Note: This is a one-shot. The second chapter is the same story, just redone to look better/sound better... So feel free to skip this and go on to chapter 2.

IN THE COCKPIT..

"Well, I guess that's why they call you Joker. I wouldn't be caught dead in this."

Maggie Shepard help up the red dress to examine it closer. Well, if a dress is what you wanted to call it. It was barely more then a few straps held together with very careful stitching. "Honestly, Jeff. This thing wouldn't even cover my chest, let alone my ass."

"That's kind of the point, Maggie. I, uh, mean... Commander." Joker cleared his throat, turning his attention back to the Normandy controls. "Just thought it would be nice to get out of those fatigues. You know, let loose a little."

Shepard laughed. "Thanks, Joker, but that's a little uhh... looser then I'd like to be."

Joker turned back toward her with a grin and shrugged. "It's the thought that counts, right?"

"Oh, Lord. I can only imagine what kind of thought went into this." She shot him a sly smile and he blushed, ducking his head with a fake cough.

"Only the best, Commander. Some of the best thoughts I've ever had, actually."

"I'm sure," she said with a grin. "Thanks, Joker. Even if you're a huge pervert, you remembered my birthday. That, at least, deserves credit." She leaned down and carefully placed a kiss on his cheek. "And thanks for your thoughts," she whispered just before straightening up and turning to leave.

It took a minute for Joker to gain his composure, but he managed to catch her before she left the cotrol room. "Hey, Commander!"

She turned to look at him, a small smile of amusement on her lips, her eyes glinting. He noticed she had the bag with her gift in her hand. "Yes?"

He smiled. "Happy Birthday."

LATER ON THE CITADEL...

"So, I was thinking of taking up bullfighting. What do you think?"

Karin Chakwas shook her head at her favourite patient. "I think you would be great, Jeff. Probably even make the record books."

"Really? I mean, I know I'm badass, but I don't know about record-breaking."

Chakwas laughed. "Oh, Jeff, of course you'll break the record. Most bones broken in a bullfight at one time."

"Oh, ha ha. Really had me going there, Doc."

Karin gave Joker a big grin and held up her glass. "Cheers." Joker clinked his glass to hers. "So, where is the Commander? Isn't this supposed to be her birthday celebration?"

Joker checked his omni-tool for the twentieth time, sure that Shepard must have pinged him by now, but there was still nothing. He let out a sigh. "No clue, Doc. Said she'd be here, but I haven't heard a word. She better show up to her own party. Kind of rude not to, right? Yeah, she'll be here."

Karin couldn't help but notice Jeff and the Commander had grown rather close. With Jeff's condition, they had to be careful of course, but she saw no reason why the two kids couldn't just admit their feelings for each other. She thought about questioning Jeff about what he planned to do about it, but thought better of it. She should let them work this out themselves. So she just said, "Yeah, she'll be here. "

MEANWHILE ON THE NORMANDY...

"Jack, I look ridiculous."

Shepard turned away from the mirror to look over at her new closest friend, the "Psychotic Biotic" as she was so lovingly known. Jack looked her up and down. "I don't see a problem."

Shepard threw up her hands. "Of course you don't! You walk around half-naked most of the time!"

"Hey, how else am I supposed to show off my ink? Honestly, though, Shepard. You look fucking phenomanal. Joker's got great taste."

Shepard turned back to the mirror once more and tried again, futively, to pull the skirt lower. It just barely covered her ass, and despite how small her chest was, she felt like she'd pop out of it any minute.

"Can I at least wear a jacket?"

Jack rolled her eyes dramatically and sighed. "Fine. But I get to pick which one."

AND BACK ON THE CITADEL...

"Aw, come on, Joker! Everyone knows you're the master of jell-o shots!" Vega complained loudly. "I'm sure Shepard won't mind that you had a few without her."

Joker raised his hands in a defensive stance. "Woah, who said anything about the Commander? I'm just not feeling up to it tonight. I got a ship to fly in the morning."

Vega raised an eyebrow. "A ship with an AI."

"Lay off, Vega," called Liara. "If he said no, then it means no. Now get over here! You're already three shots behind."

"All right, I'm coming, I'm coming," Vega said as he turned back toward Liara. Then something - more specifically someone - caught his eye. "Woah. Look at Jack's friend. She is smokin'."

Joker turned to see where Vega was looking, and he spotted her. She made it - and she was wearing the dress he had bought her.

Every eye in the house fell on the Commander, and before she had even fully entered the bar she was approached by several men. Joker couldn't blame them. Her long dark hair fell in messy but stylish curls around her face, and the knee-high boots and leather jacket did nothing to hide the dress - it just made her look more badass. The smokey liner around her crystalline blue eyes was striking, and her rouged lips looked lovely and full and so very, very kissable. Joker, for once, was at a loss for words.

"I believe," came Chawkas' voice from beside him, "that the Commander has arrived."

"She certainly has," he replied.

LATER ON BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING MORE DIALOGUE OF THE BAR... I SUCK AT BAR SPEAK... BUT I DIGRESS...

BACK ON THE NORMANDY!...

Joker couldn't stop laughing. Halfway through the night, one of Shepard's heels broke off her boot - right into someone's gut - and she was now walking across the Normandy barefoot. Joker found the sight so hilarious that he actually wasn't focused on the way her exquisite body filled out that dress.

"Guy grabs your ass, and then just - BAM! Shepard-style! Right in the gut. Imagine explaining that one to the hospital." Joker cleared his throat and did his best impression of a batarian. "Yeah, well, see... I grabbed a Spectre's ass, so she stabbed me in the stomach - with her boot." He cracked up again.

Molly rolled her eyes. "You know, you shouting 'dude just got boot-fucked' at the top of your lungs really didn't help our case. Probably could've gotten away with it."

"Sure, Commander, blame this on me."

"Well, they did ask both of us to leave. I'm a good talker. Could've talked my way out of it."

"Yeah, yeah. Shame we had to end the party early, though," Joker sighed. "I was just starting to get my drink on."

Shepard laughed. "You know, we don't have to stop. I got a stockpile of booze in my cabin."

Joker raised an eyebrow. "For real?"

Shepard smiled.

"Sweeeeeeet."

By the time they got to her cabin, Shepard wanted a shower more then she wanted a drink. She looked towards her bathroom with a sigh, then headed over to her secret booze spot, pulling out a bottle of Canadian whiskey. Joker had followed her in and was now checking out the models she had in her display cases, unusually quiet. She walked over to him with the bottle and two glasses, setting them down loud enough to get his attention.

He smiled faintly at her then looked toward the bottle, making a face. "Whiskey, Commander? Thought you had better taste then that."

Shepard looked a little hurt. "It's Canadian," she said with a frown. "I'm Canadian, Jeff."

"Oh, right. I forgot. Sorry. Whiskey sounds great."

She laughed, leaning back against her desk. "To be honest, I want a shower more then anything. Bars make me feel so grimey."

"I know what you mean. It's like walking into a pool of sweat and booze, face first."

"How do you walk face first into a pool?"

Joker smiled. "It's a talent. Oh, hey, you can take a shower if you want. I'll wait. It's a shame you'll be taking the dress off, though. You look fantastic."

"Do I?" Shepard smiled.

"The only correct answer is hell yes, Mag- *cough* Commander."

"Jeff..."

"Yes, Commander?"

"You, uh... you know it's okay to call me Maggie, right?"

Joker cleared his throat. "Just trying to keep it professional, ma'am."

Shepard smiled. Why the hell not? she thought to herself. It's about time I made a damn move, since he won't. She took a slow step toward Joker, making sure the hem of her dress lifted slightly with the movement. His eyes were glued on her legs, and she saw him gulp. Oh, this was fun!

"Jeff," she purred, taking another measured step toward him. "Say my name."

"Maggie," he whispered.

Shepard grinned and began slowly sliding off her jacket, loving how his eyes followed every roll of her shoulders. "Say it again."

"Holy shit is this actually happening?"

"Say it" - she slid the jacket lower so that it pooled at her hips - "again."

"Maggie."

She dropped the jacket to the floor, closing the final step between them. Joker was staring at her like he'd just won the lottery, and she loved it. Slowly, she brought a hand up to his face, carefully running her fingers along his jaw. He reached up and grabbed her hand, his green eyes focused on hers. "Maggie," he whispered. "I'm not made of glass. You can actually touch me."

She hesitated, taking a tiny step back. "I don't want to hurt you, Jeff."

"You won't. Trust me." He smiled reassuringly. "Just no kinky stuff, okay?"

Shepard laughed. "I think I can handle that."

She moved closer to him again so that their bodies were almost touching. She could almost feel the electricity between them, and it was a wonder it had taken her this long to act on it. She exhaled a ragged breath she didn't know she'd been holding, bringing her hand back up to his face, being less careful this time, carressing his cheek lovingly. It only lasted a second before Joker closed the distance himself, leaning down to touch his lips to hers.

Shepard was no prude - she had gotten laid plenty, thank you very much - but for some reason, it felt like this was the first time. Maybe because it was her first time with him, but it had never felt so good before, and it was just a kiss -but it felt like it was her first. It was everything a first kiss was supposed to be - passion, love, fireworks... Something she hadn't experienced on her actual first kiss.

She melted into his lips with abandon, her body arching up against his as if it were meant to fit there, she heard him moan as he tightened his grip on her, and for a second she'd thought she'd broken something. She quickly realized, however, that Jeff was just being a little more rough then she was, and he was enjoying this just as much as she was. She pushed back against him, her arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

The kiss could have gone on for hours, she wouldn't have noticed. It just felt so right to finally be in his arms, to have his hands on her. By God, she even liked his beard.

When the kiss finally came to an end, they just stood there, panting, foreheads touching. Shepard looked up at him and giggled.

A smile lit his features. "What?" He asked.

"Your hair is so pretty."

Joker seemed to notice for the first time that his hat had fallen to the floor and reached up to run a hand through his short red locks. "Pretty? See, this is why I wear a hat."

Shepard smiled. "Well, you can't wear a hat in the shower anyway," she told him, grabbing his hand and tugging him toward the bathroom.

"Okay, seriously. Is this actually happening?"

Shepard just smiled.

NOTE: I changed the name from "Molly" to "Maggie." Reason? My Garrus story has a "Holly Shepard" and Molly was too close to Holly. Since Molly is derived from Margaret, I thought Maggie worked well. :) Let me know if I missed any name changes here - I'm too tired to double check.