"I'm genderfluid"
Sherlock Holmes stood in front of his mirror, looking into the startling blue eyes of his reflection. He was dressed in a lilac button up and tighter-than-usual dark jeans with artful tears. Male today, yes, but definitely feeling feminine.
He was practicing.
Sherlock had been dating John Watson for four months. At 20 years old, and with John and 22, the two Uni students had a lot of life left to live, and as far as Sherlock was concerned, he intended to live it with John. But would John feel the same way after he revealed that last, crucial fact about himself? That some days he was Sara, a young woman of 20 with an affinity for eyeliner and sundresses.
Sherlock was built well for being genderfluid. He was lithe, with a feminine frame and finely carved features, his high cheekbones accentuating his ethereally beautiful face. When he made an effort, he passed reasonably well. But today, Sara was not present.
"I'm genderfluid"
Sherlock repeated it again and again, trying to come to grips with the fact that he could no longer bear hiding this from John.
John was coming over to watch a movie and would be there any moment. Sherlock took several deep breaths and turned to head toward the kitchen. The popcorn had just finished when John used his key to get in, lightly tapping the doorframe as he entered.
"Sherlock?" He called, looking around before he smelled the popcorn and headed for the kitchen.
Sherlock was tense all night, and John noticed. He was worried. Was the tall young man planning on breaking up with him? Was there an issue? Was he making him uncomfortable?
Finally John tugged Sherlock down so that he was sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. John sat cross legged on the couch behind him and began to rub the taller man's shoulders, humming softly.
"You know Sherlock, I was thinking-"
"I'm genderfluid."
Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. Sherlock closed his eyes, it had come out without meaning to, it had come out before he was ready and oh John had gone so still.
"What's that?"
Sherlock blew out a breath and got to his feet and beginning to pace. "To be genderfluid is to feel some days that you are male, and other days that you are female. Some days I prefer wearing slacks and a suit jacket, and others…" he swallowed hard "I prefer dresses or female blouses. I like how it looks, and I like to be called female pronouns and be called Sara" He bit his lip, turning to face John, who was slightly slack jawed. He cleared his throat.
"You're both a man…and a woman? Like a cross dresser?"
"No!" Sherlock said hastily "No no no" He began to pace again "I am never both. That is known as Androgyny, or being gender-neutral. Typically those pronouns are "they, them, theirs", but it varies. Cross-dressers are those who still identify as one gender but dress as the opposite sex or in neutral clothing. But I…I am genderfluid and I haven't come out to anyone but you. Some days I am male and some days I am female and th-that doesn't make me a freak!" He said the last word in a constricted voice.
"Sherlock!" John jumped to his feet and caught him by the shoulders, stopping his pacing "I love you"
Sherlock went very still and looked down at him.
"You aren't a freak, you aren't Sherlock Holmes, and don't ever let me hear you say that again!" John shook his head "Sherlock, this is just a new part of you, Sara is a part of you that I don't know, though I've probably known that side of you without realizing because you said you were closeted right?"
Sherlock nodded slowly.
"I'm sure you look absolutely beautiful in a dress" John smiled softly "It might take me a little while to understand, but I will always strive to make you comfortable. Just tell me when and I swear I'll call you Sara and by female pronouns and everything! Because I love you Sherlock Holmes, and I wouldn't change a thing about you!"
Sherlock felt tears welling in his eyes and swayed slightly on the spot. John caught him by the waist and pulled him into his arms, and Sherlock buried his face into the crook of John's neck and they stayed there for a long, long while.
"I love you too."
It was the next day, and Sara was nervous. She had just made the final adjustments to her outfit. She'd pulled out her secret box of female clothing and taken a dress with padding sewn into the chest from the back of the closet, slipping it on along with a pair of flats. She pulled on a cardigan, applied eyeliner, and took a deep breath.
"Ready?" She called from behind her bedroom door.
"Ready!" John called from the sitting room.
Sara emerged slowly, biting her lip as she stepped into view.
John sucked in a breath and then his face relaxed in a smile.
"Sara…" he said softly "You look beautiful"