A/N: This is a story I wrote for one of my best friends as her graduation present. She was the one who got me into Doctor Who and made me the crazy obsessed fan that I am now. And because of her, I was also crazy enough to start writing fan fiction, and this is the first one I've written. Thank you, Hannah! :)
"I have always loved you, and I always will."
Rose almost couldn't believe her ears. The Doctor had always shown affection toward her in other things he had said and done, but this was the first verbal confirmation. Clone or not, he was surely the Doctor, the man she loved.
She looked up into his eyes, full of love. And for once, Rose knew it was all for her. She reached for his shirt collar, tugged him forward, and kissed him. After a moment she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held her in a tight embrace, pressing her close to him. She could feel his single heart drumming at a rapid pace, almost matching her own frantic heartbeat.
The kiss seemed to be suspended in time. The beach disappeared; the wind, the waves, the blue sky. If they had been standing on a cloud, Rose wouldn't have noticed. Nothing could ruin the perfect moment...
Creak.
In one moment, Rose's delusion shattered. With a gasp, she broke away from the Meta-Crisis Doctor and spun around. The TARDIS made its distinguishable transporting sound, and began to fade. Rose ran after it, but it was too late. In another second, the TARDIS was gone.
She bit her lip and tried to take steady breaths, but nothing could shut out the cruel reality now. One tear tracked down her cheek, and then another. A hand grasped hers in a tight hold, and Rose looked up to lock gazes with the Doctor...but he wasn't her Doctor.
Rose looked back to where the TARDIS had been, willing it to somehow reappear. "He didn't even say goodbye," she murmured to herself. "After all we've been through..."
"I'm here." The Meta-Crisis Doctor pressed her hand.
Rose squeezed her eyes shut. It was too much; he looked the same, talked the same, acted the same...but he wasn't the Doctor. He could never be the Doctor. "It's not the same." She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but it came out in an accusing tone. "You're not him."
"Rose," he said in an even tone, "look at me."
She obeyed and looked straight into his timeless eyes. She could see the same passion that had driven him to travel the universe for his whole life. She could still see the sadness of hundreds of years past; everything he had lost, all the dear costs he had paid.
But it was all a lie. The emotions, however real they seemed, were only cheap copies of the originals. The Doctor would always be the Doctor, and he was far away in another universe by now.
After a minute, Rose looked down. Tears welled up in her eyes again. "You can never be him."
July 2008
Rose's eyelids fluttered open, and memories presented themselves in her mind as a jumbled mess. She had really crossed over into the universe, believing that she and the Doctor would go back to their old life of traveling and just being with each other. Then he had left her with nothing but a copy of himself, a living and breathing mockery of the life she had almost had.
Her heart sank. In the midst of sleep it had all been just a dream, the promise that it would fade as soon as she awoke easing her heart. Now her mind confirmed that it had all happened, that her life had been ruined yet again by the same man.
Rose rolled over in her bed, stretching out her arms and legs. On the small table beside her sat a clear vase filled with an array of different flowers, their pleasant aroma making her smile. It reminded her of the time the Doctor had brought her to a planet that was completely covered with fields of flowers, and he had picked a bouquet for fun and kept it in the TARDIS for the longest time...
She sighed. How long could she live like this? Every memory was poison, sucking a little more happiness out of her life every time. And now that the Meta-Crisis Doctor was stuck here with her, the poison would only become more potent. She thought she had healed from the first time the Doctor had left her, but now every old wound was left open and exposed.
A knock sounded on Rose's door. "Come in," she said with a yawn.
The door opened a small crack, and the Meta-Crisis Doctor's head poked in, his hair in disarray. He looked at her, smiled, and then pushed open the door. A long tray covered with various food items, as well as a mug with a spoon sticking out from the top, was spread across his arms. He wore long, blue pyjamas which Rose knew belonged to her dad. She couldn't help but smile and even let out a short giggle.
"What?" he asked as he stepped forward and sat on the edge of the bed.
"I'm not used to seeing you in different clothes."
"Well, I'm human now. Have to dress in human clothes and do normal human things..." He spread out his arms, gesturing to the tray on his lap with a large grin still spread on his face. "Like make breakfast."
Rose sat up and stretched, wishing he would leave. She still had to decide what she was going to say to him; he couldn't stay. It was too painful. But he had done nothing wrong; he had been created on accident with no say in the matter.
In that moment's decision, Rose decided to play along for the time being. She had gone through too much pain in the past two days to be able to cope with hurting the Meta-Crisis Doctor. Even if he wasn't the real Doctor, he was too much like him.
"Look at you, being human. I didn't think it was possible," said Rose with a smile. She rubbed her eyes, clearing away the last blurriness of sleep, and yawned again. Her mind replayed the events of the past few days in a fast rewind. It was hard to believe that she had left this universe and come back to it within such a short span of time. So much had happened, but now all the ends were tied up...except for one.
"Donna," Rose murmured, voicing her realization.
The Meta-Crisis Doctor's piercing gaze fixed on her. "What about her?"
"The way the Doctor looked at her on the beach...I've seen it before. It's when he knows he's going to lose something."
His whole countenance fell, giving him a defeated look. His gaze swept downward and focused on the still untouched tray of breakfast. "A human and time lord meta-crisis isn't possible," he stated in a low voice as he gave the mug of tea a stir. "Human minds aren't meant to contain nine-hundred years of knowledge and emotion."
"Just like they aren't meant to contain the time vortex?"
One corner of his mouth lifted upward, and he looked back up at her. "In a way." A frown replaced the smile again. "But this is more than that – the meta-crisis rewrote her DNA to be part time lord, just like it rewrote mine to be part human. He can't fix it like he did with you."
"Then it's hopeless?"
"No. He can do one thing." The Meta-Crisis Doctor stared at the wall, almost like he was in a daze. "He'll have to take away every memory she has of him, the TARDIS, time travel, everything. Otherwise...her mind will burn itself up."
Rose almost asked if he had planned on doing it, but stopped herself. Of course he would. It was probably already done now, and the Doctor was on his own again while everyone else went on with their happy lives...
"I'm sorry," she murmured, though it was more a thought cast to the real Doctor than to the one right in front of her.
The Meta-Crisis Doctor looked at her again, his eyes softer. He smiled and rested one of his hands on top of hers. "At least I'll never have to lose anyone again."
Rose managed to smile back, but on the inside she was warring with herself. She had to tell him how she really felt. She couldn't pretend, for her sake and his. But that smile, and those eyes...she couldn't destroy that happiness now; not after he had just lost Donna. It could wait.
"So, what is it that humans do every day?"
"Well, they work..."
"Work?" The Meta-Crisis Doctor lurched back, as if repulsed. "In a shop like you used to?"
"Yes," laughed Rose, tickled by his reaction. It was so easy to forget that he wasn't really the Doctor. "Unless you want to live off Mum your whole life."
His eyes grew wide. "Can't have that, can we?" He turned to face her and sat cross legged on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees. "What else?" He settled his chin on his fists and leaned forward, as if wanting to pay close attention.
"I don't know; I go shopping-"
"Shopping!" He smiled and rocked backward. "You know, I've never really been shopping on Earth."
"We can do that. You're going to need some new clothes, anyway."
"What about my suit?" He almost looked injured, like she had insulted him.
"You can't wear it every day!"
"Why not?"
Rose leaned forward and tried to mimic his voice. "Because that's not what humans do every day."
"Sure they do. I see businessmen walk down the streets day after day with the same suit on."
"It's not the same one. They have different ones that look similar. Besides, I thought you said you didn't want to work."
"If I did."
"They don't wear those suits when they're not working."
"All right, I'll get another suit." He raised his eyebrows in question. "Did you get sassier while you were here?"
"Oi! I could say the same for you!"
"Me? No..." His expression changed to one of seriousness. "What did you do here?"
Rose thought back through the blur of the years she had spent in this universe without the Doctor. Really all she remembered were the sleepless nights, the replayed memories, and working on a way to get back to him. "Well, I mostly tried to find a way to get back to the other universe. Life wasn't right without the Doctor."
"Doctors are very important," he agreed with a jocular smile. He bounced off of the bed and landed on his feet, a muted thud coming from the impact on the carpet. "All right, then. I'll get dressed, you'll eat breakfast and get ready, and then we'll go shopping. A new adventure; living as a human in another universe." He leaned against the door frame and smiled at her. "And I get to live it with my favorite person in all of space and time. Isn't it brilliant?"
"Yes," Rose affirmed. The Meta-Crisis Doctor winked at her and then turned down the hallway. "Yes," she repeated to herself with a sigh. "Yes it is."