The Purity Test

Lily sighed and sat her book down on the desk for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, didn't they even consider the fact that they had an exam the next day?

"Black! What are you doing?" she said with her arms crossed angrily over her stomach.

He glanced up at her under his black floppy hair, and continued doing whatever he was doing.

"BLACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Don't you dare ignore me!"

"Nothing that concerns you, dearest Lily!" he said, and continued handing out blue and pink coloured sheets.

Lily looked around the dimly lit Gryffindor common room, and spotted the other guilty perpetrator, James Potter, flirting with a group of fourth year girls and handing out pink slips of paper to them.

"Ahh, well, this will certainly determine wether you're skilled or not, to have a chance with Si and I," he said, running his hands through his brown hair, ruffling it up.

This however, regardless of what he just said, made the girls giggle even more.

Why and HOW do they find him even relatively appealing? I mean honestly, everything he says is totally reeking with 'I think I'm god's gift to women!'

"POTTER," spat Lily, with almost as much venom as Slytherin's greasy haired Snape. "What exactly are you doing?"

"Oh you know, just doing a general poll of Hogwarts students."

"Oh?" she said raising her eyebrows, "On what, exactly?"

The girls around them giggled and moved off to a nearby table that was littered with blue and pink pieces of paper and started doing this so called, 'poll.'

"The purity of these students. You know, the usual, wether or not they've took a visit up to the Astronomy Tower, how often.. Wether or not they slip in the little --."

"Excuse me? You're doing what?"

"There, there Lily," he said, patting her on the shoulder, "I think even you might actually be able to aid us with this, I mean, you always need the data of a classy young woman in these things, otherwise the outcome results of them are just not adequate!"

"Oh, well.. Yes, it isn't, is it?"

"It sure isn't, now I must go and get some results from some young vixens." he said, tapping her on the nose as he begun to walk off.

"James Potter! I will not let you hand these out in my common room. As much of a young classy lady I am, I WON'T LET YOU DO IT!" She yelled, making James turn around to face her once again.

"Please Lily.. Come on, you know you want to do it."

Lily looked around the common room and saw that it once again had grown quiet with people leaning on every available flat surface to fill out this quiz. Lily sighed and returned to her previous seat, which in her neighbours position was now Remus Lupin.

"Remus! Couldn't you stop them?" Lily whispered hoarsely.

He looked at her and sighed, "You should know by now that you can never stop a production of James Potter and Sirius Black."

Lily sighed in defeat, knowing it was true, she will have to take it up with James again tonight, when the room was cleared a bit more, after the younger ones have gone to their dorms.

She picked up the pink piece of paper and glared.

Hogwarts Purity Test: Have You Got The XXX Factor?

A Production of MWPP (Or Really, M&P As W&P Are Chicken Shit… Well, Not Really, They Just Don't Want The Ultimate Glory and Fame That This Test Will Give Them.)

For every question that you answer yes to, add one point. Once finished please return to Sirius or James or if you are too ashamed to return in person, owl it to: The Hotties Who Gave You This Quiz, Gryffindor Common Room, Hogwarts to receive your purity percentage.

Q1. Touched a member of the opposite sex

Q2. … the same sex.

Q3. Visited the Astronomy Tower on a date.

Q4. … and stayed for an hour.

Q5. … and stayed for 3 hours.

Q6. … and stayed all night.

Q7. … and stayed for over 24 hours, whilst hiding in the closet.

Q8. Gone to the Owlery on a date.

Q9. Had some fun with the Whomping Willow.

Q10. Performed a silencing charm on your bed.

Q11. … because you were having fun with your dirty Playwitch or Playwizard magazine.

Q12. … because you were snogging someone.

Q13. … because you were being sexually promiscuous

Q14. You have viewed the catalogue from NaughtyMagic!

Q15. … and decided to buy something.

Q16. …….. and used it.

Q17. Been pulled into the broom cupboard between classes.

Q18. … pulled someone into the broom cupboard between classes.

Q19. ……. And got caught.

Q20. … gone into the broom cupboard during a class.

Q21. …..… and got caught by a professor.

Q22. Went into the showers with a member of the opposite sex.

Q23. Ever snogged someone of the opposite sex

Q24. …. The same sex.

The list seemed to go on forever, with anything that was remotely sexual listed, it made Lily wonder how far James actually went with all these mindless girls.

---

Once the Gryffindor common room was almost empty, Lily left her circle of friends and walked up to James' group.

"Hi."

"Ahh… Lily, come to heighten to purity score? I think we could arrange something in the showers, I'm free."

"Ahh… James.. You never cease to amaze me. Shut up."

"Well, actually, now that I think about it, I'm not." he said, a slightly pinched look on his face, "I think I have a date arranged with.. Uh…"

"Hi Lily." Remus said, with a warm look on his face, "Never mind James, he's just a little… disgruntled."

"Yes," Lily said, eying James, "I see. Now, James before you go off with this anonymous… eunuch… I MEAN.. young lady, I need to speak to you."

"Oh, sorry, did you say my name? I was busy planning my romantic night alone, which you have refused!"

"Yes, James, I have refused, I don't plan to have tantric sex.. Or tantric anything with you."

Sirius, who was just joining the group after walking into the common room looking cheerily red cheeked after parting from his latest girl, Sophie looked up in amazement, "What? James.. Lily.. Did I hear Tantric? This is… unexpected."

"UGH! NO! EWW! POTTER.. ME?"

"Unexpected? Pscha! She's just like a animal, wave some taut flesh in front of her and she'll go for it. Me of course a perfect example."

"Potter, I am just standing here! God!" she exclaimed, whacking him on the side of the head with her Potions textbook. "For the record, that will never happen, for the outcome of it would surely be the death of me."

"Oh, my sweet Lily pilly! How wrong you are!" James laughed to himself.

Authors Note: Ok, so the Purity Test idea is somewhat based off of the episode on Veronica Mars, but majority of it is my own imagination, and of course, Harry Potter and all associated characters belong to J.K. Rowling and her wonderful mind, unless otherwise stated in up and coming chapters. :D