The following is a bit of a take on Video Game Confessions which belongs to the comedic genius of Doug Walker of Channel Awesome. Pokémon belongs to Nintendo and the Pokémon Company. And to make this more fun to you the reader, I suggest putting on the theme from Video Game Confessions ( /watch?v=tCrrZ1NnCuM )
Anime Confessions – Ash Ketchum
You're introduced to a young man of African descent about 5'9'' with a lean frame. His hair spiked and black with eyes of light gray. He wears a typical outfit of a bartender for a fancy restaurant.
"This is Ryo. Ryo works in the seven star restaurant known as the Tori Dragon Palace (which is two blocks away from the Pixel Palace). There, some of anime's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories, and even secrets. Because—as we all know—what the bartender hears is confidential... isn't it?"
Ash Ketchum
So here I am working the bar late at night and it walks in one of the big top dogs. Ash Ketchum. Now Ash is a huge badass among the patrons and whenever he shows up, he brings a crowd. However, tonight he was all alone. And he looked completely depressed with his hat in his hand and his face screaming "Kill me!". I also noticed Pikachu wasn't on his shoulder. The little guy was always with him!
So I was about to make his usual, a Shirley Temple, when he asked me for scotch whiskey. I was completely surprised.
"You don't usually order the heavy stuff. And where's Pikachu?" I asked him.
He gives me the stink eye, but it switches to a depressed look.
"Pikachu is still at the wrap party for the end of the Kalos season." Ash said to me in a near monotone.
Now I had seen Kalos.
"Oh…Kalos. That was a good season…" I responded trying to hide my disappointment.
"Lair, just tell the truth." He said to me looking over.
I take a deep breath and admitted the truth. Kalos was up there on terrible. It was near Unova terrible. But the reason why was the writing.
"I feel for you. I thought Kalos was being the winning year! I had a girlfriend and a winning team. It was Pokémon's 20th Anniversary for Arceus's sake! And what I get. Shit lifted by the Unova writers. When I found out, they were planning to have me lose, I went ballistic! They thought that shitty sick Chespin was more valuable as a plot tool than me! When I lost, the fans lost their shit and I lost any respect I had from from them. But the writers don't care, why should they when they can send me to another fucking region to wipe the slate clean?! I can't even bring Serena with me and the writers have the balls to cut out our final scene. Why keep Serena to develop me as a character when they can send me to school!"
Ash had ranted that entire tirade at me after downing his drink. Then he looked at me and asked me, "Do you even know what a Pokémon Master is, Ryo?"
I was stunned because I didn't have a concrete answer. So many people had meanings for it and none of them were canon.
"I don't think the writers ever said what it was, they were vague with it." I said.
"They were vague because the writers don't even know what it is. Takeshi Shuudo called it a silly dream and that's what it was. I borrowed the Dragon Balls to revive Takeshi Shuudo to save the franchise. You know what he told me?" Ash had ranted on.
"What, did he say no?" I asked wanting Ash to go on.
"He said it was too late and the dragon even said Shuudo didn't want to be revived." Ash said with tears in his eyes. "Here I am, doomed to play 10 years despite being your age. Doomed to be an ignorant tool for the execs."
He took up another drink shouting, "Here's to Alola!" before he paid for his drinks and left.
It's a shame to see an icon so down in the dumps like that. I loved watching the show and now it's empty just like Ash. I think he might have an issue with alcohol because every region since Sinnoh, he'd drink after each loss. Come two weeks later before the Alola debut, Ash quit and took Serena with him. He gave the writers the middle finger and left. The writers just conned some poor 10 year old sucker to play Ash for Sun and Moon. I say give him two years, he'll be here soon enough. As for Ash and Serena, last I heard, they are up on Mt. Silver. No idea why they went there. Though, as an Amourshipper, I'm happy for them.
You see a lot of strange things as a bartender, see a lot strange things at the Tori Dragon. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Tori Dragon, and that isn't no lie. Swear to it!
(A/N: Yes, I just did a parody of Video Game Confessions. After the terrible ending that was Kalos, I felt compelled to write this while doing Steven Universe Blackthorned. At this point, the writers should quit and let someone else take over. Any characters you want to see on Anime Confessions? Put them in the reviews! 10/13/17- Final Edit)