Disclaimer: I do not own Love Live!
There's something wrong with me...
For these past few weeks, I hardly looked a particular someone right in the face. Every time our eyes meet accidentally, I could feel my cheeks soon heated on its own. Every time she talked to me, my heart started to pump faster, making blood rushed to my face. I even now aware of every voice and every move she made. Even her tiniest breath could somehow find its way to my ears. In addition, thanks to that, I had trouble focusing on practice, leads to her scolding me more often than usual. And it brought its own problems. I would spend some extra time after practice with her, which make matters worse.
The already empty clubroom somehow had its own weird atmosphere. It's not as if I've never been left alone with anyone else before. However to be alone with her out of all other members is just... onerous.
"Maki, I believe this part over here needs a little adjustment. I hope you are free after this so we can discuss this matter." While pointing to the notebook lying before us, Umi shifted her brown eyes from the paper to my own violet.
Having our eyes met in this close proximity is a bad influence on my heart. It's starting to pound really hard under my chest. Afraid that Umi could hear it, I shifted my chair further while trying to look anywhere but her face. I could feel the uninvited heat started to invade my cheeks.
"I-it's not like I have another plan. I-I guess I could take a look at it..." I replied while twirling the edge of my scarlet hair, trying my hardest to act normal, despite the jumbled emotions I feel. Although I still couldn't look her in the eye.
"Since the school's music room already locked, may I come over to your house?"
It took me two minutes to actually swallow what she said. I hurriedly stood up from my chair, making it fell in the process. The sound of iron meeting with the floor accompanies my answer.
"B-buueehh?!"
I don't know when was the start of all this. What I do know is that this is getting worse each day...
Maybe it all started way back before I joined µ's. It's true that it was Honoka who gave me the first push. Nevertheless, what moved me the most was the beautiful lyrics that she wrote. It made me believe in music, in my dream... in myself for once more. She reached out for me, dragging me out of my cage. Although she was in no better condition than me, she tried her best chasing her own dream, and live up to her family expectations. She was someone who I really admire. I keep convincing myself, that what I feel for her was just a mere admiration. And with each denial I made, this feeling started to change into something else...
I never notice that the way home was this long. Walking side by side with someone you've tried to avoid sure is an arduous task. All that restless night finally had a toll on me. With each step I took, my feet feel heavier. I'm torn. Between wanting this to end and last longer at the same time. I tried to keep our distance as far as possible, but Umi keeps closing the gap. This is awkward, absurd. To not be able to speak to one of my friends, there must be something wrong with me. I'm not acting like myself. And I hate it.
"You know, lately you have been spacing out a lot." Umi walked closer to my side. She faces me and continues her talk. "Even in dance practice, you hardly synchronize with everyone."
To my surprise, she quickened her steps and stopped right in front of me. In that instant, my body doesn't know how to react.
"Is there something bothering your mind?" There was worried in her voice.
For the first time in forever, I saw her beautiful brown eyes. All I could tell that, it was filled with concern. She locked her eyes with mine, as if trying to find an answer in it. Of course, I couldn't maintain our locked gaze. I couldn't guarantee my own consciousness will survive if I looked into her clear eyes any longer. I shifted my eyes and tightened the grip on my bag.
"I-it's nothing. I just lack of sleep."
Because I couldn't stop thinking about you...
I cleared my throat, hoping that she would satisfied with my answer. Waiting for a response, what I received was far more beyond my guess. I could feel a light pat on my head. Surprised, I lift my face to look at her.
"Please take a good care of yourself more, Maki. It will be a problem if you are sick. Of course, I will be sad as well." Umi smiled sincerely.
The evening sky was a mystery of colors. Red, pink, purple, orange, yellow, and brown all mixed together to create a perfect landscape that accompanies the sunset. However, Umi's smile right now, is more mysterious than any of the evening sky I've ever seen. It made me feel all sorts of emotions at the same time. It made my chest ache. Nevertheless, it made me really happy. Too happy that it made my blood rushed over to my cheeks, dying it red. Too happy that I wanted to cry. And at the same time, it made me sad. Because I know, she's only doing this because I'm her junior. Because I'm one of the members of µ's. Because she only sees me as one of her friends.
Honestly, I've had a few clues about this strange behavior of mine. I just don't want to admit it, so I let my stubbornness took over...
With this new feeling blooming inside of me, I continued to pretend that nothing is wrong. Eventually, my stubbornness lost. I would find myself staring at her long, enchanting blue-hair if I happened to see her on my way to school. I would find myself spacing out, thinking about her shyness yet strict personality. And the intensity becomes more frequent. Even at night, I find it hard for me to sleep because her stern, beautiful voice keep ringing in my head. The worst part was practice time. Being in the same space with her was simply suffocating. I couldn't think of anything else except her. It drives me crazy.
"Wait here for a bit."
As I said, I left Umi alone in the piano room and walked straight to my room. After I set aside my bag and take off my blazer, I head to the kitchen to prepare a tea and some snacks. Right before I entered the piano room, I took a deep breath. I have to act normal. I don't want Umi to feel suspicious. When I entered the room, I could see her sitting gracefully in the sofa, scribbling something on her notebook. And just by that, I was once again captivated by her. All those effort to act normal I gathered earlier vanished. My heart started to beat uncontrollably again. The thought of facing her is... frightening. I shook my head and trying to collect every bit of courage I could find inside of me.
"I'm sorry, did you wait long?" I announce my presence with my voice. Her eyes that focused on the paper previously, find its way to look at my violet orbs.
"Not at all." She let out a smile. The same smile that always manages to make my heart ache.
"Are you okay with tea?" I put the trays on the table and poured her some tea.
"I'm fine. Thank you." She nodded slowly.
After she sips the tea, I sat in another sofa across from her.
"So, which part that needs a little adjustment?" I crossed both my legs and my arms.
"This part over here. The syllable didn't match with the tone. We can either change the word or the note." Umi moved her notebook so that I could see it from my position.
After quite some time of discussion, we finally agreed on something. I decided to try it out, so I moved to the piano and the key's cover. I put Umi's notebook on the music rack, next to my music sheet. When I was about to touch the keys, Umi suddenly sat on space left on the stool next to me.
"U-Umi?!" I jumped a little from my seat. My jaw dropped and my body stiffened.
"I also wanted to try it. May I sing along with you?" She looked at me. Eyes full with hopes.
I let out a sigh. Looking at her like this, of course I couldn't say no.
"Suit yourself..." I muttered slowly, already tired of all the unexpected things happened today.
Therefore, I start playing. Really, even though I said she can do whatever she want, having our hands bumps every now and then was terrible. In a good way. Or not. It made me hard to concentrate. Moreover, from this distance I could smell her sweet fragrance, which started to make my vision blurred. With great effort, I manage to finish the song. Finally, it was time for her to go home and that would be the end of the torture I received. I walked her to the front door. Before she left, she turned once more to look at me. I knew it. The torture hasn't ended. When our eyes meet, she gave me a smile that I didn't count how many times.
"W-what it is?" My bad habit returns. My cheeks flared on its own, turning itself as red as a tomato.
"I just wanted to thank you for today." She halts a second to walk closer. "Maki, your face is really red right now. Are you sure you are alright?" Umi placed her hand on my forehead. Her cold and slightly coarse hand, making my body goes numb.
By her concerned expression, my heart ached once again. I have to remind myself that all her kindness to me was because I'm her friend. No more and no less. But if I took two or even one more of this, I knew I'll break.
"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me." I took her hand that was resting on my forehead, down. After I convince her second times, she finally stepped back.
"Well then, I shouldn't keep you any longer. Good night, Maki. Please have a good rest tonight. See you tomorrow." Umi waved slowly and started to walk away.
As her back starting to get smaller, all I could do is watch you as you go, away from my grasp.
You know Umi; I think I might've fallen for you.
Even though I know we're both girls, even though I know this is wrong, I couldn't stop myself for falling even more.
It's your fault. Why do you have to be so kind?
Umi... I wanted to look more at your smile, I wanted to feel more of your touch.
I want you all to myself.
Hey, Umi... this prayer is a sin... isn't it?