You go back to him and I'm go back to black
"Go Cas, he need you"
Every single time I said it, a part of what-left-in-my-broken-heart died. I get used to it. He'd nod at me with his teary eyes and walk out that door again and again, time after time.
I'd fall myself down at my bed, one hand on my forehead told myself this is the last time I'm gonna cry, after this time I'd give him up, I'd stop playing a fool waiting for something I know never ever going to happen, just after this time, Sam.
I tell myself again and again, time after time for the past four years
You think I don't want to move on from all this shit. I really am, I just can't. If you said I didn't want give up, you didn't know any of it. I'm tired, I'm desperate but there is no cure for this, there is no cure for me.
When you get used to the pain, everything's okay, you can live with it, drown into it and embrace it.
I'd go out on a date, I'd have a good time and think to myself 'hey maybe she could be that person' but when I see him at my door, everything falls back to its place.
They were destined for each other, I know. Dean sometimes being stupid and say something that gonna hurt, I know. Dean is the man any guys or girls would have chosen over me and it's okay. But there's only one person only one who I wish would have chosen me, is it too much to ask?
Put on a smile, head up and be a happy loser. You need to be here with a smile and open arms for Cas next time. He'd fall into my arms, cry his heart out, the pain he feel couldn't be more than me.
His grin, his blue eyes, his clueless look, his everything… I wish there was something about him that I hate but I can't find anything. He is imperfect as the same time the closest thing to perfection.