Real Steel: Play-by-Play

by Addira

One day I'll have a format for the summary. But that is not this day... Play-by-Plays are my thoughts during movies. Because I can't stop talking. I'm not alone and I've been told that I should become a stand up. (No.) Anyway, these were my thoughts during Real Steel. Bless Hugh Jackman though. If you don't agree there's something wrong with you.

Play-by-Play: Real Steel

Welcome to the Real Steel Play-by-Play!

As I watch a movie, may it be an Action movie, Disney Musical, Horror movie, anything I automatically think of either: smart, stupid or random things. See I suffer from a speech disability where I can't shut up during movies. It's just as annoying for me, believe me. The Play-by-Plays are my initial thoughts unless they are comments in between two parentheses. So that's how you know I went back and added something in editing. But if they are brackets they aren't editing… I have a strange system and one day it'll make sense to everyone.

Ps: (parentheses), [brackets].

Before you even start to read this Play-by-Play, you need to be comfortable with the fact that Hugh Jackman is one of the best people out there. He's just so much better because he sang as Wolverine on a radio show. If you haven't seen it, stop what you are doing and go see it stat. That much raw amazingness must be shared and preached!

All thoughts and opinions expressed are of my own and are in no way meant to insult or offend. I do not own these movies and I do not (do not!) claim that I do.

Some mature language. Depends on the day. Also, there are references to many things. You are not insane. If I write something like: "NO NO NO NO! Mr. FRODO!"

Yes. That's a Lord of the Rings reference. If I say "Oh Sam…" Yes, that's another Lord of the Rings reference (And one day I will watch them all, with the extended edition and count how many times Frodo says: Oh Sam.) Catch my drift?

These intros are starting to be pretty lengthy to be honest. Not to quote someone before the P-b-P but….

"Yolo!" Ray Narvaez Jr.

Without any further delay or stream of consciousness: Spoilers ahoy!

-OoOoO-

So Dreamworks made this.

Why am I thinking of Dragons all of the sudden? (No one shall shun the amazingness of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the sexy or ye shall face my wrath!)

-OoOoO-

That seems to be a random place for a fair.

-OoOoO-

Oh geez. Landing on that floor is not enjoyable. Holy crap. My back is in pain just at the sight of it.

-OoOoO-

When I checked IMDB the last time I watched the movie, the trivia section mentioned that the kids who want to see Ambush are actually the Director's kids.

That is just so awesome. They got be with Hugh Jackman.

-OoOoO-

I never actually did like the look of Ambush. There was always something that rubbed me the wrong way.

To the point where I hissed at the movie cover when Ambush was there right next to Atom and Charlie instead of Max who is far more important than Ambush.

-OoOoO-

Douche cowboy. Usual stereotype but it's ok. He gets his ass handed to him in the end so I can tough it. (which I don't do very well.)

-OoOoO-

So who picks the extras that got to go on the rides in the background? Sign me up for that shit!

-OoOoO-

Look at how smugly Ambush walks. Ugh. Get destroyed by the bull already.

-OoOoO-

HAHAa! When Ambush was doing the whole, kick the dirt behind him ready to charge thing, there's an extra behind him that was like:

"Gah! What the hell? Who's throwing all this dirt in my face? Goddamn it AMBUSH!"

-OoOoO-

I have issues believing that an ex-boxer would turn his back to his opponent.

-OoOoO-

That commentator is such a bitch. I hate his face.

-OoOoO-

RIDONKULOUS?! YOU STOLE MY WORD!

-OoOoO-

"Is he dead too?"

Well. No one's put it like that before.

-OoOoO-

That kid has an Anakin Skywalker thing going on. I hope he grows up to be good-looking. (Yes I know. I am older but one day he will be older too! And when that time comes, he will be a free for all.)

-OoOoO-

Charlie is such a sleaze ball.

I love characters like him. Start of really douchy and then evolve to be good people.

-OoOoO-

I also, really like how the Aunt and her husband aren't portrayed as money grabbing bitches. They are legitimately there for Max and his wellbeing. Hell, If I were Debra, I'd be fighting to adopt Max too because Charlie does not look like he can care for Max for shit.

I love relating to characters. It's one of the best things movies can do with their characters.

Unless you know, they kill off the characters you relate to. In which case you better have Game of Thrones Syndrome cause or else you are not strong enough to watch that movie.

-OoOoO-

Hello Evangeline Lilly. You gorgeous.

-OoOoO-

Charlie can see through your shit Bailey. You aren't fooling anyone.

-OoOoO-

Texas. All right we have a location.

Well now the cowboy thing just makes sense.

-OoOoO-

"You owe me half!"

"I don't have it. I spent the money on a robot it's gone!"

Now there are some words you wouldn't expect a full-grown adult saying ever so casually.

-OoOoO-

I love seeing robots do their own thing. Like seeing all the little mechanical action doing it's thing, the shutters opening and closing, flickering lights, GODDAMN IT.

I swear I'd have a tattoo of Gipsy Danger in all of her glory on my arm if I weren't such a wuss when it comes to tattoos.

Goddamn machines have that effect on me and it's insane.

-OoOoO-

Noisy Boy's tablet controls have the HP logo on it.

Spooonsooooors

-OoOoO-

Noisy Boy is the Japanese Lopez

-OoOoO-

What kind of games are you playing kid? You just learnt Japanese because you were bored. I can see through your lies.

-OoOoO-

Who wants to bet he dropped the keys in the sewer in the bloopers

I would have done it.

-OoOoO-

Why does the truck have foot windows?

And why do the foot windows have windshield wipers?

-OoOoO-

Noisy Boy isn't really noisy is he?

-OoOoO-

You just know who wins based off of names. Noisy Boy versus MIDAS!

-OoOoO-

Midas has a major structural weakness: the freaking neck. Just punch those two huge ass neck connections and you got him in the bag.

-OoOoO-

"Daddy goes to work"? What? Hahaha!

-OoOoO-

Niagara machinery!

Sppoooooonsooooooooorssss

-OoOoO-

Now this is how you do your exposition. One unknowing character asks a bunch of questions to the all-knowing character, who is still slightly bitter.

This stuff works every time.

-OoOoO-

The cliff definitely got me. I won't even deny it.

-OoOoO-

This is a good feel-good movie. Father-son bonding over some good ol' robot fighting. It appeals to me sue me.

-OoOoO-

Max punching Charlie is great. He's super tired but as soon as he can, starts punching the dick who left him alone to unearth this giant machine out of the mud.

-OoOoO-

Ugh. They kept Ambush.

-OoOoO-

"I have been here for you a long time Charlie. In the ring, out of the ring…" with the Ring, invisible in the Ring, wearing the Ring, dining with the Ring, bringing the Ring to Mordor… You know. A long time Charlie.

-OoOoO-

This movie makes me hungry. Something about robot fights make my appetite go wacko.

-OoOoO-

Introducing…. THE ATOM SMUDLER!

I say that because he still has mud covering his eye so he looks like he's squinting.

-OoOoO-

I want a robot. Why wasn't I born in the future?

I don't think my parents would let me keep him. I'd have to move out first.

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Oh but then I'd need to deal with the landlord about the living situation of my thousand pound robot.

-OoOoO-

Yeah! They did a "He's your son, you suck too" joke!

-OoOoO-

"Let's take a walk."

You didn't want a dog right. You wanted a robot?

.

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That's ok… I want a robot too. A robot or a dragon. What ever comes first.

-OoOoO-

"Can you understand me?"

…. Um. I'll go on a whim and say no.

Are you an angel? I'm sorry! I had to!

-OoOoO-

When was the last time I saw a red fire hydrant. I keep seeing the yellow ones, what is wrong with this planet.

-OoOoO-

"You're old man taught me that." - Charlie

"Damn straight he taught you that." - Bailey

I can stop snickering. These two… their banter… They're just awesome ok.

-OoOoO-

Zeus.

I don't get why people (the audience) would pay to watch a round with Zeus.

If no robot has ever been through two rounds with that behemoth, why would you pay a lot of money to see him fight and destroy a robot for a few seconds.

I guess if you like the sport you'll pay. I'm quite sure there are people who have paid for less.

-OoOoO-

I'll try not to comment every time they mention the ring because honestly, I'd be here all night.

-OoOoO-

"What Zeus sees, he kills."

Well… Zeus had some serious eye contact with Max there… so by definition shouldn't Max be running away for his life or does Zeus have a "No hurting humans" clause in his programing?

.

You need to be precise Takamashitto.

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Also,

"Puny god."

That's what we were all thinking. Don't deny it. Zeus has a hulk-ish thing going on.

-OoOoO-

So Max got a free show? He didn't even pay for his ticket!

-OoOoO-

"I told you I hate hamburgers!" – Max

I hear you bro. People just don't understand us.

"It's a burrito!"

Burritos are good. Max, take the burrito.

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Shit. Now I'm even hungrier.

-OoOoO-

*Food break dance*

-OoOoO-

Someone call the gardener cause the Zoo has a plant problem

-OoOoO-

Why so cynical Charlie

-OoOoO-

Kingpin looks like a rabbit

-OoOoO-

Ohohohoo! How the roles have changed. Charlie is no longer the gambler.

-OoOoO-

Shaefer Zoo. Is that a real place?

-OoOoO-

"Let's get it on! Let's get it on! Like Ping-Pong in Hong-Kong!"

What? Hahaha! That's right up there with "Daddy's going to work!"

-OoOoO-

Metro looks more like a drunken uncle than a robot. (Although I use the Drunken Uncle thing a lot, I don't actually have a drunken uncle.)

-OoOoO-

I love their father-son dynamic.

-OoOoO-

This fight looks more like the freaking fight with the Arishock. This kid does not know how to kill time. You run around in circles around your superior opponent. You drink up some potions, make sure you don't get hit, sing some songs while you're at it because you'll be there for a while.

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And then you bring the thunder.

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Rinse and repeat.

-OoOoO-

I KNOW THIS SONG!

NEED FOR SPEED MOST WANTED!

Styles of Beyond – Nine Thou (Superstars Remix)

-OoOoO-

Kingpin is better at paying up his debts than Charlie ever was.

And that's saying something. Considering he looks like a rabbit with a Mohawk.

-OoOoO-

Atom dances better than I do. I dance like I've got 4 left legs. Not in the good way. My hands do not become feet when I dance.

People wonder why I like my video games and the Internet. How do I human?

-OoOoO-

I don't get why Charlie doesn't want to dance. Boxing is just a form of dancing no? It's just has a lot of fist action and blood and stuff.

…

…

…

…

…

Maybe I should try out boxing. Hit people with my other 3 left feet.

Rules? What are rules? What are you saying.

-OoOoO-

Boxing training: Dat soundtrack.

-OoOoO-

Good to know that the US Air Force likes to have a little bit of Robot boxing once in a while… right next to expensive airplanes. Cause who gives a crap for your tax dollars.

-OoOoO-

You'd be an idiot to park next to a robot fight. That's some serious issues just waiting to happen.

-OoOoO-

I will say that the first fight time I watched this movie I thought it was Adam until the radio hosts were like: "Remember this name folks. Atom. A-T-O-M."

Me: Oh. Atom.

Sister: I thought it was Adam too.

It's not like it's written on his chest plate or anything.

-OoOoO-

When Charlie and Max head up the Zeus' suite and Atom looks into the mirror, giving us the feeling that Atom is alive, like if he's Pinocchio and stuff.

That's the main menu.

-OoOoO-

"I vould like to buy your robutt."

Hehehee that's what I heard anyway.

Yes. I unfortunately still laugh at dumb jokes. Sue me.

-OoOoO-

The dude just got Bailey a beer. Not a single fuck was given.

She's there for the fight dude.

Don't even try.

-OoOoO-

I notice that you never see the robots actually getting into the ring. They cut away right before they actually get in. (Except for Zeus. He jumps in.)

-OoOoO-

My sister pointed out that Twin Cities has a great light organisation. It looks like city lights at night.

It's cool.

Although, what's the use of two heads?

-OoOoO-

Dat soundtrack.

-OoOoO-

Charlie to Atom's command console: "STRAIGHT TO THE HEAD!"

Atom: WHICH HEAD CHARLIE? GIVE ME A BREAK!

-OoOoO-

Max could easily be a visionary. He totally called Farra Lemkova out about Robot Boxing. Like dude.

For an 11 year-old he's got balls.

-OoOoO-

I still wish that Atom had come over and defend the Kentons from the Cowboy douche monger.

Like as Charlie was being beat the crap up, Max would just run over et the command console for Atom and beat the crap out of the gutless dickwad.

I apologize but I really do hate that character and characters like him.

-OoOoO-

"Max we have our own swimming pool and we have a hot tub and a lot of super fun toys to play with. Do you want to play with them? It's going to be fun."

To all the people who hate Debra's character, which I'm sure there are, because she's trying to coax Max into living with her. Keep in mind that she's only trying to get him to like her. We know she cares about Max it's just that Max doesn't seem to like Debra much.

Debra's just trying to get him to accept her and maybe show some sort of eagerness to the idea of living with her and Marvin. The only way she knows how to appeal to an 11 year old is with material means.

I will defend characters like Debra for as long as I can because they get too much hate.

Now stop! Hatin' is bad!

-OoOoO-

So was this movie based on the "Rock'Em, Sock'Em" board game or…?

-OoOoO-

What if she doesn't want you in her bed Charlie? So inconsiderate!

But come on who are we kidding? She dropped so many hints…

-OoOoO-

That kiss scene with Bailey was too short.

They did talk things through but it wasn't nearly as long as it should have been.

It feels sort of half-assed for me but hey: at least we got one.

-OoOoO-

Debra's wardrobe has got me jealous in so many aspects.

I WANT HER DRESS(es)!

-OoOoO-

"Now where were we?" - Charlie

"You sold me." - Max

"Right, yeah, that happened." - Charlie

"Wait, what?" – Debra, pulling an Anna.

"Then we had our asses kicked." - Max

"And you slept on a shelf in a truck, and it was awful." - Charlie

"And dangerous." - Max

"Really dangerous. I mean, I know. God I'm sorry." - Charlie

If I were Debra I'd think Charlie just sold his son into slavery or something.

-OoOoO-

Atom is pretty big. You telling me that Hugh Jackman was big—what am I saying? If Hugh Jackman wants a robot reveal: HE'LL GET A ROBOT REVEAL!

-OoOoO-

The sports dudes said "Shot at the belt" twice. They need variety. They need to consult me for these things.

-OoOoO-

Also, why wasn't Atom dancing in the endgame? I mean, that's what he was known for.

-OoOoO-

Just one more scene with the bitch cowboy… just one more before he gets his ass handed to him.

*breathes deeply* One more.

-OoOoO-

Announcer: "Never beaten. Never threatened. The king of the ring. The ruler of Robots! Bow down to the Mighty—"

Me: SAURONNNNNNNNN!

Announcer:"ZEUS!"

You can't just say the words: Ruler, Ring, King, and Mighty in the same sentence without saying Sauron. It's just not done.

-OoOoO-

Shit. I hit stop. Goddamn it.

No I don't want to see the trailer for War Horse. Do you want me to cry?!

All right, Atom looking at himself in the mirror being all cute and stuff.

Play

-OoOoO-

Zeus the only robot who was ever seen entering the Ring.

-OoOoO-

"And in the corner to my left, the undeniable champion of this universe and any universe known or unknown, the Mighty Zeus!"

That's a bit presumptuous isn't it?

I mean, Gipsy Danger would use Zeus as a freaking toothpick!

-OoOoO-

Sprint, The Now Network

Spoooonnnsooooorrssss

-OoOoO-

"Get up Atom!"

"Get up Atom!"

Use the Force Atom

-OoOoO-

Charlie: He can't survive this!

Atom: Challenge Accepted!

-OoOoO-

That extra next to the announcer had some serious earring bling going on!

-OoOoO-

That's right bitch. Pay up motherfucker.

-OoOoO-

Dat soundtrack.

-OoOoO-

I can watch that last scene again and again just for the cocky Charlie who taunts Zeus. It's just awesome.

-OoOoO-

HERE COME THE SPONSORS!

Cadillac, Coca-Cola, Capital One, Xbox 720, Mercedes Benz, Budweiser, Del Taco, TSN, bing, smart, and those other two that I can't see very well.

United States… stock corporation? I dunno.

-OoOoO-

Daww the son sees just how beautiful his dad is.

-OoOoO-

Calm your shit Takamashitto. No need to break the computer screen because you lost. Gotta keep your cool you big baby.

-OoOoO-

I expected Atom to win but it's ok that he didn't. Zeus is a little bitch though.

-OoOoO-

Farra may be saying: "We won. Zeus is till undefeated." But she was totally thinking:

Stop booing me guys. Geez. You guys love Zeus. What's wrong with you people? Zeus is the god of thunder, bitches go craycray for Zeus. Ask the greeks! Jesus.

-OoOoO-

HE CALLED HIM DAD! HE DIDN'T CALL HIM CHARLIE HE SAID DAD! MY FEELINGS

-OoOoO-

My life would have been complete had Hugh Jackman danced with Atom using the shadow protocol on. But alas… Atom was too cool to dance in the finale.

-OoOoO-

Ever since someone's last name was Jaeger in the Pacific Rim credits I've been waiting for someone to also have another good name. No luck so far.

-OoOoO-

All right! Thank you for reading this Play-by-Play! Scroll down/stay tuned for my blooper reactions!

Remember my melons: Xbox 720 sponsored Atom's fight. Never forget.

-OoOoO- -OoOoO- -OoOoO-

Couldn't resist the bloopers, they had to get into this:

Cowboy guy that I love so much,

"hopadahopadahopdahopda *babbling ok*. You know if he was a breakfast restaurant, we'd have to call him Hi-Hop! I LOVE YOUR PANCAKES, AMBUSH! LOVE YOUR PANCAKES!"

"Looks like he wants to open him up like a can of tuna!

THERE AIN'T NO FISH IN THERE!"

MY SIDES! GODDAMN IT! He may be the only person I hate to bits in this movie but damn! In the bloopers he had me laughing like a two year old!

Hugh can't manage to cut the lock and he turns to the camera and says,

"Wolverine, where are you now?" AND HE STARTS LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF, BLESS THAT MAN!

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Have a good night Internet.