Author's Note: Soul mate connections are NOT all about roses and sunbeams all of the time! Sometimes, it can take you very dark places… when all you want is to heal. As my comp was still down, please excuse me if my quotes/excerpts are not exact because I was forced to go from memory and don't ACTUAL own them in the first place...

2000

Come Wake Me Up

Carly had waited until she was sure Sonny was asleep, before slipping out of the empty nursery, down the hall past his room, down that wretched staircase and out of the penthouse. She hurt everywhere, but nothing trumped the pain in her heart. Usually, she could push the heartaches down and pretend she didn't need him or miss him, but losing her precious little baby, thanks to her own reckless need to stick it to AJ instead of just walking away, she just could hide from all the pain and self-loathing. There was only one way to fix it and it had nothing to do with grief sex or too much alcohol. He was more addictive than ANY of her self-destructions—and more effective at silencing her demons.

Silently, she slid by an understanding Johnny and opened the door to what was left of her only hope for a moment's peace and the sleep which currently eluded her.

"Jason," Carly whispered desperately, closing the door behind her.

I can usually drink you right off of my mind,
but I miss you tonight.
I can normally push you right out of my heart,
but I'm too tired to fight.

Yeah, the whole thing begins,
and I let you sink into my vein.
and I feel the pain like it's new.

Jason threw bottle number four—no, fifteen or so, at the wall for the satisfaction of seeing and hearing it shatter. Usually, he'd found the combination soothing as it mirrored his life without Carly and Michael now. It was usually a great distraction from the raging pain of everything he'd lost, but for some reason, tonight was different. He couldn't find peace or oblivion in the bottom of an endless supply of bottles.

Or maybe he did know. He felt her stronger than he had in months, and it was a pain more vivid than any other. He could feel that she was. Everything inside of him wanted so desperately to answer her siren song. To run to her side, heal her broken her heart and soothe her jagged places. But he couldn't be the savior when he didn't feel whole himself.

And to think, he'd never felt so close to being whole as he did when they were a family… and almost more. Now, more than the ache of that loss was the tearing agony of knowing that the woman he loved with all he was hurt so deeply and he had no way to fix it. So he did all he could and prayed for this nightmare to end for both of them.

Everything that we were,
everything that you said,
everything I did, and that I couldn't do
plays through
tonight.

Tonight your memory
burns like a fire.
With every word
it grows higher and higher.
I can't get over it.
I just can't put out this love.

I just sit in these flames
and pray that you'll come back.
Close my eyes tightly,
hold on and hope that I'm dreaming.
Come wake me up.

Caressing her empty womb, Carly slowly walked around the penthouse. Memories assaulted her and at first she welcomed them as bittersweet until the acrid taste of loss outweighed the sweet.

Just inside the door by his desk, she paused…

"I don't know if I'm getting smarter, but I just realized I shouldn't be here." She started to leave, but his arm was suddenly there stopping her and pulling her into his embrace.

"You know how to put rings on, Carly." Jason watched her with a bemused, teasing expression almost daring her to risk rejection and be bold.

"Just—you wouldn't understand. Could you just put them on me, please?"

He accepted the proffered box and removed the rings. Silently, he took her hand and their eyes met. The moment took on an intensity like no other in her life. As he stared into her eyes while slipping on the rings, she could almost hear his voice speaking vows and swearing his undying love. And then it was over.

She pushed away bodily and paced behind the couch. But the memories had begun and were not letting go.

They stood bantering about her diamonds a moment longer. "I have to go so I can get ready for tonight."

As she moved to leave, they shared a smile. With their eyes locked, he tilted his cheek to welcome her peck. Her lips tingled as if they had truly been kissed.

Carly slammed her fists down on the back of the couch and stared desperately around looking for some respite... from the past she missed and the future she'd destroyed.

Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice,
but I can't forget.
Now I'm all out of ideas.
And, baby, I'm down to my last cigarette

Yeah, you're probably asleep,
deep inside of your dreams,
while I'm sitting here crying and trying to sleep.

Jason banged his head with his fists as the last memory tore at his heart and made the self-hatred bubble up. She had been there in his bedroom offering him everything and he'd thrown it away—and for what? Fear and pride? Well, now, he had nothing to help him through this vicious night when he could have had his family. He wondered where she was and what had caused this hurt. She should be round with Sonny's child by now—a sight he couldn't yet handle because he KNEW it should be his…

He blasted the volume on the TV as loud as he could get it, hoping to drown out the images & sounds in his heads. He was tormented with all the memories of all the words—said and unsaid, the kisses, the touches, the looks, and those rings… He just couldn't help but wonder if her hands had grown too swollen for her to wear them just yet. He didn't know what he would do if he ever saw her without his rings.

He rolled on his side where he'd ended after the last bout of sleepless tossing and turning to grab the pack of cigarettes off the bedside table. It was a horrible self-destructive habit that he had once explained to Michael was just stupid, but that fit the broken man he'd become without them all too well. One left, he thought and had to fight the tears at yet another disappointment on a night when he needed any solace he could find.

Yeah, wherever you are,
baby, now I am sure
you've moved on and aren't thinking twice
about me and you
tonight.

I know that you're movin' on.
I know I should give you up,
but I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love.

Cuz I'm feeling everything.
Baby, this pain is worse than it ever was.

I know that you can't hear me,
but ,baby, I need you to save me tonight.

Carly curled on the couch, twisting her beloved rings as tears finally broke free and the image of Jason kneeling before her as he tended her scratches faded from her mind. She knew she was supposed to be moving on with Sonny and letting Jason go, but all she wanted was just one of their moments back—one more chance to prove to him all that they could be if she have gotten ONE thing right or done a SINGLE thing different SOMEWHERE along the way.

But Jason didn't do regrets and she knew he was trying to move on and she should let those crazy dreams go so he could at least come back. But the idea of giving up on Jason was as foreign as giving up on her babies. She just didn't know how.

"Higher, harder, faster, farther—that's our motto."

God, she missed Jason. He would know how to help her deal with losing the baby. He would grieve because he loved him, too, but he would get her through it. She was strong with him in ways she could never be alone. She closed her eyes and prayed that all the tears she was shedding were not in vain and would at least bring her oblivion. She hoped that he would appear like magic the way he did the night she married his brother. But she knew that was just dream that would not come true.

Tonight your memory
burns like a fire.
With every word
it grows higher and higher.
I can't get over it.
I just can't put out this love.

I just sit in these flames
and pray that you'll come back.
Close my eyes tightly,
hold on and hope that I'm dreaming.
Come wake me up.

Jason's eyes burned as his body began to finally wear down. He knew that sleep must be catching up with her because he finally thought maybe just maybe he might sleep. But even if he did morning would come and his nightmare would start all over. His family was gone—lost to the man who was supposed to be his best friend.

While Jason Morgan had never regretted anything before her, he regretted two things now more than he could have ever believed possible. The first was that he never took her hand when she offered it, and the second—was that the memories that would continue to haunt his dreams were just that. Memories. Morning meant waking up to the nightmare his life was now for another day of torment.

Tonight your memory
burns like a fire.
With every word
it grows higher and higher.
I can't get over it.
I just can't put out this love.

I just sit in these flames
and pray that you'll come back.
Close my eyes tightly,
hold on and hope that I'm dreaming.
Come wake me up.

Oh, I'm dreaming.
Come wake me up.
Oh, I'm dreaming.
~Wake Me Up, Rascal Flatts