Title: Because of an Imperfect World
Fandom: Hetalia/Nyotalia
Summary: Feliciano goes off on a business trip to Italy for a month, leaving his wife, Luise, at home, even though she hasn't been feeling quite right. He asks Lovino to keep an eye on her for him, which he does. None of them expected what happened, though, and Lovino has to step up.
Verse: Human AU
Rating: T
Wordcount: 5,935
Length: Oneshot
Characters: Feliciano Vargas (Italy), Luise Beilschmidt Vargas (Fem!Germany), Lovino Vargas (Romano), various side characters
Warnings: Medical talk, blood, miscarriage
Author: Figuringitoutasigoalong/RealityBreakGirl/SurroundedByBothersomeFools
A/N: Based off of this prompt from optprompts on tumblr:
"Imagine that someone in your OTP/3 is pregnant (either they know or don't know) and goes on a month long trip -reason why is up to you. When they come back their partner(s) is happy that they are back, but can see that something is bothering them. Gently their partner(s) ask them about it and he/she starts by repeatedly saying how sorry they are for not telling them sooner and reveals they that had been pregnant, but lost the baby. How do they handle it?"
There's no OT3, just an OTP, but Lovino is a big help in this story. It doesn't follow the prompt exactly, but I do like how it turned out and since it was based off of that prompt I thought I'd include it. Also, I haven't written in a while, so I'm sorry.
"I'll be back in a month. Are you sure you're okay with this?" Feliciano Vargas searched his wife's eyes for the answer to his question even as a cool breeze blew by the couple. They stood just outside their front door, him dressed in a comfortable but sharp suit, she still in her pajamas.
Luise let out a small, sharp huff of air at his question, its harshness belayed by the small smile that curled her lips up. "Feli, we've been over this. I will be fine. You know that I can take care of myself." She said with a small, amused shake of her head.
Feli bit his lip and squeezed her hand—he hadn't let go of it since the two of them had gotten to the door of their house. He never wanted to let her go, ever. This month was going to be rough. "I know that you can," he said, tilting his head to the side a bit and looking down at their joined hands, "but you haven't been feeling very well lately and I just worry, that's all."
Luise smiled at him, a bigger, softer smile on her lips and squeezed his hand back. "Feli, that's sweet. But I will be fine. It's just a slightly upset stomach, that's all. I'm sure that it's just something that I picked up in the school. You know I subbed for a teacher who caught the virus that is going around. It's nothing. It will leave soon enough. You just worry too much." She leaned her head down a little and caught his eyes.
Feli looked back up and his wife, caught up in her eyes. "Well I love you," he said simply. "Of course I worry," but a smile had grown back on his face. He knew that Luise was probably right. His wife could take care of herself. If anyone could, it was her. He was just looking for an excuse not to leave her for an entire month. He leaned into to kiss her and picked up his suitcase. "I'll send Lovino by to check on you, alright?"
"Alright," she responded, as their lips parted. "Keep me updated on your trip. Be careful. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," he replied. With one last squeeze of her hand, Feliciano turned to go to the car where his brother was waiting on him. He kept glancing back, though, and gave her one last wave as he opened the car door and climbed in.
"Took you long enough," Lovino grumped as Feliciano closed the door. "I was about to be sick watching you two."
"Aw, don't be mean, Lovi…" Feliciano whined, although he knew that his brother didn't really mean it.
Lovino snorted as he put the car in drive. "Whatever. Let's just get going."
As Feliciano buckled up he took one last look back at his house and at Luise standing on the front stoop, watching them drive away. He couldn't help but smile at that, even as his brother noticed and muttered about sappy love-sick fools under his breath.
...
The ride to the airport was largely uneventful, the two of them just barely managing to miss the worst of the morning rush traffic. Most of the trip was spent going over the business details that Feliciano needed to remember for their partners and suppliers in Italy. Feliciano was confident that he had this under control and, although Lovino said he wasn't sure, both the brothers knew that Lovino was only saying that for appearances sake.
They finally pulled up to a drop-off area and Lovino put the car in park, leaving it idling.
"Do you have everything, Idiot?" Lovino asked.
"Ci, I believe I do." Feliciano replied. "If I've forgotten anything, though, you can fax or email it to me, right?"
"Yeah, I can, but hopefully you aren't that brain-dead,"
Feliciano laughed at that, and made sure that he had his briefcase and jacket with him as he unbuckled and opened the door. But then he paused, his expression gone serious. "Do me a favor, Vino?" Feliciano asked right before he got out of the car.
"What is it?" Lovino asked, looking up, startled by his brother's serious tone.
"Keep an eye on Luise for me, will you? She…she hasn't been feeling well lately."
Lovino locked eyes with Feliciano. As much crap as he gave his brother about marrying the German-descended woman, once she had married she was family. And family meant that they looked out for each other. That was integral to the way they were raised, to who they were. No matter personal feelings, family was family and you looked out for them.
"I will." He responded solemnly.
The brothers held gazes for a couple of seconds and that was enough for Feliciano. He gave his brother a firm, quick smile and got on out of the car, closing the door. He got his luggage out of the back and then turned to go into the airport with only a quick wave and a 'good-bye' tossed back.
Lovino waited until he was sure that his brother was all the way inside before putting the sleek car back in drive and taking off perhaps a bit faster then he should.
He would keep his promise to his brother. That was certain.
...
The month had actually passed by fairly quickly. Lovino had received numerous calls, texts and emails from Feliciano confirming that everything was going well in Italy and occasionally requesting documents or information that Lovino had at this office. That wasn't a problem and Lovino didn't really mind sending those off, although he did occasionally yell at his brother for waking him up at odd times of the night. Lovino wasn't sure if Feliciano couldn't get a handle on the time change or if he was just being a pain. He highly expected the later as Luise never complained about getting phone calls in the middle of the night.
Lovino had kept his promise to Feliciano too, keeping an eye on Luise. He was right, she had seemed run down and not feeling the best, but she kept brushing it off. She told Lovino that there was a virus or two going around the schools that she frequently substituted in and, as she was subbing for teachers that had caught it most of the time, it only made sense that she'd pick up at least some of it. Lovino had to admit that it made sense. He, personally, didn't have any children to confirm if that was true, but he had heard some of his employees talking about it, so he knew that Luise wasn't over-playing it just to brush his suspicions away.
The two of them had actually met several times for food, or once, for a festival that the city was having that they both wanted to attend anyway. Aside from being a bit tired and having an uneasy stomach (Lovino didn't think he was going to eat Greek from a street vendor for a while now, not after seeing what it looked like the second time around) she had been, on the whole, fine, keeping to her normal schedule.
So when Luise didn't show up for the lunch they had scheduled, Lovino had gotten a touch worried, although he masked it with annoyance. When he didn't get a text or an email from her explaining why she was late he got concerned. When there had been nothing from her after thirty minutes Lovino gave up masking his emotions as anything but worry and had quickly left the restaurant and driven over to her and Feliciano's house.
It didn't take him long to get there, especially with his driving, and he whipped his car into the driveway expertly. Her car was still there. He quickly got out of the car and made his way to the front door. It was, of course, locked. Frowning he rang the doorbell. No one came and, listening carefully, Lovino couldn't hear anyone coming. He fumbled around with the keys that were still in his hands, finally finding the spare house keys his brother and sister-in-law had given him.
He unlocked the door and walked in. "Hey, Luise. Luise. Where are you, you potato eater?" he called out as he came in.
The house was dark, and a little bit messy. It almost looked as if she hadn't cleaned up well for a couple of days. That wasn't right at all. Luise always, always kept the house looking spotless, even with Feliciano leaving things everywhere and making a mess. A frown formed on Lovino's face. Something wasn't right.
He had just opened his mouth to call out again when a groan caught his ear. He quickly turned to go towards it, moving quietly towards the back of the house, where the bedrooms and bathroom were. He passed the bathroom, its door closed, and that's when he heard another noise. It stopped him and he looked at the bathroom door hesitantly.
"L-Luise?" he called out. He heard a noise of some sort coming from the inside, but he couldn't tell if it was just too muffled for him to make out, or if there were no words involved. Lovino bit the inside of his cheek, hesitating for a moment. Finally he decided that he was just going to go on in. If she was in trouble then it was the right thing to do. If she wasn't then, well, she'd probably hit him, but she was logical. She'd understand the reasoning. "Luise." he called out loudly. "Luise, I'm coming in." He pushed the door open slowly, and then stopped cold.
"Luise!"
She was kneeling on the ground, one arm clutched around her abdomen and another up and gripping the edge of the counter so hard her fingers were white. It looked like she had just sunk to knees after standing there. Her breathing was choppy and kept catching, as if she was in great pain and trying to breathe through it. And there was blood. There was a pair of underwear clearly stained with blood on the floor as well as a pair of sweatpants. A quick glance towards the garbage can showed some blood stained items in it as well. Lovino was no doctor, but the blood plus the pain she seemed to be in did not seem good to him.
He kneeled down near her, and reached out to cup her face. He tilted her face towards him, surprised to find a few tears running down it. "Luise, Luise, it's me, Lovino. What's happening? What's wrong?"
"Lo-vi-no—" Luise ground out, opening her eyes to look at him. "I don't—I don't—know. But it—it hurts."
Lovino nodded, keeping his eyes on hers. "Okay, Okay. We'll figure this out," He shifted her just a bit, to help her up and that's when he noticed more blood leaking through the pair of sweats she was wearing. He swallowed hard. "Don't worry," he said "We'll get through this."
And that's when he decided to take her to the hospital.
...
Normally a person would have called an ambulance or 911. But Lovino was more than certain that he could get her to the hospital faster. They would have to wait on an ambulance to arrive and Lovino figured that he could cut that time at least in half by just taking her there himself. So he pulled her up, grabbed some towels out of a laundry basket on the way, and her purse, and they made their way out to his car.
With his sense of urgency and his usual style of driving it didn't take them long at all to get to the hospital. Lovino pulled right up to the doors to the emergency room, something that immediately had people taking notice, because who does that?
People with emergencies do, the jerk faces, Lovino thought, but he had little time for anything else as he jumped out of the car and around to the passenger side of his car, opening the door and yelling for someone to just come and help him already.
A blond doctor had already been on his way, alerted by security after Lovino had pulled up and rushed around to the other side of the car.
"What's the problem?" he asked, not even wasting any time as his green eyes swept over Luise, already assessing.
"I don't know. But she's bleeding, a lot," Lovino said, "and she's in pain,"
"Bleeding from where?" the doctor asked.
"V-vaginally," Luise said.
The doctor looked back over his shoulder at a couple of nurses that had come out with him. "Sakura, get a wheelchair," he ordered "and prepare bay five, Amelia"
The two nurses nodded and quickly turned, the young, blonde one disappearing inside while the short, Asian girl quickly returned with a wheelchair.
"Here we go," the doctor said, "Up and into the wheelchair, and then we'll take you inside to see what's the matter."
He and the nurse helped Luise into the chair. As the nurse began to turn it to wheel it inside, Luise reached back, catching Lovino's sleeve "D-don't call Feli," she said.
"What, no!" Lovino protested, shocked. "He has a right to know!"
Luise shook her head "Wait—let's see—see what's happening. He-he only has a few more—If it's nothing…"
"You need to let go, love, so we can take you back," the doctor gently admonished.
"Alright, alright," Lovino agreed, just to get her let go of him and let the doctor and nurse take her in. "I'll wait at least until we find out something!"
Luise let go of him then and she was whisked inside by the doctor and nurse. Lovino watched them for a brief moment, until the guard reminded him that he was going to have to move his car. Lovino snapped at him, but he did get back in his car to move it.
...
The waiting room was crowded and loud and Lovino had had absolutely nothing to do after he had filled out some paperwork for Luise. So he had sat there, mind-numbingly bored, contemplating calling Feliciano anyway, despite what he had said to Luise. Of course, if it turned out to be nothing, then he didn't want to worry his brother. But if it was something, then didn't Feliciano deserve to know? Luise was his wife after all. So he sat there, rolling the problem over and over in his mind, strictly ignoring the cell phone on silent in his pocket.
"Family of Luise Vargas?"
Lovino looked up to see the same blond-haired, green-eyed doctor that had met him outside looking around the waiting room. Lovino stood up immediately. "Ci, that's me. I'm her brother-in-law."
The doctor nodded and beckoned him over. Lovino wasted no time in going towards the doctor, dodging kids and people's feet as quickly as he could. "How is she? What happened?" Lovino asked almost as soon as he got to the doctor.
The doctor held up his hands to forestall the questions. "Mr. Vargas then?" Lovino nodded. "Let's step somewhere a bit more private then," the doctor said.
Lovino followed the doctor as they walked over towards a slightly more private waiting room. "I'm Dr. Kirkland, Mr. Vargas. You don't need to worry about your sister-in-law. She will be fine," the doctor said. "The bleeding has stopped now and we've found the cause."
"What is it?" Lovino asked anxiously. All of the waiting had gotten to him and he just wanted to know.
"Mr. Vargas…your sister-in-law had a miscarriage."
"What?" Lovino's body ran cold. "She…a miscarriage?"
"Yes. You didn't know that she was pregnant." Dr. Kirkland said it as more statement then question, but Lovino took it as a question anyway.
He shook his head, stunned, his eyes moving about the room as he tried to take this new information in. "I…no. No one knew." He looked back up at Dr. Kirkland. "I…did she know?"
He shook his head. "No. This pregnancy was early enough that she put the symptoms off as other things. That's common enough in the first trimester. "
Lovino stared at Dr. Kirkland for a moment before he slowly sank down into one of the chairs, his hands cupping his face until they slowly moved up as his head sank and his hands were tangled in his hair. "What…what happened?" he finally asked, it coming out much softer then he intended.
"As far as we can tell," Dr. Kirkland began, "That when the embryo first implanted it didn't do so where it should have in her uterus. This made the attachment loose and unstable and, ultimately, more prone to detaching. When the placenta did detach from the uterine wall it caused a lot of bleeding. This also caused her uterus to try to expel the fetus, which is part of what caused the pain."
"How far along was she?" Lovino asked, still not quite able to look up, staring mostly at his shoes for focus.
"As far as we can tell, around eight to ten weeks."
Lovino did a quick count in his head. Eight to ten weeks would be two to two and a half months. That was a lot farther along than he had been hoping to hear. Lovino closed his eyes, trying to breathe. Feliciano and Luise had been wanting to start a family for well over a year now. Lovino had seen the longing in both of their eyes when they saw parents and children, or when they passed baby items in stores. They had desired a baby greatly, Luise even going so far as to keep absolute track of her body's state and cycles and alter her diet and habits in the hopes of becoming pregnant. They had not had any luck, though.
And now…and now this. Lovino swallowed. It would destroy them. Not permanently, but it would be a devastating blow.
"Mr. Vargas, I have to ask, where is her husband?" Dr. Kirkland's voice was gentle, but it still broke into Lovino's mind like a hammer.
"In Italy," Lovino somehow managed to reply, his mouth dry. "He's been there for a month, on business. He's set to return the day after tomorrow."
The doctor nodded. "I see. Then are you willing to be her support for the time being? Or is there someone else we should call?"
Lovino's head shot up, quickly followed by rest of him. Anger flowed through him. Anger was good. It was cleansing, it pushed the numbness away and allowed him to function again. "Of course I am willing!" he said, "She is my sister! Once she married into my family she became my sister! I would never turn my back on my family! Especially—" his voice caught and lowered as the momentary burst of anger ran its course, "Especially in a time such as this."
Dr. Kirkland nodded again, his lips quirking up in a small smile. "I'm very glad to hear that, Mr. Vargas. If you would like to see Mrs. Vargas, then you can follow me."
Lovino nodded, not quite trusting his voice, and followed Dr. Kirkland out and through the confusing emergency room until they reached one of the curtained off bays. Dr. Kirkland reached to a hand out to pull on the curtain, but Lovino grabbed the doctor's arm.
"Wait. Does…does she know?"
Dr. Kirkland looked Lovino in the eyes, not sparing the truth, but with sympathy present in them. "Yes," he said, "It was my duty to tell her first. I could only tell you with her consent."
Lovino nodded and took his hand off of the doctor's arm. Dr. Kirkland turned his attention back towards the curtain. "Mrs. Vargas? I've brought you brother-in-law to see you." He paused, and then pushed the curtain back a little bit and walked in.
Lovino followed him, laying eyes on Luise for the first time since they had arrived at the hospital. She was laying on a bed that was slightly propped up, a thin sheet and a blanket spread on her. An IV was going in one arm and monitors beeped behind her. She looked tired, exhausted, and, quite frankly, shell shocked. There were clear tear trails on her face.
"Ah, Lovino," she said, her voice rough as she turned to look at him. "Thank you for staying."
"It's what we do for family," Lovino responded, taking steps past the doctor and towards her. He tried to inject some normalcy into the conversation "I would have thought that you had that figured out by now."
"Yes," was her only response as her eyes slid off him and down to her bed. A heavy silence hung in the room until she finally spoke back up. "Did Dr. Kirkland tell you my condition?"
Lovino felt his mouth go dry again, but did his best to swallow. "Yes," he managed to say, "He did."
"Good," Luise said.
Lovino frowned, not quite sure what to say or do. It was easy to see that Luise was just barely hanging on to any sort of control or dignity. But he had no idea what to say to her.
Dr. Kirkland stepped forward then. "Mrs. Vargas. We would like to keep you overnight for observation, if you don't mind. There shouldn't be any problems, but we'd like to keep an eye on you just in case."
Luise blinked at him, as if she had to have a moment to process the words. "Yes. Yes, I understand. That is acceptable."
Dr. Kirkland nodded then. "I will make the appropriate arrangements then. Someone will be back to get you when your room is ready." With a nod to both of them, he stepped back out of the curtained area and pulled it to, leaving the two of them alone.
Lovino looked back down at Luise. She was tense and looked as if sheer force of will was the only thing keeping her from curling up. He reached down and grabbed her hand, holding it between his. Her hand gripped his hard and he could see tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. "Luise," he began, "I—"
A sob ripped out of her throat, and she immediately began trying to cover it up. But another one followed and she started to curl into herself. Lovino abandoned her hand and moved around to hold her. He didn't let her curl into herself. He was here. He would be here for her. He let her curl into him instead. She accepted his embrace, gripped him tightly, her sobs muffled against him, as she shook. He held her and rocked her back and forth, tears coming to his own eyes, just by the pure force of her emotion, although they didn't fall. He could make out small words in her sobs, words like "baby" and "why" and "loved" and "tried". There was nothing he could say to it, though. All he could do was hold her through her grief as his own tears finally fell.
...
They eventually came to get Luise and take her to the room they had prepared for her. She asked Lovino to go back to her home for some clothes while they moved her. Lovino had agreed and, once they had taken her, left the hospital. He ambled out to his car, exhausted, not caring who he came across or how he looked. He was tired enough that it took him a moment of fumbling with his keys to get the door open, but he finally did and sat down with the intentions of just sitting for a minute and trying to pull himself back together.
He had never seen Luise break like that before. She was a strong woman, able to go toe to toe with anyone and more then capable of taking care of herself. She had a little trouble expressing herself, but the longer she was with Feliciano the easier it was for her. But he knew how much both she and his brother had longed for children. He was pretty sure that it was that longing coupled with the fact that she had miscarried before she even knew she was pregnant, well, it had been too much for even her. After all of that, Lovino just needed a moment to sit and relax.
But the moment he sat down he was poked in the side by his cell phone. He had quite honestly forgotten it was there. It was uncomfortable now, in the low seats of his little sports car, and he fished it out of his pocket. There was a message light flashing on it when he finally got it out and Lovino started at the little blinking light before he swept his finger along his phone to unlock it and view the message.
Hey, Vino! I managed to finish early and I'm on my way home! I should be getting on the plane soon. Could you go check Lu for me? I texted her but she hasn't responded. Thanks!
You haven't responded either. And Luise still hasn't. Please go check on her for me. I hope that you are both doing okay.
I'm about to get on the plane. I won't be able to use my phone soon. I guess I'll see you when I get home.
Lovino stared at the messages on his phone, then dropped his hand to his lap and leaned his head back. He looked to the side, where the towels that he had used to catch the blood coming from Luise still were. He stared at them for a few minutes, his mind numb and unwilling to come up with a solution for this new information. Finally he picked up his phone and texted Feliciano.
Take a cab home.
...
Feliciano bit his lip and did his best to keep from bouncing in his seat as the cab got closer to his house. He knew that he had been annoying the driver with his nervous energy but he just had to get home. Something wasn't right and he knew it. He had had no communication from his wife and the only communication with his brother had been a single text message telling him to take a cab home. Something was not right.
So when he arrived at his house and saw Lovino's car in the driveway, it just increased his worry. Why would his brother tell him to take a cab, but be at his house? He quickly paid the cabbie and got his things before rushing up to his door. The door was unlocked and Feliciano stepped into the house, a little worried and a little surprised.
"Luise?" he called. "Luise, I'm home! Luise?"
The house was dark and a little unkempt, making Feliciano's worry double. This wasn't anything like his wife. She kept the house neat and tidy even around him. When he was gone it looked like a team of professional cleaners had come in everyday and kept the place. Something wasn't right. Something was very, very wrong.
"Luise—" Feliciano began, dropping his luggage and panic beginning to enter his voice, before he was suddenly and abruptly cut off.
"Shut up, you jerkface!"
Feliciano blinked in surprise as Lovino came out of the bathroom, dressed in work clothes and a sponge in his hand. He looked furiously at Feliciano. "She's resting so you had better keep your volume down and your mouth closed!"
Feliciano blinked in shock. "Vino…what's going on?" Feliciano asked, suddenly very worried. Why was his brother cleaning? Why was his brother telling him to be quiet for Luise? He had said to be quiet because she was resting. How much worse had Luise gotten while he was gone? He knew he should never have left! "Vino, where's Luise, what's happened, is she okay, what's going on?" he asked urgently.
Lovino marched towards him as Feliciano started to freak out. "Feliciano, calm down!" he said sharply. Feliciano stopped talking so suddenly that it felt like he had swallowed his tongue. Lovino took a breath. "She's….well," Lovino paused, looking like he was trying to sort out what to say. "She will be okay," he finally said, locking eyes with Feliciano, "Just…" he took another deep breath. "Just be strong, Feliciano. For her. She's going to need that right now. Be strong…and be gentle."
Feliciano had grown still and was chilled down to his core, but he took his brother's words to heart. He nodded and took in a deep breath of his own, trying to calm down. "Where is she?" he asked softly.
"In the bedroom," Lovino replied gesturing back with his head. "She was asleep. I don't know if she still is or not."
Feliciano nodded and Lovino moved out of his way. Feliciano made his way to the bedroom quickly. He paused in front of the door, taking a few deep breaths to steel himself, and then lightly pushed the door open. The room was dark as well, just like the rest of the house, the only light coming through the windows, even though the blinds on them weren't open. Feliciano looked at the bed, finally fixating his eyes on a lump that was curled up beneath the blankets of the bed. His eyebrows furrowed together. Luise only curled up like that when something was really wrong.
Softly, Feliciano entered the room and closed the door. He quietly made his way over towards the bed, walking around to his wife's side. His confusion only increased there. There was no garbage can to indicate that she had been sick. No smell of sick or sweat in the room. Looking at her, though, he noticed that she looked paler then normal and that there were tear tracks going down her face. That startled him. Luise hardly ever cried. Even more than that, he noticed that her pillow was damp. Feliciano couldn't figure out what was going on.
Alarmed, he bent closer to her, and brushed some of her hair back a bit. He hadn't meant to wake her, but the small movement was apparently enough. Her eyes opened and she blinked before looking up at him. Feliciano smiled down at her. "Ciao, Bella," he said.
Her response wasn't what he had been expecting, though. She froze as soon as she saw him and her eyes stayed locked on him. "F-Feli." She said.
"Ci, I'm home" he said with a smile. "Although this isn't quite what I expected when I got back after a month!"
"I…I…" she looked stricken before her expression suddenly started melting down and she teared up to Feliciano's alarm. Her face crumpled and she squeezed her eyes shut, her mouth opening to say something that came out in more of mild sob then in an actually speaking voice. "I'm sorry," she said.
Feliciano was shocked and surprised by that statement and at her sudden meltdown. He sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing and holding onto one of her hands even as she tried to curl up tighter. "Luise, what—?"
She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"No, no, no, no," Feliciano said, running his hands over her arms and back, "No, no, what do you have to be sorry about? Luise, what's going on? What's happening?"
"I…" Luise looked up at him before squeezing her eyes shut again and curling her head down. Feliciano caught it and gently pushed it back up to where he could see her face. Her face was red from crying and her lips were trembling. He rubbed his thumbs across her cheeks and her tears as she began to speak "I…" she stopped to take a deep breath, trying to regain some sort of control. "I…I did not know it, but…but I…" she let out a sob, and then caught herself. "Feliciano! I was pregnant!" she finally burst out.
"Wha…" Feliciano froze, staring at her, his thumbs still on her cheeks.
"I didn't know it!" she said looking at him, her expression breaking further. "And then…I had no idea…I'm so sorry, Feliciano, I'm so sorry!"
Feliciano broke out of his daze then. "Luise," he said urgently, a sense of dread building, "and then what? What are you sorry for?"
She swallowed her hard and her expression twisted. "I had a miscarriage." She said softly, eyes squeezing shut and teeth gritting together as she began to sob again. "I'm so sorry, Feliciano, I'm so sorry! You gave me a little life and I couldn't keep it! I'm so sorry!"
Feliciano stopped breathing for a second, frozen again, trying to comprehend what his wife had just told him.
"I'm so, so sorry!" she said, "I couldn't keep the baby! I'm so sorry!"
That snapped Feliciano out of his shock and he turned his attention fully on her. "No!" he said, "No! Stop apologizing! This was not your fault!"
"I am the mother." Luise said bitterly through her tears. "I am the one who carries the child. If I couldn't do that then obviously it's my fault!"
"No, no it isn't!" He protested. He leaned down and grabbed Luise, hugging her tight and bringing her back upright with him. He held her tightly to him. "It isn't your fault!"
"It must be!" she burst out. "There must be something wrong with me!"
"No, no I don't believe that." Feliciano said firmly. "This is not your fault! And even if there is a problem, you didn't know about it, so that's not your fault either."
For a few moments there was nothing but the sounds of Luise's harsh breathing as she tried to get herself back under control, Feliciano not letting her go in the least. Finally she spoke again.
"What if we can't every have children, Feli?" she asked softly, holding on to him desperately. "What if I'm defective? What if this messed something up?"
Feliciano closed his eyes, pain at the thought of not having children, and the pain his wife was going through piercing him for a second before he pulled back just enough hold her by the shoulders and look her in the eyes. "Luise, listen to me. Even if there is something wrong, even if we can't have children, it doesn't matter. I still love you for you, no matter what. There are things we can do to try to have children and we can always adopt. But no matter how we get kids one day, I will always love you." He looked her seriously, firmly in the eyes. Luise looked at him too, before nodding, and he pulled her back in close, then, holding her.
"But why?" she asked, her sobs finally having abetted even if the tears were still there. "Why did this happen? Why would we be given a child only to have it taken away before we even knew it was there?"
Feliciano shook his head. "I don't know," he said, his voice rough, "All I know is that we live in an imperfect world where bad things happen. But we will make it through this. We will. I can promise you that we will."
"I'm sorry," Luise repeated, "I'm so, so sorry."
"It's okay. It's not your fault." Feliciano repeated.
The two just sat there for awhile, holding each other, Feliciano gently rocking his wife, both slowly crying, with her repeating how sorry she was, and he repeating that it was not her fault and that they would make it through this.
Thanks for reading this, I really appreciate it! Just a couple of things I wanted to add down here.
I left it kinda hanging on purpose. Life is rough and there aren't usually endings that tie things up nicely. But I also left it with some hope, I think, because they will make it through this (and have lots of babies maybe I dunno I didn't think that far ahead).
I also know that some may find it odd that I gave Luise (Fem!Germany) the job of substitute teaching. There are a couple of reasons for this. One is that it's what I do so I know how that works. Another is that yeah, you're going to pick up germs there, so it would make sense for her to think that it was something that she got from the school if she's working in one. But also its canon that Ludwig (Germany) is good with kids and since he and Luise are so similar I figure that she would be too.
Also I have no idea what kind of business Feliciano and Lovino run, but they've got partners in Italy. I'm thinking something with food, like restaurants or something.
"Luise" is pronounced "Loo-eez-uh" and not "Loo-eez"
Yes, that was England as Dr. Kirkland. The two nurses were Fem!Japan (Sakura) and Fem!America (Amelia)
The way that Luise miscarried is a viable way for it to happen. It was why I ended up taking on an extended maternity leave for a teacher—she was put on bed rest so that the placenta wouldn't detach from the uterine wall.
If you have any questions about anything, please let me know!
—Ally