Human AU: Jimmy Novak has a crush the size of Mount Doom on his older sister's fiancé.
Jimmy is tired. He is exhausted by his own thoughts, by trying to convince himself that he harbors no inappropriate feelings toward his sister's fiancé. Except, of course, he does. How could he not when confronted with such a perfect person? Were he to list all Sam's virtues, he wouldn't stop until his throat is raw and parched. The man is practically the embodiment of perfection.
His dreams are the worst. When Jimmy is awake, he can pretend that just a bare hint of a smile on Sam's face doesn't make his traitorous heart skip a beat, and that his breath doesn't catch upon hearing the rich sound of Sam's laughter. His dreams, though, are not only filled with longing and passion, they often consist of innocent scenes, like walking through a park with hands clasped tightly or choosing groceries for dinner, which is so much worse. Reality crushes him like an anvil upon awakening.
The situation is cruel. Jimmy must maintain an appropriately cheerful facade all the while feeling like his heart breaks into thousands jagged pieces. This is his sister's wedding, for God's sake! If nothing else, he must at least appear to be happy for her. And so he tries to act that way, plastic smile glued to his lips. Even if just seeing them together hurts like nothing he's ever felt: Sam embraces her, and Anna kisses him, hair glowing in the sunlight; they are looking at each other, caught in the moment, their world doesn't include nor wildly cheering crowd, nor the old priest, who watches them with an indulgent smile.
Jimmy doesn't want to be resentful. His love for Anna and this newfound envy of her that pulls his thoughts in an opposite — dangerous, dark — direction are constantly at war. It slowly kills him, driving him mad in the process.
Despite knowing it won't help — he's already tried to forget himself in an alcoholic haze, repeatedly — Jimmy desperately craves a drink; at least, hangover will make him miserable in a wholly different way. He doesn't know what else to do to stop the pain anyway. So for now he does nothing, just stands there, quietly watching them and pretending to be happy. Maybe later, back at the dorm, he will swallow too many sleeping pills.