I had been doing my normal thing, guarding the information. I was the head communications officer, I knew all the secret pass codes, I was in charge of making sure no information was leaked. I wish I could have turned back time to have done my job differently; but alas, my enemy payed for it and now...so was I.
I gave a hiccuping breath, my eyes clenched tight in agony, my chest burning with every bit of fire I might imagine a scalding inferno to hold. My abdomen was flayed open, my soft organs spilled open to the outside world.
"London! London, answer me!" My name is Alexandria Laurel London, but most just call me London. Well...used to, I knew what was happening. I wasn't deluded into thinking a medic could save me, but that didn't stop the unquenchable fear that bubbled up in my chest.
I slowly rolled over, blood pooling across the floor and a searing agony that blackened my vision swept over me. I drug myself forward, my arms weak, my body failing. I looked up to see a few of the holoforms I knew and loved, Jazz being one of them. I smiled weakly, but I knew that they knew that I was dieing. It was inevitable.
Reaching out my shaky hand, I gently grabbed at the radio. I was too weak, blood seeping off of my fingers and causing it to slide a way from me. I let out a keen of pain, if you could call it that. Next thing I knew, a dark tan hand was picking up the radio and placing it in my hand.
Jazz...Oh God...I was going to miss him...I never even told him... My eyes were misty when I took the radio, salty tears mixed with my blood were blocking out his cerulean blue eyes. Blocking out the dark chocolate dread locks that I so loved, darkening out the high cheek bones and full lips.
I watched him offer me a soft smile, one full of love. One of understanding and regret. I choked up and pushed the talk button.
"Lo-London here.." I managed to gargle the words out, agony was circulating throughout my body. The bullet in my chest- it punctured my lung- and the knife wound that flayed me open like a fish, it all hurt so fucking bad; but no medic could do anything. I was past saving. I knew this, Jazz knew this.
"London! What's going on, we heard a gunshot!" I heard one of my good friends Carson yell out over the radio. She was always a good friend of mine, a bright medic if I'd ever seen one. She was eccentric and full of life, but now...I would never be able to talk to her again.
"He didn't get it...h-he didn't get the info on the mechs. I wouldn't let him...he's gon now..." I closed my eyes weakly, relishing in her smooth higher pitched voice.
"London! London what do you mean? Are you okay?" The radio started to crackle, fading and then coming back in. Or was is my hearing that was doing that? I couldn't tel anymore. Everything was fading in and out of focus.
"I'll see you again someday Carson...don't worry...I'll see you again, I promise." With that I threw the radio away from me, well more like lay it on the ground and weakly swatted it away. I must have looked quite the sight, I must have seemed to pathetic. I could hear her squawk in indignation, in horror.
"London! Don't you dare die on me! London!" I closed my eyes and emitted a soft hiccuping sob. A warm hand was smoothing my hair from my face, warm lips kissing my forehead.
"Shhh, i's gon be al'igh'." Jazz rumbled softly, his warm hands cupping under my shoulder blades to lift me up. I let out a choked noise of agony, but instead of picking me up further he sat down on the blood soaked ground and lay my head on his holoforms' thigh. My blood was staining those perfect hands, that perfect mocha skin.
I wanted to push him away, but I couldn't even if I wanted to. I was to weak, to scared, I was in too much pain. I had always loved the mech, always cherished our time together, but now my time was up. He would never know what he meant to me, not to the full extent I wanted him to know anyways.
"Jazz..." I whispered weakly, my body sagging in on itself. I could feel those warm fingers smoothing aches I hadn't realized were there.
"Yes, Alex." The only one to use my actual name...the only one who understands me...and he's being taken away. I'm being stripped away from him. I let out a low whimper, my organs aching and thrusting fire through my body. I couldn't finish my question, I was in to much pain. His warm hand gently picked up my own, rubbing his rough thumb over my knuckles.
"Ratchet, ain' there somt'in' ya can do?" I dimly heard him rumble, agony in his words.
"No Jazz. The human body is to fragile, always in a perilous struggle of homeostasis. She's already offlining, her systems are shutting down." I tried to suck in air, but with one deflated lung it was incredibly hard to do. My chest hurt, it felt like I had run one-thousand miles and then tried to breath water.
"Jazz...p-please...s'ng." I knew I wasn't making much sense, but he seemed to understand. I felt him shift, making me more comfortable. His strong hands, hands that could crush concrete and twist metal, gently ruffled through my blood soaked hair. I felt his warm breath on my cheek, his lips by my ear.
"Wha' ya wan' me ta sin'?" His voice sounded thick with emotion, making his accent thicker. I hadn't ever thought that I would see the day that Jazz, the Autobot saboteur, tried not to cry.
"Any'ing..." Those warm hands moving up along my cheek, caressing the weak pulse against my neck. Oh God...I wanna tell him how much I love him, but I can't do that. Not now. I gave a hiccuping breath, a sob making its way up through my chest.
Tick tock hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late
I sucked in a breath of air, agony searing my insides. Oh the irony of that song. I loved hearing him sing, he used to sing to me all the time when I was stressed. And now, when I lay here dying in his arms, he sat there and sang to me.
Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness I guess I just forget
To do all the things I said
I tried not to let out the sob, tried not to let him see how much I was hurting, but like always he could see through me. His warm hands brushed the tears away, brushed my cheek bones soothingly.
[Pre]
Time passes by
Never thought I'd wind up
One step behind
Now I've made my mind up
Oh God...I was gonna miss him, him and his beautiful voice. Him and his loyalty, his loving embrace. I choked a weak sob, my hands curling into the 'fabric' that covered his arms.
[Chorus]
Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Pain flared through my heart, but I just clutched closer to him. I was silently begging him to not leave me. I couldn't get the words out, Oh God it hurts so much.
Today I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late
One day too late
I wanted to tell him I love him, but just like the song I knew: I was one day too late. What if I had told him yesterday, or the day before. Would it have made a difference? I bit my lip, agony searing my insides more than any radioactive heat wave could.
[V2]
Tick tock hear my life pass by
I can't erase and I can't rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do...
Wish I'd spent more time with you
I wanted to hold onto him forever, to not let him go. I wanted to hear him sing continuously, to never leave him. His warm hands shifted, brushing tears from my face and smoothing calming touches over my aching muscles and joints.
Here's my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
And in the end I'll make it up to you, you'll see
You'll get the very best of me
I wished, oh so wished, that he and I could have had a beginning. Could have had a chance, but I saved the best for a bitter ending.
[Bridge]
Your time is running out
You're never gonna get it back
Make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last
I curled my hands tighter into the 'cloth' my heart thumping weakly as he finished the song. Oh God...please don't finish the song. Oh please how I wish I could rewind time. Oh please...don't let me go! Oh God Jazz...I love you!
"I don' wan' die." I managed to gurgle out pitifully. Panic coursing through me dully, my body was growing numb. My sense of understanding growing dim with the slow decrease of my body temperature.
"Shhh...it'll be okay." His voice cooed in my ear, a gentle parting that spoke a million words-held a million and one meanings-but it was three simple words.
"Jazz?" I croaked out.
"Yes?" He murmured softly. Distantly I realized that he had dropped his accent, something I had only heard him do once.
"I'm scared..." I whispered even more weakly, those warm hands smoothing over my face and lips.
"I know, it'll be okay. An' Alex?"
"...Yes...?"
"I love you too." He whispered in my ear, and just like that I let go. I had heard what I needed to, felt his presence as he eased my suffering enough for me to pass in peace. I fluttered my eyes closed and relaxed my muscles, my heart beat one more time and then I was alone.
AN:
Okay, so I was in a very depressed state I still am. So instead of doing my...usual ruotine I do when I'm depressed I decided to write and this is what came forth. While writing this one-shot I was listening to a mixture of Bryan Adams and Skillet, so the mood changes a bit in my opinion.
Let me know what ya'll think. I may write other one-shots, most not so depressing as this, if ya'll like. I actually have a cute one involving Hound and the little femme medic Carson. ;)
~D.R. Out