Nightmares of a Thousand Faces
a oneshot for the Assimilation Trials' Wishlist Wonderland Christmas bonus.
Written by: Paulina.
Gifted to: Ivy.
My eyelids flutter although I don't want them to open, alerting me that my brain is creeping back into consciousness. It feels like just a minute ago I had lain down in my bed ready to sleep, and now it seems I have to face the new day with only 5 hours of rest under my belt. Reluctantly, I finally gather the strength of will to open them to find I'm not where I had last been. Once in a peaceful room, I'm now in a chaotic wasteland scarred with the markings of war. It can't be. I look about, my breath hitching, my feet swaying lightly as many of my kind which now are dead run about me away from the echoes of robotic death which fill the air. I am not supposed to be here, in the frontlines of battle; I refused the offer to become a soldier. Why am I not in my lab, fixing the TARDIS fuel cell's recharge? Why do I have to stare at the bodies of my people fall under the beams of the Daleks?
I back away, missing a beam directed at me by a millimeter, and start to run as I've always done. I'm no soldier, I'm no hero. All I can do is study and create, not destroy. Strangely, the chaos which surrounds me seems surreal and separate from me, as if I were watching a movie of sorts. The city which I once loved starts to crumble as the base of the buildings are torn apart; the smoke fills and burns my lungs, making me cough and slow down. Breathing becomes harder the more oxygen I need, and I am forced to my knees with a sickening crunch as I see a skull beneath their surface. I scream, back away, and realize that my hands are shining golden. Am I dying? Time Lord Soldiers run past me, ignoring me. I am indispensable, one more of millions fighting against the machines shouting a chorus of death threats in the air along with shouts of pain from the men and women sinking to the floor like I. I'll regenerate and I'll be all right, I know, so I don't panic. That is how it works. I let the process do it's magic as I try not to be stepped on and try not to step on anyone either.
Exterminate! I hear something say behind me as my gaze begins to dim and a burning sensation covers all my skin simultaneously which causes me to groan in pain as I turn and barely see the outline of a red Dalek pointing an object at me. The sound of a laser fills my ears, and I feel my head fall back as my abdomen burns. All is dark for what seems only a blink, for when I raise my head I notice I am definitely not dead although I should be. If shot while regenerating, a Time Lord dies. Seems to be not, for I stand amongst the Counsel in perfect condition who stare at me with stern and unfeeling eyes. I know, even though they haven't told me, why I'm there. War is coming, they boom, and every soldier is crucial. Regenerate and participate freely, or we'll do it for you.
No, is all I answer, terrified of the thought of killing – even if it was Daleks – and staring at the fallen soldiers around me knowing I might be one of them at any point. I had lost my twin and my younger sibling to war; I won't willingly become another of the many that had died to join them. Upon answering, the Council's faces contort to grimaces which show all emotions except repent, and one of the Time Lords signals with a hand. Another person walks in, holding a whip, and approaches me. We'll do it for you. As the man forces me to my knees, all I can feel is blinding flashes of pain, like lightning bolts hitting the ground with a loud boom and then disappearing, and all I can hear is the crack of the whip as it breaks the sound barrier repeatedly. We'll do it for you. The faces I can see although muddled past the red of my fury and my blood look pleased more than anything as my body recognizes imminent death and starts to glow.
Another flash and another yell follow subsequently in order like dominoes falling. The man gains speed, reducing the breaks between blows and increasing the intensity of both. I can see clearly the gold though my vision is fading, my fingers thinning, my body changing, and I can't help but scowl as I groan – the process of regeneration just increasing the sharpness of the hits. We did it for you.
I open my eyes unwillingly, afraid of what else I am to witness and feel, to see I am in a peaceful setting much like I'm supposed to be, although this is outside. I am in a street, sitting while holding on to my knees on the sidewalk by a bush. I look at myself and see I'm nothing more than a child now, and the sweet and clean air tells me that this is not Gallifrey – it must be Earth. Why I am here, out of all places in the middle of the night, I am not sure, but I'm glad that at least I am away from war. It is all much too scarring. Looking about the serene and empty street lit by the moonlight, I see the sign at the end nearby which reads 10 Downing. The name seems familiar although I'm not sure why. The wind carries whispers of a song and blow coolly around me, and crickets make such noise near my ears I do not notice the man that walked into the street until I see him. He looks exactly as I recall him, with his kind figure which looks like it was built to embrace. I had missed him, Dr. Wing.
Of course, something else comes to accompany us both, but neither of us notices. I am too busy standing up, and he is too busy walking home for us to realize we are not alone. Suddenly, as I rise to my full height (which isn't impressive at all, to my dismay) and I prepare to walk towards the man who had cared for me like a father, I see something I later realize is a Slitheen jumps in front of him, and rids Dr. Wing of life efficiently. NO! I scream as I run to stop it, but find myself in the same serene and quiet scene, across the street, and the carcass of my guardian at my feet. I try to prevent my breath from speeding up as tears gather and I sink to kneel, taking his freezing body and holding it close. NO! I complain with tears spilling, but no one listens. The one light in the sidewalk flickers, which tells me that I should probably run as I always do, but this time I find myself unable to. I can't leave Dr. Wing, not like this. Footsteps approach from behind, and my heart stops, my eyes staring in shock at the blood which had spilt unto my hands. No, no, no, no, no, NO!
I rise in bed, finally in my time, sweating and crying and breathing in gasps. I look around with adrenaline and fear flowing freely through my veins, and feel little relief in seeing I'm in my bedroom, where none of my nightmares and ghosts can touch and harm me. I'm still very shaky, I realize, but as I try to calm down I see that I just am unable to. All my senses are heightened as my flight-or-fight mechanism goes haywire; all except ones, it seems, for I don't realize someone climbed into the bed until he wrapped his arms around me. Fearing the worst upon feeling someone holding me, I turn but see it's someone I know. I think. My mind doesn't really make the connection in the heat of the moment, so I just turn and stare at the door of my room, my heart and breathing pattern still working at a pretty fast pace. Shush, I hear who I suppose is the person in my bed says soothingly, it's all right. You're safe now. It was just a nightmare, he tells me in a steady beat over and over like a mantra; he seemed to hope that if he said it enough it would come true. I close my eyes, slowly getting my breathing to match his words until I am inhaling and exhaling at a regular pace again, and that is when I realize who it is who's helping me. Those arms, those can only belong to my best friend.
Vassa, I say with what I fear is a shaky voice, thank you.
Jay, he responds, no need to thank me. I'm always here, and I always will be.
That's what I'm counting on. Only you can bring me back from the nightmares of my thousand faces which chase me at night.
He sighs, and I lean my head unto his shoulder. I'll bring you back until you can no longer leave, don't worry.
Comforted and relaxed, I feel my muscles release their tension in his embrace. I know I am safe.
In Vassa's arms, in my best friend's arms, I'll always be safe.