So I need to stop writing vague reaction fic. I just really love the Hudmels.
Words Of Wisdom
Kurt didn't know how many minutes he sat in silent darkness, alone in the driver's seat, tears streaming down his cheeks and wishing he had the guts to go after Blaine, to bring him back to the car and be his boyfriend's gay bar superstar. He didn't know how long it took him to rumble along the long, lonely roads home, keeping his eyes trained on the verge for any sign of Blaine, a montage of horrifying images flashing through his mind with the back-up of the words drunk…alone…midnight playing in stereo.
Kurt didn't know how he managed to fit his spare key in the lock, how he managed to shut the door without a sound and tiptoe up the stairs to his bedroom, flicking on the dimmest light he owned to change and slide into his cold bed, burying a new wave of tears in the sweet-smelling sheets. He didn't know how many hours he lay awake, crying silently into his pillows and repeatedly checking his phone every thirty seconds until the battery ran out.
Kurt did know that he didn't surrender to sleep until the cold grey light of dawn was stealing across the room, and when his bed finally did take him away to blissful oblivion he was wracked with nightmares of Blaine, the replaying of their fight, Blaine dancing with Sebastian, Blaine lying crumpled and white as bone on the dark roads, Blaine kissing Sebastian and the fight, over and over again in an endless loop until he awoke with a gasp, drenched in sweat.
"Morning, honey," Carole said cheerfully as he trailed downstairs, pale and with red, swollen eyes after crying himself to sleep. "Your brother and your dad ate long ago, they're both out, but there's still some waffles left if you want any."
"Sorry about being back, but Mercedes ate some bad meat and-"
"Honey, I know you weren't staying with Mercedes and Rachel last night," Carole interrupted casually, stacking clean plates and stretching up to push them into the overhead cupboards. "No one spends three hours getting ready to spend the night with their friends. Where did you and Blaine go?"
"Can I talk to you?" Kurt asked suddenly, tightening his fingers around his cup of coffee as Carole froze where she stood. "It's important, but all my friends are so wrapped up in their own relationship issues and it's not something I can talk to Dad about."
"You know you can talk to me about anything, Kurt," Carole said gently. "It might explain why you're white as a ghost and trembling. Come on, we'll sit down and I'll make more coffee."
"This is about Blaine, I suppose," she said a few minutes later as they sat at the table, just the two of them in a lazy morning with coffee steaming between them. "Is there a break-up on the horizon? Do I need to start buying more tissues?"
"God, no, nothing like that," Kurt said quickly, dreading to even think of losing Blaine. "It's just…oh my God, this is so embarrassing." He buried his head in his hands, feeling a blush steal up his cheeks. "I want…me and Blaine, we…I think I'm ready." He refused to meet Carole's eyes as he added, just for clarification, "For, um…physical intimacy."
Carole took a deep breath, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "It's a big deal," she told him with a small wistful smile. "It's the biggest step in any relationship. It's bigger than marriage, in my opinion. It's emotional, but it's physical as well. It's opening you up to everything about each other and awkwardness and doubt and second thoughts. You have to be sure that you really are ready for it." Her expression grew suspicious, almost a glare. "Blaine's not pressuring you, is he?"
"No, no, Blaine's a gentleman," Kurt assured her. As memories floated back, he muttered, "Except when he's drunk."
Carole levelled him with a suspicious gaze, steepling her fingers over her coffee, her eyes piercing quizzically into Kurt. "Honey, what happened while you were out last night?" she asked gently. "I get that you might be uncomfortable talking to me about this, but if he forced you into anything, I need to know."
"No, no, he didn't force me into anything," Kurt assured her, seeing the flash of maternal worry across her concerned face. "We were just…the usual in the back of my car."
"'The usual' being what, exactly?" Carole asked innocently, a wicked gleam dancing in her eye.
"I can't believe you're actually making me say this," Kurt muttered bitterly, glaring at Carole's soft snort of laughter. "We were making out in the backseat of my car, you happy?"
"Did you have the door open?" Carole asked sternly, her mouth quivering as she tried desperately not to laugh. Kurt just rolled his eyes and Carole dissolved into laughter, only gaining control of herself after a long minute during which Kurt sat still and silent, staring sadly into his coffee mug. "But what happened, sweetie? You seem so upset."
"He tried to take it further, I stopped him," Kurt explained quickly, inordinately embarrassed. "But when he tried to persuade me and I kept saying no, we ended up fighting and he stormed off and I have no idea if he got home safely or who he went home with and I can't stop thinking about him dying or going off with Sebastian or just sitting in that parking lot all night."
Right on cue, the phone rang. Carole picked it up, simultaneously pushing a box of tissues across the table to Kurt. "Hummel residence, Carole speaking," she greeted politely. "Yes, he's here with me. You want to speak to him?" She lowered the phone and looked across at Kurt, wiping his tears carefully away and sniffing miserably. "A girl called Natalie Anderson, she wants to talk to you."
Kurt grabbed at the phone the moment she held it out to him, saying frantically, "Nat? Is Blaine with you? Is he okay?"
"Relax, Coop got a tearful phone call around one o'clock from Blaine just sobbing incoherently about you and some guy called Sebastian and ruining everything or something," Natalie said in a bored tone. "He always forgets to turn off speaker-phone, my lovely older brother's sobs woke me up. We went to pick him up and found him out near Scandals, just curled up in a ball on the verge crying. He was so drunk, he knocked his head like three times trying to get into the car."
"Well, can I talk to him?" Kurt asked, resisting the urge to shake his head at Natalie's unnecessary sharing of information. "I mean, if he's still asleep don't wake him. If he's awake, did you give him those hangover pills I passed on from Puck?"
"You two are just stupidly neurotic about each other's health," Natalie said in a tone that conjured pictures of emphatic eye rolling. "It's truly nauseating. Anyway, he's awake and staring at me with huge puppy-dog eyes so, yes, you can talk to him, if only to stop him whining at me all day."
There was a brief scuffle on the other end, a few bangs and clunks and then Blaine was talking to him, his voice hoarse and shaken. "Kurt, baby, I'm so sorry, please forgive me," he begged, voice constricted by tears. "I can't really remember everything I said or did but just know I would never, ever force you into anything. I don't know what came over me."
"Ssh, honey, ssh, it's okay," Kurt soothed, watching Carole leave considerately. "I'm just glad you're okay, I was so worried about you. And your sister is the most unhelpful person to be on the phone to I've ever had the displeasure of knowing."
Blaine laughed softly. "Kurt, I hate myself for doing that to you. You are the most moral, compassionate person I've ever met, and for me to force you into being intimate…I can never forgive myself."
"Look, Blaine, I love you," Kurt said forcefully. "When I made that promise it was to love every part of you, even the darker, drunker parts. I didn't like you trying to force me into sex, but when I'm ready, I'll be happy to share it with you."
"I love you too," Blaine breathed, sounding as if he was crying. A deep, shuddering breath sounded down the line before Blaine said apologetically, "I have to go, Natalie's glaring at me because I'm on her mobile and using up her free minutes. I have to go, but I'll see you at school and I love you."
"I love you more," Kurt whispered tenderly before the line went dead.
And it's the return of Natalie 'Unhelpful' Anderson! I'm sorry, I just love her. I know this doesn't work with canon, but whatever, roll with it.
As always, hope you enjoyed, and please don't favourite without reviewing.