Dear Diary:

It was very warm evening, starless with big clouds coming from the behind of the mountain tops in the west. Soon the rain will come, I can feel it. Bitemarks on my neck still not healed, still hurted. But that was nothing in comparising how my heart was broken in half. My soul ripped in thousand peaces, now glued and holding only by a hope.

Yesterday I saw spark of hope in his eyes, still little trace of something human. Feelings not forgotten but burried deep inside, locked behind some invisible bariere.

If that was all, I could live with it,I could walk away if that was his choice, it that's what he wanted. But I know that he wanted more, not to be human, but to be a good man, not heartless monster.

I risked almost everything to bring him back, even almost died in the process, but it was not enough.

My love couldn't save him, our love in that moment was deafeted.

And now I have a feeling like part of me have died, like I lit a candle and put it on my grave. Like I'm not here anymore, just waiting for inevitability.

Today I put my false smile on my face, a mask that is keeping me from breaking in front of him. From crying and screaming from top of my lungs.

From giving up.

Hope, yes I still have a hope, I will try to help him and will not give up. But it is hard, harder than just to walk away.

I'm not alone, I know that, one other person is determined as I am to bring him back, to help him, to help me.

And that is what scares me, his feeling are strong and overwelming, not sure if I can deal with that right now. When I'm near him I feel something, something more than just friendship. I catch myself staring at his face, his lips. His eyes are the deepest oceans, and I can see all the love in it. I can feel if I come any closer I will drown. But I'm not ready for that and it scares me more than dying. It's like there is a storm inside me, tornado pulling me up and down, I feel good and bad, great and worst at the same time and if I just let go I will going to lose myself in it. And I'm not ready for dealing with that right now. It takes a great deal of courage to face that, but not now...Now I can only let the tears to fall down to my soul so no one will see them, only these walls and the darkness around me. Maybe tommorow is going to be a better day...maybe