SONG OF SAW
By LS
THE FIRST STONE
No one knows where he began: somewhere deep in the jungle, a screaming mess escaping from an exhausted woman, his cries ringing out under the blue Onderon sky.
His father dips him into a basin of warm water and wraps him in a towel, smiling down at him to try and hide his fear from his similarly nervous wife. This is his first child, and he's terrified like all new fathers are. Terrified he can't do everything for his child, terrified he will somehow hurt him.
But apprehensive as he is, there's only one thing to do: hand the baby to his wife and say a prayer to the gods that none of his nightmares come true.
"What are we going to name him?" his wife asks, offering her breast to the child.
The new father hadn't thought much of names the last nine months, but in the moment one comes to him as if whispered in his ear.
"We'll name him Saw. Saw Gerrera."
…
Saw is two years old, and recently he can't fit on his mother's lap. At first he thinks he's just growing, until his mother explains that she's the one getting big around the middle, and why.
"Am I a big brother now?" he asks after yet another unsuccessful attempt at climbing onto his mother's lap.
His mother puts her hands on her belly, exhausted. "Not yet, Saw. But soon."
"When?"
"I don't know," she winces. "Very soon, but I can't tell you exactly when. Do you want to play outside?"
While he plays outside his eyes keep darting over to his mother, leaning on the side of their house and breathing hard, closing her eyes and counting at times.
"Mama?" he asks, pausing the construction of his latest mud pie.
His mother swallows hard. "Saw, come inside. We're going to call Papa, and then you're staying with the neighbors tonight."
He asks the question perpetually burning on the edge of every small child's tongue. "Why?"
"Because you're going to be a big brother sooner than I thought."
…
"Saw, meet your new sister."
Saw turns his head to look at the blanket-wrapped bundle, raising an eyebrow. "She's so little."
"She'll grow," his father says, looking up from scrubbing the kitchen floor, where Saw's mother had the baby last night. "Do you want to hold her?"
Saw nods and his mother sits him on the bed before very carefully putting his sister into his chubby toddler arms, making sure he supports her head.
The baby opens her eyes in slits, but it's just enough that Saw can see what color they are: a steely blue that his mother says might turn into green like his.
"Does she have a name, Mama?"
His mother nods. "Her name is Steela."
"Hi, Steela." She's so tiny and fragile in his arms, and Saw's afraid he's going to hurt her.
As he holds his new sister, Saw has a realization that changes his life.
This tiny person in his arms, the bundle who seems to be regarding him with suspicion, is his and he is hers.
He will do anything he can to make sure she stays happy and safe her whole life.
…
"Saw?"
Six-year-old Saw rolls over in bed and glares at the shadowy figure clutching a blanket in his doorway. "What do you want, Steela."
"Can I sleep on your floor?"
"What?" he groans. "Quit being a baby and go back to bed!"
"But I had a bad dream," Steela begs. "I won't make any noise. I just gotta sleep here."
"Go sleep on Mama and Papa's floor!"
"It's covered in stuff," she whines. "Please Saw? Please?"
Saw flops onto his back, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. "Fine. You can sleep on the floor, but don't touch any of my stuff!"
"Okay," Steela says, happily covering herself with her blanket and closing her eyes, her little hands clandestinely easing one of Saw's shirts under her head to use as a pillow.
Saw decides to ignore it. After all, there are worse things than having your sister sleep on your floor: for example, having your sister sleep in your bed and steal your covers.
…
"Hey Steela."
"Yeah?"
"I gotta sleep on your floor tonight."
Steela rubs her eyes and lifts herself up in bed. "Did you get scared by the monster holo?"
Yes. "No."
But Steela knows better. "I didn't get scared by it, and I'm five!"
"Shut up," Saw grumbles and buries his face into his blankets before quickly checking to make sure the monsters from the holo aren't coming after him or his boasting baby sister.
…
"I think we should give him a chance."
Saw is nineteen and staring at his seventeen-year-old sister, slackjawed. "Stee, are you on drugs?"
Steela scoffs. "No Saw, I am not on drugs! You just need to pull your head out of your blaster and realize that we need to expand our ranks."
"By working with a senator? Not a chance. I'm doubtful he knows one end of the blaster from the other. And a former Separatist!"
"Give him a little credit." Steela puts her hands on her hips. "He might not be a hunter or a trained soldier, but he's smart and he wants to fight for Onderon. That's all you've asked from the others."
"He's too soft. He'll run when the first droid comes at him. And I'll bet anything he'd fork us over to Dooku for a pardon."
His sister leans over him, and for a second he regrets sitting down while she stands.
"He gets a chance just like everyone else," she orders. "If he doesn't work out or he acts suspicious, then he goes. Just like everyone else."
Saw stands abruptly. "I'm the leader here, Steela. I hold the final decisions on who gets in!"
"Wanna run that one by Dono and Hutch?"
His jaw snaps shut. Dono and Hutch are the only ones who've brought up that no one elected him, besides Lux Bonteri of course.
Steela isn't finished. "If you and I know that Dooku doesn't hand out pardons, then he knows it as well."
Saw ignores her and instead sends a glower down the hallway where Lux Bonteri had taken his leave. If he and Steela, two orphans scratching out a living in Iziz, knew that diplomacy would do nothing against the Separatists then he'd expect a Senator to know it as well. But Bonteri's thickheadedness has driven Saw half to drink – the other half would be that Steela's starting to agree with some of his ideas.
She scowls at him. "You need to stop doing that. You said yourself that we need new blood, and look what you do when we get it. You throw it away."
"Alright," Saw challenges. "Give me a reason. Just give me one reason to work with him, Steela, that isn't about morality or politics.
"Lux says he knows a Jedi."
Saw's head turns very, very slowly.
"A Jedi?"
"He has her contact information," Steela explains. "One comm call, and we can petition the Jedi Council for assistance.
He hates the idea of begging for help, but one look at the state of his troops gets him to, for once in his life, swallow his pride.
"Fine," he relents finally. "Get Bonteri and tell him to call his Jedi."
…
"Steela!"
Dono's shout turns Saw's head as if she'd cried his own name, and he walks to the door to eavesdrop on the conversation.
"They're executing King Dendup tomorrow in Yolahn Square!"
What?
"Where did you hear this?" Steela demands.
Dono's answer is quick and concise, like any good scout's. "Malagan Market, the merchants. The Separatists are saying he's behind our attacks."
Steela snorts. "More lies. They're making him an example to humiliate us."
Or possibly to make sure we can't reinstate him? Saw thinks. Rash may be a coward, but he isn't stupid, not by a long shot.
Ahsoka says something, but Saw doesn't hear her. As soon as the sound of her voice stops he announces: "We can't let him die. We have to break him out somehow."
Steela looks at him like he's nuts. "No, we should wait until he's in public. At the execution."
Him, Rash, and half the droid army? "That's where they'd expect it."
"I know, but this is our moment. We'll save him for all of Iziz to witness! We don't have much time."
For a second, Saw wonders if his sister's gone off her rocker. "They're counting on us to show up," he snaps and starts walking out the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Trust me"
But Steela knows what 'trust me' from the mouth of Saw Gerrera means like no one else can.
"STOP!"
The command is so forceful and her voice sounds so much like their mother's, that Saw instinctively stops.
"Let me take care of this," he orders.
And Steela, so much her mother's daughter, replies "This isn't about you."
Bonteri pipes up. "We can't afford a reckless move right now."
He's so tired. Between his king's impending doom, his mother's ghost apparently possessing Steela, and his dislike of Bonteri all Saw can manage is the pubescent "Yeah? Go write a speech about it."
It has the intended effect; shuts both Bonteri and Steela up until Ahsoka says "You have to weigh the risk."
What he wants to say: I know the risks. That's why I'm leaving Steela here, away from the droids and the danger. I'm going to do this so I can claim my moment in the sun with Steela intact. Take care of her, Ahsoka. She's all I have left.
What he actually says: "That's why I'm going alone."
And with that he walks into the cold, pouring rain trying to distance himself from what just transpired inside. Is Steela sending scouts after him? Probably, he knows Dono's footsteps. As long as she doesn't try to stop him, then he'll let her carry on.
…
Ever since he was little, Saw's dreamed of meeting the king. Everyone has, at one point or another. They've fantasized about the king or the Chancellor or the mayor of their town inviting them for lunch and listening to their ideas, or giving them the grand tour of their opulent palaces.
Rare is the person who finds themselves fulfilling that fantasy. And Saw is, sort of. He meets the king when he descends from the rooftops and rips the head off the battle droid guards.
King Dendup turns around in shock and Saw drops to a knee. "My lord,"
"Who are you?"
"I'm Saw Gerrera," he pulls down his hood so the king can see him; he's heard somewhere it's impolite to wear hats around His Majesty.
Dendup's sigh is almost audible. "What do you want?"
You know a king's spend a long time in court with his people when he believes that everyone who appears to him wants something. That or he's just smart. "Your freedom, sire. I'm getting you out of here; the people of Onderon need your help."
"Stand up," he orders and Saw does. "Are you one of the meddlers creating disorder; interfering in the affairs of the throne?"
He bristles at being called a meddler as if he's a villain in a cheesy children's holo. "Only to restore your kingship as the rightful ruler."
Dendup stops, and his shoulders slump. "I see. This was all my doing; I opened the door…"
Ever since he and Steela were orphaned and had to deal with landlords, Saw has learned the importance of buzzwords. The hot water coming out of the broken sink isn't just too hot, it's scalding. The wooden front steps aren't just weak, they're rotten. More often than not, all he had to do is utter the buzzword and the landlord was racing over with his toolbox before someone got hurt.
And in this case, the buzzword is Jedi. So he says it.
It works like a charm. "Jedi?"
Saw smiles. "Yes, sire."
All of a sudden the king doesn't look so beaten. "I've been waiting a long time for this."
If this was a movie the moons would be spotlights lighting his ascent to glory while a rousing theme plays in the background and he and the king glamorously rappel out of the courtyard to the rebellion's safehouse. He'd then make an epic speech to his troops, right in front of Bonteri's slackjawed face.
But of course (of course!) the prison has a one-way shield, and he's surrounded by Destroyers faster than he can think I didn't even get to make my speech.
…
Rare is the time Saw acknowledges that his sister is right. Will vegetables really kill you, like he said? Yup. Did the horrible, terrible, mess-your-pants-and-not-even-notice horror holo scare him, she asked? Of course not!
But while he's hanging in a containment field, stun cuffs locked around his wrists and electricity sparking around him, he thinks yeah, Steela might have been right about the whole saving-the-king thing.
But now is not the time for regrets. As far as he can tell there are two torturers: a super tactical droid and a man, a general in the Royal Milita from the looks of his uniform. And it may be his imagination, but it certainly feels like they're increasing the voltage every time they shock him.
He focuses on his one goal: Don't let anything slip. Don't give them the means to put Ahsoka and Dono and Bonteri and Hutch and dear god, Steela, in this vile device.
When Kalani asks him a question, he already has his answer prepared. "Onderon … is our system. Not yours!"
As thanks, the droid shocks him.
This attack lasts longer than the rest, stronger and more horrible every second. Saw's body burns as the current pierces his fingers and shoots out the bottoms of his feet, his heart thunders in his ears, and his throat aches. He fails to realize the last symptom has nothing to do with electricity at all – it's because he's screaming.
"Enough!"
The machine powers down and Saw wants to weep the relief is so sweet, but he can't. All his body can do is hang limp, semiconscious.
"We have to keep him alive. He is a direct link to the terrorists," It's the general speaking, the living flesh-and-bone man. Of course his reasons are mundane, but Saw can't help but suspect that maybe, maybe there's a little compassion buried in the officer.
"You pity him," the droid accuses.
"I pity your ignorance." The general corrects, interestingly enough not answering the question. "You can control the people of Onderon, but you won't sustain it against their will."
The two exchange verbal spars, but Saw's too tired to listen. He hangs there numb until two droids sling him down and drag him into a nearby room, where the human general waits at a table.
…
By the time Saw manages to gather his wits about him his head rests in his arms, leaned over on a table. Two meaty fingers press into the side of his neck.
"Hold still," the human general commands, pressing harder. "I need to take your pulse."
He obeys. He doesn't really have a choice, he's so numb and lost in his own body. The general's fingers lift off his neck. "There doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. You're a lucky man, Mr. Gerrera.
"My name is General Tandin," he introduces himself as an LEP service droid places a cup on the table. "Here, drink. It will give you strength."
Saw clumsily grabs the cup and tips the contents into his mouth, some of it dribbling down his chin while the general speaks. "The Separatists have very little compassion or patience for things that stand in their way.
Well they'd better work on their patience then. "We have a duty to protect what's ours, General. A duty once entrusted to you."
General Tandin rolls his eyes and harrumphs. "I thought you'd depleted your arrogance with Kalani."
Nope. Kalani didn't even deplete the arrogance in his little finger, but Saw decides not to say that in case Kalani decides to take his fingers. "It replenishes every hour," he says instead.
The general gets off the table and switches tack just as he switched positions. "King Rash is the crowned head of Onderon. What's yours is his, and he will do with it what he pleases."
Saw lunges forward. "Dendup is the true king!"
"Are you following his orders?" General Tandin asks coolly.
He knows that statement's coded meaning: Is Dendup your way of inserting yourself into the great game? Do you have a drop of his family blood to place yourself into his succession, or some dealing to give you wealth and power, or to make you a king and your sister a princess? How many rungs of the ladder are you trying to climb?
And he wants to ask the general the same question. What he wouldn't give for a datapad so he could research this general and his chances of taking the throne now that Rash is on it. But unlike him, Saw doesn't want the throne. He just wants his king.
"We take orders from no one." I do not care about the throne.
"Aligning yourself with the past does not bode well for your future," Tandin says. Strange for Onderonian nobles, who usually take up their parents' allegiances and enemies. He may be saying King Rash is helping me, and he may be so kind to you if you come to his side. Or he's saying if you don't join, you'll die.
Silver or lead, but Saw knows that sometimes lead can be polished enough to look like silver – and Tandin has taken it. "We share the same future! We can sit here as free men or as servants of the Separatists."
Tandin slams his fist onto the table, which would have made Saw jump if Lux Bonteri hadn't pulled the same stunt hundreds of times. "I am free, while you have chosen to become a terrorist!"
"I'm not a terrorist! I'm a patriot, and resistance is not terrorism!"
The sigil of House Rash is a serpent. It will strike Tandin sometime when he realizes that the silver he's taken is really lead.
"The Separatists have taken over Onderon," he says, "Because we let them."
…
General Tandin comes back into his cell later that night, holding a plate of food.
"Your last meal," he says and sets it in front of Saw.
Saw dubiously picks up one of the ration bars until he comes to the conclusion that if the general didn't poison him with the tonic he won't do it now. "When am I going to die?"
"Tomorrow morning, along with the former king."
Could be worse, Saw tells himself. At least he gets to die with his king.
"House Tandin," he says. He's going to die tomorrow, so it doesn't matter if he irks the general a little. "You guys sworn to the Rashes or something?"
General Tandin shakes his head. "No. We're stewards, sworn to the crown and not the man wearing it. We advise, we serve, and we protect the people from terrorism."
Saw ignores the dig. "What does a steward do when by serving one, he's selling out the other?"
Tandin doesn't answer him and Saw takes another bite of his ration bar. He doesn't want to die – he really doesn't, but he does like the fact he doesn't have anything to lose. He can plant whatever seeds and ignite whatever sparks he wants. If he's lucky, maybe one of them will go off.
…
The execution is held during the sweltering afternoon heat in direct sunlight.
The only organics on the steps of the palace are Saw, Dendup, and Rash, and the sun bakes the droids' metal plating and Saw's binders and makes them searing hot. Rash must be baking under his ceremonial garb complete with gold plates; he keeps tugging at his collar to ventilate the outfit. The scent of perfume rolls off him and makes Saw want to gag.
King Dendup actually does gag, though he makes it sound more like a cough.
"Don't worry," Rash says over his shoulder when they move further onto the steps. "You won't have to worry about your cold soon enough."
Saw wants nothing more than to hurl the impostor down the stairs head over heels and briefly considers it but nixes the plan because the droids would shoot him, and then he'd go down in history as that guy who tried to throw King Rash down the stairs and got shot.
He goes semi-peacefully down the stairs and his droid guards lead him off to the side for Rash to make his speech. He hangs his head through the smug snake's diatribe, baking in the sun and his shame. Some hero he is. He couldn't even save his king, or even himself from the electro-guillotine.
"Ready weapons," Rash says and Saw forces himself to watch. He owes this much to his king.
Onderon will be free, you snake. Somehow, we will.
Rash raises his hand to give the signal.
I'm so sorry, guys.
And just as Rash twitches his hand to give the kill order, the crowd explodes.
Saw watches with a combination of glee and fear as his friends throw smoke bombs and charge onto the stage.
The droids fan out to engage them but smoke bombs confuse servos just like eyes. Lux Bonteri pistol-whips Rash right in his smug face. Steela kneels next to the king and orders him "Come with us!" Saw takes a little revenge and slams into Kalani. Hard.
"Follow me!" Dono shouts and starts to run down the steps ahead of the group (with, sweet force, the King!). "This way! Come on, let's go – AH!"
Just then a super battle droid emerges from the crowd and shoots Dono, straight through the heart.
They're surrounded. Steela tries for one alternate way out, then the other. Super battle droids block her every time.
Rash stands, his hand gingerly stroking the place where Lux smacked him.
"Surrender now or die."
As one, Lux, Saw, and Steela all fix him with a look that could shoot blaster bolts.
But Dendup's shoulders sag. "It's over. Do as they say."
The droids force them up the stairs and into the line to face the electro-guillotine.
They all know what it does. They all know that they'll take their turns on it.
Saw forces a smile to Steela. I'm the big brother. I have to try and protect her, even if we're both going to die.
"Good try, sis."
The Magnaguards force Dendup's head back into the electroguillotine and Rash retakes his position.
"Ready weapons."
The crowd boos and screams. For mercy, for Dendup's reign, for divine intervention.
Rash ignores them. "This snake will not strike again…"
"STOP!"
Rash freezes. "What?"
Saw turns around as best he can, and behind Lux Bonteri he sees militiamen charging out of the palace.
And they're led by the general from the interrogation room. The man who finally realized that the Rash sigil would pump you full of venom and the shiny coin he took was the deadly, poison lead.
"The only snake I see, sire," Tandin shouts, "Is you!"
He strides up to Rash, ignoring the droids as if they're mere pebbles, and holds his staff to the false king's throat.
"Traitor," Rash hisses.
"I was," Tandin says and looks over to Saw. "Not anymore."
Saw swells with pride. Because he's done it. His seeds grew. He was the one who taught Tandin about the silver and the lead; he was the one to remind him of what a steward's job really was.
The droids release them and Lux helps King Dendup out of the electroguillotine as Tandin puts Rash into a headlock.
Rash squirms. "What are you doing, general?"
Giving you a taste of your own medicine, Saw thinks triumphantly as he and his friends rush to their safe house with the King in their arms.
…
Saw's never been so proud in his life. He's back with his friends, they've rescued the king, and he even helped to bring General Tandin and the Royal Militia over to their side.
Even having to share a bed with Lux, who snores, so King Dendup can have his doesn't rain on his parade. Even when they trudge out of the city and to the Nest, spirits are high.
…
Twenty-four hours later and Saw has never been more terrified in his life. The Separatists' gunships tear apart his forces (It's only because of Tandin that Saw gets out of one scrape alive), he hasn't seen Steela, Lux, or Ahsoka since they dropped off the rockets, and he's nervous that they ended up cannon fodder before he and his men tore the gunships out of the sky.
"Last one's mine," he says and shoulders a rocket to take aim at the last gunship, and sends it careening into a cliff.
For the rest of his life, he thinks back to that moment. How he should have waited one more second. How he should have shot it a second sooner. How he should have done anything but what he did.
Because while Saw is celebrating with his friends, he doesn't realize that the gunship crashed into his sister's position until one of the women points and screams "Look!"
He turns around, and his sister is clinging to the cliff's edge with her fingertips.
"Steela!" he screams, flinging his rocket to the ground and racing to the cliff. How he's going to climb it he has no idea, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that Steela's feet get to solid ground, and fast.
He's halfway to the base when Ahsoka appears at the top of the cliff and relief rushes through Saw's body.
It's okay. Ahsoka has her now, and Ahsoka's a Jedi. She's going to be –
A gunshot.
And before Saw's horrified eyes Steela plummets from the cliff, screaming the whole way down.
…
Screaming is good. Screaming means her lungs are working; means she can still breathe. But when Saw gets to her and scoops her into his arms, Steela's gone silent.
Just breathe. Just take a breath Steela, come on you're tough you can do it just breathe breathe breathe oh god oh god oh god no no no.
No.
God if you're out there and you help her, I'll give my whole life to you.
Breathe breathe breathe come on come on come on.
No.
NO!
…
When they travel back to Iziz King Dendup sings to Steela, a gentle lullaby Onderonian parents sing to their children.
I love you more than ocean, I love you more than sea.
I love you more than anything, how do you love me?
Saw's never seen an ocean before; only the jungles of his homeworld and the city of Iziz. He's seen the holos of places like Mon Cala and Glee Anselm, worlds swallowed by water, and he's wondered what it would be like to see water stretch farther than the eye can see.
The ocean that Steela will never see.
"Stop," he forces the word through his thick throat.
Dendup does, a confused look on his face. No doubt wondering why Saw stopped his serenade. He doesn't know entirely why either. Steela likes music. Somebody should sing her into the afterlife.
He hears her baby voice, a shouted request for him to sing with her. She was a terrible singer.
He just can't stomach it.
When they get to the palace and the others find a place for Saw to sit down while they remove Rash's body from the throne room, Dendup hums under his breath, the same blasted lullaby he sang to Steela. Saw doesn't want the king's attentions, but he doesn't mind them either. All he wants is not to feel anything anymore.
…
An incomplete list of things wrong with Steela Gerrera's funeral:
Eighty percent of the people there didn't really know Steela. Didn't know how she wasn't scared of monster holos or that she only ate the red jelly beans and gave the rest to Saw.
There was too much whispering in the crowd.
The eulogy wasn't good enough. King Dendup called her a hero, a true daughter of Onderon, but what's a true daughter of Onderon's life worth, if there's no mention of how much she loved her family and friends?
She wouldn't have liked the music.
Saw couldn't find her old friends in the crowd. Hutch and Lux Bonteri were there every step of the way, but the others? The ones who made mud pies with her when they still believed in magic? Nowhere.
There should have been more flowers.
It shouldn't have happened in the first place.
And thus begins the story I knew I had to write since I learned Saw was going to be included in Rogue One. This is the first part of three, exploring Saw's life before and after the rise of the Empire. While the first part definitely follows the script of TCW very closely, the other two are more original and will cover the Partisans both before and after Saw meets Jyn. There are just a few more things which have to happen before she can come into his life.
I'll leave you to guess what those are. But until then, please review!
Until next time,
LS