Chapter One

In Erudite affection is seen as rudimentary. There are times I wish my mother would hug me or at thevery least comfort me with her words. This is one of those times.

Today is the aptitude test and I am anxious to the point of sickness. This is the one test I cannot study for and therefore I am completely lost on how to prepare myself.

"Mother."

She continues to read her book and the urge to toss the book out of the car fills me. How can she continue to ignore me? Cant she see that I need her?

I wait a beat before I repeat myself. No response.

I sigh, "Grace."

My mother's lips quirk at the edges, the closest she ever gets to a smile before she closes her book and sets it aside.

"Yes?"

I never quite understood why she wanted me to refer to her by her name. She gave birth to me but that's where she draws the line at familiarity apparently. My childhood is filled with moments where I could clearly see the divide between us, stretching like the canyons I had seen in books.

"Were you...nervous? For your aptitude test?" I hesitate for a moment, hoping she wouldn't think I was being childish in my worries. She always pushed me to be more although she never gave me a reason as to why.

"Being nervous is a natural reaction. You are doing something unknown to you. Your emotion is justified."

I stare at her, waiting for her to continue but it is too late, were pulling in to the school and she is already on her tablet, typing out a respose to whatever email she just received.

There is no goodbye from her when I slip out of the car and I try not to feel hurt.

Would I only ever leave interactions with my mother feeling like this?

The question seems silly and overemotional but I can't help think it as I shove my way through the crowd of Amity. A girl reaches out and touches my hair and I fight the urge to smack her hand away. I step out of their group, a sneer on my face as they all but blow kisses my way.

I will accept any faction result except for Amity. Any other faction. I would even accept Abnegation.

I eye the grey-clothed and think back to what my mother had said about them. How they were corrupt but staring at the group of teenagers I found that statement perhaps a little exagerated. Yes, Abnegation isn't that bad.

"Elizabeth!" The voice sounds close and unbearably loud and I cringe as people turn to stare. I turn my nose up at them and most turn away except for Candor boy who chooses to continue staring at me for a moment. I move a step to the left just before Will's body hits me so instead he falls to the floor. He groans and lays there as I nudge him with my foot. I hope he's okay, it sounded like it hurt this time.

"Why do you always do that? Ugh, I think you broke me."

I snort at Will's antics and I step away. He's fine.

I glance at my watch wondering how much longer I'd have to wait.

"You're so heartless Eliza. I can't belive you. You treat me like I'm not gonna marry you one day. We both know no one will be willing to put up with your frigid ass but me!"

Will continues to grumble to himself and I roll my eyes. As much as I like Will sometimes I wish I had never chosen to hand him my blanket all those ages ago back in day care.

My timer went off and I turned away from Will who was still lying on the floor. His suit is going to get dirty but that wasnt important right now. The train was coming.

Will stood up, pouting as he realized I wasnt paying attention to him anymore. "Sometimes I wonder why we're even friends."

He dusted himself off first, pulling his clothes back into place before he set out to fix his unruly hair back into place. I reached up just as he finished and ruffled it up. He lurched away from me, grumbling about how I was an animal as I tuned him out, a small grin on my face.

The whistle blared and I tried to calm the excitement in my chest. This was my favorite part of the morning. Every day the Dauntless students jumped off the train and every day I assigned them scores in my head, like I was judging them. It was a game to me, a game I kept secret even from Will, my best friend.

The light in front of the train flickered, switching between on and off so fast it barely registered as a change to my eyes as it grew nearer. The last few cars were just passing when a sudden mass of black begun hurtling itself from the moving cars. Quickly my eyes picked out my favorties, the ones who were always more extravagant in their exit. The pixie-cut girl flipped as she jumped out, landing on her feet, crouched close the ground as her friend jumped over her and rolled to a stop. They laughed loudly, the boy wraps his arm around her and I curiously eye them, a small smirk on my face. She blushes and shoves him away and I choose this moment to turn. It was only a matter of time before they became more than friends. For this I give them a perfect score.

As I turn my eyes catch a face in the window. She looks amazed and hungry but I have a feling its not for food. I tilt my head and follow her gaze and realize shes staring at the Dauntless too. I blink, slightly amazed that an, I check her clothes, Abnegation kid is so entranced by them.

"Hey? Helloooo Elizabeth." Will's voice startles me but rather than letting him know that I choose to shove his face away from mine before I stride forward.

Class begins in three minutes.

Lunch went by dreadfully slow and I spent it picking at my "perfectly balanced" lunch as I watched the minutes tick by on my watch.

Will was now trying and failing to capture my attention as he went on about his current book. It was horror based and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the book didn't end the way he assumed it would.

Only a couple of us had gone already and part of me wished I could hurry up and get it over with while another part of me wished I would never have to take the aptitude test. I had read all the information I could on it to prepare but I knew it was futile. So far I only knew what the injection was supposed to do, which was create a series of hallucinations which are monitored and eventually lead us to chose one faction over the others. Simple and somehow I knew it would be the hardest test I had ever taken in my life up until now.

I shut my eyes and count my breaths to still my racing heart. I could feel it pounding on my chest and it was starting to hurt. While counting I decided to listen to Will's voice. I may not care to listen to him attempt to figure out the ending but his voice was soothing and it helped me settle back into a normal rhythm.

Just as I got my heart rate down I could feel Will leave and I struggled not to reach out and grab him.

"Eliza I'll be back in a bit."

I opened my eyes and found him staring worridly at me, "You okay?"

Im not. I feel like I might throw up from the nerves and my head is spinning but instead I paste a smile on my lips and nod. Will stares at me for a moment longer and the volunteer is forced to call his name again. Will raises his fist and I roll my eyes before raising mine and bumping it with his. It is a completly unnecesary form of communication but I appreaciate the gesture.

When Will finally does walk away I pace my breaths to his footsteps and then he's out of the cafeteria and I'm forced to go back to counting my breaths.

One- Breath in for two more counts.

Four-Hold in for two more counts.

Six- Exhale till I reach nine.

Then I start over.

I did this until Will came back which took about an hour. He barely had time to say more than hello before my name was called. I froze, my eyes unblinkingly stared at Will and I'm sure I looked like I had failed a simple addition test. Horrified, I tried to make myself move.

"Elizabeth Evans."

Will grabbed my hand and tugged. I followed his movements and then he was bowing mockingly and I stared at him blankly before I realized he was trying to save my pride. I smirked and curtisied before him, tugging at the ends of my dress so they flowed outward.

He sat down and then I was walking away as the Cafeteria resumed its chaos. Despite the noise I realized there were still eyes on me and I stilled the shaking of my knees, counting the steps it took me before I was out of the large room. 32.

I am lead by the volunteer to room 7, and I tried to idea that somehow the number will bring me luck. Its a foolish thing to hope. I walk in and I try not to be weirded out by all the reflections of myself jumping out on me. There is an Abnegation woman standing before me and I wonder if she sneaks glances at herself or if she is at all bothered by the mirrors. She smiles gently at me as I get near her and I hesistate in front of the chair.

Im afraid.

I can hear my mother in my head, telling me that fear is just a chemical, that all emotions are just chemicals.

I square my shoulders and step forward and slide into the chair. The girl in the mirror looks brave, gray eyes glare defiantly and I smirk. I can do this. Fear is not the boss of me.

The woman steps forward, gently asks me to move my hair as she attaches electrodes to my forehead. Her touch is tender and my eyes flutter as I picture this being my mother. I continue to watch her and I try and fight the urge to ask for her name. I dont need to know her name. But maybe I should, she attaches an electrode to herself, as she will be able to see everything I do.

"What's your name?" My voice sounds demanding and I wince.

"I'm Alina." She quickly finishes attaching the rest of the wires to herself and the machine and then she offers me a vial.

I stare at it curiously, I had only heard mentions and Im quickly trying to recall exactly why its ingested and not injected.

"Drink this." Her voice is soft and it takes me a moment to realize she even spoke at all.

I nod at her and reach out to grab it and tossing the liquid back before she can even move away.

When my eyes open, it feels like just a second has passed, but I'm no longer in room 7. I'm back in the cafeteria except its empty and from where I stand I can see its snowing outside. I fight the urge to press myself against the glass and watch it blanket everything in crisp whiteness.

There is a table in front of me and two baskets sit on it. One holds cheese and the other holds a decently sized knife.

A disjointed voice speaks out, "Choose."

I fight the urge to do ask her why and reach out grabbing the knife. I can see no logic in choosing cheese.

The baskets disappear and I blink, surprised. One moment they were there and the next they were gone.

I hear a door open and turn. A dog stands a few yards away from me and I recognize its features and decide its a German Shepard. It crouches low and stalks toward me as I move to place the knife in between me and the dog. It starts growling and I flex my grip. Suddenly the dog is lauching itself at me and I jab my knife forward. It hits the dog and it lets out a sharp whine before the scene disappears.

I blink dizzily and I realize Im on a bus. Im sitting in a seat and I watch as a man comes to stand in front of me. He's older, I can tell from the hunch of his shoulders and his hands shake badly, holding on to a newspaper tightly. His hands are scarred awfully and I study the pattern.

"May I sit there?" His voice is gravly and I look around and find that all other seats are filled. I know that I should give him a seat simply because its polite but I dont have to. I'm not Abnegation.

I shake my head and he glares at me.

"Well then, tell me if you know this guy?" he asks. He shoves the newspaper in fron of my face and I can see the headline. It reads: "Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!"I stare curiously at the word murderer. Sure, deaths happened all the time, but they were usualy accidents and if a murder happened it was because Dauntless took care of a factionless situation or because the factionless got too wild. It was hardly ever put in the newspaper.

The man in the picture is familiar but telling the man that I think so seems like a bad idea. But then again, he already seems agitated and I'd hate to find out what would happen if I pissed him off. I turn myself away from the man, "Im not sure."

The man crowds closer and I grow nervous, hands flexing where I have them balled into fists at my sides. He stinks of ciggarattes and I scrunch my nose at the smell.

"Dont lie to me. I know you know. Tell me." He sounds angrier and angrier with every word and I feel the hairs at the base of my neck prickle. I stand, glaring at him as I grind my teeth. I wont let anyone make me feel weak.

"I said, I'm not sure. Back off."

Th man's face contorts into a snarl, horrifying and beast like as he reaches forward for me. Before he can touch me I slam the heel of my palm into his face and I can hear his nose crunch just before the scene dissolves.

I'm standing before a table, on it are two cups and on the other side there is a man. He's beautiful and he smiles at me kindly from where he sits.

"One of these cups has poison. The other doesnt. Choose."

My eyes widen as I eye the cups. It would be impossible to tell from the outside, theyre both identical. I lean forward and stare at the liquid inside but its perfectly clear. One of them has ripples in the water and I stare at it curiously. It looks like it might have been moved. Or stirred.

I smirk.

"This one." I reach out and grab the cup farthest from me and tip the contents in my mouth and he smiles dreamily at me.

"Congratulations."