The song used in this chapter is "Latch" by Disclosure.
Asuka was in the darkness again. A dark filled with pulsing lights, heart pounding music, and the echoing chatter of strangers. They surrounded her, just like in the dreams, and threatened to consume her hole, leaving nothing but a speck behind. She had retreated to a somewhat quiet corner in the bar, and was already feeling the head swaying effects of whatever liquor the bartender served her. 'Something for the pain', she had told him.
Asuka thought of alcoholism as truly a disgusting behavior, but days into her recovery from the Eva 03 incident, when the pain was becoming too excruciating and the pills were no longer having the effects, she discovered that that transparent liquid was her way out. It was her way out of the nightmares and the nausea, out of the panic attacks and the cold sweats.
Not even NERV's best medicine and hospital care could save her from the pathetic limitations of the human body. And that's what she was at that point; she was no longer Captain Asuka Shikinami Langley, but just another body on the verge of...whatever it is that comes before death. Misato, Kaji, Rei, and even stupid Shinji were all there to give her their support, but she consistently rejected their presence in her hospital room. She couldn't even look at Ikari in the eyes; it wasn't worth her effort. If he had taken some action, any action against Unit 03, most likely the dummy plug didn't need to be used. But he decided to do nothing.
With Misato the issue was somewhat similar. She gets sent off to quarantine after almost being ripped apart and crushed to death, and Misato still encouraged the brat to keep on his idiotic ways, even if it meant the end of the world. What a goddamn stupid woman, Asuka thinks sourly from time to time. Misato always preferred Shinji. He was her real family. Asuka, well, was just an extra in the flow of things. So the German decided to deal with her problems on her own, just like she was trained to do.
Asuka's head got stone heavy by the time the liquor was nearing the bottom of the glass. She rubbed a temple as she tried to remember why she was here, in this downtown disco, in the first place. She looked over her shoulders, to a corner of the vast room, and spotted the NERV crew: Misato, Kaji, Ritsuko with a Maya close by, Aoba, Hyuga, Rei, Shinji, and the rest of the new recruits were all there, chatting away and looking as if they were having the time of their lives. Nothing stood out; what month was it? December? Most likely. She remembered seeing the word earlier that day on the fridge calendar. So she was at the pre-Christmas party.
A person joined the group late. Despite the darkness she could assemble the figure's height, pigtails, and red glasses. It was Mari Illustrious Makinami, her new combat partner. Asuka wasn't particularly fond of her; the girl was over-confident, boisterous, and just plain annoying, not what she had in mind for a life or death situation side kick. Oh, and she was British, just to make things more queer.
But putting idiosyncrasies aside, she had to recognize that Mari was the only one who stayed. The only one who was persistent enough to visit her at the hospital and talk about nonsensical stories or gossip about romances between the staff. Mari was the one who occasionally brought that damn tasteless tea to warm her up. Hang in there, Princess.
Asuka studied her with tired, foggy eyes; the foreigner was expressively talking about something with Sakura Suzuhara, whom in return was laughing and eagerly responding. Little did she know that a jealous Sumire Nagara was onlooking from the background. The whole scenario made her laugh; jealousy wasn't something she completely understood. Asuka returned to her yellow colored drink, unaware that Mari too was quietly looking at her, and frowned at the cold, watery feeling that crept up behind her eyes. She tried to swallow the pathetic emotions down, but there they were, coming out in the smallest tears. Oblivion entered in her mind. Or maybe it was loneliness. She couldn't quite tell, but both notions made her feel beyond sick. She could live by herself. She didn't need anyone. She didn't need friends or attention or fucking endearment or-
A crisp, cracking sound startled Asuka from her thoughts. The sharp pain of a glass pierced hand rung out to her like a mad scream, punishing her for letting such sentimentality get in her way. She let out an unperceived grunt as she curled her body and brought the bloody hand to her chest. Scheiße . Fucking shit.
Her frustration quickly turned into an inhuman rage she knew too well. Her hidden eye started to glow with the raw anger of an encaged animal. No, not here. Asuka cast a deathly grip on her eye patch as it all came tumbling down on her: the dizziness, the pain, the suffocating fury. Her body started to react against her; Asuka felt her neck painfully quiver with an invisible pressure, the muscles fibers in her arms seemed to break like tense cords flexed beyond their limits, her stomach cringed when something hot and viscous flipped inside it. A silent and pleading gasp jerked her shoulders backwards. It was mixing up with the music, the worthless laughter, the pathetic presence of Shinji, and the falling synch ratios in rapid, torturous flashes to the point that Asuka felt like passing out.
She could feel herself falling to the side when a small pressure on her clenched hand startled her from the swirling shock. The salty taste of sweat had pooled on her lips, and her heartbeat hurt such that it was hard to breathe. Asuka turned and found, astonishingly, Mari to be standing beside her with a worried look.
"Hey, whats wrong?" The girl asked genuinely, suddenly being drawn to something in the dark. She noticed Asuka's trembling hand and the glistening shards. The broken glass on the bar, the glowing eye, Asuka's shaky exterior, it all rounded up to another one of those mental contamination attacks Ritsuko had warned about. Maris features softened as she reached out to grab her partners hand. "Oh, Asuka."
"Don't touch me!" The German spat out on the verge of growling. The last thing she wanted was pity.
When the British came closer her pierced hand instinctively lashed out with the full intent of hurting the persistent threat, but Mari grabbed Asukas wrist with cold precision, strongly holding onto it despite the Germans struggle. Asuka tried to seize Maris dominating grasp, only to have her remaining free hand held down as well.
An icy glare from Asuka did nothing to agitate the otherwise serious Mari. When escape was out of the question she cast a downward gaze with a mumbled curse, feeling more tired than she should. She tried to breathe evenly as she felt her eye calming down and the rage subsiding into some hidden part of her.
"You done?"
When Mari got no answer she gently caressed the back of Asuka's palm and turned it over to reveal the bloody mess of glass.
"I said leave it. I'll take care of it at the hospital." Asuka said commandingly, swiping the sweat off her brow with shaky fingers.
"Yeah, and let it infest on the way there? You'd be wise to treat it now, Captain." Mari responded with the slightest hint of a tease.
"Tch."
Soft fingers lifted Asuka's chin as to level with Maris wide grin, "I'll be gentle", she said before finishing with a wink.
After cleaning the wound with water and getting somewhat of an approval from a disgruntled Asuka, Mari proceeded to carefully remove the shards of glass. Asuka considered her pain tolerance rather high, but the burning sting was still inevitable; luckily for her the pieces were large and few. A last coat of alcohol and fresh bandages that the British always had with her sealed the unfortunate event. Maris voice had returned to its naturally cheerful state. "All done, Princess. It shouldn't give any problems."
Asuka's head still felt heavy, but she focused on her fixed hand as it if was some part of her she couldn't recognize, as if it was the first time anyone had done anything for her, particularly because it was. The idea of being subject to someones care and attention scared her, but at the same time made her feel good in ways words couldn't describe. It just felt incredibly nice. A string of senseless words cut her focus. Mari was interrupting her again.
"What did you say?"
"I saaaaid, 'You wanna dance with me?' " The British teased with gleaming eyes.
"I think I'll pass." Asuka replied with a tired puff of air.
"Think of it as returning a favor for your hand."
Damn she's persistent. Asuka let out a weary sigh and glanced at the huge mass of turning bodies on the dance floor, thinking how horrible it would be to get in that ordeal. But on the other hand she had Mari, who could never receive 'no' for an answer. The sooner she did what Mari asked out of her the sooner she would be out of the way. One look at her partners light blue eyes was enough to receive the widest smile Asuka had ever seen as Mari gently took her by the hand to the center of the room.
The claustrophobic mess that was the dance floor made Asuka's throat feel as if it was filled with the thickest cement. Mari held her close to avoid the shoving from rude drunks, with little success. After what seemed a grueling minute they reached a somewhat comfortable spot with enough space for Asuka to take a breath.
"Sorry about that. I thought this would be your scene, you know? I've been told that Germans know how to party." Mari blatantly lied with an unrestrained smile.
"You're not as funny as you make yourself out to be, you know?" Asuka said between breaths, trying to find some strength as she shakily held onto one of her knees.
On the floor a pair of dark shoes stepper closer into Asukas view, tempting her to look up. She suddenly found herself being drawn into Mari by gentle, yet strong arms that wrapped themselves around her neck and shoulders. The disco lights changed color and turned the room a hellish red. Maris turquoise eyes stood out with a glossy hostility, like a snake who wanted to wrap around her prey just for the contact. Asuka tried to part from their hypnotizing gaze, but her willpower wasn't keen as of tonight. Then they disappeared.
"I'm not trying to be." The British whispered hotly in her partners ear. Mari stayed cheek to cheek with Asuka as she began to sway her body to the beat of the music. The song was heavy and fast, but she wanted to enjoy this tender moment with Asuka, even if it meant nothing in the long run.
Asuka, on the other hand, had never danced at a disco before and was holding onto Mari's sides for dear life. At first she was clumsy, with the alcohol still running in her system, but eventually she gathered enough footing to imitate Mari's changing movements with some form of success, in the way that two bodies touch each other briefly when dancing.
Both girls were quiet for a while, seemingly focused on enjoying the others embrace more so than maintaining the same rhythm. Mari spoke first, slow and gently so that every word would get through.
"Have you gotten used to living alone in the apartment? I've noticed you're eating less." Genuine concern laced Maris words, a rare sight Asuka never saw much of. Then again, it would help to stop avoiding Mari in the first place.
"I'm fine. I just...haven't been hungry lately."
"I know I'm not that good of a chef, but you can always come over and have dinner with me. I would love your company."
A thick uneasiness followed Mari's words, as if they were meant as a cruel and sadistic joke. But Asuka knew her partner enough to recognize the honesty behind the words, and the soft brush of fingers on the nape of her neck confirmed that the intent was just for her. I would love your company. Asuka didn't speak again. What was she supposed to say?
Mari expected the lack of an answer. But then the grip at her waist tightened and she knew. No one has ever opened up to her like this before. Mari chuckled and pressed her cheek harder against Asukas. They had begun to move harmoniously.
"You're getting the hang of it, Princess." Mari whispered into Asukas ear again, this time her voice coming out huskier than it normally would. She always got off testing her restless partners patience.
"Stop doing that." The other ordered with annoyance.
"Stop what?" Sarcasm rode along with the brunettes melodic accent.
"THAT. Stop talking into my ear. Its weird."
Clearly Asuka meant the opposite in Maris mind, so the latter disregarded the remark and pulled the redhead even closer, continuing the offense. "You would love doing it. Give it a try someday."
Asuka's face flustered. The unexpected pleasure that she got from having her hips pressed against Maris was very troubling. Sure, they were the two most dysfunctional partners in existence and the messed up, shaky connection that comes with that was present, but she didn't have it planned to feel physically attracted to Mari, or girls for that matter. It just happened, as if to enhance her joyous life even further. She couldn't stop herself from secretly observing Maris toned body in the showers, reveling in her rhythmic, often sensual voice, and god, loosing herself in Maris eyes for those rare and sparse seconds. How she would love to control them.
Asuka shut her eyes tight to try and banish the foolish thoughts, though she didn't have much time before Mari spoke again. "Don't worry, I'll lead." A new melodic song started to play; its soothing ambiance and hypnotic beat surrounded them both in a fragile shroud of affection.
"You lift my heart up
when the rest of me is down"
Mari pressed her hands onto the contour of Asuka's hips, gripping just enough to slightly manipulate them. She began to press against her partner with an obvious sensuality that wasn't there before. Asuka in return held onto Mari's neck for balance, embarrassingly trying to keep up with the new beat. Right, left, up, and down. It was all relatively easy; the problem was it felt too good.
Fuck. She placed her head on Mari's collar to ease her breathing, ignoring the fact that her brow was glistening with sweat again. Mari had her eyes closed, Asuka noticed. The thought of being subject to Mari's devote attention sparked something within her; it was a mix of both love and lust in which she couldn't distinguish one from the other, for she had never felt either one before.
You, you enchant me, even when you're not around
As the music progressed so did the friction between the two; Asuka warmed Maris neck with raspy pants as the taller of the two openly ground against the Germans body with enough pressure to make the her sigh out of pleasure.
"Asuka..." Mari whispered aimlessly into the others hair. She snuck a hand up Asuka's thin back and raised the girl to plant a wet kiss on her neck. Asuka tried to hide the whimper but Mari's lips effortlessly caught the vibrations. Maris head rose and swoon in place with Asukas, as if trying to find the right set of skin at the right angle.
If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down
I'm latching on babe, now I know what I have found
Shikinami felt Maris weight against her so strong that her presence was all she could bare to feel. The small details of Maris soft skin, her strong,musky scent, and hungry body formed an assimilating trance. The night, and the people inside the disco and the changing lights and the past pain of the shards in her hand. Everything led to her and encapsulation made each move more intense, every thrust more pleasurable then the one before. Mari's grip kept tightening until everything seemed to be speeding up to something. Asuka slightly frowned at that heavy chill creeping up in her lower feeling continued to rise and accumulate and crash into her until the song suddenly hit its culmination and she was swiftly raised to meet Mari's lips.
I feel we're close enough
I want to I lock in your love
She was so close. Even with shut eyes she could feel the faintest touch of her partners lips.
I think we're close enough
Could I lock in your love baby
All she had to do was close them around Mari's when, in a cruel twist of fate, the music suddenly ended. The distorted sound of the Djs voice filled the room as both Asuka and Mari softened their grips on each other and slowly opened their eyes. Whatever had achingly built up in her chest was exhaled with a bitter taste.
Asuka's marine blue orbs showed she still was recovering from the dancing frenzy, whilst Mari's displayed the same, if not something deeper than the obvious frustration, something that seemed dangerous and soul devouring and heartwarming at the same time. Could it be l-? Maris breathing was still quick when she smiled again. "Dont worry Asuka," she started, cradling one of the girls cheek in her palm. It's shaking, Asuka thought. "Next time you'll get the kiss from the Prince. I promise."
Asuka just looked down at Mari's black converse shoes. "Whatever."
"Hey common now, no need to be so gloomy.", Mari said, cocking her head to try and see past the red haired bangs. She was just about to lift Asuka's chin when an interesting sight caught her attention. "Misato?"
The twenty-something, purple haired woman walked up to them with the stride of a drunken horse, grinning about some hidden cause with a Kaji not too far behind. "I see someone lost the bet." Mari said to Misato while directing a hidden wink to Kaji. "Yeah, well, I'm not too daun because..." Misato paused, trying to regain her thoughts as she held onto Kajis shirt, "Ah, because Kaji here! thought I couldn't take the whole 7 shots!" She finished, raising only two fingers. "But you did Misato. I'm so proud of you." Asuka frowned at Mari for rewarding the woman's obviously defective behavior. Kaji smiled and secured Misato at his side, already heading out. "Well girls, see you tomorrow. I can't let Misato drive by her own tonight. Remember, lunch at Ritsukos."
"I'm glad we have NERV's Operation Captain as our guardian, don't you?" Mari said with a hearty laugh. Asuka didn't find it as amusing but she gave a nod anyways. "I guess."
The group slowly ended their slurred and overly-joyous conversations, said their goodbyes, and dissipated to their respectable homes. Asuka excused herself with the bartender for the broken cup and buttoned up her military coat with monotone precision. On the way out she saw the white puffs of heavy snowfall cover every road and tree. A figure at the door stood firmly with a pink umbrella. The person lifted it to reveal a wide smile. "Shall we go, Princess?"
"But don't you live on the other side of the district?"
"Of course I do. But I thought I would walk you home anyways, baka." For some reason, Asuka didn't mind Maris use of her words. Maybe she was just too tired to care. Maybe.
The two of them walked quietly through the park. The small crunches of stepped on snow turned into a hypnotic melody of sorts to Asuka, who had yet to feel some relief from the massive headache. The memories of the dance floor and Mari were still fresh and vivid, tumbling around inside Asuka's head; and yet everything seemed like a dream of pains and off-chance desires. It wasn't like Shikinami to give in to pleasure like that. It was all Makinamis fault.
Asuka almost slipped on a small patch of melted snow and cursed under her breath. Maris elbow bumped into her side. "Hey, hold on to me." The brunette urged eagerly. Asuka's first reaction would've been to fervently deny any notion of help. She was tipsy, not a damn cripple. But the remaining alcohol kicked in and tempted with crazy ideas.
Asuka, still looking ahead, wrapped a cautious hand around Maris arm and let it rest there. But her chest was aching for more, for that final piece of contact. Mari felt a head rest on her side and her heart swelled. She cast a tender smile and pulled her partner closer with the pure love one partner has for the other.
Asuka felt an inexplicable happiness. She couldn't find the word for it, but at that moment she knew she wasn't alone in the darkness.