(A/N: It has been a while since I have written FF of any type. This is my first venture into TOS land. This is just something silly. I don't use a beta so all errors are my own.)
Kirk
Dear Santa,
This year for Christmas I would like for Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy to stop their bickering especially when I find myself locked in a cell with them.
Spock
Dear Santa,
This year for Christmas I would like some ear plugs so the next time I am locked in a cell with McCoy I can stuff them in my ears.
McCoy
Dear Santa,
This year for Christmas I would like not to be locked in a cell with Spock with or without Jim.
Kirk
Dear Santa,
I would like to amend my request. Please do not allow me to be locked in a cell with them.
Spock
Dear Santa,
Logically I know you cannot prevent further incarcerations however please bring extra ear plugs as a precaution. And if you can please prevent Jim from being separated from us, it would be a great relief and give McCoy less to complain about.
McCoy
Dear Santa,
Should I find myself locked in said cell with or without Jim do you think it would be possible to let Spock have a "feeling" of concern?
Spock
Dear Santa,
Would you please remind the doctor that Vulcans do not have feelings?
McCoy
Dear Santa,
Sorry Santa, I stand corrected. Vulcans do not have feelings. You need a heart in order to have feelings. Do you think you could come up with a one of those?
Kirk
Dear Santa,
Would you please tell McCoy to stop being morbid?
McCoy
Dear Santa,
Would you remind the captain that he actually spends very little time locked up in said cell with me and Spock?
Kirk
Dear Santa,
Would you remind the doctor that I usually end up the worse for wear when I am removed from stated cell.
Spock
Dear Santa,
The captain is correct. He is often beaten or otherwise tortured while McCoy and I are kept in the cell. Perhaps Dr. McCoy should add a "memory" to his wish list.
Kirk
Dear Santa,
Would you please tell Spock I said thank you for coming to my defense.
McCoy
Dear Santa,
Being the ship's surgeon I am very acquainted with Kirk's "injuries". Maybe I should publish a journal article on the effects of lipstick and perfume poisoning on the human body when in deep space.
Spock
Dear Santa,
Would you remind the doctor of our captain's allergies? It is highly probable that during some of these torture sessions Captain Kirk could suffer anaphylactic shock. It is illogical for McCoy to dismiss this possibility.
Kirk
Dear Santa,
Please add tissues to my wish list. Some of the torture techniques do excite my allergies.
McCoy
Dear Santa,
Please add a pair of hip high boots to my wish list. It is really starting to get deep here in this hypothetical cell.
Spock
Dear Santa,
Why would Dr McCoy need hip high boots when his Star Fleet issued boots are more than adequate? The floor of this hypothetical cell is completely void of any matter or substance.
Kirk
Dear Santa,
PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS HYPOTHETICAL CELL!
McCoy
Dear Santa,
It sounds as if Captain Kirk is getting a little grumpy while locked in said cell. I am prescribing some anti-grouch pills to his wish list. And maybe a hypo of Valium to help him escape to his happy place.
Spock
Dear Santa,
Please remind the doctor that it is unethical to dispense medication without doing a through examination first.
McCoy
Dear Santa,
Would you kindly tell the Elf on the Shelf to mind his own business.
Kirk
Dear Santa,
Now who is the grumpy one?
Spock
Dear Santa,
Indeed.
Santa
Dear Kirk, Spock and McCoy,
Due to a malfunction in my warp drive (thankfully) I will not be able to visit your section of the galaxy this year. I will add your requests to my list for next Christmas. Have a very Merry Christmas.
Santa
P.S. A padded room may be a better alternative should you gentlemen find your self locked up again.
MERRY CHRISTMAS