A/N: This is the sequel to a short fiction I wrote (I will find you). It is definitely necessary to read that one to understand this one.
Summary: Spike's corporeal again (5th Season Angel…) and he's found Buffy. Sure, he didn't make the best reappearance, but all Buffy can say is that she will remember his exit forever.
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As if in slow motion, Buffy stepped backwards, towards her room, pulling lightly on his hand. When they reached the doorway, she looked up into his eyes.
His head tilted and he gazed past the invisible barrier into the room.
They stood at the doorway for an eternity. Spike looked into her room, and she looked into his eyes. She didn't know what her hesitancy was about. She had mourned him. It was over and done with. Inviting him in should be like pushing Andrew out. But it wasn't.
She breathed in and slowly let go of his hand. And just like that the warmth she had felt was gone. The feeling she so desperately craved… was gone.
She looked away from his warm blue gaze, to the ground, trying to decide what to do. Whatever she chose to do at this very moment, was deciding her future. Whether or not it was with or without Spike.
She longed for it to be with him. She had been longing for it to be with him since the destroying of the Sunnydale Hellmouth. Hell, since he had gotten his soul!
Her eyes slowly traveled back up to his, connecting slowly. His head was leaned casually to the side; his lips parted softly, a look of confusion taking root to his features.
She looked once more from Spike to the door before smiling softly and shutting it.
"How about a cappuccino?" she asked, reaching for his hand again and leading him to the stairwell.
Disappointment flashed through his eyes as he understood, but he nodded just the same, glancing away. "Sure…" he whispered softly, following her down the stairs and out the front door of the apartment block.
She stopped outside Suzie's. It was a small café, hidden away in an alley. She used to come here a lot before her counseling. She had only stopped because… well actually… Buffy screwed her face up into a frown, wrinkling her nose. She didn't even know why she had stopped coming here.
She opened the door for Spike, following him inside and sitting in a huge round chair next to him, tucking her feet up with her.
"Why… didn't you…" she frowned and blinked a few times. "Why didn't you call… or write… writing is good. I… would have like to… have… known… you know? I would have… god Spike. I told you I loved you and you saved the world... the world! And… and… and… you didn't believe me… or… something… and—"
"Buffy…" he muttered, in attempt to interrupt her.
"You just went on. All heroic and that," she put on a deep voice and imitated him, "And then! 'No you don't, but thanks for sayin' it.' Who the hell do you think you are – 'I wanna see how it ends,' you think I didn't hear that? You want to be human and have little Buffy's and little Spike's running around. You don't wanna—"
"Buffy…" he tried, raising his eyebrows.
"See how it ends. I wanted to show you! Show you that I love you! Which may I add, if I didn't then, I sure as hell do now. I mean. Look at me!"
She stopped and tilted her head at him. Gazing at him gently she opened her mouth and whispered to him. "I love you."
Spike glanced away, looking up at one of the waiters and nodding at the special board. The waited smiled widely and nodded, writing it down.
"Spike?" her voice shook.
"Buffy… you don't—"
"I do!"
"You don't!" he repeated. "What you're feeling is bloody infatuation! It's passion, it's lust but it's not— oh bollocks," he muttered, eyes snapping upwards to see her. "Look… Summers… Slayer… Buffy… you're… everything. You were here, waiting for me… I know it… I want it… more than anything… And the whole time I was in L –bloody – A, I was thinking about you. As soon as I was all corporeal-like, I pranced off to Europe to find you, just to hear you say it again.
"Hell, I can't stand not hearing it. I want to hear you say it over and over. 'I'm in love with you Spike', 'I'm infatuated with you Spike', 'I love you, Spike.'" He chuckled and grinned up at her. "I wish it… because I love you… and this is all comin' out wrong. I was supposed to… I don't know… not? Not be arrogant or forward and let you figure out what you want…
"Let you… I really don't know… decide? Yeah… decide. I want you to … decide…" he said, punctuating it with a tilt of his head, and a soft smile floating over his face.
She looked down then back up at him. "Thank you…" she mumbled, before turning her gaze away again.
She swallowed and blinked a few times. "Uh…" she took a deep breath and shook her head to clear her thoughts. "How? How are you… back? What brought you back?"
Spike shrugged. "Wolfram and Hart from what I can gather. I was all ghost-like when I came back. Fred… wonderful bird that she is, tried to make me all solid again… but it didn't work out… then I got this… I don't know… package? In the mail. And I was… me again."
She smiled. "I'm glad you're here," she whispered to him. Suddenly the few inches between them seemed too far as she sat in her oversized chair.
She fiddled, putting her hands on her knees, in her lap, on the armrests of the chair and finally settling with them sitting uselessly beside her, clenched into fists.
"Buffy?" he mumbled, leaning forward in his chair, "Can I…" he trailed off. He shook his head and sat back. "Never mind."
"Hold me?" she asked, sliding off her chair and onto his, sitting in his lap with her feet tucked up and her head laying softly on his chest.
Spike sighed and wrapped his arms around her. "Exactly…"
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A/N: I didn't even know that I hadn't posted this one. I'm trying to set up a website for myself, but I can't seem to get a layout. I'm really sorry it took me this long to write. To apologize, I'm going to try and update all of me fics today.
