Hi, everyone!! This is Fredslastangel, or killerofdreams, cuz I change my name so much. I have no idea where I got this from, but it's actually really dark...I am so mean, my God. Well, this is a songfic, and the song I used is 'THE FATAL BELEIVER' by Dir En Grey, and if you didn't know that it's a J-Rock band, so I put the translated english lyrics in parentheses next to the japanese lyrics. Also, if it seems kinda off-track at somepoint, I wrote this in like, 3 days cuz I had other things to do, so I apologize.
I hope you like it!
~Sarah
Warning: shounen-ai (boy3), self destructive behavior, suicide
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Dir En Grey. I'm just a contestant in life and give them my money cuz their shit is awesome.
mieteirukai? fukidashita shikkoku no daichi (Can you see it? The jet-black earth gushed)
waitedeta kijou, gizen, saikou daro? (The false evidence of hoiling out, hypocrisy, isn't it beautiful?)
I look on blankly as I trace the marks on my skin, the kunai barely cutting flesh. The blood is so beautiful...tantalyzing...entrancing...murdering...I feel so disgusting yet I cannot look away from the sight. Maybe now he'll look at me. Maybe now he'll notice that I'm slowly breaking without him. My facade is fading away quickly, and this is the only thing I can do to keep what little sanity I had.
The blood red gushed forward, reminding me of what I failure I am, tainting my tan skin a bronze color. My blue eyes are clouded over with something...lust...anything, I don't know what it was. All I know is that I feel nothing and see nothing beyond the red.
I AM A LIAR, A HYPOCRITE.
I've been tainted - You are stunning and I just want you
Tell me what I am to you. To me, you are the purest thing I have ever been graced with meeting. Pale skin matched with bluish-black hair, coal eyes that flashed red when angered, a cold voice, and a strong being.
I am weak. You can stand alone, but all I did, and now want to do, is to cling to you. I know I am only a hinderance.
The blade slashes deeper, and I find myself smiling for real. Not one that is big or overly-toothy, but just small and serene. Maybe I'm going insane.
yaketsuite hanarenai (It's branded and it won't let go)
sou sa koko ni fukaku fukaku omoku (That's right, right here, deep down and heavy)
Kill myself
Slowly I start to etch his name, wanting to make the pain last. Finally feeling alive, the sharp tool brands one letter of your name into my skin.
'S'. Sinful, sensual, and everything else that you are. That letter alone expresses so much of your being.
If you can't tell, then you're a hypocrite too, so die!!
Kill them all with the crazy hammer
And destroy their thought
Get hysterical
Do you see me now??? I'm sitting here, waiting for you to come back. Nobody beleives me when I say that I see you sometimes, on my skin, in my reflection. They think I'm crazy. They all want me to stop looking for you - that you don't want to be saved and that I'm a fool.
'A'. I'll remain a fool if it's going to bring you back. I'll do anything for you, anything you want! Just come back! Please!
shinka wa taika ni oborete (Evolution drowns in degeneration)
kanashii hodo jounetsu ga ima kuruisou (It's sad, but my desires are about to go crazy)
I need you so much! I miss you! I can't imagine life without you! Sakura, Sai, Yamato-taichou, Kakashi-sensei...none of them compare to you! Never!
'S.' 'U'. I will remain yours forever. So please...please, just come back.
Please grant me my small wish
hone no zui made aishite kure (Love me to the marrow of my bones)
'K'. My eyes are now blurry, and it's hard to see. My breath quickens and I feel tears stain my face. My body is numb and I can't feel anything anymore, not really. The only exception is the slight pain from your name.
You bring me pain, but I don't mind. As long as you love me, everything is okay. Right???
I've been tainted - You are stunning and I just want you
Now, laugh
It's okay. Laugh at me if you want. Slap me if you want, hurt me, abuse me, just come back home! I don't care what you do to me, just come back. Please...
'E'.
yaketsuite hanarenai (It's branded and it won't let go)
sousa koko ni fukaku fukaku omoku (That's right, right here, deep down and heavy)
Kill myself
wasure wa shinai kara (I will never forget)
Kill them all with the crazy hammer
And destroy their thought
Get hysterical
I smile softly to myself as the final letter of your name is etched into my putrid being. If only you can see me now.
I am yours, and you can use me however you like. I will die for you.
Or maybe I already have.
'Sasuke...'