I should have seen it coming from the start, the moment I became a part of this family that has been marked with death from the very start, that this happiness we were given could be and would be taken away just as fast as it was given.
(and now all that's left is growing deep inside)
"I do."
I said those words as fast as I could, yearning to be his and his alone (to become a Winchester, even if it comes with ashes and blood), and from the beginning of this I knew one day I would be saying these words and never regretting them a damn bit.
"I do."
And he did the one thing the world thought he would never do, finally his eyes focused on one girl and I was lucky it was me, became a husband without a regret and with a smile.
"You may kiss the bride."
"Finally."
-
But now it's hard to think of the good times, the rings that still never leave our fingers (the one that would be buried deep), when all of it was crashing to the ground and I could do nothing to stop it.
"Dean!"
Hands pulled at me trying to keep me from the blood and guts that he had turned into (covering the little wife's eyes from seeing what will break her), going and doing the very thing we knew was coming from the first day.
(we should have braced ourselves for the world to finally strip away our bliss, and right now they did just that)
"No! Oh god, no!"
The only one I let all the way in (who slowly broke down the brick wall surrounding my heart), the one I had loved more then anyone in this whole goddamn world, was gone even as I held what was left of him in my arms.
"I love you, Dean, I love you so goddamn much!"
-
It's time to cry, to scream, to curse the gods, and most of all it's time to mourn my other half who I see, every moment I shut my eyes, burning in hellfire.
(and every time I pray to the angels, I don't know if they are truly real, to save his soul)
But instead of living out these days of tears and anger in peace, no demons knocking on my doors (and no brothers-in-law becoming just that), I'm hit with a tidal wave aimed for what's left of me.
"Son of a bitch, this is not happening, this can not be happening."
"Lois, what's wrong?"
Little brother who is now by my side for all of this, tears also falling from his eyes (and mouth stuck to way to many beer bottles) but still he pushes it all down to protect me.
(when really I should be the one protecting him, leading him into the light of day)
"Sam, oh god, I'm pregnant."
-
This horror story of ours (that is never going to end until we're all dead) was far from ending, nope, it was just beginning.
If enough wasn't going on (finding out you're mommy without daddy) in came the creatures of the night to do what their best at, ruin our lives with bloody hands and the need to take away everything we have left.
(they took away husband, the only one I had, and now they want baby)
"Bobby, we've had five attacks in one freaking day, what the hell is going on?"
"The only thing that makes sense (beside them hating your guts, but we know that one already) is that those sons of bitches are after Lois and the baby. This started after she found out and I have a feeling that it won't stop until they have her."
I was slowly becoming stronger (not letting this drag me down) at each word knowing that I had to be not just for me but for the baby that was growing deep inside, the one that would wear the name Winchester well.
(if only he has a chance to do so, if we can be strong enough to save the day and that I doubt very much)
"Then, Bobby, it won't end. Because those bastards won't get their hands on me or John."
"John? But you don't even know it's a boy."
"I know, I knew it from day one, Sammy."
-
"Lo, I have to ask you a favor, it's a big one and if you say no I'll understand. If I die-"
"Dean, that won't happen, please don't talk like that."
Even then I knew those words were meaningless death was a big part of our lives (ones we love and ones we try to save always faced death) and about to become even bigger, when it was his turn to face it.
(and this time he wasn't coming back, this time he was gone forever, or so I believed)
"No, I have to. It's about Sammy, dad wanted me to keep him on the right track, make sure he didn't turn evil. (because of the demon blood that he loves oh-so much) And if I don't make it, shh, I know someday I won't, Lo, I need to keep him save, both his body and his soul. Will you do that for me?"
"Of course, I would do anything for you, Dean, anything."
And because of that promise, the one that I will never break (or try my hardest to keep, for him, only him) even if it kills me, I spend my days looking after him (in between morning sickness, which is a bitch) and saving him from himself.
(and that is something I hope I can do, because it is going to be anything but easy)
-
While dealing with everything being thrown my way, I had no idea that my prayers (that we're said morning and night) at that very moment we're being answered by one of those angels I wasn't sure I believed in.
('Castiel, I'm an angel of the lord')
And that the white knight I was needing bad at this time was coming and coming soon and I had no idea that he was the one person I believed was buried six feet under, the one I couldn't live without and now wouldn't have to.
"Lois!"
With the breaking of soil and hands reaching for me (needing to hold me and say those words he never got to 'I love you'), this horror story finally got it's hero and his name was Dean freaking Winchester.