A/N: Finally after dealing with doubts, writer's blocks, and insecurities, I manage to get this one-shot up. I have to say that this fic is probably the fic that I've put most work into because I don't normally write something like this. So please let me know if you like this fic by reviewing and favoriting because it will mean a lot to me. Don't hesitate to tell me if you have any criticism, but please, as always, be polite ^^
Oh, and before you read this, keep in mind that in this fic, Hanzo is in his 20s. Therefore, this fic takes place way before the Mortal Kombat event, so he might appear a little different than what we've come to know him as.
If you need a song recommendation while you're reading this, I would suggest Lucy Rose - Shiver.
Lastly, I would like to give shoutouts to these amazing people: MartengaPop, Hell-on-Training-Wheels, MinuanoGS. Your helping hands mean so much to me in completing this, really^^
Sorry for the long author's note. Hope you guys enjoy this one nonetheless!
"We visited Kana and her family today."
As soon as he says those words, your entire body feels numb. The teapot you were tilting earlier immediately bump the cup over, causing some of the tea to spill while it makes such a mess on your tabletop. You can feel your lower lip slightly tremble, thankfully biting the inside of your mouth helps a little bit, but you are certain the gloom within your eyes can't hide the pain- he would find out once you turn around and face him, who is sitting on the edge of the bed.
But what kind of strange woman who wouldn't be hurt when her beloved is forced to leave her to be tied with some other woman? And to make it even worse, for political reason.
This is Hanzo Hasashi you're talking about.
The feisty, passionate and… handsome son of the Grandmaster of Shirai Ryu whom you've been having a secret affair with for what, four-five months? You realized it isn't like a lifetime, but for you, it does mean something in spite of how young you and him are.
Oh, but the relationship isn't perfect. Both of you have to keep it a secret since you are nothing but a filthy huntress with no title and no one considering you- your skills for survival are probably the only thing that has been keeping you alive for so long. If the Grandmaster ever found out about you two? Ah, the possibility of burying you alive is real.
Though to you, being in love with someone like Hanzo Hasashi and to have him love you back is like shooting for the stars, but got the moon instead. For once in your life, you feel like you've done something too good that this is blessed to you as your reward.
Turns out, it is nothing but an illusion. Because soon, he will fall into someone else's embrace.
It's not that he said something, but you knew that tonight is your last night with him as he mentioned a few nights ago about getting married the next day from now. No, you're not actually planning on a sad farewell night, but staying positive is no simple task.
Time does fly indeed, and how you wish you realized this earlier. If it is possible to turn back time, you'd definitely do it just so you can hold him longer a few more times… or at least caress that pompous face of his every time he thinks he has impressed you with something he does...
You will miss the way how light always pierces through his hazel eyes and make them look sort of aglow- even you thought you could look at them forever. You will miss how he rubs his nose every time he gets nervous and he always tell you to stop teasing him about it.
You will miss how his stubble slightly pierces you every time he presses his face against your skin. How he knows it itches you but he keeps on teasing you with it anyway. Though he knows you like it every time he buries his face on the crook of your neck when he makes sweet love to you.
Oh, Hanzo… how could you survive without him now?
As you feel a tear rushing towards the brink of your eye, you bring a finger up and wipe it away… realizing how much time is wasted since the first time you laid your eyes on his features.
Those eminences of him that hit you all at once. That one sunny day when peaches were harvested; the day that's impossible to forget...
It was the time of the month when peaches were blooming beautifully. Everywhere you looked- from trees to the market stalls- there were those ripe, mouthwatering goodness. The sun shone friendly along with the thin air that would occasionally blow the thin strands of your locks. Birds were swarming beneath the bright blue sky stretching majestically above you, and some of them that were perching on trees seemed to be enjoying the sweet smell of the sunset-colored fruit by the way they chirp so cheerfully.
And there you were with belly filled completely with peaches you picked earlier, cozying yourself up above a larger, leafier tree on one of its bigger branch as you soaked up the warmth of the sun, resting your head above your hands. The crystal clear lake spreaded close to the tree streamed calmly in sync with the crisp air, sending those leaves slow dancing and making them let out a calming shrivel. This was the kind of surrounding that could send those insomniacs drift off in no time, and the drowsiness just kicked in to you.
Your eyes were getting heavier at this point, but you could care less- you could drift off any second and you weren't fighting it. Eyelashes swinging as your mouth parted slightly in comfort. Oh, such a good day to sleep…
When you just thought nothing could bother you at this moment, crunches were heard next to your tree, followed by a sound of a frustrated male groan. Your eyes shot open at the remark and you knew something was caught in the trap you had set earlier today.
Now, you set the trap for animals- something you could surely eat, but why was the male sound present?
Hastily, you maneuver yourself and climbed down the tree. Of course, you were dying to find out what was going on, and what laid before your eyes were way out of your expectation that you felt your jaw drop slightly.
And there was Hanzo Hasashi; inside your net trap hanging strongly beneath a tree trunk, letting his mid-length hair down framing his solid cheek bone. Beads of sweat dripped from his temple and you were guessing he had been running. His callous fingers were shaking the net while his other hand held a whole bunch of peaches, and you could see some of them are sliding off his grip onto the ground. Frantic was clearly drawn all over his face, but what you couldn't get your head wrapped around was the fact that he dressed in a lousy brown hoodie and a torn, old cargo pants.
Instantly, you recognized that face- who wouldn't? This was the first time you've seen him up close and… well he didn't look bad. But you figured it would be fun to mess with him since he always looked so serious.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here," You uttered smugly as you swung your knife. "Was expecting a deer, but got the Grandmaster's son dressed like a hobo instead."
His forehead wrinkled at your remark as his lips formed a perfect 'o', "What the… how did you know?!"
"Easy, you got one of those kunai in your pocket," You scoffed, "And your mask fell off."
He did not look happy by the way he palpated his bare face before letting out a growl, obviously just realizing his mask went down to his neck, "Alright look, huntress! You need to help me off and hide me! Quick!"
"And how could you think I would do that, Hasashi?"
"Because I just stole these peaches from the market!"
As you placed your knife back in one of your boots, you almost bursted out of laughter hearing his explanation. The son of Grandmaster stealing fruits? Now, that was funny.
"What? Like you can't afford it?" You mocked sarcastically.
"I was undercover and things sprawled out of my control so-" He snarled once again. "Listen! I don't have time for this. The villagers are chasing me, and I need your help!"
"You know, help doesn't come free these days. Even huntress needs some-" You cleared your throat, "Gold."
Rolling his eyes in advance, he finally gave up, "Alright, I will hand you 50 gold coins if you let me off your net and hide me- but quick!"
"50 golds? Okay, I'll keep your stolen peaches for you."
"100!"
"I'll keep your peaches, and probably won't eat them."
"You're robbing me, huntress!" He exclaimed irritatedly, "Final offer; 150 golds, and you must help me."
Satisfied with his offer- and messing around with Grandmaster's son- you finally agreed as you got your knife out and made your way towards him to free him. "Don't have to ask me twice."
As you were cutting the ropes off the branch, for a split second you thought you could feel his eyes on you. Reflectively, you looked up to meet him. From the distance so close, the features of his face hit you all at once; his perfectly carved bone structure with light stubble framing his… alright, you had to admit he's gorgeous. Though what hooked you the most were those sharp hazel eyes.
And then you felt your heart skip a beat.
Trying to regain your focus, you chose to ignore this weird feeling as you shook your head back to reality, keeping your hand on the work.
"Can't you cut faster? They're coming!" Exclaimed Hanzo.
"Hey, I could easily leave you here if you keep that attitude." You replied without stopping your rough work.
Thankfully, he only clenched his teeth at your remark- that was the least he can do, so you couldn't complain.
Before you knew it, all the ropes were cut and his feet were set on the solid ground. All the peaches he was holding earlier fell onto the ground and you think he could care less in the way he sighed in relief.
"Now go climb that big, leafy tree over there. As high as your feet can take you." You ordered as you pointed the tree you were resting on earlier. Without saying anything else, Hanzo quickly rushed towards the tree while you cleared his tracks by covering your net trap and peaches with some fallen leaves.
As footsteps and chatters were heard from a distance, you spread the leaves as nonchalantly as you could as if you were just about to set a trap- just another day in the office.
Sooner than you had expected, a swarm of villagers were moving towards you, and they were bringing all kinds of things they could use as a weapon: a stick, shoes, even some fabric which you had assumed to catch Hanzo.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop now!" You command, stretching your hands out to them as they immediately do as you said, "You take another step and all of you will get inside an animal trap I just set up hours ago."
"Did you see a street boy coming this way?" Asked one of the villagers, "He stole my peaches!"
"I've been here for hours, and I've seen nobody. I can't help you." You replied.
"But I saw him go this way!" Another villager shouted, "And look! There's a peach on the ground!"
Good God, what kind of eyes do these people have?!
"Hey, I picked those earlier as a part of my trap!" You lied.
"Bullshit! I don't believe her! It's just her way to save her kind. I say we go this way!" Another villager decided to interlope and crunk the heat of the situation.
"For the last time, I've been here for hours and I don't see nobody coming by, alright? If you don't believe me, please take another step so you all can rot together inside my trap!" You threatened the villagers which sent them dead silence. Some of them actually showed fear on their faces and were debating if they should go back.
"Hey, what are you all waiting for? Go! Now! You're scaring my food!" You demanded as the villagers went another way with nothing left to say- you could hear some of them curse behind their breaths, though.
As you watched them slowly disappear, you made your way towards the tree on which Hanzo is hiding as you look around to make sure the situation was thoroughly cleared.
Looking up, you placed a palm close to your mouth as you shouted at him, "Get down, Hasashi! You're safe."
"Nicely deceived, huntress," He complimented as he showed himself beneath the leaves while he tried to climb down, "Those people could've hurt you easily."
"I may be a woman, but I'm immune to pain, y'know." You scoffed.
Hanzo stopped in his track regarding your remark, and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "A little hard to believe, but-"
His voice trailed off as his feet stepped on a fragile branch and immediately lost his balance. It all happened so fast that the next thing you know after you shut your eyes in reflex of him falling of the tree was his robust figure over you.
The coarse feeling of the ground surely did not help the blinding pain on your head and hip.
"Ouch! Ah..." You grunted in pain as were him, "Fuck, you're heavy as hell!"
Out of your expectation, Hanzo burst out laughter at your remark over you as he rearranged his arms next to your head instead of immediately raising up to his feet. In this sort of inappropriate position of his, you could feel his perfectly sculpted chest above you and the unexpected tremor lining between your legs.
You were certain you could feel yourself blushing over the somewhat awkward situation, but in that moment, you were sure of one thing; he's a hard candy with a surprise center.
But no, you weren't going to convey your thoughts aloud.
"What's so funny, Hasashi?" You snapped under him.
"I knew you weren't immune to pain," He replied playfully, "I'm always right."
"You did this on purpose?!" You shouted as you gave his shoulder a push in order for you to raise up, "Ugh! Get off me you sicko!"
Even though he was still laughing uncontrollably, he did as you say and ascended up to his feet. He stretched a hand for you, but instead of taking it, you pouted your lips and got up by yourself.
Not because you didn't want to, you just refused to give him any ideas.
As he regained his self control and his laugh slightly dimmed- but obviously still couldn't get over it, he said: "Alright, alright, I apologize. And thank you, for your help."
"For a Shirai Ryu, that was really shallow of you," You pouted, crossing your arms, "But I guess I can let it go."
As you were trying to straighten your dirty outfit, Hanzo asked: "So, have a name, huntress?"
Surprised of what you had heard, you turned your attention to him and scorned, "Yeah right, asking her name after getting them under you- way to go, Hasashi!"
"It's Hanzo," He chuckled, "If you want to retrieve your gold, we need to see each other in a few days."
"Is this how a Hasashi flirt?"
He shrugged at your remark, "I'm not exactly denying it, but suit yourself."
You quickly turned your head away as you felt your cheek heating up. Despite him being good at this, you weren't going to let him be an asshole about it.
Gathering your things as if you were ready to leave, you let out a chuckle at his remark as you hung your belongings on one shoulder, "Keep your gold, Hanzo. I don't need it," You assured before throwing him one of the peaches he had stolen which he reflectively caught with one hand.
"I only need one of these," You added, sinking your teeth into another peach in your hand without caring about its juice that dripped all over your palm before you took some steps back away from him, "These are good peaches you have stolen."
As the sight of him got slightly further, you could see him stretching both of his arms as he raised his tone, "So should I see you or not?"
"I don't know, what do you think?" You shouted.
"I really think I should!"
At his assertion, you stopped your tracks and sank your teeth inside the peach once more as you shrug, "Well, you've found my hideout."
As you turned your attention back on the road, you found yourself smiling. As much as you were dying to see his facial expression, you decided not to and keep this little game of yours happening.
Without knowing what the future will bring.
"Are you there?"
"Uh… yeah, yeah." Startled by the depth of his voice, you hurry your fingers and wipe the vestiges of your tear, settling your feet back to earth as the trip down the memory lane has you caught up. "I just- I made a mess."
You grab the steaming cup of tea as you make your way to the edge of the bed and hand him his beverage, sitting next to him afterwards. You're not sure how can you make it through this night, but you need to try as if nothing's going to happen tomorrow. For his sake.
"So uh…" Trying to sound as normal as possible, you mutter while he takes a sip from the cup, "How is she?"
Hanzo deliberately retreats the cup off his lips and rests his forearm above his thigh. The way his head falls tells you that sorrow is consuming him alive. His hazel eyes that usually glow with spirit are now covered by woe.
As a sigh escaped his mouth, he simply replies, "She's… kind."
"I bet she's beautiful." Your lips twitch up into a wry smile. "More beautiful than what people have said about her."
For what you have heard about Kana, her beauty is beyond compare to even the most beautiful flower. Her long hair is the color of a midnight sky with ivory skin wrapped around her slender, small figure. People even say that her honey colored eyes beam brighter than the moonlight, and when she speaks, her voice is as soothing as a summer rain.
At your remark, Hanzo takes a short pause before he weakly shrugs, still refusing to turn his attention to you.
As you run your fingers through his soft, black locks, your gaze is locked at his complexion you've grown to love that not even the chill of misty, starless night sky displayed beneath your window pane overshadowed his beauty. No matter how much you'd love to mourn with him, you know you need to stay strong for him and not making this fucked up situation even worse.
Though if you look back, you wish you'd never meet him.
But ah, it's too little too late now; you've fallen for him. You should've been ready for the risk of having to give him up to someone else- someone better than you. You must be kidding yourself if you think he'd actually be your forever.
"It doesn't matter," He suddenly utters, "She's not you."
"And that's better, right? I mean, look at me." You scoff, "Who am I kidding? I-"
"Can you stop making this about you for once?!" Cutting you off, his strenuous voice suddenly fills the empty room as he recoils your fingers off him. His profound gaze towards you clearly shows nothing but unhappiness.
"Hanzo, who says this is about me? I'm just trying to make it better for you." You assure firmly.
"All you've been doing is making this worse for me!"
"How is that so?"
"Do you think I ask for this? Do you think I wish to make this choice?" He bleaks. Eyes gleaming with pain, and you don't think you've ever seen him like this.
"Well, no, but-"
"Then your attempt on making it better is useless! Because it's sad enough for me to have to choose the clan over you!"
As he winds his attention away from you and buries his face above his palm, you sense the frigid of the night starts seeping inside your bones. This empty space you call your sanctuary feels even more depressing than it already is. You gently press your palms against the wonky mattress so it'll make some noise within the silence that's slowly killing you.
At this moment, you're lost for words. You feel like you should say something, but your jaw feels rigid and your throat is just drying away. Even the spider in the corner of the room seems to have more idea of what it's doing as its little feet slowly knitting its web.
Unlike you. Clueless of what to say- let alone doing something about it. You know you shouldn't have fallen this deep with someone as powerful as the son of Shirai Ryu's grandmaster, but for some reason your heart calls for him, and you knew in that moment you laid your eyes on his hazel ones, he's what it's longing for.
But why is it longing for someone you know you shouldn't go for? How you wish you could rip your heart off your chest and throw it into the ocean, even you know it wouldn't be as painful as how you're feeling right now.
"Wow…" You finally mumble slowly, relieving the silence.
"What?"
"You're madly in love with me, aren't you?"
At your remark, Hanzo gradually lifts his head and turns his interest to you. Unlike before, he looks much calmer right now, but you can tell he's still absorbing the pain of this state like a sponge. It's like he knows you already know the answer to your own question- heck, you're not even sure why you asked such question in the first place.
But one thing you know for sure- whatever his answer is, it's going to crush your soul.
Whilst he elevates his shoulders, he lets out a sigh. "To the point where I would actually give it all up," Hanzo weakly answers.
At this point, you can already hear your heart cracking through your ears.
"By the Gods…" You grumble, running your fingers through your locks as you shortly stands up and taking a few steps away from him, heading to the small, dusty window ahead of you. Greeting you is a cloudy night sky- a sky so cloudy that even the moon chooses to hide itself underneath the thick, grey clouds; a bed of sky that perfectly describes your feelings.
In a perfect world, if someone just told you they're madly in love with you, your heart will fly as if it had wings of its own. Turns out in your case, the wings your heart once have are torn apart by force.
You know he loves you- he's said it before. But madly? Oh, how you wish you could ask him to stay. Though what's breaking you the most is that you know you couldn't.
As you feel your face heats up and clumps of tear starts to cloud your vision, you can hear the bed squeaking with Hanzo's footsteps following behind as he asks for your conviction, "Aren't you?"
You press your palms against your eyes, gulping hard so your answer won't be as croaky. After all, the point is to hide away your sorrow from him.
Alas, your attempt seems to fail as you feel a tear slides down your left cheek, and you just find it hard to even contain yourself, "To the point where the whole world shatters with my heart when you told me you're marrying somebody else."
All of the sudden, you can feel two robust arms gently wrapped around your figure together with a strong cheekbone resting on the side of your face. The familiar warmth instantly drowns you in and you welcome the strong arms in your embrace. You don't even mind the stubble that you normally would push away because of how it pierces through your skin, but you know even your skin will miss the slight roughness when it's gone.
"I know," Hanzo responds simply by leaving a peck on your temple, "I'm sorry…"
"I'm sorry too…" You bring one hand to caress his cheek, which slowly trails down to the side of his neck, "Shirai Ryu needs you, Hanzo. Don't ever give it up, especially for me."
"I just never thought that- I would have to lose you for it." He brittles, keeping his gaze far away as if he's looking for some understanding.
"It's the risk we should've prepared." You enlighten him as you turn yourself around and face him, cupping his jaw afterwards. His hand slowly slides down at your movement and you adore how they circle your waist perfectly. " If I could turn back time, I really wish we'd never met- let alone giving you a helping hand. Because even then I know, if I ever fell for you, I could never get back up."
As your hands gradually travels to the nape of his neck, you pull him closer to you as he closes his eyes. His heavy breath pools down your frame and you add, "And now, I guess it got the best of me."
At your confession, Hanzo stays still as if he's decided to get lost in your embrace and enjoy the closeness between him and your features. His hands stay ringing on your lower back and you don't think you'd want him to ever let go.
At the same time your fingers dig through his scalp, you whisper as you let out a feeble smile, "But you're my sweetest doom, Hasashi. And I've never felt more alive."
It feels like you haven't had time to absorb your next move, but the next thing you know is that his lips brushes against yours like a drop of water in the middle of Sahara- a kiss so chaste, so pure it could brace even the faintest heart.
As soon as he retracts himself, he mumbles, "Anata wa watashi no yume no josei da."
You're the woman of my dreams. His words are like magnet to your soul and you're instantly drawn to him. Another drop of tear slithers down your cheek as you let out a weak chuckle, and your lips yearn for his in a blink of an eye.
Against his lips, you let your lips slow dance with his moist ones as if it has a mind of its own, cupping his jaw and you let his hands roam every inch of your body. In this very tranquility- and with his lips attached to yours, what's been troubling your mind seems to be forgotten. Maybe making these last moment just for the two of you to embrace might be the best.
Still, you and Hanzo devour each other in your own utopia, and you're not planning on letting go soon. Even when the heat of his hands slowly but skilfully undo the buttons of your top, your mind has its own way to stop working.
And as if new minds are planted at your fingertips, you let them do their work in unclasping his belt and out of his uniform.
You're not sure how long it takes for your back to finally feel the softness of the bedsheet, but you know at that moment, your brain has retired and your heart is in the work.
And for the rest of the night, there are only moans, ragged breathing, and the creak of the bed to be heard.
"I love you. Did you know that?" Hanzo's voice is low and tensed.
His gaze meets yours in the dim room filled with candle light. You rest your head above his shoulder as his arm wrapped around your figure. Legs intertwined and there's nothing you love more than how his bare, warm skin collides with yours in silence under the sheet. The way his thumb slowly flatters your chin lets you know that he means what he says.
"Kind of," With a smile, you nod, "You've said it a few times by now."
You don't need anymore assertion from him by the way he harbors his lips on your forehead softly. You're not sure what is it with the forehead kisses he gives, but all you know that they give you the thrill, and you can even feel it even through his fingertips that still caresses your back.
"Hanzo," You call him tenderly, which he responds with a small hum, "Do you have any regrets?"
For a split second, his forehead wrinkles as if he's thinking about the true meaning of your random question, but he doesn't keep you waiting that you start to get nervous.
"Ah, regrets?" He sighs, "I think my life itself is based on it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well… by now you must have been aware that being born into a clan isn't something I ask for. When I've grown up and accepted it, my father didn't allow me to participate in the clan's business- quite strange, but again, I've accepted it until he proposed this..."
His voice suddenly trails off before he rolls away from you. Your body still lies above his arm, but the empty gaze he's showing tells you that he's trying his best to stay composed. Even though you swear for a split second there you see his eyes sort of glisten.
"...forced marriage I don't even want, and making it the only way for me to be involved in Shirai Ryu." Hanzo continues.
"I'm sorry…" You whisper weakly, not knowing what to say but to move your body closer to him and rest palm on his chest, supporting your weight with your other arm.
A hopeless sigh leaves his mouth at your remark. His eyes are fixed to the torn out paint mark on the roof as if it's the most fascinating thing in the world, but you know the corner of his eyes are watching you.
Despite the woe that is drawn clearly through his face, he still looks beautiful.
Shortly, however, he shifts his body to your direction so you're now face to face as he mirrors your position, causing the sheet to maneuver in sync with the movement of his solid figure.
"But do you know what my biggest regret is?" Hanzo triggers.
You shrug in response, by which then he answers, "It's not being able to choose you."
His words sure don't catch you by surprise- you've known all along about his feelings towards you, but it sure leaves your stomach knotting and your gaze to drop.
When you thought things couldn't get any worse, he adds as he reaches for your hand, "See, I've never thought about marriage until I- until I fall in love with you. Since then, I always thought if I ever gotten married, it was going to be to you."
And in this moment, your heart drops. And it's smashed into pieces.
You wish you could decide your own fate if you knew you were going to fall this deep for him. You wish you'd been born someone else- someone like Kana just so you could stay with Hanzo. Or at least you wish your soul could leave your body and stay inside Kana's so you could still feel the warmth of his body next to you every night.
And in this moment, you hate yourself as much as you hate the universe.
It hurts to be you. It hurts so much that the pain seeps into your chest. You wish you could go up on a limb and pull your hair so hard that it pricks your scalp as you scream your heart out to the universe for the injustice.
Breathing seems like no easy task as your vision gets blurry with a layer of tear in your eyes, and it's about to stream freely anytime soon. You're just thankful your face is dipped and Hanzo can't see how much of a blubbering mess you are.
"I-I don't know what to say…" With a croaky voice, you mumble.
And the unbearable tear finally drips.
"Shush, hey." Hanzo's voice soothing. A thumb of his is brought up to your cheek as it wipes off your tear, "I've never seen you cry before."
You decide to ignore his remark and keep your face to the sheet. Besides, it seems pretty reasonable to cry- you can't possibly stay rock hard when your world has appeared to turn upside down.
Lifting your chin up so your eyes meet his, he despondently says, "Maybe this is how we are destined to be- you and me, against the universe. I just wish we could win this battle by… coming clean."
"Don't, Hanzo. Please… It's too late now."
"I guess you're right." He sighs, taking a short pause. But then a ray of light emerges within his face, "But Kana will be the one moving here once we get married. Nothing is going to change between us, I will still be seeing you every night. Here."
You raise an eyebrow in confusion at his statement, "You mean… we'll still see each other when you're married?"
"Yes. Why wouldn't I?"
Surprisingly, you're not feeling better- your heart is still broken and it refuses to fix itself even when Hanzo tells you nothing's changing. Inside, you know it's not entirely true.
But for some reason, you find yourself fetching him an uncertain smile realizing your head goes empty at his words.
And your body still freezes as he moves even closer to you before his lips reach for yours tenderly. His palm finds your jaw before you find yourself, once again, under his mercy.
Oh, you're dying to say a word- about how wrong this feels, but you forget that the power of his kiss could shed away even the hardest problems.
And that's exactly what it's doing as you find yourself lost within it.
"Nothing is going to change between us, I will still be seeing you every night. Here."
Those words Hanzo said keeps echoing in your head like it's shouted in one hollow room. No matter how many times you try massaging the bridge of your nose or even simply shut your eyes, drifting into a peaceful slumber appears impossible.
You shift your head to your left, and there he is. Eyes closed, looking serene with his lips perfectly formed in one single line. The sound of his unwavering breaths could usually dozes you off, but not tonight.
Because deep down, you know it won't be yours to hear the next day.
Your hand reaches out for his stubble, and the way your hand gently caresses it is as if it knows it'll be the last time you feel the slight pierce. You know you will surely miss how it feels on the back of your hand that slides softly on the curve of his cheekbone.
No- you knew even then you have to leave him some time, and you're afraid the moment has arrived.
As you gaze into his aristocratic frame, your brain searches for a reason to stay- for you to possibly have him near you as long as you can.
But no matter how hard you dig, the thought of the future always buries the hope back even deeper. The thought of his warmth being someone else's to cherish leaves a huge burden in your heart.
And no, that is not the only thing that troubles you- what if they have children someday? Of course, Hanzo would be happy to have his descendant, and he's going to love them with all his heart.
And in time, you know he will eventually fall for Kana.
At those thoughts, you can feel as if a dagger stabs your heart repeatedly, but the pain is nothing compared to the fact that this is the last time you will witness his fair looking face.
And that… you have to let yourself out of his life.
Right now, there's no use holding the tears back- you let them stream freely this time as your mind wanders to the happier times you've spent with Hanzo, and how you wish you could do something to turn back time and let yourself showered with the joy all over again.
But even by sacrificing your soul to the most powerful God, you know it's not feasible.
With a heavy heart, you wipe away your tears before forcing the stiffness of your feet to move and out of the sheet, making sure to keep your movement slowly so you don't wake him up.
Keeping yourself as stealthy as possible, you put on your clothes and gather your things before you sit in one corner of the room to write him a farewell letter, glancing one in a while at his direction. You can feel your hand shaking as tears keep flowing down your cheek, but you try your hardest to power through the sorrow and ignore those tears that drop on the paper.
Dearest Hanzo,
I'm sorry I have to leave you like this, but I can't stand the thought of me being in the middle of your marriage. I understand this is not a part of your will, but you will have to learn to love her in time, just like you did to me.
I want you to know that this is hard for me to do, but I know I'm leaving you in a good hand- she will take care of you and love you with all her heart. For that, I'm grateful, and I'm lucky.
But if by any chance we meet again in the future, I'm hoping to see the same spirit and light I've witnessed in you these past couple of months. By then, I can always remember that one summer we spent under the peach tree, and how it will always bring joy to my heart.
Even though I might not be the one that put that smile on your face, knowing you're well and happy is more than enough for me.
I love you, always.
P.S: Anata wa watashi no yume no otokoda.*
Finished writing the letter, you slowly maneuver to his side of the bed and you kneel down, placing the letter neatly next to his resting face as you take one last glance at his perfection.
After landing your lips swiftly on his cheek, you stroke him and slowly whisper, "Goodbye, Hasashi."
As you step out the door, you turn your head back to this worn-out hideout you've called your sanctuary for the last year- the place you've made most memory at, and you know you're not going to easily forget everything.
Now, you're not sure where your feet will take you. You have to survive in some other strange place and start a new life on your own, going back to the solitude you haven't felt ever since your first encounter with Hanzo Hasashi.
You're not sure how you're going to survive without him by your side, but as you sweep the tears off your cheek and move forward, you know you somehow will.
*you're the man of my dream