If you've made it past the crappy title and summary, you are a greater
person then I. So I have had no reason to be optimistic about M&L lately,
and have grown increasingly frustrated. So I decided it was time to write
the inevitable…but you know me, I'm sure in the end there will be some nice
genuine M/L chemistry. *Snorts* and I'm the queen of Sheba. Also, I am
working on the next chapter of "My Heart Will Never Know" and "Can't Afford
To Miss", it's just that my muse Naomi(wonderful and talented-not sure why
she spends her time wasting it on me), won't let me focus on one project
for long periods of time. And sadly, my uploaded stories are the inspired
ones.
Disclaimer:
Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine have I mentioned it's not mine? Don't sue or I'll sue you back for emotional damages. :D
The song is also not mine, it belongs to whoever owns the copyrights. Damn them to hell, sometimes I think they plot to write songs that make me cry and get stuck in my head. Oh well, it's "Could It Be Any Harder" by The Calling. If you haven't heard it, listen to it, it's very M&L. then again, for me everything is M/L…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Max, I really have to talk to you. Can you come over? Please." Max somehow knew should would have felt better about what Logan was saying if she couldn't hear the early morning sounds of Asha moving around the kitchen in the background. She wasn't jealous yet, but she was getting there. If only the virus hadn't happened, if only it was some horrid nightmare she could rouse from and find herself in Logan's arms as the sunrise played shadows across his face. But "if only"s were pointless, all they did was bring some false hope. And she had had enough of that. The "cure", the blasted cure she had hung her dreams had only dashed them by a mutation.
"Sure." She said with more conviction then she felt. The last time she had seen him, when he brought her home after the incident at Harbor Lights Hospital, she had grown apprehensive of what he would say. She knew he loved her, not by the three little words he said as he walked away from the car that morning, but from the way he was always there to support her. Lately she had felt like that support was gone. And for the first time in her life, she was walking without a safety net to catch her. Recently she had realized that Logan was reaching his end. Nobody could give endlessly, even a man like him. So her hands were shaking as she ran a brush through her hair.
She couldn't lose him, but she had no idea what she could do. She could kill him with a brief moment of contact. She would have to sit there by his side as he slowly died, slipping into delirium near the end. She couldn't think about that, wouldn't think about it. They would weather this, stick it out till the end. She didn't want to think of any other possibilities, especially ones that involved Asha, who seemed to be hanging around more and more. Attack when the prey is vulnerable, a tactic she had been taught in Manticore. And Ms. Save the World was using it to her advantage very nicely.
~*~*~
Logan quietly moved around the penthouse, unconsciously straightening the mess. It had been a busy time for Eyes Only lately, and he hadn't even thought about talking to Max. She was never far from his thoughts though, there was always some painful reminder waiting to spring. He wasn't sure what he'd say to Max when she dropped by later, but he knew what he had to do, despite what his heart was crying for.
"Hey," he heard a quiet voice say behind him. He turned, avoiding her gaze. He didn't need to see her face when he told her. He wasn't sure he could do it.
"I've…I've been thinking."
"Oh no, don't hurt yourself," she teased, but her voice let him know her response was automatic.
"So… how is everything?" Stupid Cale, just brilliant. She was shot in the stomach, how do you think she is? He thought to himself.
"Okay." And as an afterthought. "I've been missing you."
"This time last year you wanted nothing to do with Eyes Only and now you miss it?" The words flowed out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider the consequences.
"Well Joshua just can't make chicken the way you do." For a moment a sense of normalcy filled the air, the familiar sensation of security that had been in their relationship for so long that it was taken for granted. But it was gone so quickly that Logan found himself doubting it had been there at all.
"I can't do this anymore," they said simultaneously, neither meeting the others' eyes. Well at least we both see it, Logan thought quietly, over the sound of his breaking heart. The pain was real, not some emotional angst, but a real, deep-in-the-chest, can't-breathe ache that threatened to destroy what little life he had in him.
"Max, I've tried everything I know, and all I've gotten is pain. I can only stand so much, I wish it was more. I never thought we'd come to this. We can't go on the way things are right now. I'll always be here for you if you need me, but I can't act like this isn't killing me more swiftly then any virus. If you ever figure out what you want or need anything, you know where to find me." The words sounded foreign to him, like somebody else was saying them and all he was doing was providing a passage for them to be spoken from.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I never should have acted this way. I've been so focused on myself since I got out, I didn't even think about how you've felt. I guess I didn't want to." Max knew that she couldn't make it better and decided to leave before she hurt him more. It was the least she could do for him.
~*~*~
Logan slowly nursed a scotch. It was early afternoon and he was already drinking. The Cale Curse, he thought bitterly. For once he was exactly like his father, and his father before him. It seemed every generation of the Cales had no successful love life. He had thought he had gotten off easy, between the engagement thing with Daphne and the divorce with Valerie. After them he had survived, lost his faith a little, but he was always okay. Now he realized he carried a greater burden then most, the love was neither unrequited or dead, but living in the same city, going the same places, and he knew that he would catch of glimpse of her some days, turning the corner, walking out the door. Real or imagined, he knew he'd spot her. and the pain would rise up, threatening to destroy him again. Although he had grown used to it, he had put up with it while Max was in Manticore. One time he even caught up, scared the poor woman out of her wits.
He hated what he had done, but he knew it was what was best for her. No use letting her life be spend pining for something that may never happen. He remembered a line his mother used to say, before the accident. "Love is like a butterfly. It will stay if it wants to, but if you try to hold it in captivity, it will die. If it's true, releasing it is the best thing you can do." At the time he wondered what she meant, but he knew now. It was cheesy, but true. The silence hat filled the penthouse seemed louder then any noise he had ever heard. He slowly moved towards the radio, and turned it on. He didn't know or care what was on, as long as it didn't leave him with the stillness. But as the final notes of a popular hiphop song were replaced by the haunting melody of a song that he recognized from his awkward teenage yearsn he wished he hadn't.
You left me with
Goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep
I don't deserve
Well, you were always
Invincible in my eyes
The only thing
Against us now is time
Could it be any harder
To say goodbye?
And without you
Could it be any harder
To watch you go?
To face what's true
If I only had one more day
Fade away
Fade away
Fade away
(Ah-huh)
I lie down and
Blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope
Is what I'm needing
And how I wish that
I could turn back the hours
But I know
I just don't have the power
Could it be any harder
To say goodbye?
Without you?
Could it be any harder
To watch you go?
To face what's true?
If I only had one more day
Well, I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close
To your every word
As if it's your last
I know it's your last
'Cause today, oh
You're gone
Could it be any harder?
Fade away
Fade away
Fade away
(Ah-huh)
Could it be any harder?
Fade away
Fade away
Fade away
(Ah-huh)
Could it be any harder?
To live my life without you?
Could it be any harder?
I'm all alone
I'm all alone
Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
They stick to me forever, baby
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again
With life in your hands
It couldn't be any harder
~*~*~*~*~*~
This story has a life of it's own, and the next chapter is almost done. Of course, as usual, you have to review to get it if you want it. I have the great advantage that I can finish a story to make me happy and just not post it f I don't get reviews. I swear the next chapter is actually better (hard job, right). It is a M/L fic, just because I can't write anything else. So please review, I hate to be a bitch, but I won't upload chapter 2 until I get *thinks* 15 reviews. Sadly, I don't expect to get that many, but it's so hard to click the little button, right.
Disclaimer:
Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine have I mentioned it's not mine? Don't sue or I'll sue you back for emotional damages. :D
The song is also not mine, it belongs to whoever owns the copyrights. Damn them to hell, sometimes I think they plot to write songs that make me cry and get stuck in my head. Oh well, it's "Could It Be Any Harder" by The Calling. If you haven't heard it, listen to it, it's very M&L. then again, for me everything is M/L…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Max, I really have to talk to you. Can you come over? Please." Max somehow knew should would have felt better about what Logan was saying if she couldn't hear the early morning sounds of Asha moving around the kitchen in the background. She wasn't jealous yet, but she was getting there. If only the virus hadn't happened, if only it was some horrid nightmare she could rouse from and find herself in Logan's arms as the sunrise played shadows across his face. But "if only"s were pointless, all they did was bring some false hope. And she had had enough of that. The "cure", the blasted cure she had hung her dreams had only dashed them by a mutation.
"Sure." She said with more conviction then she felt. The last time she had seen him, when he brought her home after the incident at Harbor Lights Hospital, she had grown apprehensive of what he would say. She knew he loved her, not by the three little words he said as he walked away from the car that morning, but from the way he was always there to support her. Lately she had felt like that support was gone. And for the first time in her life, she was walking without a safety net to catch her. Recently she had realized that Logan was reaching his end. Nobody could give endlessly, even a man like him. So her hands were shaking as she ran a brush through her hair.
She couldn't lose him, but she had no idea what she could do. She could kill him with a brief moment of contact. She would have to sit there by his side as he slowly died, slipping into delirium near the end. She couldn't think about that, wouldn't think about it. They would weather this, stick it out till the end. She didn't want to think of any other possibilities, especially ones that involved Asha, who seemed to be hanging around more and more. Attack when the prey is vulnerable, a tactic she had been taught in Manticore. And Ms. Save the World was using it to her advantage very nicely.
~*~*~
Logan quietly moved around the penthouse, unconsciously straightening the mess. It had been a busy time for Eyes Only lately, and he hadn't even thought about talking to Max. She was never far from his thoughts though, there was always some painful reminder waiting to spring. He wasn't sure what he'd say to Max when she dropped by later, but he knew what he had to do, despite what his heart was crying for.
"Hey," he heard a quiet voice say behind him. He turned, avoiding her gaze. He didn't need to see her face when he told her. He wasn't sure he could do it.
"I've…I've been thinking."
"Oh no, don't hurt yourself," she teased, but her voice let him know her response was automatic.
"So… how is everything?" Stupid Cale, just brilliant. She was shot in the stomach, how do you think she is? He thought to himself.
"Okay." And as an afterthought. "I've been missing you."
"This time last year you wanted nothing to do with Eyes Only and now you miss it?" The words flowed out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider the consequences.
"Well Joshua just can't make chicken the way you do." For a moment a sense of normalcy filled the air, the familiar sensation of security that had been in their relationship for so long that it was taken for granted. But it was gone so quickly that Logan found himself doubting it had been there at all.
"I can't do this anymore," they said simultaneously, neither meeting the others' eyes. Well at least we both see it, Logan thought quietly, over the sound of his breaking heart. The pain was real, not some emotional angst, but a real, deep-in-the-chest, can't-breathe ache that threatened to destroy what little life he had in him.
"Max, I've tried everything I know, and all I've gotten is pain. I can only stand so much, I wish it was more. I never thought we'd come to this. We can't go on the way things are right now. I'll always be here for you if you need me, but I can't act like this isn't killing me more swiftly then any virus. If you ever figure out what you want or need anything, you know where to find me." The words sounded foreign to him, like somebody else was saying them and all he was doing was providing a passage for them to be spoken from.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I never should have acted this way. I've been so focused on myself since I got out, I didn't even think about how you've felt. I guess I didn't want to." Max knew that she couldn't make it better and decided to leave before she hurt him more. It was the least she could do for him.
~*~*~
Logan slowly nursed a scotch. It was early afternoon and he was already drinking. The Cale Curse, he thought bitterly. For once he was exactly like his father, and his father before him. It seemed every generation of the Cales had no successful love life. He had thought he had gotten off easy, between the engagement thing with Daphne and the divorce with Valerie. After them he had survived, lost his faith a little, but he was always okay. Now he realized he carried a greater burden then most, the love was neither unrequited or dead, but living in the same city, going the same places, and he knew that he would catch of glimpse of her some days, turning the corner, walking out the door. Real or imagined, he knew he'd spot her. and the pain would rise up, threatening to destroy him again. Although he had grown used to it, he had put up with it while Max was in Manticore. One time he even caught up, scared the poor woman out of her wits.
He hated what he had done, but he knew it was what was best for her. No use letting her life be spend pining for something that may never happen. He remembered a line his mother used to say, before the accident. "Love is like a butterfly. It will stay if it wants to, but if you try to hold it in captivity, it will die. If it's true, releasing it is the best thing you can do." At the time he wondered what she meant, but he knew now. It was cheesy, but true. The silence hat filled the penthouse seemed louder then any noise he had ever heard. He slowly moved towards the radio, and turned it on. He didn't know or care what was on, as long as it didn't leave him with the stillness. But as the final notes of a popular hiphop song were replaced by the haunting melody of a song that he recognized from his awkward teenage yearsn he wished he hadn't.
You left me with
Goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep
I don't deserve
Well, you were always
Invincible in my eyes
The only thing
Against us now is time
Could it be any harder
To say goodbye?
And without you
Could it be any harder
To watch you go?
To face what's true
If I only had one more day
Fade away
Fade away
Fade away
(Ah-huh)
I lie down and
Blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope
Is what I'm needing
And how I wish that
I could turn back the hours
But I know
I just don't have the power
Could it be any harder
To say goodbye?
Without you?
Could it be any harder
To watch you go?
To face what's true?
If I only had one more day
Well, I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close
To your every word
As if it's your last
I know it's your last
'Cause today, oh
You're gone
Could it be any harder?
Fade away
Fade away
Fade away
(Ah-huh)
Could it be any harder?
Fade away
Fade away
Fade away
(Ah-huh)
Could it be any harder?
To live my life without you?
Could it be any harder?
I'm all alone
I'm all alone
Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
They stick to me forever, baby
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again
With life in your hands
It couldn't be any harder
~*~*~*~*~*~
This story has a life of it's own, and the next chapter is almost done. Of course, as usual, you have to review to get it if you want it. I have the great advantage that I can finish a story to make me happy and just not post it f I don't get reviews. I swear the next chapter is actually better (hard job, right). It is a M/L fic, just because I can't write anything else. So please review, I hate to be a bitch, but I won't upload chapter 2 until I get *thinks* 15 reviews. Sadly, I don't expect to get that many, but it's so hard to click the little button, right.