Title: Crumpled on Bathroom Floors
Author: MelWil
Fandom: Spooks
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: 3.10. Please do not put spoilers in the comments past 5.2
Summary: Fiona and Ruth fall apart – post 3.10
She stands, a little off centre, in the last place Ruth expected her to be. Her hair is wet – damp – sticking together in uneven clumps, and she pushes her fingers through it – again and again.
"It won't . . . I can't make it . . ." she looks at Ruth. "It should have been me."
"No." Ruth leans forward, wanting to stand next to Fiona, wanting to comfort her. "No, Fiona. It shouldn't have been anyone. Harry said . . ."
"But it was someone." Fiona rubs her eyes, backing up against the tile wall and slowly slipping towards the floor. "It should have been me. But it was Danny, and he died."
Ruth's head drops and she wonders why she's standing in the middle of the bathroom, watching a woman who's obviously falling apart. She should get Adam, or Harry. She should walk away, far far away, right out the front door. She should walk away right now.
"I loved him, you know."
Fiona stops, halfway to the floor, looking at Ruth like she can't believe the words just came from her mouth. "What?"
Ruth smiles, a little. "Danny. I loved him. At first it was just a small crush, like Tom. But it grew, you know. I knew he'd never love me back. There really was no one but Zoe as far as Danny was concerned. But I loved him." She turns away from Fiona, embarrassed at how much she'd revealed to a woman she didn't really know. Embarrassed by how easy it had been to refer to Danny in past tense.
"You don't love many people, do you?" Fiona's voice is raw and brittle, with a touch of sarcasm that grates and rips and Ruth is grateful she can't see the look on her face.
"I do, actually. I fall in love all the time. I just, well I don't really do much about it." She laughs, a little, as she turns back to face Fiona. "I guess I'm all though and no action."
Fiona smiles, shaking her head a little, and Ruth is struck by how fragile she looks. "I'm just the opposite. All action and no thought. It certainly causes its fair share of problems and regrets."
"What about Adam?"
"Adam." Fiona closed her eyes. Ruth can't help but remember the way Fiona had clung onto Adam, like he could protect her from the horrors she'd just endured. She wonders why Fiona isn't with Adam now, why she is here, slumped on the floor of the bathroom, seesawing between bitterness and dispair.
"Adam loves you, Fiona." Ruth whispers, afraid she'll say something that might tip Fiona over the edge. Afraid that she'll say something she can't back away from later. "You must know that."
"Oh I know that. I know that he loves me. And Wes. But sometimes that's not enough, is it?" She looks up at Ruth. "He's all action too, Ruth. You must remember that."
Ruth can feel the colour rising in her cheeks. She turns away, telling herself that she has to go away, that she has to leave this broken woman crumpled on the floor. Let someone else deal with her. Let someone else pick up the pieces.
"Ruth?"
She lets out a ragged breath she didn't even realise she was holding. "Yes."
She can hear Fiona behind her, hear her standing up, hear her coming closer. She closes her eyes as one of Fiona's hands wraps around her wrist and the other hand caresses her cheek, pushing her hair back away from her face. She can feel Fiona breathing, feel her heart beating. She can feel Fiona's lips pressing against hers.
Ruth's legs feel like jelly, and she stumbles a little. But Fiona's hands are there, around her waist, steadying her, holding her up. She relaxes, and the kiss deepens, and Fiona is exploring her mouth. Ruth's fingers are stroking the feather soft skin at the back of Fiona's neck and Fiona's leg is pressing between hers.
Then Fiona steps away. It's much too fast, like a slap in the face. She leaves Ruth there, breathless and confused. She stares at the floor for a brief moment, before looking back to Ruth.
"I told you I was all action."
Then she's just gone. No longer there. And it's Ruth left standing in the bathroom, just a little off centre. It's Ruth running her fingers through her hair, again and again, wondering if the world is, indeed, falling apart.
It's Ruth who wonders what might have happened if she'd been the one to make the first move.