'Forever'

Spike/Angel

Spoilers: All of AtS.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Joss Whedon

G

"So you're just gonna leave. Again." It was more a statement than a question. Angel's face told all Spike needed to know. His sire was leaving. Again. What had he done wrong?

"Spike," Angel sighed as if in annoyance, but inside his heart was clenching at the thought of never seeing the man in front of him again. But he knew what he had to do. He knew what was best for Spike.

He took in the sight of the blond vampire. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, his legs spread apart in a pose of aggression, lips curled into a sneer. He was a picture of anger and bitterness, but his eyes betrayed him. Angel could easily see the hurt, desperation, and love in them, and he wanted nothing more than to pull Spike into his arms and hold him forever.

Forever.

That word brought reality back to Angel. That word was the reason why he was leaving. They didn't have forever, not anymore. Spike was so fragile now it scared him. He tried rationalizing it like he did with Buffy; that Spike deserved a normal life. But in the end, he had to admit to himself that he just couldn't bear the thought of one day seeing Spike being stolen away from him by death.

Steeling himself, Angel spoke again, "Look, I have to go. The sun will be up soon and I don't want to be stuck here longer than I have to."

Angel turned to go, but Spike's hand shot out to grab his arm, forcing him to turn towards Spike again.

"Just answer me this, Angel. Did you ever love me?" Spike's voice was a little more than a whisper, his tone pained and desperate. Angel wanted to scream that yes, of course he did, but he needed Spike to move on. The silence following Spike's question finally seemed to break him as tears ran down his face. Angel wanted to stake himself for causing the man he loved so much pain.

Swallowing hard, Angel replied in a cold voice, "No. I didn't."

He didn't want to see the look on Spike's face, but he felt he deserved it. He deserved to see how he had broken the heart of the most important person in his life, to see the devastation. When Spike finally let go of his arm and looked down in defeat, Angel turned and left, desperately grasping onto the idea that he had done the right thing.

The End.