Disconnected

Naoto breaks up Kanji during winter and he doesn't take it well.

Kanji's POV

"I can't be with you anymore, I'm sorry but it's over."

Those words echoed in my head. It literally crushed me. Not being with the greatest female detective of Inaba- I couldn't imagine it. But there was no imagining anything when it was happening right before my eyes.

"I thought this would work out but-"

I was a lost for words, I was desperate to hear what she had to say next. She paused, looking down at her shoes and then back at me.

"I-I don't see how this could ever work honestly. With my job, school-"

"You don't have to lie." I suddenly spoke up, I found myself fighting back tears. Just when I got comfortable with our relationship and a bomb is dropped on us. Deep down, I knew it wasn't because of how busy she was. We always made time for one another, that was never a problem.

"Huh?"

"I know why you want to end it." I sighed, finally finding the words I wanted to say. I knew there was nothing I could do, but it felt better just letting it out.

"Please inform me."

I could tell she was trying her best to keep her composure, she was a pro at that. That made everything hurt more. She was best at hiding her real feelings and wearing a mask

"You have feelings for someone else. Why don't you admit it? What the hell's wrong with you?" I shouted, I wanted to stop but I found myself saying what I really wanted to say. If this really was the end of us, I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt.

"K-Kanji-kun. . ."

"No wonder you've been so distant lately. Just say it already, will ya?!" I regretted that right after I said it. I was so frustrated with everything that I screwed up big time. The problem is when you really care and love someone, you can't let them go easy and you do what you can to get them back.

She didn't say anything, her mouth askew. She didn't want to look at me. Looks like I just made things worse. At the same time, I wanted to hold her. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me but there was something telling me not to. Naoto is so direct and whenever she makes a decision, she sticks by it, no matter how tough or hard it is. That's why I knew when she said it's over, it really is.

"Why did you even agree to be with me? I can't believe you're just going to leave. And I don't give me that crap about still being friends. I ain't going to hear it. I don't think I can be your friend again, n-not after everything we've been through." I was so frustrated, this wasn't something I could take lightly. I couldn't bear to be without her.

I looked back at her face, she was fighting back tears. It's like she couldn't speak. She didn't know what to say to me because she knew there was nothing to make this better.

"I'm sorry." she said unexpectedly.

"Don't be. I just want to know why you changed your mind. We've been through so much together, I finall felt happy with myself because of you."

I wasn't lying, she always made me feel better about myself when I was feeling down or angry with the world. She helped me overcome my fear of women, she taught me how to take better care of myself. That's something I didn't think I could do. Sure my other friends helped with that but not like she did, Naoto was something special. I knew I would never meet someone like her again. She wasn't the average teenage girl. She was someone I knew I couldn't be without. Having to lose that, would be one of the hardest things I've had to face yet.

"Kanji-kun, I-I've realized that I can't be with you because I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't regret being with you. You've helped me with so much as well. But you need to respect my decision, I'm not changing my mind. I understand if you don't want to see me anymore." she looked up at me with her beautiful sapphire eyes. I could see it in her eyes- that pain she always had trouble talking about. They were quivering right before me. And of all the times I've been with Naoto, I can say that this is the most fragile I've ever seen her.

"Alright, I got it." I didn't dare look at her. I wasn't going to let her see me like this, in one of my weakest moments.

"I have to go. There's somewhere I have to be."

Without even looking at her, I knew she was crying. I could hear that her voice was becoming shaky yet still keeping equanimity. If it was this painful for her, why the hell did she leave me like this?

"Yeah alright, good. I don't want to see you anyway."

I never should have said that. The truth was, I wanted to be her friend even though I knew it would be painful. I still wanted to be with her and the gang and just hang out like we always do. But I knew that wouldn't be possible, not for a while any way.

We both went our separate ways, she seemed to walk with ease when I looked back at her. But I was a crumbling mess. My whole body shook and my head was in a daze. The hot tears came pouring down and I couldn't stop them. I quickly wiped my eyes with the scarf on my neck, but that didn't keep my eyes dry for long. I tried walking faster and I hoped that no one I knew saw me. Hell, I didn't want anyone to see me like this but it would be terrible if one of my friends saw me like this. They would think I'm being a baby about all this.

The cold air was actually comforting, I felt like that's where I belonged. In the cold, alone.

As I walked off, I could hear Yu Narukami's voice- my senpai, the one who always wins, comforting Naoto in the frosty distance.

I turned back, I wanted so badly to yell or say just whatever I was feeling. But in that moment, I honestly had no words. I knew I was jealous, I knew I was angry- but there was nothing to say. I had lost and that was the only way of putting it. It was over like she said. There's nothing that could be done and I was forced to accept that. I still found myself shaking nonetheless. I don't understand how the hell I was going to get through this.

I wanted to comfort her, but there was nothing I could do. There he was, holding her close. I swear, I felt like punching him. But I knew that wasn't me anymore, I would never resort to violence. I couldn't hurt him, he was one of my best friends. Well not anymore, but that's besides the point. There was no way that I would go back to that side of me.

I knew that's who she started developing feelings for. She would always get a certain look in her eye when he made her blush or feel embarrassed, and she just started acting different around him for the last couple of months. So maybe I shouldn't be as shocked as I was but. . . I'm just pissed off at how I made myself so vulnerable to her. It was too painful to see them together like that. I don't think there's any word to describe that kind of pain.

As I kept walking, all that could be heard was Naoto's sniffling and Yu's soothing voice, and the sound of my hollow heart beating.