A/N: yea...plot bunny that's been nagging me. It came up when I was thinking about why I hate the color white....which is the same as Ed's reasons, omitting the younger brother part. So....enjoy!

Disclamer: yeah...anything i owned would be rated M for violence, language and smex. and we all know FMA isn't rated M.

Words: 1,476

White

I hate the color white. It's so simple, so pure and so.....innocent. I hate everything about it. Its brightness, its semblance, everything, especially the fact that it pertained so well to my little brother.

We had gotten Al's body back a few years ago but we never found a way to change out my arm and leg, but even we did I wouldn't take it. I wanted to keep them as permanent proof of the sins I've committed. I was a sinner and I wanted the world to know, but not pity, never pity. I didn't deserve their pity. Especially now with my innocent, sweet, and caring brother back in his own body.

Al's skin was a perfect creamy white (the shade of white I hated the most) with his dirty blonde hair crowning his head and flowing over his shoulders. It made the innocence behind his smile so much more, it made me want to reach out and drag him off. It pained me so much to see him grow out and style his hair like mine. It made me choke every time I saw him for a month afterwards. I was his role model, no matter what I did. Even though he knew practically everything about me except for one thing I've kept from him. That one very deadly sin.

My lust for him.

Everything about him tortured me. His raging innocence and ignorance, his lanky body, and those cute little innocent smiles...especially the smiles, I hated myself more and more every time I felt the burning desire race down my spine and pool at a part of my body I wanted to ignore. I knew he'd give me anything I wanted but I couldn't bring him down with me. I couldn't condemn him like I had myself all those years ago. Even if he begged me to, I wouldn't be able to say yes. I couldn't taint his pure white soul.

Ugh, there it was again. White.

"Big brother?" All sweet voice filled my ears, though slightly muffled through the door. I felt the temptation and desire pool in the pit of my stomach and I felt like I was going to throw up at my disgust at myself. "Are you ok?" that sweet voice asks.

"I'm fine," I mutter, just loud enough for it to reach through the door on the other side of the room. I couldn't blame him for worrying, anyone I knew would if they knew I holed myself up in my room for a full day like I had, 'specially on a beautiful sunny fall day like this. Ugh. The stupid sun's mocking me.

"You sure? You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm not hungry."

"Brother...." it sounded like he wanted to continue but just sighed and walked away. I wanted to follow him and force him to say what he wanted to but ti was best for me not to, for I may just blurt out my sin and he'd find me just as disgusting and vulgar as I was. And I was selfish enough to do anything to keep that from happening. Besides. If he came into the room to say it, well, lets just say it'd be batter he not see me like this. I sigh and sit up, rubbing my face in exhaustion. It was amazing how tired one could be just by laying down all day. 'specially when not eating at all. Why couldn't god just kill me for my sins right here and now?

Oh yeah, then Al'd be sad. Lose-lose, huh?

I hear the front door open, close and lock and I scramble to the door and peek my head out, looking around. Declaring Al had, in fact, gone and was not just trying to trick me into coming out of the room 'cause he finally guessed the problem as himself, I dash to the bathroom and close the door, stripping down. A nice cold shower would help my 'problem'.

.~.~.~.

It was hard (no pun intended) to get my body under control, for my thoughts liked playing in the gutter, but I finally managed and washed off. I climbed out of the shower and froze. Well, not exactly, I blinked twice too.

"Brother! You got out of the room, did you eat?" Al asks, totally ignorant once again. I quickly grabbed my towel hoping and praying it'd help hide the waking of my parts slightly south of my hips, but knowing it wouldn't. That ignorance in his sweet voice was just pure torture.

"Um, no. I just went straight to the shower. I'm still not hungry."

"You sure?" Al asks worriedly "Are you sick?" He takes a few steps forward, placing a delicate hand on my forehead.

Yes I am sick. I am sick, disgusting and vulgar in every way. One should not lust after their brother like I was. In stead of saying that, though, I snap "I'm fine" and turn my head away from his touch. It just turned me on even more and that wasn't helpful with him this close.

"You sure?" He asks, worry filling his eyes to the brim and I almost burst right then and there.

"Yes I'm sure." If only someone other than me knew how much of a lie that really was.

"Okay...." Al trails off and looks down, making me stiffen. Don't notice, don't notice don't notice don't notice! I plead mentally.

"Brother, have you been thinking about Winry?" He asks looking back up at me. Dammit, he noticed.

"No, Al, I haven't." I answer honestly. Because I hadn't been, not until he mentioned it. I had been thinking about him.

"Then why-"

"Because."

"Brother, you know I'm smarter than that."

I sigh irritably. "I know, I know."

"Then why?"

I shift my eyes so I was looking to the side, head bowed and completely aware of the fact I was still (mostly) naked. "Because I was thinking about you." I hated how someone as innocent and pure as Al could paint me into a corner like that. It was white paint too, only to turn black with blood splatters when coming near me.

"Brother...." He trails off the exact same way he had earlier in the day and I bite back my question of what he was going to say. But, it turns out I didn't have to as he hugged me tightly right then and there.

"Brother...oh brother," He whispers into my shirt breathing hard and I push him away from me, looking anywhere but at him. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"I....I can't." I shake my head.

"Why not?"

"I can't taint you're pure white soul. I can't ruin your innocence."

"What if I beg you, brother? What if I want you to?"

"I...I can't." Just then I felt lips push against mine and as I try to pull away they follow, trying to get me to respond. Distressed, I let myself give in, moving my lips against his.

When I feel my towel fall to the floor, though, I stop and push him away.

"No," I say huskily.

I feel his hips grind into mine and I groan, closing my eyes. He kisses my cheek and my eyes flutter open. "Why brother?" He asks and I look at him confused. "Why do you deny yourself everything you want?"

I push him away again. "You can't, in all honestly, possibly want this." I shake my head again.

He gently takes my hand and puts it on the tent of his pants. "You can feel this and deny me wanting this?" He asks quietly, dropping his hands to his sides, letting go of mine in the process. "Why brother? Why must you always deny yourself of the things you want in order to do what you think will make others happy?" he whispers. "Why can't you be greedy just once?"

I sigh and walk around him grabbing his wrist so he'd follow me as I go back to my bed room and dig out clothes to wear. "I'm not that kind of guy, Al," I say in way of explanation as I pull on my pants "I can only try to make others happy, and don't deserve happiness myself. I'm a sinner, my soul as black as it could possibly be. There's no way for me to redeem my sins, but you, Al. you have a chance any small sin you may've done can be forgiven. Mine can't. mine have left a permanent scar on my body, on that I wouldn't've let go anyways." I pull on my shirt and turn to look at Al. He sighs and bows his head.

"That's what you always say, brother. But think, this would make me happy. You're the only one that can..." he says quietly.

"Not this way, Al. Not this way.

A/N: review review review! If I get positive feedback, I may do a chapter fic with Elricest (haha, that'll make my friend mad) so send your love my way! ....please?

Your author,

~Eveylnn