Kordama Chapter 1, a naruto fanfic

Kordama means repeat in Estonian. The song used is 'Breathe me- Sia', I don't own Naruto or the song. Please listen to the song while reading this, it gives it more emotion. After you read please review!

Also, I am accepting fic requests, if you want a fic wrote for you just review or pm me with the plot and I'll write it! Only one shots though!

Ages

Sasuke-20

Naruto-17

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Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before, hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame.

Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up, unfold me. I am small and needy, warm me up and breathe me.

A rushed knock sounding at the front door awoke Sasuke from a dead sleep. The knocking grew more frantic and picked up in pace, Sasuke furrowed his brows and looked at the clock that sat glowing on his bedside table, 3:02 a.m. He wondered who would be knocking on his door this early in the day as he rose from the bed quietly. The room was chilly against his bare chest and arms as was the hardwood floor against his bare toes.

By the time he got to the door the knocking had stopped and it made him wonder if it was some pesky little punks playing some prank on him like once before but as he unlocked the door and opened it he knew this was no prank, it was an addiction. Naruto sat on his steps in the bitter cold, rubbing his arms and shaking like a leaf in the fall. He wore nothing more than a pair of ratty old jeans with a rip in the right knee and a thin long sleeved shirt.

His blonde hair fell over his eyes and down the nape of his neck in short tresses. From the rocking of his body and the barely sounding sniffles Sasuke was hearing he knew Naruto was strung out on something. Without hesitation or words Sasuke calmly made his way over to his once lover and picked him up with strong arms. Naruto was light, barely weighing more than 105.

Sasuke gently sat him down on the cream colored sofa and left to get him a blanket. When Sasuke sat next to him, it took Naruto less than a minute to shift so his head was lying in Sasuke's lap, facing his abdomen. Sasuke's hand softly stroking his hair, whispering to him; "Shh, it will be alright Naruto, I'm right here with you, I won't leave you."

And Naruto knew it was true, every word out of Sasuke's mouth was nothing but the truth. Never, not even once had Sasuke lied to him. They lived in this little world they called their own, no one else was allowed inside, just them. They lived in a world where they never got hurt and they pretended like everything was okay when in reality it wasn't. Nothing was alright, not anymore.

When they broke up; when Naruto broke up with him everything had started going downhill and never came back up. They had no choice, their fathers had worked against them and made sure they destroyed every ounce of love that was between their sons, or so they thought. Naruto had been ripped away from him and sent to school over seas while Sasuke was stuck here with no knowledge of where his lover was. It was only when Naruto had showed up on his doorsteps a year later, strung out, that Sasuke saw him again.

The love was still there, nothing could break that bond, not even they themselves. Naruto had never committed himself to Sasuke again though, he chose drugs. Sasuke knew the pain and he understood every bit of it, Naruto's reasons were not grave. Naruto was afraid they would be ripped apart once again so he stayed away as much as he could, no matter how many drugs Naruto did or where he lived he had swore to Sasuke that he was his, no one else could have him, and he had kept that promise.

Even when Sasuke had woken up to find his wallet empty of cash, even when he had found a used needle in his bathroom, even when Naruto had yelled at him and cried in his arms, even when Naruto left, time after time, Naruto was still his and he was still Naruto's. Nothing was going to change that, he was Naruto's rock, the one he came to when he was afraid, when he was so high he couldn't even speak or walk, when he was paranoid.

It was a unspoken relationship, a messed up reality, this was their lives. Even if Naruto refused to say he and Sasuke were together, they were and they always would be, saying it out loud just made it official again. Naruto had told him time and time again, he couldn't do it, he couldn't hurt Sasuke because he knew he was a drug addict and that's what they did, they lied and stole and hurt the ones they loved the most.

So as Naruto layed with his head in Sasuke's lap, crying silently, Sasuke stroked his hair and let him know that he loved him.

Ouch, I have lost myself again, lost myself and I am nowhere to be found. Yeah, I think that I might break, I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe.

Sasuke spoke quietly, care lacing through his voice with every word he spoke. "What did you take?"

His pale hand didn't stop stroking those beautiful blonde locks as he spoke, he starred down at Naruto's blank blue eyes waiting for him to answer. Naruto didn't move and he didn't blink, tears still falling from his divine blue eyes as he starred blankly at Sasuke's bare stomach. "Meth."

Sasuke's heart clenched painfully, his brows creasing. "And?"

"Spice." Naruto whispered, finally blinking a few times before his eyes appeared distant again. "I'm sorry..."

Sasuke closed his eyes tightly, momentarily stopping his menstruations of stroking Naruto's hair. Sorry meant so many things when Naruto said it, sorry for letting us be ripped apart, sorry I come to you again and again, sorry I won't let you help me, so many things... He blamed Naruto for nothing though, if anything he himself was the one who should have fought harder to find Naruto, he should have taken the drugs from Naruto and admitted him into rehab.

"Sasuke I'm scared," Naruto whispered, moving so his hand lay against Sasuke's now still one, covering it with his own. "This isn't me, this is not who I want to be... I need you..."

Naruto's voice was soft, much to soft for someone who had been through so much in their life. Everytime this happened; Naruto coming to him at odd hours of the day, they repeated themselves. Sasuke would take him in and comfort him, Naruto would tell him he needed Sasuke, Sasuke would try to save what was left of Naruto and Naruto would walk away from it all, leaving the memories of the night and Sasuke behind for a while and then come back and they would repeat it all again.

Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up, unfold me. I am small and needy, warm me up and breathe me.

"Stay with me Naruto." Sasuke offered, hoping that this time he would get a different answer. "Stay with me and I will take care of you, I will help you get sober and stay that way, I'll love you with everything inside of me and never leave you or expect anything in return, just stay, please..."

Sasuke's voice was pleading, that quiet desperation leaking through his words as he held Naruto closer to himself, looking down at him with coal eyes. He watched as Naruto closed his eyes and cried, letting go of all the pain he's felt in the past and present, the only thing real he had left was Sasuke.

"I can't," Naruto clung to Sasuke, sitting up and wrapping his arms around his slender neck as he cried harder, trying his hardest to ignore the way Sasuke wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly as if he would slip away any moment now. He didn't understand how Sasuke could still love him after everything he'd done to him, over and over again he'd hurt Sasuke and yet he had never abandoned him. "I can't because I know I'll hurt you in the end, I couldn't stand it if I let you down Sasuke..."

Sasuke turned his head so it was buried in the crook of Naruto's neck, one hand wrapped around his back and one around his neck and tangled in the back of his hair. He cried silently with Naruto, knowing that far too soon dawn would break and Naruto would leave again.

His heart clenched once again, 'one day' he thought to himself, one day Naruto would accept his love again and they would fill that void in their hearts once again but for now they would just hold each other and let history repeat itself once again.

Fin.