The woods are quiet. The only sound is from my breathing,and even that sound is faint. My bow is slung over my shoulder,my quiver between my shoulder blades. I'm sitting under a tree,and I hear something rustle in the branches overhead. I look up slowly. About 10 feet up,is a squirrel. I shift to my knees,so that I'm looking up into the tree. I take my bow from my shoulder,and pull an arrow from my quiver,and nock the arrow.
As I pull the arrow back to my ear,I pause for a moment. I haven't even used my bow,or any bow for that matter,since the war. I keep the arrow where it is,but still don't release it. Will I be able to do this? I shake my head to clear it. I've shot Coin,Marvel,an innocent woman in her own home,and countless others. Surely I can shoot a squirrel.
But after a minute and still having not released the arrow,I realize that the answer is that I can't. I sigh and loosen my arm,then return the arrow to my quiver. The war has been over for almost 8 months now. How am I unable to do this? I sit down heavily and put my head in my hands. Suddenly I get the urge to cry. I haven't cried since the day Peeta got back from the Capitol and I found him planting those primr-...flowers. Suddenly my thoughts veer towards the on person I've been trying to think about the least,which I haven't been doing successfully. Peeta.
When he first got back we never saw each other very much. He would sometimes come and eat breakfast with Sae and I before he would go off to the bakery and make bread for the people returning to District 12. And that was it. But about a month or two ago,when the nightmares have started getting worse and worse and my screams got louder and louder,he began sleeping with me. Really that's all it was. Sleeping.
We still wake from our nightmares the same way. I wake up thrashing around and screaming,desperately trying to fend off whatever my nightmares have conjured that night,and Peeta still wakes up paralyzed from fear. recommended to Peeta and me that we try talking about our nightmares so that we can understand them,like trying to read a very confusing book.
Patterns emerged in Peeta's nightmares and my own. My nightmares are different every night. One night I'll be running from evil lizard mutts and the next I'll be running towards Finnick and Prim and Rue and Mags and my father,who are all waving and happy,and a bomb will go off. Then I'll be attempting to save them,even though they are bleeding and missing body parts. But Peeta's nightmares are always the same,only with slight variations. Whenever I ask him what it was,he always answers with "I had lost you." and then he would complicate from there.
Neither of us sleep very much,so we go about with bags under our eyes and yawns in our throats. But we've both been refused sleeping pills,since is scared of us having a habit forming drug in our extremely unstable hands. However,we do get extremely small doses of morphling,but they don't come very often. So we use it sparingly.
For a while when Peeta and I would sleep,we slept on opposite edges of the bed,not touching. But after a few weeks,I woke up screaming from an awful nightmare. My screaming and thrashing woke up Peeta and when he saw the condition I was in,he abandoned all of his thoughts that he might hurt me and pulled me to his chest. Once I finally calmed down,he had moved back over to his side of the bed,I had reached out a hand and whispered, "Peeta,you can sleep next to me if you want..." my voice had petered out and I dropped my hand,looking down. He looked back at me and whispered "Okay." and from that night on,we've slept the same way. We need this for each other,whether it's to fight off the nightmares or to fill the empty spaces in our hearts.
Sighing,I stand up and start to walk back towards the fence,but stop when I realize I don't want to return home empty handed again. I stop to pick some herbs and some berries,then head back towards the district. When I get back,I stop by the butchers to get some meat for dinner. I start the walk towards the Victor's Village,game bag in hand. By the time I get home,I realize that the sun is on the verge of setting,and I realize I've been out longer than I thought. I walk in the door,depositing my bow,quiver,and jacket next to the door. I look at the clock. 5:23. Peeta will be home soon. I walk into the kitchen and dump the contents of my bag on the counter.
Looking at my herbs and venison steaks,I decide on making something simple. I pull out a frying pan and set it on the stove. I rub the spices into the meat and dump them unceremoniously into the pan,where they start sizzling. While that cooks I decide to make the berries into some kind of fruit salad,since all I need to do for a fruit salad is dump everything in a bowl.
While I'm standing in front of the stove,I hear the door open and Peeta walks in. He walks in and looks delighted by what he sees. After setting his things down,he walks behind me and rests his hands on my shoulders. I tense up,but relax when he leans in closer and wraps his arms around my waist. The scent of the bakery lingers on his skin,and it smells faintly of cinnamon. It wraps around me and embraces me as his arms do. He presses a kiss to the top of my head and goes off to help make the fruit salad.
By the time we are done,the kitchen smells like fruits and cinnamon. We sit down to eat. Its better than I expected it to be. The kitchen is quiet,except for Buttercup,who sits on the ground,meowing.
Once we have finished eating,its around 5:30. we decide to work on the book. We're working on Foxface's page,when the TV turns on suddenly. We both jump up,and look around,expecting someone to enter the room. Suddenly I laugh,when I see that it was Buttercup,who stepped on the remote. It starts off a small chuckle,then grows into a loud giggle,then soon its a deep belly laugh,that consumes me and fills me with mirth. Peeta looks at me,dumbfounded,then he starts laughing too.
Soon,both of us are laying on the floor,tears streaming down our cheeks. Peeta is clutching his sides,and I'm trying to catch my breath. Once we both have calmed down,I turn off the TV and go to sit on the couch. Peeta sets the book and his pencils on the table,then sits beside me. The warm food and laughter have made me content and sleepy,so I pull my feet up and rest my head on his shoulder. He puts his arm around me,and we sit that way for a while.
"I miss her."I whisper suddenly. I don't remember deciding to say that. It just came out. Peeta sighs and pulls me closer.
"I know you do. I miss her too."he whispers back. He rubs my arms and I look up at him.
"I'm scared,Peeta."I say,looking up into his eyes. He looks at me with a cocked eyebrow,asking me to explain. "I'm scared that its not going to get better. What if I never stop missing her?" he sighs and thinks for a moment before answering.
"Things are going to get better Katniss."he states simply,and he kisses my cheek. I look at him,not knowing how he is so sure of himself.
"How do you know it will get better Peeta?"I ask,looking up into his tired blue eyes. He sighs again,and looks at me,before kissing my lips gently.
"It's going to get better,"he tells me,"because I'm going to make it that way."with that he pulls me to his chest,where my head rests over his heart. I start to drift off to sleep,but I catch his last words before I drift off to sleep. "I promise."he whispers.