arms up and down in frustration. "I need you to help me get a date!"
Neil looked relieved. "Oh good, 'cause let's face it, you're just not my type."
Odie scowled and his eye twitched, suddenly wanting to do no more than beat the other boy to a bloody pulp. Keeping his temper in check, he asked, "Are you going to help me or not?"
The self-absorbed boy furrowed his brow in thought. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I could."
Odie sighed in relief. "Thanks. So when can we start?"
"Once I'm done with my facial."
Odie glanced at his wristwatch. It was only half past eleven in the morning. "So… tomorrow afternoon, then?"
Neil promptly slammed the door in Odie's face.
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Back at New Olympia High later that day…
Neil and Odie hid behind the same bushes they were hiding behind earlier that day, talking in hushed whispers. A few feet away, Orneli stood talking with a group of friends.
"Oh, I'm so proud!" Neil dabbed at his eyes with an embroidered silk handkerchief. "Let me get a good look at you!"
Odie scowled and turned around for Neil to examine him of any flaws.
"I can't do this. I feel horrible," the younger boy complained.
"Yes you can. I gave you a makeover; I taught you how to strut! You can do this, buddy!"
Odie gave him a weak smile. "Thanks for the support, Neil, but I really think this isn't going to work…"
"Of course it will. Now, here, this'll help you," Neil handed him a sheet of paper with writing on it. "In case you don't know what to say, just read off the paper."
"Right."
"Okay, this is it. Now, get out there and do me proud!" Neil pushed him forwards towards the direction of Orneli. Odie stumbled forwards and gave Neil one last glare before strutting towards Orneli. Just as he almost reached her, he tripped (again) and fell flat on his face. The dark-skinned boy instantly got up and grinned sheepishly at Orneli who was giving him a strange look.
"H-hey Orneli."
"Hey, Odie!"
Odie laughed nervously, trying to get rid of the sick feeling in his stomach. "Um... ah, how are you?"
"I'm good, but er... what did you do to your hair?"
Odie's hand instantly went up to touch his hair. "Why? Do you hate it? Is it really that horrible?"
Orneli smiled kindly at him and shook her head. "No, no. It's just that it looks so... different than your usual hairstyle."
"Oh, right," Odie replied, panicking a bit inside. His heart began pounding and his hands started to get clammy. Having no idea what else to say, he suddenly remembered the piece of paper Neil had given him and took it out.
"Girl, are your feet tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day," he read.
"Excuse me?"
Odie's eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. What the heck did Neil write on this thing!?
"Umm… if I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I next to each other!"
Orneli gave him a confused look. "Are you feeling alright, Odie?"
"Me? Oh, I'm fine… I just, uh… That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?"
Orneli looked outraged. "Well, excuse me!"
Slap.
She looked at Odie angrily before huffing and walking away, her nose held high up in the air. Odie was shell-shocked, to say the least. He reached up hesitantly and slowly touched his cheek, where a faint bruise was beginning to show. Any hope of ever going out with Orneli had disappeared, along with whatever was left of his pride and dignity. Taking a long shuddering breath, he glared at the paper Neil had given him before tearing it into tiny pieces and stomping on the tattered remains.
"Hey, I don't blame you for messing up. You just don't got what it takes," suddenly came a voice from behind. Odie turned around and found the narcisstic boy giving him a supportive- yet cocky- look.
Odie glared at him with so much intensity that the taller boy backed away slowly, whimpering in fear.
"Neil, you've got five seconds," Odie hissed, pushing up the sleeves of his red sweater.
"Five seconds? For what?" Neil asked nervously, his eyes darting around, looking for some sort of escape.
"Five seconds, Neil. Five seconds before I tear you apart limb by limb and cut off all your golden hair."
Now, Neil wasn't a track star. He hated running. When he was 5 and all the other kids in kindergarten played tag, he would sit in the shade of a huge oak tree (too much sun would cause sunburn, and that would be bad for his complexion) and watch. Even during gym periods, he wouldn't run if he could help it; even if that meant having to endure Ares' long lectures on team work and cooperation accompanied by the God's infamous furious stare. But, when he saw that murderous look on Odie's face, it was ten times worse than any boring lecture or bad hair day; and so without a second thought, Neil screamed his high-pitched girly scream and ran like hell.
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A/N: Okay, that was the first chapter (as you undoubtedly know). And in case you're wondering, it only actually took Neil two hours to finish his facial. :P
Like I said, some of the characters might seem OOC, but I want this fic to be a funny one so that's that.
Review, please?