Title: Droplets
Summary: "Seimei still controlled him, even after death." - Kio. Ritsuka knew that Soubi will be forever attached to Seimei. It was cruel, though. That by dying, he permanently etched his existence in Soubi's heart.
A/N: To my Prince of Tennis readers out there reading this Loveless fanfic... Please go to my profile. I have a small announcement regarding my updates on my PoT stories...
This is set from the episode where Kio told Ritsuka how much he hated Seimei for breaking Soubi. It's an AU because in here, Seimei is really dead and Ritsuka would be old enough to walk around without ears.
Ritsuka knew. He knew that all of Soubi's I love you's were fake; they were never real; just one of Seimei's orders. He knew, yet he couldn't help himself. He was already attached to the older man.
He started to hate Seimei. After breaking Soubi into pieces, he died. By that, he completely destroyed Soubi. Yet, he made his existence greater than anyone else.
Seimei still controlled Soubi, even after death. Kio's words stuck in his head. He stared at the window. He watched as droplets of rain merge together then fall. He wondered if Soubi and Seimei were like these droplets. If one falls, so does the other. But they don't fall separately, they fall together.
Then he watched one droplet fall once more, but this time, it didn't merge with the other droplets. Ritsuka closed his eyes, letting his tears fall freely. If he falls, will Soubi fall with him? Or will he fall alone?
They've been together for years now, their gap wasn't getting bigger, it wasn't getting smaller either. Even if Ritsuka loved the man, it's as if the change in their relationship was subtle, not even recognizable.
Ritsuka knew that Soubi will be forever attached to Seimei. It was cruel, though. That by dying, he permanently etched his existence in Soubi's heart.
He brushed the tears off his face when he heard the door open.
"I'm home." The man greeted.
"Welcome back, Soubi!" Ritsuka said as he approached the man to give him a kiss on the cheek.
Soubi smiled at him, but his smile never reached his eyes. It was always like this. Ritsuka never knew what Soubi was feeling or thinking, which was unfair because Soubi sees through him easily.
"It suddenly rained so I thought that I should go home early." Soubi said as he gently rubbed the younger's head.
Ritsuka stood by the entrance as he watched the man undress, throwing his slightly wet garments on the basket near their bed.
He turned his eyes away as the man approached him. He couldn't stare at Soubi's body without feeling anger. Every time Soubi removes his top, it pains him to see the scar that Seimei made—the scar that marks Seimei's ownership.
"Take a bath then put some clothes on," Ritsuka said as he walked to the kitchen. "I'll reheat the food."
Soubi chuckled. "If it was Seimei, he won't do anything like this." Soubi said as he entered the bathroom. Of course, Soubi meant no harm on his words. Ritsuka knew he was joking when he said that, but he hated the fact that he was compared to Seimei, again. It hurts, coming from the mouth of the one you love, who is completely smitten to your dead brother.
The comparing started after their fight with Yamato and Kouya. It was the day that Ritsuka finally realized that he was in love with Soubi.
If it was Seimei, he would... Ristuka knew he wasn't the same as Seimei, he was different from him. The fact that he was stronger, bigger, and smarter was already a big difference between him and Ritsuka.
"Seimei…"
Ristuka was startled when he heard Soubi's voice. The pain in his chest intensified as he observed the expression etched on Soubi's face.
Ritsuka didn't know if it was fright, pain, sadness, anger, or longing. Or maybe all of these emotions were flashed in Soubi's eyes.
Shit. Ritsuka cursed to himself. Why are you so cruel, Seimei? I can't even make him show emotions from his heart, but you… even only by the thought of you makes him show a lot of emotions. Why did you have to bring his heart and soul when you died?
Ritsuka shook his head slightly and forced a smile on Soubi.
"Do I finally look like Seimei? Well, I'm the same age when he was still alive…" Ritsuka chuckled. He stopped when he got no response from the man. "Soubi?"
"If he was still alive…" Soubi said, barely audible, but Ritsuka managed to hear it.
He hated this feeling. He's fully aware that Soubi doesn't really love him. Even though the older man says "I love you, Ritsuka," everyday, the younger never felt it. Even if they were in bed, they were only physically connected, never emotionally—their hearts never were. It was so cruel that even in bed, Soubi's I love you's felt empty.
Ritsuka stared at the window once more. He touched the glass, its coldness made him shiver. But sooner, he found it very comfortable. This was the same coldness he felt whenever he's with Soubi.
"Ne, Soubi…" Ritsuka said, tracing the droplets that were falling on the glass. "Do you really love me?"
Soubi stared at him. "Of course. I love you so much."
Ritsuka sighed. Empty as always. "Do you love me as much as you loved Seimei?" Ritsuka asked, trying to prevent himself from breaking down in front of Soubi.
Ritsuka got no response from the man. He chuckled slightly and finally let his tears fall. "This is our problem, Soubi." He said, still staring at the window. He refused to look at Soubi. He was scared. Scared to find out what expression Soubi was showing.
"I love you so much. But you love me because I'm Seimei's younger brother, because Seimei ordered you to do so."
"Ritsuka—"
"Listen first!" Ritsuka raised his voice a little. "You tell me that you love me every day. It was empty. Always empty. At first, I didn't mind; thinking that it was only my imagination."
"But Ritsuka, I really do love you!" Soubi interrupted.
Ritsuka chuckle again, wiping the tears on his face. "See? You don't even realize that your words are empty." He finally had the courage to look at Soubi. "Ne, Soubi. If I died, will I have the same effect on you? Will you fall with me? Or are you going to make me fall alone?"
"Ritsuka!" Soubi shouted as he hugged the man.
"S—Soubi?" Ritsuka looked at the man. He felt Soubi tighten his embrace.
"I—I thought you were going to leave me. Please don't leave me alone." Soubi said, resting his head on Ritsuka's shoulder. The younger rubbed the older's back.
"I knew it. I always knew that you were Seimei's and only Seimei's. Your heart, your body, your soul, everything of you belongs to Seimei. And here I am, stupidly waiting for you to come to me, knowing how much you love Seimei. I kept lying to myself that someday, you'll look at me. You'll finally see me as Ritsuka. Not as Seimei's younger brother."
"I can change Ritsuka," Soubi said, his voice was pleading.
"Don't force yourself." Ritsuka gently pushed Soubi. "Seimei still controlled him, even after death." Ritsuka quoted Kio. "Kio told me that before. We've been together for three years now. Don't you think I wouldn't notice? When Seimei died, he brought along you heart and your soul."
Ritsuka stood and went inside their room. Soubi soon followed. He watched as Ritsuka pull out a big bag from under their bed and started to pack some clothes.
"Ritsuka…" Soubi said as he approached the man. "Are… are you going to leave me too?"
Ritsuka smiled. "I just need some time alone. You need some too. I'll come back when I believe that I'm better than Seimei. I'll take back your heart and soul from Seimei. But if you think that you can never get over Seimei, then I guess I'll just have to disappear from your life. It would be torture for you, staying with someone that reminds you of someone you deeply care for. The me right now doesn't have the courage to fight a dead person. Well, even maybe the future me can never win against Seimei. But I'm willing to try." Ritsuka said as he closed his bag.
"You can still call and text me. But I would only answer if I'm ready." Ritsuka said as he hugged Soubi.
"I love you. That will never change." Ritsuka said as he gave Soubi a light peck on the lips.
Soubi smiled. "I'll do my best too. I'll change. I promise."
Ritsuka smiled at Soubi. Finally, he saw a smile that reached Soubi's eyes. "Don't promise. You always break them!" Ritsuka jokingly said.
"I'll be waiting here." Soubi said as he hugged Ritsuka.
"Un." Ritsuka nodded as he hugged Soubi back. "Then, I'm off."
"Take care."
Soubi marked the calendar. Two years have passed since he and Ritsuka separated. He still sends his usual greeting mails to Ritsuka. But he never received a single reply.
He pulled out a box from his drawer. He opened the box, observing the diamond that shined on top of the ring. A year ago, he finally realized that chasing after Seimei would mean nothing. He took Ritsuka's love for granted.
Soubi was startled when his phone rang. He immediately opened it. A smile ran through his face as he closed the box and ran outside.
I'm home. – Ritsuka.
Owari.
Please review! :D What happened after Soubi greeted Ritsuka is up to your imagination.