A/N: Hi everyone. This is the first fic I've written in nearly a decade (please be kind?) after finally finding a new fandom I could really get behind. I've never fancied myself a great writer, but like to think I have some decent story ideas. I'm a more avid comic reader than literature so I can tend to be a bit more focused on dialogue and inner thoughts and know for fact I lack a lot in descriptions (especially places). Here's hoping maybe someone can find some enjoyment with this piece by the end. I will try to update with more as soon as possible. This first chap came to me rather slowly, but I think I've been more focused on where I want this to go that setting the initial premise was the hardest part.

Random babbling: Had a serious case of the Mondays today... bored to tears at work then all the terrible things happening in the news.

Jimmy agreed to be friends with Thomas. They mutually agreed to put the kiss behind them for good and Jimmy apologized for how he knew he'd been treating Thomas for the last year since. He couldn't justify why he'd acted the way he did, but Thomas easily forgave him, too easily for Jimmy's liking.

Half a year had passed and they got on quite well together. A little like when Jimmy had first started at Downton for what he could remember of his and Thomas' early interactions, before he felt bothered with Thomas' familiarity. They had become quite close: chatting constantly, playing cards in the servants' hall, going out together when their days/half days aligned. He and Thomas shared many stories of their pasts when they were left alone from prying ears. Jimmy sometimes wished he could have been at Downton alongside Thomas in his youthful footman years, wondering the sort of mischief the two would have gotten up to together, though from a few stories he wondered if he would have found the other man as amiable as he did now. Through their time together Jimmy felt he could finally put their past behind and truly trust Thomas. He'd never had anyone before that he felt this way toward or that he felt truly had his back and watched out for him the way Thomas did. He did his best to try and return such actions in hope Thomas felt the same way, though occasionally his mind still lingered wondering if Thomas still had other feelings for him as well.

Recently the memory of that night began to once again plague him. The night he'd woken up to Alfred bursting into his room as Thomas was kissing him in his sleep. He could only wonder after everything that had happened, why was this memory resurfacing again in his dreams?

He spent most of the day while going through his tasks contemplating it. At breakfast and luncheon he'd intentionally wandered in a bit later so as to be stuck with a seat toward the far end away from where Thomas always sat. He made point to acknowledge, but not avoid him throughout the day, quickly excusing himself to an 'important task' when Thomas tried to grab him for conversation.

It wasn't that Jimmy didn't want to be his usual friendly self, but every time seeing Thomas his mind wandered back to his dreams and just became bothersome. They had become so close with this nasty memory behind them. Close enough that if he thought on it too much, it bothered him when he realized he with ease found himself familiarly touching Thomas (a pat on the shoulder, a grab on the arm, an arm round the shoulder laughing over a joke while having a drink at the pub), but that Thomas since that time had never touched him again, and if he did or came close he quickly retracted and wore a guilty look about his face.

This wasn't the first day like this, he was sure his friend would realize something was going on eventually, but he just wasn't ready to face it yet.

Dinner came and he ended up sitting next to Thomas.

'And how is the over-achiever this evening?' Thomas asked in a more hushed tone, leaning closer to Jimmy, hoping not to be overheard.

'Fine,' Jimmy answered flatly.

After everything from dinner was cleared the two still sat side by side as most of the hall cleared out.

'You've seemed a bit out of sorts lately. Something bothering you?' Thomas asked as he lit a cigarette.

Jimmy didn't look at Thomas, but instead focused on his own fidgeting hands on the table as he answered. 'Nothing really I guess. Having some bad dreams. Just keeping busy trying not to think about it.'

Thomas laughed lightly. 'Well don't over-do it or Carson will start expecting more from you.' He shifted his chair and turned to face Jimmy. 'You sure you're okay? Want to talk about it?'

Jimmy breathed in a deep breath and let out a sigh. 'No,' he replied. He stood and gave Thomas a half grin in an attempt to be reassuring. 'I'm going to bed. Could use the extra sleep.'

He walked around the table, but before he managed to exit the hall Thomas said, 'Well, if you ever do, you know where to find me.'

Jimmy nodded then headed for his room.

Jimmy lay in his bed willing, but not willing sleep to come. Footfalls and opening and closing doors sounded in the hallway off and on. He could only guess what the time must be when he realized a long expanse of time had passed since he'd heard anything.

He'd been attempting to take every possible detail of his replaying memory into consideration. Trying desperately to pin down what exact part of it was bothering him the most. His anger? His fear? His feeling of betrayal? The feeling of Thomas' lips? The fact he'd been denying, despite very clearly remembering, that he started to kiss back the unknown pair of lips before he opened his eyes, fully awakening?

He needed to talk about it. About all of it. Currently the only real friend he had he could talk to was Thomas.

The next night after dinner before Thomas could light a cigarette Jimmy asked, 'Fancy a smoke in the yard, Mr. Barrow?'

'You don't smoke.'

'I just want to go outside,' Jimmy replied.

He'd barely slept a wink the night before. Jimmy knew the only hope to make this annoyance go away was to talk about it and the only person he could talk to was Thomas. He'd been ramping himself up for it throughout the day. Thinking of how he could bring it up without it being a bothersome annoyance. The whole putting it in the past didn't really warrant it to ever be a topic of conversation again between the two of them, but he felt if it was going to stop haunting him he had to talk about it and face it head on.

The two made their way outside, Jimmy leading the way. He walked out starring into the sky at the stars. Thomas leaned against a wall, lighting his cigarette. 'Penny for your thoughts, Jimmy? Still having bad dreams?'

'Can we take a walk? It's nice out and the moonlight's bright enough not to need a light.' Jimmy still stared at the sky, putting his hands in his trouser pockets as he asked.

Thomas raised an eyebrow, smiled, and replied, 'Alright.'

The two walked away from the house side by side. Jimmy glanced at Thomas, then straight ahead when Thomas caught him. This continued for a few glances until Thomas finished and tossed his cigarette. He stopped and turned to Jimmy. 'What is it, Jimmy? I thought the reason you wanted to walk was because you needed to say something you didn't want overheard.'

Jimmy stopped and looked at Thomas. He grimaced, then looked away. 'I did. I just – I thought I wanted to talk to you about it, but I don't think I'm quite up for it after all. Sorry.' He turned and started walking back toward the house. He couldn't do this. He couldn't ruin what they were building by just springing it at Thomas this way.

'Wait.'

Jimmy stopped and turned.

'Whatever it is, you should just say it. I've been worried. You're eyes have been dark and puffy, and I feel like you've been dodging around me,' Thomas told him clearly.

Jimmy turned and began walking again. 'I'm just not ready to talk about it yet.'

Thomas caught up to Jimmy and grabbed his arm just above the elbow to halt him once more. Jimmy looked at Thomas' hand on his arm and grimaced as it quickly tensed and pulled away. 'Sorry,' Thomas apologized.

'Stop doing that! Stop apologizing!' Jimmy turned and yelled. Thomas took a step back. 'You always apologize when you realize you've touched me. I don't know if you've noticed, but I do touch you. We're mates now. You're my best mate. Familiarity is an okay and expected thing. I trust you enough that you know well what is appropriate and what is not. So it's okay.'

From what Jimmy could tell in the moonlight, Thomas wore a rather bashful smile on his face. 'You seem to trust me more than I trust myself.'

Jimmy rolled his eyes, and then turned to continue walking. 'Give yourself more credit, and trust me, if you happen to slip up, be prepared for a nice black eye,' he said walking forward and holding up his left hand clenched into a fist.

Thomas followed Jimmy, but never quite matched pace with him as they returned back to the house. Jimmy quickly excused himself for bed and Thomas watched him ascend the stair case with a worried expression upon his face before returned to the servants' hall where he found the newspaper to read and lit up to smoke another cigarette.