The Last Laugh
Subaru watched the snowflakes drift gently around him. They vaguely reminded him of sakura petals.
…Seishiro…
He heaved a sigh and continued on his way.
It was in a deserted alleyway that his prey met his end. He had followed him since the Shinjuku district, but not once had the man been concerned about the figure swathed in black that stalked him in the dead of night. People were just too secure of themselves nowadays.
Subaru grimaced as he retracted his hand from the corpse. He had no taste for killing, despite that his new post called for it. It was something he had to do now.
In the back of his mind Subaru could feel Tree-san's presence, a gluttony of blood and death. Always it demanded more.
Isn't this enough for you, thought Subaru disgustedly, waving his glove-clad hand and scattering crimson droplets over the body. Isn't it ever enough?
Nevertheless Subaru gave up the corpse to Tree-san and continued on his way home.
Subaru headed straight for the shower. The dried blood flaked as he stripped off his clothes and stepped into the steaming water. It felt glorious, warming his skin. But inside he was still cold, dead.
He stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his emaciated waist and knotting it. Subaru looked at the mirror blankly then wiped at the film of moisture that lay on its surface, baring his reflection.
Tired eyes, dull green and white, looked back at him. A pale flawless complexion showed no signs of the heat it had just endured, and black hair hung dripping into his eyes. Subaru raised one hand and covered the green eye of his reflection, leaving just the blind one visible.
…Seishiro…
Subaru shook his head mournfully. He stared at this face, at the face he had known so well. But everything had changed. Subaru gritted his teeth and punched the mirror, sending glittering shards flying everywhere. He looked at the back of his hand, at the dripping wounds. There was no point in caring anymore. He left the bathroom.
A cool breeze poured through the open window, dancing viciously across his naked, wet skin. His stomach grumbled at him but he ignored it. He hadn't eaten since that day and saw no reason why he should change that now.
He flung himself onto the couch, one of the few pieces of furniture he owned, and covered his face with his hands. Hot tears slowly leaked from his eyes, mingling with the blood from his hand, wetting his cheeks. These tears were a nightly ritual now. No matter how hard he tried to stem them, they came each night, a flood unto their own. He would drown in his own pity if it were possible. There was nothing left for him anymore.
His thoughts flashed to the six Seals he had left behind, to, especially, Kamui. But they were part of a past he couldn't retrieve. He would encumber them no more, no longer be a part of them.
A soft knock on his front door startled him out of his reverie. He wiped at the tears with his fingers and stifled his faint hiccoughs. He didn't move. No one should know he was here. He was just an anonymous inhabitant who never got any visitors. The person must have the wrong apartment.
"Subaru," came a quiet voice, indistinguishable. He remained where he was and made no noise. Maybe the person they were really looking for was also named Subaru. Yes, another Subaru—
"Subaru Sumeragi," again, still indistinguishable, accompanied by a louder knock, "don't make me force my way in there."
Subaru glided to the door and put his seeing eye up to the peep-hole. There was something blocking it.
"Subaru, last chance," the voice chimed. This time Subaru recognized it as male, and it sent shivers up his spine. He knew this voice!
A few moments passed of utter silence and Subaru thought the person might have left. He headed back to his couch when he heard soft, quick mutterings and the door flew open. Subaru ducked in front of his couch and grabbed a handful of ofuda that were laying on the nearby table. He squinted his eyes shut and hoped the stranger would think the apartment empty.
"Subaru-kun," came the whisper, hot on his ear. "Nice towel."
Subaru's breath caught but he kept his eyes closed, thinking this was another one of his perverted nightmares. In his mind he slowly started counting, and when he reached ten everything would be as it had been.
…nine…ten… He gratingly opened his eyes. The door was closed once more. Nothing looked disturbed. The only sound was his heavy breathing.
Arms snaked around his shoulders, holding him tightly.
"Are you quite done?" asked a deep, resonant voice. Again came the shivers of recognition. Subaru tried to twist his head around but found he could not. His mind frantically tried to find a logical reason for all this. It could be an alternate dream-reality, something his heart wanted so badly that it made his mind believe it was true, just to ease the pain. Subaru trembled and told himself that this was not real, that it was just his mind playing tricks on him.
Subaru heard the chuckle as much as felt it through the arms that held him.
"This is no dream, Subaru-kun," it said, full of amusement. "I am afraid this is all very true, as true as your bloody hand." For a brief moment a slender finger caressed around the superficial wound, and then Subaru was released from that hold. He fell forward, afraid to look behind him.
"Come, look Subaru-kun, and see for yourself. Make this real."
Subaru shook his head, keeping his eyes to the floor. Oh, it would be so easy to look….But he couldn't. This couldn't be real.
A firm hand took hold of Subaru's chin and lifted his eyes to meet a similarly mismatched gaze. Subaru couldn't close his eyes nor look away. There, in front of him hovered Seishiro's face, amused and anything but dead.
"H-how can this…how is this…?" he stuttered.
"How can this be?" finished Seishiro. "Simple." He grabbed Subaru under the arms and hefted him to his feet. "I'm the Illusionist." He let his hands slip to Subaru's waist and did not remove them. "You know, I wasn't quite sure how you would've taken my death, but I can see you've taken it rather admirably." He smirked at Subaru. "Look at you, there's almost nothing left of you."
Subaru had been speechless throughout it all. He hadn't even recoiled from Seishiro's touch. But now his confusion started to boil.
"This isn't possible. I saw you die. I felt you die." His voice lowered in volume. "I killed you."
Seishiro laughed again. "My dear Subaru-kun, it's very possible. I have a few tricks up my sleeve that neither you nor Kamui of the Dragons of Earth know about." His laughter died off. "But seriously though, that was a very touching scene, what you did. It almost made me want to come out and reveal all the truth to you. Obviously I did not, though. It's rather fun being dead."
Subaru's eyes widened. "Very touching—!" he fumed. He pulled away from Seishiro and put his hands to his ears. "I can't listen to this. You're dead. You're not here. You're dead!" He shouted the last part, tears once more falling from his eyes. He turned his back to the amber gaze. His heart couldn't take this anymore.
Seishiro tsked and crossed his arms over his chest. "Now really, Subaru, that is no way to treat a guest. What about the etiquette lessons your sister gave you? Or have you forgotten them in the nine years since she died?" He grabbed Subaru's arms and sunk down into the couch, bringing Subaru with him. Subaru struggled against him, but Seishiro kept an iron grip. He nuzzled his face into the soft flesh of Subaru's neck. "No Subaru. You are going to listen."
Subaru burned with anger. This man had killed his sister, and now he dared to mention her in his presence. He swung his elbow and nearly freed his right arm. But Seishiro tightened his hold. Subaru exhaled furiously but stopped fighting. It was no use anyways.
Seishiro carefully relaxed his hold as Subaru stopped resisting, but he wouldn't let go entirely. He could feel Subaru's rapid breathing, and he licked Subaru's pulse, feeling the soft fluttering rhythm beneath his tongue and tasting the sweetness that was purely Subaru. He breathed in deeply before speaking:
"Why don't you believe me, Subaru? What makes this," he lifted a hand to stroke Subaru's velvet cheek, "so hard to believe?"
Subaru shuddered and fought once more, trying to get away. Yet in his heart he knew he wanted this. He had wanted this for so long.
"What, Subaru?" Seishiro asked again. "Why don't you believe me?" His long finger caught Subaru's tears as they fell.
"Because," Subaru whispered, his breaths uneven, "because I wanted this."
Seishiro stared at Subaru's white face. "Because you wanted this you don't believe me?"
Subaru nodded and shifted his weight to rest more comfortably on Seishiro, no longer straining.
"But what makes this so hard to believe?"
"Because I held you as you died." He licked his dry lips. "I sat there and felt the life leave you, felt your blood on my hands. You can't lie about something like that. You can't fake that."
"Subaru, you believed that I loved you." His eyes twinkled with a mirth that Subaru couldn't see.
Subaru shot up off the couch, his face blanched with anger and despair.
"What-what do you mean?"
Seishiro got up lazily and smiled at Subaru.
"Remember that year? Nine years ago I spent 364 days lying to you over and over again, making you believe that I loved you. And you did believe me. Compared to that, what is a little thing like lying about death?"
Subaru opened and closed his mouth. He had no concept of how to respond to that.
Seishiro stalked closer to Subaru. "So tell me, do you believe me now?"
Subaru clenched his jaw, his eyes desolated. "Why would you come back to me?"
"Because we have unfinished business, you and I."
Subaru stepped back from Seishiro's approaching figure. "Why now? Why not come sooner?"
Seishiro glided forward again. "Because I tired of the whole the-world-is-going-to-end-I'm-a-Dragon-of-Earth-you're-a-Dragon-of-Heaven scenario. By waiting this long I've ensured that everyone thinks I'm dead and you're too depressed to tell anyone about this."
"If you waited only a while longer," Subaru responded, his eyes blazing, "you wouldn't have to worry about killing me. I'm dying anyways."
"Which is why I did come now instead of later."
Subaru shook his head, still not understanding. "But why would you pretend to die in the first place?"
Seishiro stretched out a hand and grabbed Subaru's arm, pulling him closer until they were mere inches apart.
"I already told you. I was tired of being a Dragon of Earth. It got in the way of so many things. And now I don't have to worry about Tree-san either," he said, almost as if he knew that at that moment Tree-san had become agitated and was asking Subaru questions about what was going on. Subaru ignored Tree-san.
"This way," Seishiro continued, "I can deal with the little matter of you and me without interruption."
"Not true," replied Subaru. "I took you're place. I have to deal with all the 'interruptions' you 'left behind'."
Seishiro sneered at Subaru, his eyes cold and unfeeling. "You might have taken my place but you are no Sakurazukamori. You don't take any pride in killing or at your ability to do it so well. You kill only to get Tree-san off your back. A true Sakurazukamori kills because they enjoy it and takes pride in it. And I doubt Kamui of Earth bugs you half so much as he did me. He knows you're an angst-ridden, bleak individual on the break of insanity. Not exactly one for the team, eh?"
Subaru slapped Seishiro hard across the face. He grabbed Seishiro's tie and pulled it harshly, bringing him and Seishiro even closer, a breath apart.
"You selfish, worthless, bastard son of a bitch," he spat out. "It's all about you, isn't it? You really don't care about others. Everything you said to me, everything you've said since nine years ago it has all been a lie." He paused and took an incensed breath, trying to regain his control. "Even what you said to me, on the bridge, that you…that you…" He dropped Seishiro's tie disgustedly and pushed him away, wanting as much space between them as possible. "None of it was true."
Seishiro sniggered as he followed Subaru, wrapping a hand around the other man's waist and holding him next to him. He turned his head to look into Subaru's face, but Subaru refused to meet his eyes. He stared ahead, a determined set to his mouth. Seishiro kissed his temple.
"It wasn't even me, was it?"
Subaru tried to spin out of his grasp but Seishiro refused to let go. He grabbed a handful of Subaru's hair and forced him to meet his stare. Behind the green eye roiled pain and despair, utter anguish, fury, and far into its depths glimmered a faint hope, now broken. To Seishiro, no one's eyes were more beautiful than when the soul inside was cracked and shattered. A hungry sheen entered his own golden glare, the only sign of life in them.
"Seishiro," came Subaru's dull voice, breaking Seishiro's thoughts. "Do you know what I said to you when you died?" He had given up battling Seishiro, and accepted everything that was to come. There was no reason to fight because he needed to know, and he needed to tell Seishiro things that he shouldn't have had to say again.
Seishiro pondered this a moment. "Everything up until that moment you stabbed me."
"I told you I loved you and that I regretted it. I said I could never forget you, regardless of how much damage you caused to me and those around me. I loved you. I love you still and I don't know why and that's the torture of it."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I've already told you this, or so I thought."
"But now you know this is me."
"I thought it was you then."
"You do realize that love is a weakness. It can be used as a weapon."
"Doesn't matter," replied Subaru dimly. "You can't hurt me more than you already have."
Seishiro cocked an eyebrow. "I wouldn't be so sure of that."
"Fine then, do your worst." But the statement lacked conviction. Subaru sighed and shrugged his shoulders, looking dejectedly at Seishiro. "I have one final question for you: why can't you just let me die on my own now? You know it'll only be a matter of days, weeks at most. And we've both seen how the whole try-to-get-you-to-kill-me thing worked out." A small smile graced his face, but it was devoid of joy and soon diminished. He took Seishiro's hand and placed it over his heart.
"Let's end this now. Do what you have so sworn to do for nine years, and take me as your prey. A prey for the true Sakurazukamori." He pressed the hand harder, crystalline tears falling from the eyes of a dark angel. "Do what it is in your nature to do. Take me and be rid of me."
Seishiro moved his hand away and drew it up to the curvature of Subaru's jaw. He ran his thumb over Subaru's full lips. Subaru really was beautiful, he had always thought so. Even now, as he was bone-thin and starving, a gentle beauty graced him. He was pretty, too pretty to kill as of yet.
"No." It was only one syllable, but its meaning shook the foundations of the earth.
"No?" A slight frown marred the smooth plane of Subaru's forehead. "What do you mean 'No'?"
"By 'No' I mean 'Nein, non, não'. 'No: a refusal, typically used when declining to cooperate.' By no I mean…no."
"But you're the Sakurazukamori. By all rights I should've died nine years ago, but I'm still here, and begging you to kill me, and you say 'No'. Why won't you kill me?" Subaru's voice had reached a terrible pitch at the end. He clenched and unclenched his hands.
"Because," was the smooth reply, "it hurts you so much more to be alive, for me to refuse you. Besides, I've other plans in mind for you."
Seishiro pulled Subaru towards him, their lips meeting. He quickly parted Subaru's lips and dove into the warmth of his mouth. Subaru was too shocked to do anything.
Seishiro's hands grabbed for the knot in Subaru's towel, quickly undoing it and tossing it to the ground. He broke the kiss, nipping at Subaru's throat.
"I'm going to take you, Subaru-kun, just like you asked," he whispered thickly as he discarded his own jacket.
Subaru, for all his smarts wasn't too intelligent when it came to sex, finally realized exactly what Seishiro meant to do. He forced his way from Seishiro, grabbing his towel as he ran to the far side of the room.
"No, I'm not doing this." His voice, weak, barely carried.
"But my darling Subaru-kun, you don't have to do anything. I'm quite willing to do it all."
Subaru tied the towel at his waist again, feeling more sure as he was covered. He shook his head at Seishiro. "No, we're not doing this. I won't let you torment me anymore."
A deep chuckle came from Seishiro. "I hardly think of sex as torment. You might even find it…pleasurable."
Subaru entwined his fingers nervously together. "No!" he shouted, thick with emotions. "No! I can't take this anymore. I won't let you torture me anymore."
Still Seishiro laughed. "I don't think you have a choice in the matter. It is hard to deny your heart, and you have ever been a slave to it. It seems unlikely that it will let you out of its grip now, after all this time. Listen to your heart, Subaru. You want this. You have wanted this for a long time. I'm trying to grant your wish." He made it all sound to reasonable, but Subaru knew it was all a lie.
He hardened his will. "I'm not doing this," he told Seishiro. "I will not let you do this to me. If you're going to grant my wish, give me what I really want. Otherwise, don't pretend like you care for me."
Seishiro advanced on Subaru slowly. "Like I said, you don't get a choice in the matter. And since I don't care for you," he said silkily, "why should I grant you your wish?"
Subaru hid his face in his hands. He could never long refuse Seishiro, his heart had seen to that. But he could not give in to this. Once more, tears fell from his eyes as he looked upon Seishiro.
"I will not do this," he said murkily. Despite the tears his eyes held an unwavering determination and anger, and Seishiro noticed this. But he ignored it. He would have Subaru in the end. He always did.
He exhaled heavily but continued forward. "I'm tiring of this, Subaru. This isn't a matter of sex so much as it is control. You will give in to me. You love me too much to refuse me. Isn't that right?"
Something painful lashed across Subaru's heart, the dead thing feeling once again. He cried out and grasped at it, trying to rip his heart out of his chest. It was trying to tell him something, that Seishiro was telling the truth. He loved him too much, too much to hurt him, if he could be hurt. He was on the ground, clutching at his chest.
He looked up at Seishiro, who stared down at him passionlessly.
"I hate you," he said, on his knees. He looked at the hands holding his chest, expecting to see blood flowing there. But they were as pure and white as ever. He fell forward, crawling to his couch and reaching under the cushion. Seishiro's gaze didn't follow Subaru's hand, not peeling away from Subaru's face. He enjoyed this, this breaking of the little will that Subaru had left. It was fun.
Subaru found what he had wanted from the couch and hid it behind his back. In all the pain he felt, his broken heart being shredded again, he had found his resolve. He got up from the ground, his hands carefully concealed.
He stood tall, looking at Seishiro evenly though he was still crying softly. With one hand he wiped the tears away, the other one still hidden. He moved towards Seishiro, each step like another stab in the chest. It hurt so much, but he had to do this.
Once he stood in front of Seishiro, he leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. But he backed up before Seishiro could ensnare him in his arms. This had to be done.
"Know that, in the end, I got the last laugh. I love you, Seishiro-san. I love you, and I will never forgive you for that." That was all he said before he pulled the gun from behind his back and shot himself in the head.
A single white ofuda floated through the air to land at Seishiro's feet, wetting itself in the spreading pool of blood.