A Lesson in Saving Hearts (Reckless & Relentless)
Regina/Emma; Once upon a time I used to romanticize, used to be somebody, never mind. Don't miss it that much now
aka
Five important (and not so important) things Emma learns on Regina's road to redemption
A/N: This started as something fun I was writing, to combat all the angst and darkness. It then took on a life of its own. It's been a labor of love for me, as i generally don't write anything near this length. Amazing thanks to my beta, who took this journey with me, even though SQ isn't her cup of tea.
Disclaimer: Not my sandpit
i. Meditation
She won't call it stalking.
Not quite, anyway.
But Emma knows she's awfully close to it. And if she knows it, then Regina definitely knows it. But for some reason the other woman hasn't decided to call the blonde on it yet.
Emma's not stalking Regina. She's just being overly protective. That's what she's calling it, though that sounds wrong even in her own head. Because when has Regina ever needed protecting from anything? Well, with the exception of that Wraith incident and maybe the angry mob of townspeople that wanted her head. Then there was the whole Cora thing.
Okay, so maybe she was making a habit of trying to protect Regina.
Still, that doesn't mean she's stalking her.
She's just checking up on her and not in the whole 'hey, so had any impulses to revert to your Evil Queen ways and walk through the centre of town throwing fireballs at people?' kind of way either. Regina might be an Evil Queen in rehab, but she is nowhere close to a relapse. Emma believes it. Knows it right down to the centre of her being, knows it like she knows the grass is green and the sky is blue. The brunette loved Henry too much to mess that up, even when Cora showed up, trying to dig her manipulative claws back into her daughter.
Emma can't help but feel a little proud of how the brunette had handled that, because she knows how many people expected her to fall for her Mother's bullshit and join Team Cora without a backwards look. She knows that hadn't been easy on the former Queen though too. It is not lost on Emma, because when it all came down to it, through evil and curses and hearts and violence, Cora was still Regina's Mom and Regina stilled loved her (and maybe that was a testament on how not evil the former Queen was). So to say that beheading, dismembering and burning Cora's body had taken a toll on the brunette was a huge understatement.
So this was what Emma did now, hovered around the brunette protectively (and not at all stalker-ish-ly), waiting for one of those idiot townspersons to try and demand Regina's blood. Which to her relief hadn't happened yet (Emma liked to think they knew better).
Emma nudges the front door of the Mayor Mansion open slightly, and then pushes it further open with her hip while trying to pull her key from the lock, then returning her hand to balance the bag of food and tray of drinks. She doesn't knock anymore, has long ago stopped and now just walks in. This place is just as much home as Snow's tiny apartment. The guest room became unofficially hers while Cora had been running around town and now that she's gone, Emma hasn't really left and Regina hadn't asked her to. Emma likes to think Regina likes the company. Even if it is just to berate her about her inability to stack a dishwasher or remove her clothes from the dryer.
So when she's spent the night at her parent's place, the following day she always brings lunch to Regina's. At first it was just to make sure the Brunette was actually taking care of herself. Because before the whole Cora thing and for a while after, Regina seemed to be a little despondent to everything around her, keeping herself locked away in her study for days on end (the woman took brooding to a whole new level).
But nowadays it's just habit.
Moving towards the kitchen, Emma listens to the sounds of the house, hoping to decipher where Regina is. The house is silent but that isn't anything out of the ordinary, Regina has been spending a large amount of her time in the backyard if the weather permitted and looking over at the clock on the wall, Emma notices she is a little earlier than normal.
After putting their lunch on the kitchen bench, Emma makes her way out to the back patio, her eyes scanning the yard for Regina. Not spotting her, she moves back inside and heads for the study, because if the older woman wasn't buried in the dirt, she was buried in a book. Emma would never admit it to anyone, but seeing the academic side to Regina was slightly adorable. The way she would curl into the corner of the chair, legs pulled up beneath her and book cradled in her hands. Completely immersed in whatever she was reading. It was something Emma couldn't picture the Evil Queen doing, but more the girl she used to be. It was like a rare glimpse behind the curtain and when given the chance, Emma just couldn't stop looking.
She did find Regina in the study, but not with a book in her hands.
The brunette was sitting cross legged like a child would, in the centre of the room. The furniture had been obviously pushed back to make room and give her a clear space. Regina has her eyes closed, brow furrowed in a look of intense concentration as she sat completely still.
Emma hesitated.
Suddenly feeling like she was intruding, she makes a quick decision to leave the brunette to it and maybe leave a note with the lunch. Except her phone suddenly screeching to life in her back pocket doesn't give her the chance to disappear from the room without notice.
Regina jerks. Her eyes fling open, looking momentarily stunned before twisting her head to look at the interruption.
"I'm so sorry," Emma starts, reaching into her pocket, hands desperately trying to grab the offending item out of the back of her skinny jeans. In her haste, her hands clawed clumsily at the device and as she pulls it from her pocket, it slips, falling to the tiles. The loud crack echoes through the house and her phone splits into multiple pieces sliding in different directions.
At least the ringing stops.
Emma gives Regina a sheepish smile, internally bracing herself for the onslaught that was bound to follow. Regina doesn't move though, she inhales sharply and then lets the breath out slowly as if she is attempting to exhale her anger.
Leaving her phone where it is, Emma steps further into the room, deciding not to let Regina dwell on her sudden interruption, "I'm really sorry." She repeats.
Regina sighs, "It's okay, I was almost done anyway."
"Done with what exactly?" Emma asks, peering down at the older woman.
"Not like it's any of your business," Regina retorts, but her voice lacks the usual sting, which Emma is noticing more and more now, "But I was meditating."
"Don't tell me you're going all Zen now?" Emma smirks back at her and watches the older woman's face contort into a scowl as she climbs to her feet. It's then that she actually takes in Regina's whole appearance for the first time.
Emma's eyes trail over the former Queens face, noticing a distinct lack of makeup that the brunette usually wore. Clean fresh skin, glistened with a light sheer of perspiration almost making the older woman glow. Her hair pulled back from her face into a ponytail, exposing the eloquent slope of the dark haired woman's neck. Dressed casually in a loose tee shirt that hung off one shoulder and a pair of tights that stopped just past her knees, Regina looked everything like the young girl that Snow spoke of tentatively but with such affection.
She is beautiful.
It hits Emma with such velocity, that she almost takes a step back. The smirk fades from her face and suddenly she understands how a young Snow White had fallen so in love with the Former Queen so quickly all those years ago. This woman is a sight to behold. All this natural beauty making her look decades younger.
Regina's scowl morphs from anger to confusion.
"You're staring." She states, starting to look slightly uncomfortable and then she looks down at the shirt she is wearing. Her hand rising and drifting over the worn cotton, as if she is suddenly realising how less than perfect she looks. How not put together she is, and Emma had to wonder how deeply that had been instilled in the brunette and how much Cora had to do with it. She wondered if anyone had ever seen Regina like she was seeing her now.
"I'm sorry. Give me a moment to clean up." Regina speaks, her voice seemed small, embarrassed even and Emma all but sighs, because apparently old habits are hard to shake and that was something Emma knew all too well.
Cora might not be here anymore to berate Regina about her appearance, but that doesn't mean the older woman won't always hear it echo in her head. Emma knows about how easy it is to let old insecurities get the better of you.
So when Regina moves to pass her, Emma can't help but gently catch her arm.
"Wait, Regina. It's not. You don't have to," Emma stumbles over her words, feeling every bit like that awkward bumbling teenager she used to be. It was odd; she'd never had a problem with words when faced with the Evil Queen or the bitchy Mayor. But this? When faced with this woman that apparently meditated and wore baggy tee shirts, and who pulled her hair into a ponytail. This woman left her tongue tied. It wasn't odd. It was crazy, that's what it was.
Emma takes a quick breathe, knowing she needs to get her shit together because Regina's eyes are narrowing in that way that suggests she's seconds away from an irritated Ms Swan making it past her lips. And god dammit, it took the two of them dismembering her Mother to get Regina to call her Emma and she doesn't want to repeat that. Like Ever.
"Don't." she starts, her eyes meeting Regina's, "You're gorgeous. That's why I'm staring."
She hopes Regina can hear the quiet sincerity in her voice and that maybe for once she'll just listen to her without trying to fight her. For a moment Regina looks even more uncomfortable but its more than that, Emma can read it in her eyes. Because it's something she's learnt over time, that if you dared to look, Regina's eyes held the secrets of the universe and there reflected in those dark eyes was doubt.
Emma lets her hand slip down the brunettes arm to grasp her fingers and she gives her a small honest smile. As their gazes hold, the blonde actually realises how true her statement is. Regina is gorgeous. Not the Queen or the Mayor or even the witch. Just the woman, who Emma is sure hasn't seen the light of day in decades.
Except she's so fucking gorgeous that Emma can't stop staring and she thinks maybe Regina is finally able to read it in her eyes, because the brunette does something Emma thought she'd never see.
Regina blushes.
The light pink spreads quickly across the brunette's cheeks and the sight of it stirs something in Emma's chest and she feels herself step closer to Regina, about to do something completely and utterly reckless.
But her movement is enough to shake Regina from this haze they've found themselves in and she pulls her hand from Emma's, taking a slight step back. For a moment it's awkward, and Jesus Christ what the fuck was that? Emma thinks. Was she really about to...
Emma clears her throat.
"So lunch?" She asks the older woman, and even to her own ears her voice sounds forced and oh-so-bright.
Regina nods, moving from the room almost immediately.
Emma stays where she is for a moment, sighing deeply and whether it's with relief or disappointment she's not sure. But at the moment, she's quite happy not to look at it too carefully.
Instead, she trails after the brunette (which she notices is happening more and more, but it's totally not stalking, so that's okay.)
ii. Magic
So maybe she is making a habit of whatever it is that she's doing with Regina.
It's Friday night, and instead of being out with her parents and Henry, she's making her way up the front path to the Mayor Mansion. Snow had given her a funny look when she quizzed Emma on her plans for the night, mainly because Emma is sure Snow knew she was lying her ass off, but decided not to call her on it. She had no intention of telling Snow where or who she was going to be with. Because Snow and Regina had finally, finally mended bridges. But it was so fucking tentative that everyone held their collective breathes when the two women were in the same room as each other.
And Emma is not going to be the one who upsets that precarious balance.
But Henry, who she is sure has inherited her super power, just looks at her knowingly. Like he totally knows who she is sneaking out to see, which even sounds wrong in her own brain. Because she is not sneaking out to see Regina. She's not sixteen and Regina isn't some pretty girl she's trying to impress.
It's just. She's been busy lately, and she hasn't seen the brunette all week. Not since she say, almost thought she was going to kiss her (okay so maybe she does want to try and impress Regina just a tiny little bit). But that's beside the point. She just wants to check in with her, and see her, and talk to her and just generally be next to the brunette.
She has no idea where this insane urge has come from, but she thinks it might have something to do with seeing Regina without all her bitch armor on. She wants to see the brunette with the ponytail and try to make her blush again. Yeah, and Emma will admit that there has always been some attraction to Regina, because you'd have to be fucking retarded to not find her attractive. Except that has never warranted action.
Until now.
It might have been reckless and have disaster written all over it, but Emma felt desperate to see behind the curtain again. To just get a glimpse at the girl Regina had hidden behind all the suits and make up and clever dry wit that no one seemed to really get.
She twists her key in the lock, having no idea what she'll say to Regina about why she's here. Secretly she hopes Regina won't say anything at all, just accept it, like she seems to do with most things Emma does these days.
The house is mostly dark when Emma walks in, with the exception of soft light coming from the kitchen and she moves towards it, not quite knowing if she should yell out to the brunette and make her presence known. After last week, she thinks she should, but is wary to disturb the older woman again.
The decision is taken from her however when she enters the kitchen to find Regina standing at the sink, one of her hands cradled in the other. She rushes to the dark haired woman's side before she even knows what she's doing.
"Regina?" She questions once she's beside her and she can't quite see the brunette's eyes from the falling curtain of her hair.
Looking down at her hands though, she instantly see's what's got the older woman's attention. Even in the dim light, she can make out the nasty looking cut in the palm of her hand. There is blood everywhere. But that doesn't even seem to bother the former Queen.
"Jesus Regina." Emma hisses, grasping for the hand towel that's folded over the handle of the oven and when she has it, she reaches for Regina's hand but before she can cover the cut, the older woman pulls away from her.
"No." Regina snaps back at her, "I can do this."
"Do what?" Emma asks, confused by the brunettes words, "Regina you're bleeding pretty badly, you might need stitches. Let me help."
"No, I can do this." She repeats again, but this time her voice is low and calm, like she's not only trying to tell Emma this, but trying to convince herself too. Emma studies the woman's face intently, watching as Regina just stares at her hand. Her eyes focused, and realisation hits Emma slowly, her stomach sinking as it dawns on her just what Regina is doing.
The words are out of her mouth before she can even stop them.
"Regina are you using Magic again?"
"It's not what you think," Regina replies almost instantly, her eyes flicking to Emma's and they're desperate for understanding, "Please don't tell Henry."
She doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Knows what it has cost them in the past, so she tries to ignore the knot in her chest. The one thing that had kept Henry by Regina's side was the brunettes promise to the boy that she wouldn't use magic. After Cora had been taken care of, that would be it. The older woman would give it up for good.
Emma wills herself to remain impassive. Determine to hear Regina out.
"Can you tell me what it is then?" She asks quietly, trying to prove to the woman she's willing to listen and not condemn her.
"Thank you." Regina breathes out softly, "As you know, magic is all about emotions and intentions. The magic one can make is based on where it comes from and how it is used. My magic has always been dark, because of the intention of it. The emotion, it came from grief, anger and pain. It was born out of pure rage."
Emma does know this. During the battle with Cora, Regina had offered bits and pieces of her story to the blonde. She knew she may never get the complete truth from Regina about her past, but the things that the brunette had willingly given to Emma, some in painful detail, had been enough to convince Emma of one thing. That evil wasn't born, it was made.
Regina was pure proof of it.
"I've been trying to change the intention of my magic. To channel it from something good and pure within me. From what Henry believes is in me."
"That's why you've been meditating?" Emma asks suddenly, her mind swirling with the information Regina is giving her.
Regina nods, "It's been difficult. Trying to undo decades of…" Regina trails off, shaking her head softly. "Well it's been exhausting. I've managed to do a few small manifestations, but to heal. It's proving harder than I imagined."
Emma doesn't really know what to say to that. Magic has always been foreign to her, and even though Regina continually told her she had it, she'd never been interested in learning or finding out more. She knows magic is emotion and that Regina's magic was fuelled by pure bloodlust, and to be honest she hadn't even considered that it could be undone. Six months ago, Emma would have said there wasn't enough mediation in the world that could quell Regina's rage. But it's amazing what time and a little support can do.
Though she wonders what this is like for the brunette, to try to re-learn something all over again, something that had been as easy as breathing to her.
In that moment Emma has an oddly proud feeling come over her for the woman standing in front of her. The wave of affection she feels catches her off guard, but isn't unwelcomed. She can't even control the smile that pulls at her lips. Regina picks up on it almost instantly.
"What are you smiling at?" She brunette frowns at her.
"Just you. When you do something Regina, you go all out. I can't believe you're trying to change your magic." The amazement in her voice must be evident, because the older woman's frown slowly disappears and she just stares at Emma.
Emma just stares back under Regina's scrutiny, because she's gotten used to this, this woman's need to search for truth in Emma's words. At first it had been a little unnerving, but now she sees it for what it is, because Emma isn't the only one that's been burnt in the past and she understands Regina's wariness to fully believe her words.
Finding what she needs, Regina looks back down at her hands with a small genuine smile that's just a tad awkward and entirely cute. Emma wants to say something else, but she knows that Regina's attention has gone back to the task at hand. Because shit, if they don't stop that bleeding soon, Emma's gonna have to take the brunette to the hospital whether she likes it or not.
"I can do this." Regina repeats her earlier words and she sounds determined, like she doesn't care if she ends up passed out on the floor from blood loss. It is so typically Regina that Emma almost laughs.
"Well, stop messing around then." Emma retorts playfully at the brunette, hoping it will ease the growing anxiety she can feel in the woman beside her. Because Emma feels like Regina isn't someone that takes failure lightly or graciously.
The former Queen huffs, but doesn't bite back at the blondes words. Emma watches as Regina closes her eyes, a deep look of concentration settling over her features and Emma waits riveted, eyes locked on Regina's hands.
Slowly, a soft glow sprouts from the fingertips on Regina's uninjured hand. It grows steadily, the bright white light, so completely different from anything that Emma has come to associate with Regina's magic. It's obviously not the most complex magic she has seen, but it's possibly the most dazzling.
Regina's eyes open and Emma watches in complete fascination as the brunette waves her brightly glowing fingers over her injured hand almost lazily. The cut slowly draws itself together as the blood melts into nothingness. It's a truly amazing thing to watch, but Emma's eyes keep sliding back to the brunettes face.
Regina is so beautiful in that moment; the light in the brunette's eyes so alluringly wondrous that she can't look away. Whatever emotion Regina is channelling her magic through makes her an incredible sight. The shadow that normally hangs over the dark haired woman is gone and replaced by something warm and glorious.
Emma is leaning towards Regina before she can even contemplate it, because she wants to feel it, wants to taste it on the brunette. Just wants to get incredibly closer to her. The pull is too much, and she just can't stop it, can't stop herself.
"I'm sorry." she murmurs, just before she cups Regina's face and kisses her.
Her lips slide over Regina's languidly and it's everything she thought it was going to be and more. She can taste the magic in Regina, it vibrates through her, tingling Emma's senses and leaves her in a haze of feeling. Her chest explodes with relief when Regina moves against her, pushing closer, her fingers gripping the front of her shirt, pulling Emma to her.
It's ridiculous how connected she feels to the brunette in that moment, more so than she's felt with anyone since Neal. Maybe more than she even felt with Neal. She opens her mouth to Regina, taking the kiss deeper but keeping their leisurely pace and it's so fucking hot that the blonde has this insane thought about how maybe she should have been kissing girls this whole time.
Or maybe just kissing Evil Queens.
A choked whimper vibrates out of Regina's throat and into Emma's mouth, and just that sound alone. Fuck. It's needy and it does something to Emma's self control which she feels like she's barely holding onto. Because it feels like it would be so easy to push the brunette back and lift her up onto the bench behind them and...
Emma pulls back abruptly, letting her hands fall away from the brunette and she knows she was the one that initiated it, but she can't quite believe how heated it got so quickly. Her eyes lock with Regina's and even through the lust, she can see that the force of what just happened has startled the older woman also. That surprises Emma, because she's always thought of Regina as so worldly, so regal, that nothing could knock this woman off balance.
It's that idea, the thought that Emma gets under Regina's skin, spins her about, that almost draws her back to the woman. Regina seems to read her thoughts because suddenly she takes a quick step back. And it's written all over her face that shit, they can't do this. Can't do anything remotely close to this, for like a billion reasons.
But as she takes in the woman before her, all dark eyes and flushed cheeks, Emma can only think of reasons why she wants to kiss the brunette again.
Fuck. They're in so much trouble.
iii. Family
Of course they don't talk about it.
They fumble hopelessly around each other and for all of Regina's larger than life Evil Queen Persona, the brunette looks like a startled deer every time Emma gets within a foot of her. It's beyond frustrating, because even though Emma might have been the Queen of Running at one time, people running from her has always drove her absolutely fucking mental. This, she thinks absently, is probably why she's such a great bounty hunter.
She tries to be patient. She really does. But that's never really been her strong suit and with the brunette still refusing to see Henry, there are only so many places she can run into Regina without storming the steps of the mansion again. If there is one thing Emma has learnt over the last year, it's that Regina reacts very badly when pushed. And even though the former Queen might be trying to practice 'good' magic now, she still doesn't want to tempt Regina into throwing one of those bright looking balls of light at her.
Saying that, she's always kind of loved running the gauntlet when it came to the older woman, so why the hell stop now?
So after dropping Henry at school (because most things have gone back to normal) and grabbing two coffees to go from Granny's, Emma walks the familiar path up to the Mayor Mansion. It's funny she thinks, that there was a time when walking this stone pathway filled her with nothing but a sense of dread. Nothing good ever came of having to knock on Regina's door. Now it's the complete opposite. The place even offers an absurd amount of comfort as its towering columns loom over her. She uses her key and quickly permits herself entry and once inside she calls out to the brunette, announcing her appearance because this is the one time she doesn't want to startle the older woman.
Emma doesn't expect Regina to respond; in her mind she can already hear the former Queen berating her for her lack of manners because it is rude to bellow at someone in their own home. It's almost comical how much Regina takes space up in her own mind, always there, nitpicking or scolding her. Mostly it just makes Emma roll her eyes or snort in amusement because Regina's dry sarcastic wit is something Emma has come to appreciate a little more since the brunette allowed her into her home.
Emma heads for the kitchen. It's still fairly early in the day and she knows that Regina tends to let herself indulge in a lazy morning reading of the local paper or whatever book is currently holding her attention since she's still technically unemployed. Emma's working on that too. Since it's becoming rather apparent to the Blonde that even though Snow ran a kingdom for how many ever years, keeping a town running in the twenty first century is rather different and if anything else, the former Evil Queen has crazy good administrative skills.
But that's a completely different matter, one that's going to take time and a fair amount of strategic prodding to get anyone else to see.
Walking into the kitchen, she finds Regina standing with her hip braced against the kitchen island. The newspaper is folded so she can hold and read it in one hand and eat a toasted bagel with the other. Regina looks far from casual in her black slacks and white button down shirt, but the fact she doesn't yet have a blazer on or those ridiculously high heels means this is probably as casual as Regina gets these days.
"You know, I'm starting to come to regret giving you that key." Regina states mildly, not looking up from the paper in her hand.
"Too bad, no take-backs." Emma retorts, moving more into the kitchen and cautiously to the brunettes side. "Plus, I brought coffee. Ruby said she put a little something extra in there for you."
She places the cup on the bench, sliding it into the space between them with her fingertips like some kind of ceasefire, before stepping back and leaning against the opposite end of the kitchen island. Regina finishes off her bagel before reaching for the cup; her eyes finally rising to meet the blonde's and instantly Emma can read the wariness in them. Like Regina knows the coffee is an attempt to butter her up for the conversation that's going to follow.
An appreciate hum leaves the older woman's lips as she takes her first sip, "I'll have to thank Ruby next time I see her."
It shouldn't irk her. Because she knows how very few friends - well friends might be a stretch, maybe more like people that don't want to see her hung in the middle of town square - Regina has, and Ruby has been one of the few very forgiving people that accept Regina these days. Even going out of her way to make the brunette feel welcomed at Granny's. Emma asked her about it one day, and Ruby's reply had only been to shrug and say that the curse wasn't all that bad. Emma doesn't know much about Ruby's life in the Enchanted Forest, but sometimes Ruby gets this look in her eyes, a look Emma knows well. Abandonment and regret, mixed with something else, something darker. It makes Emma think that maybe they all had a little more in common than they realised, and had just nodded back at Ruby letting the subject fall away(secretly a tiny bit glad Regina had someone else in her corner).
But it shouldn't irk her. The fact that Ruby knew how Regina liked her coffee, that Ruby put 'something extra' into Regina's coffee, something that wasn't poison to make the former Queen hum like that. Emma didn't want to look too closely at why it bothered her, because mixed in with the fact that she had kissed the older woman not that long ago, she knew that there was only one reason why it would bother her.
Yeah, and that was ridiculous.
There was absolutely no fucking way she was jealous.
"So," Emma begins, clearing her throat, "Any plans for today?"
Regina looks at her again with those knowingly wary eyes, her finger tapping thoughtfully against the side of her coffee. Emma knows the brunette is choosing her words carefully, probably looking for the best way to get Emma out of here quickly and politely.
"Belle called, said she had found a book I've been searching for. Something from our world." Regina begins vaguely, but rushes to add with a roll of her eyes, "Don't worry. It's got nothing to do with magic."
"I wasn't going to ask that." Emma frowns, only just a little offended that Regina is so quick to think Emma only cares about the brunette staying on the non-magical band wagon. "I trust you, you know."
She means to say it offhandedly, maybe even a little defensively, but the way it comes out all soft tones and please believe me, Emma knows that she's royally screwed. Because in that moment she knows that she doesn't keep coming back here for Henry's sake. She is inexplicably drawn back to the older woman because she wants more.
Regina doesn't reply, her eyes have fallen back to the counter top and she's uncharacteristically silent. This Regina makes Emma nervous. She knows Regina is still finding her footing in all this change that herself and others are forcing on her. But seeing her unsure and hesitate is something entirely different. Emma would rather deal with the Madam Mayor over this woman. At least hateful words and sarcastic retorts were easy to deal with. This is awkward and prickly, and Emma would rather swallow a bunch of nails than talk about feelings, but if they don't talk about what happen soon, she's totally going to lose her shit.
"Regina," She sighs, forging ahead anyway, "can we talk about what happened the other night?"
"We kissed. What else is there to talk about?" Regina states bluntly, looking thoroughly unimpressed where this conversation is going. But it's the brunette's frank assessment of the situation that knocks Emma off balance. So maybe Regina wasn't afraid to talk about it, but that detached bravado she had going on didn't fool Emma and she wasn't about to let Regina hijack this conversation either.
"Well how about how you've been avoiding me since then?"
Regina scoffs at her, "I don't avoid people dear."
"Could've fooled me."
Regina glares at her then, and for some reason it's comforting, because if the former Queen is getting angry, that means she cares. She knows Regina is trying to protect herself (and probably thinks she's protecting Emma as well) but maybe on this grand road to redemption that Regina was on it was time for her to face her demons. Maybe it was time for both of them to face their demons. Because Emma knows she isn't the poster girl for happy relationships, except this year she got a Mother and Father who love her like crazy. She's got friends here in this bizarre little town of fairytale characters. For the first time in a long time she's putting down roots and doesn't feel the urge to run.
She thinks maybe this is exactly what they both need.
But still, she's not perfect, and far from good at this.
"What are you afraid of?" She challenges.
"Why aren't you afraid?" Regina counters her eyes still narrowed, and Emma is aware of how much of a standoff this is quickly becoming.
Instead of answering Regina's question, she switches gears because there is something that's just been bugging her for weeks now that she's got to know and she has a feeling it's all connected.
"Why won't you see Henry?"
Emma's abrupt change in conversation is enough to throw the brunette off balance and it's like she's hit an even more raw nerve. Regina draws her shoulders back, her jaw clenching, and it reminds Emma so much of the first few weeks she was in Storybrooke, going toe to toe with The Mayor. She doesn't give the brunette time to react though; instead she continues, ready to push Regina until she gets to the truth of it all.
"For so long you tried to keep him from me. Then you tried to win him back. And now that he willingly wants to see you, and fix this, you won't see him. Why? I don't understand."
And really she didn't. Because for weeks now, she's just been telling Henry that Regina needed time, that eventually she would come around, that at the moment she just needed some space. But Henry, Jesus he just kept asking 'when can I see my mom?' Every time she had to reply with a hopeful 'not yet' it breaks her heart. Regina may have changed, or was changing, but she wasn't dealing with any of it.
Emma has a sinking suspicion she knows the cause of that too.
"I was there too you know." She starts softly, and Regina's face contorts into a look that clearly states what the hell are you talking about Miss Swan, "With Cora," She tries to clarify, "I was right next to you. I helped you kill her."
Regina's reaction is instantaneous.
She stalks around the kitchen island, her eyes furious and for a split second Emma thinks Regina may actually murder her this time. Instead she shoves her. Hard. Emma stumbles, completely unprepared for such a reaction, but it's a minor miracle that Regina only hits her with her own physical strength (and maybe that's the biggest testament to Regina's will to change, the fact that Emma hasn't gone flying across the room yet).
"You don't mention her. Ever." Regina snarls.
Emma pushes back though, moving into the older woman's personal space, her tone equally as hard. Because this she can deal with. Emma has always found it easier to read Regina when she was in a flurry of rage. People might wear their hearts on their sleeves, but Regina wore her fury and Emma had learnt fairly early on that the older woman was far more truthful when she was in a fit of rage than moments of vulnerability.
"Why? What the hell does this have to do with Henry?"
"Because he doesn't love me like I loved her!" Regina finally shouts, and a second later it's like her brain has caught up with her mouth and she slinks back, an absolutely mortified look on her face at what she's revealed to Emma.
"Regina." she starts, not quite sure how to respond to that. She steps forward, wanting to do something. Anything. But Regina steps further away, waving her off. Emma bites the inside of her cheek, Christ, it had been months now and Regina is still wearing the gaping wound that Cora had left. She briefly wondered if it would ever heal.
"Tell me." She tries again, tracking Regina's movements around the kitchen. The brunette pauses; a look of complete helplessness on her face and Emma knows how much Regina struggles with the simple request Emma is making. It goes against every instinct Regina has, to ask for help or even contemplate revealing anything that could be deemed a weakness. Another thing that Cora has stomped into Regina, that Emma is slowly trying to coax out of the brunette. She likes to think she's making some kind of progress with the former Queen, because the woman hasn't snapped at her completely and thrown her out the front door.
Regina looks hesitant for a moment, but then gathers strength from within her, pushing through the insecurities and habits that she's only ever known.
"After everything she did to me and took from me, I still loved her. Because she was my Mother. But Henry..." Regina trails off, a pain so deep in her eyes that it makes Emma's throat tighten, "With the smallest notion of what I might be, who I might be...He ran."
It hits Emma hard then, what the brunette is saying and she wonders how long Regina has been brooding over this. Emma lets herself get consumed by the thought. Cora had abused Regina, psychologically and physically for most of her childhood, had taken everything from her. But Emma knew that Regina still loved her Mother unconditionally. Simply because she was her Mother. In the end, that's all it came down to.
Henry had all but crucified her, for things she'd done long before he was even born and that had hurt Regina beyond recognition. Before her stood a woman that had been so desperate to love, and be loved, but all she'd even known was pain. The two people that were supposed to be her family had left wounds so deep that Emma wasn't even sure how to go about mending them.
Emma knows in this moment anything she says isn't going to fix this. It can't magically mend Regina's relationship with Henry because it's broken and twisted. Not beyond repair, but it can't go back to what it was either. They won't get that back.
Although Emma thinks, maybe, just maybe, they can build something new.
Maybe they can all build something new together.
iv. Charlie
She's just leaving the diner with her parents and Henry when she gets Regina's text message. It's short and succinct, 'Are you busy?'. She tries not to let panic grip her, but she can count the amount of times Regina has actively sort her out on one hand. Most of those times involving some kind of impending doom.
She types a quick reply of 'Everything okay?', and bites her bottom lip while waiting for Regina's reply. It's not till Henry calls her name that she realises she's stop walking with her family, poised on the curb just outside Granny's.
"Hey, why don't you head off with your Grandparents? I gotta go check in with your Mom." She says before getting Regina's reply, because she knows that's the only place she's heading now even if the brunettes response doesn't involve some sort of looming disaster.
Snow's face instantly darkens, but Emma has long since stopped caring what her Mother thinks about all the time she's spending with Regina. It's an old argument now. She understands Snow's objections, and they're probably warranted (even with the tentative truce between the two women) but she won't lie to her parents about this, won't give excuses on why she's sneaking out all the time. In the beginning it might have seemed like the right thing to do, but now she feels like Regina deserves better from her because she doesn't want all this to be one sided: if Regina is standing up there on the ledge, Emma is going to be right there next to her.
"I'll come with you." Henry's eyes light up, because Regina still hasn't agreed to see Henry. Even after that morning in the brunette's kitchen, when she'd confessed one of her darker thoughts to Emma. They've touched on it once or twice since, and Emma likes to think they're making progress, but its slow moving because Regina has never been good with forgiveness.
"Sorry Kid, it's probably best if you go home with Snow and David."
Henry deflates instantly, and Emma can see that he's hurt by her reply. It's that reaction that makes her believe this really is for the best, because in some kind of ass backwards way this time apart for Regina and Henry has been a blessing. Now that all the dust has settled, Emma knows Henry is starting to regret a lot of the things he's said about his mom, and it's only with her absence that he's starting to remember all the good memories of her, of the good things she's done for him. As much as Henry is learning to forgive Regina for lying to him, Emma knows Regina is learning how to let go of all the hateful, nasty words Henry ever spoke to her that had played into the years of not being enough from her Mother.
Her phone vibrates in her hand indicating a new text message, and she reads it quickly before focusing on Henry again.
"Go on." She nods her head towards her waiting parents.
Henry stares her down for a moment (Christ and it reminds her so much of Regina), before finally turning and making his way over to Snow and David. She gives them a wave before heading in the opposite direction, deciding to walk because now that winter has passed, the night air is rather comfortable.
She looks back down at the phone in her hand, Regina's message still opened.
'Something to show you. I'll be in the backyard.'
Emma can't help but frown at the message; it's cryptic and vague. She shoots off a reply that she'll be there in ten before locking her phone and shoving it into the pocket of her leather jacket.
She can't help but quicken her stride as her mind begins to wonder at the possibilities of what Regina wants to show her. It can't be anything bad, she tries to tell herself, but even if it is, at least Regina called her. That has to mean something right? Whatever it is they can deal with it together. They've dealt with far worse, she's sure of it. Because if it really was some kind of emergency of the apocalyptic nature, Emma's sure that Regina would have at least inflicted some kind of urgency in her message, or at least called her.
She trusts that Regina won't put her in deliberate danger.
And she's also starting to trust her with a lot more.
They still haven't really spoken about the kiss, but Emma has noticed a distinct change in Regina since that morning in her kitchen. There is an openness about her that she's never seen before. Warm brown eyes track her movements when they're together now, and when she catches Regina staring, the look is thoughtful and unguarded. In those moments Emma can't help but smile at the dark haired woman. A small genuine smile that's probably infused with more affection than it should be, but when Regina returns the smile, just a tiny quirk of her lips...
...Well, Emma doesn't give a shit.
Because Regina's smile might be small, and maybe it's hesitate, but it's true and Emma can feel it. So perhaps they don't have to talk about anything after all.
Except for that kissing thing.
Emma wants to know when they can do that again and she knows that with more kissing will come talk of a relationship. She isn't stupid enough to think that either of them will do this causally. There is too much at stake, too much to risk for something that is not going to be permanent and serious. That used to scare her. The idea of a committed long term relationship.
After Neal, she had never wanted to put herself in that position to be hurt so badly again. His betrayal had left something dark and twisted inside her. Something that had only began to unravel slowly with the love that Henry showed her every day. But now Emma can feel something shifting within herself. The more time she spends in this crazy little town, with her parents and friends and son, she feels this need for more, for something permanent, and for the first time in a long time, she feels this need to be closer to someone.
Granted, wanting to do the relationship thing with Regina of all people is probably going to cause more trouble than it's worth. But then again, who's to say it will? She thinks maybe in all of its fucked-up-ness it might be kinda perfect. Because when she's around Regina she doesn't feel as broken. She looks at the brunette, and there reflected in her eyes is something Emma recognised and felt all the way down to her soul.
A need to just be loved, but with a fear of falling.
It's beyond crazy how connected she feels to Regina in those moments. She's never been good at comforting people, never been good at saying the right thing at the right moment, but with Regina she doesn't feel like she needs to say the right things. She doesn't feel the pressure that comes with the all becoming Saviour title. When Regina looks at her, it isn't with the same expectance that some of the townspeople have started to cultivate, like they're waiting for her to magically fix all their problems. Regina looks at her and she feels a strange kind of calm settle over herself. Because the brunette knows what it's like to be swallowed by darkness, to not want to recover from it. While Emma might have doused herself in alcohol at one stage to numb the loneliness, she knows that for Regina magic was the alcohol equivalent. They've both endured and they continue to struggle with the titles that have been thrust upon them. But they're both still here.
Maybe it's this, more than anything, which makes Emma feel linked with the Brunette. They're survivors, if nothing else.
She pulls herself out of the deep thoughts that have slowly taken over her mind as the Mansion comes into view. Not bothering with the front door, Emma makes her way to the side gate that will lead directly into the backyard. It's completely dark, but the path is lined with garden lights. Soft light illuminates her way as she moves around the side of the house and when the yard comes into view, what greets her stops her dead in her tracks.
Regina is sitting under her Apple tree; her legs crossed like a child would sit with a blanket spread underneath her. The garden lights scattered throughout the yard have created an almost magical glow around her, but that's not what draws Emma's attention. The brunettes fingers are glittering, like one of those sparklers that she used to light as a kid. The sparks pour from her, light bright and dazzling. Regina flicks her fingertips then and like miniature fireworks, colours explode just above her head, lively and alluring.
It makes Emma step further into the yard, watching the colours play over Regina's skin, so very enthralling. The former Queen is so very wondrous in that moment and like the night Emma watched her use this light magic to heal herself, she feels herself drawn forward by it.
But she stops suddenly, realising she isn't the only one captivated by the dark haired woman.
"What the hell is that!?" She shouts, her mouth getting the better of her as she squints at the shape that is currently sitting on Regina's knee.
Her voice rings out loud in the quiet yard, breaking Regina's concentration. The magic stops abruptly and the brunette twists to look at Emma over her shoulder, and as she does, the shape –that looks suspiciously like some kind of fairy that she's seen depicted in hundreds of children's books- goes shooting upwards, disappearing into the branches of the Apple tree.
Even in the low light Emma can make out Regina's disapproving look, and even if she couldn't see it, she can practically feel the irritation radiating off the older woman.
"Really, dear?" Regina states dryly, like she can't quite believe Emma hasn't gotten a better handle on that mouth of hers.
"No no no," She strides further into the yard, not stopping until she's standing in front of Regina, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "I stand by my outburst, what the hell was that?"
Regina simply looks up at her from her position on the ground.
"You would think," She starts slowly, the bemusement evident in her tone, "After everything you've seen and done, that you wouldn't be so surprised by just a tiny magical creature."
"Magical creature?" Emma repeats in disbelief, her eyes scanning the branches of the Apple tree, "It was a freaking fairy Regina, and it damn well didn't look like Blue."
Regina climbs to her feet, "That's because it isn't."
"What?" Emma shakes her head, feeling confused as ever, "Is this what you wanted to show me?"
The brunette sighs, "Yes, it was. But I didn't think you'd… react like this."
Emma's eyes drift back to Regina, and she's startled to see the older woman looking slightly disappointed. It hits her then that this maybe might have been a surprise from the brunette. A good surprise. A surprise that involved Regina sharing something with her, something that she's starting to think the brunette hasn't shared with anyone before.
"Oh." She says lamely, feeling a little sheepish.
"It's okay." Regina soothes, and Emma thinks it might be really okay when she feels the older woman's hand slip down to hers, entwining their fingers gently.
It's the first time that Regina has ever initiated contact between the two of them and Emma feels herself holding her breath. It shouldn't be a big deal, but she feels something bloom in her chest, something like hope and want and yes finally.
"I think I can coax him back down." Regina says softly.
"Him?" Emma questions, trying to drag her attention back to the brunette's words and not the warmth of her hand.
"Charlie." She responds, dark eyes drifting back up to where the creature had disappeared, "And no. He is not a fairy. He's an Imp."
"Wait. What? An Imp? Aren't they like tiny demons or something?" Emma asks, genuinely curious, and maybe just a bit nervous that Regina has a demon living in her Apple tree.
Regina scoffs.
"As always dear, your lack of knowledge of the world you come from is astounding." The brunette mocks gently, "The origin of the Imp is very much unknown and there seems to be many versions. Like one could call Gold an 'imp' if they wished, and still be technically accurate."
Emma snorts then, because she has heard Regina call Gold an Imp before. In a rather heated argument that involved a lot of other very creative words that Emma was sure she'd have to go look up in a dictionary later.
"Hush you." Regina scolds softly, but Emma can see the playful glint in her eyes and she knows that Regina is thinking of the exact same moment as Emma, "It is believed that Imps are bound by something; this one happens to be bound to my Apple tree. I don't think he could manifest until magic returned to Storybrooke. Since then he has made his presence very much known."
"What does that mean?" Emma asks as the brunette gets a particular look on her face.
"Imps are known for being mischievous. That's how they draw attention, because what most people don't know is that all they are looking for is human interaction, and even friendship in some instances. Charlie here got my undivided attention."
Emma smirks, "You're not going to tell me what he did are you?"
"I'll take that secret to the grave, though the garden gnomes may never recover." Regina teases, her voice low, flowing over Emma like warm honey and it dawns on her that the brunette is flirting.
Emma feels her smirk slide into grin, absolutely delighted by this side of Regina. She knows Regina can be seductive, knows the brunette has used that to get what she wants. Used it to manipulate people. But she's never seen her quite this playful. She remembers Snow telling her about the young girl Regina used to be, how open and affectionate she was, how Regina swore to Snow that that girl was dead. Not for the first time Emma wonders if that's not the case. Wonders if that girl has only been lying dormant within Regina, just waiting for someone to come and let her out again.
Emma makes a promise to herself then to find out.
She slides closer to Regina, the fingers on her other hand rising to stroke up the older woman's bare forearm. She feels the former Queen's muscles stiffen under the contact for a fraction of a second, then slowly relax. Emma briefly wonders how long it's been since anyone touched Regina like this, with tender intent, instead of hands that want to hurt.
"So. Charlie." She says, letting her grin melt into an encouraging smile, "You said you can coax him back out? Don't leave me hanging here."
"No, I wouldn't want to do that," The older woman breathes, her sarcasm evident but loses its sting by her reverent tone. Regina's eyes roam Emma's face and she tries to stay very still under the brunette's scrutiny, because she knows this part of the former Queen, the part that is open to love and affection is startled so very easily.
Regina breaks their gaze then, letting her dark eyes drift back up to the trees branches.
"It's very easy actually. Charlie is fascinated by magic and I think maybe you can help with that."
Now its Emma's turn to stiffen. Magic still makes her a little uneasy, well more specifically her own magic makes her uneasy. Even in the battle with Cora she had refused to learn anything about it, leaving all the magical wielding to Regina. She had simply let the brunette be her shield, buffering any magical attacks thrown her way and when Regina had started to look depleted, offered herself up as a rechargeable battery to the witch. It's funny; Emma hadn't really bought into the whole product of True Love being super powerful thing.
Until she'd seen Regina full of their combined magic.
It was like watching light meet dark, the brunette's fury combining with Emma's love and erupting out of the former Queen like an unstoppable force. Ultimately it had been the turning point in the battle. Cora had no shield for the sheer amount of power Regina had thrown at her; it had brought the Queen of Hearts to her knees and in the end, to Emma's sword.
"How?" She asks Regina, trying to cover her darkening thoughts from the brunette.
Regina doesn't answer her, just slips her hand from Emma's grasp and Emma can't help but feel disappointed somehow. It doesn't last long though, as Regina moves to stand slightly behind her and the brunette is so close she can feel the warmth radiating from her. Regina's left hand falls to Emma's hip, settling lightly against the curve as her right hand moves to take Emma's hand again. Emma watches their right hands slide together, palm to palm as Regina lifts them slightly, making no move to lace their fingers.
Emma feels her heart beat pick up its pace, pounding erratically in her chest and she knows Regina will hear it too (thanks to all those years of taking hearts). There is no way to cover how her body reacts to the brunettes close proximity and dammit, she doesn't want too. It's taken them a lot to get to this point, and in that moment she knows her mind is made up.
She wants Regina.
Evil fucking Queen and all.
"We'll keep it simple." Regina murmurs to her, and Emma feels the fingers on her hip slide underneath her leather jacket and simple cotton shirt she's wearing. Regina's fingers are smooth across bare skin and Emma's breath catches in her throat. Jesus fucking Christ how was she supposed to concentrate on anything, let alone making magic with the brunette's fingers touching her like this?
"Regina." She warns the older woman, her voice sounding rough even to her own ears.
"Sorry dear." Regina whispers, but Emma can hear the smirk in the older woman's voice. The hand in question flattens against her skin again, halting its caress. It ridiculous how much she wants to kiss Regina then and some of it must show on her face, because she starts to turn in the brunettes embrace, but Regina holds her firm with the hand on her hip. "Not yet."
She's only a little bit embarrassed at the needy frustrated sound that comes from the back of her throat. Regina lets out a breathless laugh, a sound she's never heard from the former Queen and it pulls Emma further into this hazy web Regina seems to be weaving around them.
"I'll guide your magic." The brunette says, trying to bring them back to the task at hand, "Don't think about making the sparks, but think about how they feel. Imagine them slipping from your fingertips. Warm and glittering. Just let it flow."
Emma closes her eyes, embracing Regina's words, letting them consume her. Feeling the pull of something inside her, it races towards the surface and she doesn't think about it, just lets it be. Trusting Regina to channel her magic, and direct it accordingly. She feels the magical link with the brunette, feels it run deep within her. It smoothes over the cracks and broken pieces of her soul, warming and mending and all she wants to do is get incredibly closer to this feeling.
It's a remarkable sensation.
"Open your eyes." Regina whispers to her.
Emma does as instructed, the sight before utterly enchanting. Bright sparks of light dance from their fingertips, jumping up into the sky above them. They flutter restlessly, like fireflies in the night sky, shimmering vividly. It's truly a sight to behold, and absently she thinks that Henry would love to see this.
Apparently he isn't the only one, because from the corner of her eye she can see Charlie peering out from his hiding spot (and shit, wasn't that a face that only a mother could love). Slowly he floats down from the tree, hovering in the air, absolutely transfixed by the magic in front of him. His large eyes alight with wonder and he babbles happily to himself, in a language Emma doesn't even recognise.
"It's a very old language from our World." Regina answers before Emma even gets to voice the question. Something tugs at her brain then, reminding her of something, some piece of information that she's stored away for later, deeming it unnecessary at the time when she heard it but not dismissing it entirely.
"The book," She starts, looking at Regina again, "The book you said Belle found for you."
Regina looks surprised for a moment, like she didn't really expect Emma to remember such a flippant comment she made weeks ago, then slowly she nods, "It was a book of languages. Mother made me learn it when I was young, but it's been decades since I've spoken it."
It's an offhand comment, the words not important to the moment, but in the grand scale of things, of how far they've come, Emma feels like all the risks she's taken in regards to Regina have finally just paid off. The brunette even speaking of her Mother in such causal terms, without tears, or doors slamming or something breaking feels like such a huge victory.
Regina is slowly healing, even though she knows that some days Regina is just waiting for the other shoe to drop, just waiting for Emma to rip this chance away from her. Just like every other chance at happiness has been ripped away from her. She's still trying and still battling and sometimes Emma wishes everyone else could see this woman, see what Emma sees.
Because Regina is strong and beautiful and vulnerable and just so god damn human.
It's far from perfect, whatever it is they are or whatever is it they're doing.
But they're doing it on their terms, and to Emma that makes it perfect.
v. The Stable
She's running late.
It's not her fault, not really. Because as it happens, life actually seems to go on and even though six months ago she was swinging a sword being everything the Saviour title implied, she still has a day job to do and now that all the dust has seemed to settle, all the Storybrooke residents have gone back to their annoying little selves.
For a bunch of people that are supposedly on the 'good' side, they complain an awful lot.
But Emma lets that slip from her mind as she approaches the stables, hoping that with Henry there to run interference, Regina won't notice her tardiness. It's not like she's participating anyway, Emma just wants to watch, because watching Regina and Henry do anything together is fast becoming one of her favourite things to do (not that she's going to tell either of them that, because really, she has a reputation to maintain).
This is the first time they've done something together that involved leaving the former Mayors house and Emma knows how much anxiety Regina has for even stepping anywhere near the stables. But Emma thinks this is a big step in Regina's healing process, and in turn an even bigger step in the mending of Regina and Henry's relationship. The brunette had mentioned once or twice, in short clipped syllables (and then with instant dismissal, refusing to say anymore) why she doesn't want to go near the stables.
Emma gets it, she really does. Regina doesn't talk about Daniel, and she doesn't know if the brunette will ever feel comfortable enough with her to talk about him. Bad things happened here. Things that Regina will probably never let go of, but as Emma has learnt (from a few different sources), riding horses had been a big part of Regina's life before The Evil Queen ever existed.
So this had been her idea. She knows David had started teaching Henry to ride, but with everything that had happened, those lessons had been pushed aside and forgotten about. So she had tentatively raised the idea with Regina, about maybe her teaching Henry to ride, thinking maybe it would be a good bonding thing Mother and Son could do together.
At first, Regina had flat out refused.
Her discomfort at the subject was written plainly across her features, and when discomfort had given away to distress, the conversation had ended abruptly. Emma hadn't wanted to push the older woman, but she really thought she was onto something here.
When she heard Henry asking Snow about what his Mother was like before she was the Evil Queen one night, it had strengthened her resolve to get Regina to do this. She thought maybe with Henry by Regina's side they could conquer this. It would never erase that the stables had been the location of Daniel's horrible fate, but perhaps they could make some new memories here. Loosening the tight grasp that Regina's past seemed to hold over her.
As soon as Henry had found out his Mother could ride horses, it had been game, set and match. Regina even in her misery and rage could never resist her son. Regina bended easily to Henry's will, and Emma had to wonder (not for the first time) if Henry even knew the power that he held over the dark haired woman.
Whether he knew or not, today was their first lesson.
She'd wanted to be here early, just to gauge the older woman's emotional state because even if Henry didn't remember the significance this place held for his Mother, Emma did, and she wanted to make sure today went smoothly for all parties involved.
As she made her way through the Stables, she spots Henry sitting on the wooden fence that separates the training rink and equestrian course. His eyes were entirely focused on Regina, who sat atop a large black stallion. The rider and horse seemed to be slowly making their way through the course, at a pace that suggested Regina was testing her skills and trying to familiarise herself with the intricacy of riding again.
"Hey Kid." Emma greets, as she braces her forearms on the top plank of wood Henry was seated on.
Henry turns to look at her, smile upon his face, "Hey Emma."
"How's she doing?" She nods out towards Regina, and watches as the brunette expertly guides her horse around a barrel before spurring it on at a slightly increasing speed.
Henry's smile falters, and then slips away, his expression thoughtful, "She was quiet on the drive over and when we got here she asked if she could just ride by herself for a bit. She joked that she would be a pretty bad teacher if she couldn't remember how to do it properly," He pauses for a second, hesitating, "I know Mom doesn't want to be here Emma."
"It's not that she doesn't want to be here with you." She spoke honestly, trying to reassure him.
"I know." Henry was quick to reply, but he looked sad all of a sudden, "It's because of Daniel right?"
Emma let her eyes drift back out to Regina. She had no idea how much Henry knew about Regina's life before Storybrooke. She did know Henry had seen Daniel after Whale had brought him back from the dead. When Regina had to essentially kill him. But she's not sure if anyone had bothered to explain any of that to Henry. At that stage Henry had been staying with David, who as far as Emma was aware, was totally clueless on the whole situation as well.
She bites her lip while weighing up her options. It's not that she wants to keep this from Henry, but its Regina's story and after everything, if Henry is going to learn it, Regina should be the one to tell it.
"Yeah." She sighs, "She's trying though kid. Just be patient, okay? Trust me, you're Mom won't let anything stop her if it means she gets to spend this time with you."
Henry nods, seemingly content with her answers for now and if he wants to ask more about Regina's past, he doesn't. They fall into a comfortable silence, both sets of eyes fixed on Regina. They both watch as the brunette picks up her pace, obviously growing in confidence as she navigates the course with smooth flicks of her wrists on the reins.
Emma feels her complete attention being absorbed by the dark haired woman, because she can't remember ever seeing Regina do something that she actually enjoyed. When the woman rounds another barrel, her path putting her on a clear course to jump a barrier, Emma feels her heart beat increase. Nervously hoping Regina knows what she's doing.
The brunette completes the jump smoothly, like it was nothing, and Emma feels a grin break out over her face, slightly in awe at this woman she feels like she's seeing for the first time.
"I didn't even know." Henry says drawing her attention.
"Didn't know what kid?" She asks, and when she glances over at him, she can see the same look of wonder on his face.
"That she could do this. She's awesome at it Emma and I didn't even know. I didn't even know she could ride a horse." Henry finishes, his facing falling and looking entirely sad again.
In that moment she feels like wrapping their son up completely. She wants to hug him and sooth him, and tell him it's not his fault. Except Emma knew it had only been a matter of time, she had known this lesson was coming. That one day all the words Henry had said about his Mom and the way that he had so easily walked away from her would all come crashing back in a wave of guilt and regret.
He'd been too caught up in gaining Grandparents and a Father than caring about the woman that had raised him. His family had been a group of Heroes, so in the eyes of a child, how could the supposed 'Villain' ever compete? But a lot had happened since then and she knew that Henry's black and white grip on reality had slowly been twisted.
Because sometimes the Hero struggles as much as the Villain and sometimes the Villain can save the Hero. Not everything happens how it's supposed to, between black and white, there are various amounts of grey. These are the things Henry is learning now. He's learning that his Mother wasn't always the Villain, that people sometimes aren't borne evil; they're made that way through years of mistreatment.
Regina's past will never justify what she did, but in Henry's eyes, understanding these things has helped them rebuild their relationship and helped him know his Mother.
"Neither did I," She starts, deciding to try and pull this conversation from the dark place it was heading, because today wasn't about that. "But, now we do. So let's focus on that okay. Today's suppose to be fun and look here comes you're Mom now. Maybe if you tell her how awesome she was, she'll do some more jumps so we can watch after your lesson."
That seemed to perk Henry up somewhat and he jumped down from the fence as Regina approached them, eager to start his lesson. As soon as Regina slipped down from the saddle, the boy was at his Mother's side instantly.
"Mom, that was awesome! Where did you learn to ride like that? Can you teach me to jump? If I had known you could ride, I would have asked you to teach me and not Gramps." Henry prattled on with such eagerness that it was almost overwhelming.
"Whoa Kid, slow down," Emma laughs, "Take a breath."
"Sorry." Henry grins sheepishly.
"It's okay." Regina says with a small smile, but something else in the look in her eyes. Emma didn't think she'd even seen Regina's eyes sparkle like that before, and it was amazing how this woman came alight under Henry's praise and attention. "Why don't we go get your horse saddled up and we can start?"
"Okay!" Henry is already turning and tearing off back towards the stables without further prompting.
"Well," Emma drawls, "You can't fault his enthusiasm."
Regina let out a breathless laugh, "No, I guess you can't."
As Regina watches their son disappear into the stables, Emma takes that moment to move in closer to the brunette. Reaching out, she lets her hand slip across the small of her back, rubbing gently. Emma still isn't good with words, they both aren't, but they've always been women of action and Emma knows that just through this simple contact, Regina will feel all the things Emma can't say.
"Hi." She grins in greeting, when Regina's attention falls back on her. Emma moves in closer still, as dark eyes watch her curiously and she fucking loves this. The feeling she still gets when she leans in; its half nerves, half excitement and half still expecting Regina to smack her into next week.
It's exhilarating.
But then all of that melts into slow motion, as their lips press together in a soft kiss.
This is new, for both of them.
The close affectionate part of the relationship, because they're both extremely private people and have been alone for a very long time. While everything else has seemed to transition easily, this part had been harder and the more Emma had thought about her actions and second guessed herself, the more awkward it had become. But now she doesn't think about it, if she wants to kiss Regina, she's going to kiss Regina and unless the brunette blatantly pushes her away (because yes, admittedly there might be places she should not be so openly affectionate with the former Queen, and Granny's during lunch rush might be one of those).
Though Regina might be something of a sexual goddess in the bedroom, when it comes to these things, the dark haired woman was almost shy and Emma understands why.
These little touches of happiness and love, this closeness is far more intimate to the brunette than sex could ever be. Because Regina might have been so desperate to be loved, but accepting love and returning it was something so foreign to her. She might not initiate kisses, or reach for Emma's hand when they walk together, but the fact that Regina reciprocates and kisses her back when Emma does, is all Emma needs for now.
Regina is smiling softly when Emma pulls back, and she doesn't think she'll ever get used to it. Seeing such a content look on the older woman's face, it's amazingly beautiful, and makes Regina look years younger.
"You better go see to our son," Emma says, letting her hand slip from the older woman's back to her hip, giving the curve a squeeze, "He's far too excited to be patient."
As if on cue, Henry's voice bellows from the stables, yelling for his mom to hurry up.
Regina rolls her eyes, "That he gets from you."
They share a private smile, and Emma shrugs lightly, because hey, she'll take that one if it means Henry is yelling at Regina to hurry so they can spend more time together.
And yeah, they might be taking things slow, and they might be still testing the waters for what works for them in this relationship, but that doesn't mean Emma is ever going to stop running the gauntlet with Regina. So when the older woman moves from her grip, leading her horse by the reins back towards the stable where Henry awaits her, she can't help but reach out and smack the brunette's ass cheekily.
Regina jumps, a sound erupting from her throat that Emma hasn't heard before. Something like a girlish squeal, that she's sure Regina will adamantly deny if asked about later. It's fucking fantastic and Emma can't help but grin, even when the former Queen gives her a dirty look.
Oh yeah, she thinks, totally worth it.
She watches Regina stride away, horse trailing after her and it dawns on Emma, that yes, it totally is worth it.
All of it.
All the shit she's had to deal with to get to this point has been completely worth it, because she has a son that she loves beyond life itself. She's got parents and friends and a home in this crazy little town.
All the things she never thought she'd get and sometimes never thought she deserved.
Plus, she's got something extra too. She has this gorgeously flawed woman by her side and it doesn't matter to Emma that they haven't labelled what they are to each other. It's probably way too early to call it love, but she knows whatever it is, it's deep and true, and she's not running from it.
Evil Queen or not, Emma knows that when Regina loves, she does it whole heartedly and all the way down to her soul. That kind of love should scare Emma and maybe a year ago it might have, but for some reason the idea that Regina would literally kill before letting someone hurt her or their son is oddly reassuring. Because she's never felt this safe with anyone before, and it's probably entirely fucked up that she gets that from The Evil Queen (and it will probably hold untold amounts of trouble for them down the road but that's okay, since it wouldn't be them if it was all easy).
For some reason it works, in their own ass-backwards way and she thinks that life will probably have other things install for them and it will be hard. Seeing as life in general has mostly been a bit of a kick in the groin for both of them.
Except, if they get moments like these between all the crap, Emma knows it will be worth it.
Hearing the laughter of her son and his mother, she thinks yeah, life's not half bad.
Actually, life is pretty fucking great.
Fin