A/N: Whew!This is my second fanfic! Two fanfics a day, I must be hyped up on steroids...Anyways, please enjoy!
Title: Spreading Rumors and Watermelon Kisses
Summary: [HitsuMatsu] Hitsugaya gets wind of a nasty rumor involving him and Matsumoto. Trying to hunt down the origins of the gossip is harder than he imagined, though, and he runs into several dead ends. Exhausted and hungry, he goes back to his office to find...?
Word Count: 2673, not including the A/Ns
Rating: T
Pairings: HitsuMatsu all the way!
Warnings: No spoilers, don't worry. After Winter War, though.
Disclaimer: Bleach isn't mine, it's Kubo Tite's and is published under Viz Entertainment's Shounen Jump. This piece of fanfic will not be used for profit anywhere, anytime, anyplace.
The rumors started in late August. The first ones to notice were the unseated underlings.
The first time Hitsugaya heard the rumors was after delivering finished paperwork to the 1st Division to check. He happened to run into the 9th seat of the 8th Division. The poor guy was a laid-back kind of person rather similar to his captain, and didn't even realize that Hitsugaya was standing in front of him. He just continued whispering to his friend:
"Hey, did you hear about the taichou of the Tenth? Yeah, Hitsugaya, that's his name. Apparently, he's got things going hot an' heavy with that bombshell fukutaichou of his. You know, the hot one? Damn, her boobs are like milk jugs."
Obviously, the fun-sized, yet bad-tempered, taichou was not amused. After finishing up some business (read: freezing the rumor-spreading offender and his friends), he stomped into his office rather noisily, waking his dozing fukutaichou.
"Eh, taichou? What's wrong?" She blinked a few times at the icy anger flowing off Hitsugaya. "Is it just me or is it getting cold?"
"Huh. Is that so, Matsumoto? I don't feel a thing. On the other hand, I heard a rather…interesting…rumor a few minutes ago. About myself getting romantically involved with you. Does that ring a bell?"
Matsumoto crossed her arms over her bulging chest and puckered her lips, thinking. "Ooh, you mean that one. I think…uh…Renji? Yeah, Renji spread it after he witnessed the accident. You know, when I tripped over the snag in the rug and sorta…landed on you? He told me he saw it and didn't believe me when I said there was nothin' going on. You know Renji…" She trailed off. The frosty glare that seemed to be permanently etched onto her taichou's face had gotten even frostier, if that was possible.
"I should've known Abarai was behind this…this…this foolishness!" He hissed Renji's name as if it were a deadly curse. "Watch the office for me, Matsumoto. I've got something to do. And don't nap."
"Aye aye, captain." The moment her taichou's reiatsu disappeared from the barracks, though, she promptly fell asleep again. 'What he doesn't know won't hurt…*yawn* him…'
-oOoOo-
"Um, excuse me, sir, you have a…visitor." An unseated 6th Division member bowed apologetically to a bored Renji that was currently reading some manga.
"Eh, send him in." Renji said carelessly, flipping a page. The fight scene was coming up, and he couldn't wait to see what Naruto was going to do with Pain. He figured the visitor was probably just an underling if he was lucky and his taichou if he was unlucky. But he was even unluckier.
"Abarai!" A very pissed off, emotional young taichou was glaring at the offending fukutaichou.
"Well, if it isn't Toshiro…I mean, Hitsugaya-taichou!" He sweat-dropped, seeing the homicidal expression that currently adorned Hitsugaya's face. "Would you like some, errr…tea?" He offered weakly. He had an inkling as to why Hitsugaya was here in his office and, if that little hunch proved to be true, he could be diagnosed with hypothermia and frostbite for the rest of his life (or was it death?).
"No, I would NOT like tea! What I would like, though, is to know WHY you spread those goddamn rumors! Explain in fifty seconds, or I'm going to write you up for insubordination!"
Renji gulped. He knew those rumors were going to come back and bite him in the ass, but why now? It would've been so much better if the skeletons came tumbling out of the closets when he was safe on a mission in the living world.
"Well, you see, sir. It, um, happened when I was drunk…" He offered pathetically, glancing towards the window. 'I wonder how long it would take for me to shunpo out the window and hide behind Byakuya…'
"Che. Doesn't EVERYTHING happen when you're drunk? Stop lying and tell me the truth before I FREEZE your ass with Hyourinmaru." Hitsugaya was obviously not impressed by the weak excuse.
"Okay, okay. Ya see, I was out drinkin' at the bar a week ago with Ikkaku, Hisagi, Rangiku, and Kira. And we were just talking 'bout our respective captains and comparing 'em. And that's when I remembered that lil…accident I saw. With you and Rangiku and the falling down and landing—"
For once, the stoic captain was flustered. "I get it, I get it. You don't have to go into detail about my incident concerning Matsumoto."
Renji stared bemusedly at Hitsugaya's flushed face before he realized who he was talking to and continued. "Well, Rangiku got all blush-y and insisted she just tripped and all, but Ikkaku and Hisagi believed me. Kira didn't care, cuz he was already drunk and mumbling something 'bout silver foxes and betrayals. Emo guy. Like I was saying, Ikkaku and Hisagi started to laugh and suddenly jumped up and yelled 'HEY EVERYONE! HITSUGAYA IS DATING RANGIKU!' and stuff like that. Rangiku stormed outta there in a real huff and all, but the damage was already done. So, you see, it was all Ikkaku and Hisagi's fault." Renji leaned back, satisfied with his rather sketchy explanation. Hitsugaya pondered for a moment about whether or not he could trust Renji, but decided that the redhead wasn't clever enough to come up with that simple explanation by himself.
"Hmph. Fine. I'll go…have a chat with Hisagi and ikkaku. And if you're wrong…" Hitsugaya drew a finger along his neck swiftly, indicating certal death.
Renji gulped. "Yessir!" He sighed in relief as Hitsugaya stormed out of his office, and waited a beat before picking up his Soul Pager.
"Hello, this is Renji Abarai, fukutaichou of the 6th. I would like to know how soon the senkaimon can be opened to Karakura Town…"
-oOoOo-
For the second time that day, Hitsugaya stormed into a fukutaichou's office. Technically, Hisagi was the temporary taichou of 9th Squad, but Hitsugaya still considered Hisagi to be below taichou rank.
Hisagi seemed unperturbed by the pissed captain and calmly smiled. "Would you like some tea, Hitsugaya-taichou?"
Hitsugaya was surprised that someone finally called him by his title. 'Huh. At least he has better manners than that fool Abarai…No wait, I'm supposed to be mad at him!'
"As a matter of fact, Shuhei-fukutaichou, I am here to see you for a matter concerning the spreading of rumors. I was just in Abarai's office a few minutes ago, asking about the same thing, and he referred me to you. You do know that spreading hurtful, untrue rumors can result in being demoted…"
Suddenly, Hisagi's smile seemed a bit more…forced. "Ahaha, of course, you're here to see me about 'that,' aren't you? Well, Renji was really drunk, so he might've gotten a few things wrong. For example, I didn't fully believe him, and most certainly didn't spread any harmful rumors that might scar your smooth reputation. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was both Renji and Ikkaku who jumped up and started shouting stuff and nonsense. And then Renji passed out. My memory is a bit blurry, because I was pretty stoned, but I still believe it was those two. You know those 11th Division people…"
Hitsugaya was impressed by Hisagi's smoothness and well-worded claims. 'He might be more suited to be a taichou than I thought…'
He cleared his throat. "Very well, Shuhei, I will trust you and talk to Madarame. I hope, for your sake, that you are remembering things correctly."
Hisagi didn't miss the threat skillfully laced in the undercurrents of Hitsugaya's tone. "Yes. Certainly, Hitsugaya-taichou, I will take…responsibilities for anything that I might have…messed up on."
"Good. Thank you for your time, Shuhei." Hitsugaya replied curtly, before flitting off with shunpo.
-oOoOo-
Hitsugaya found Ikkaku training in the 11th Division's barracks with a bunch of unseated, overly-excited barbarians.
"Madarame? I need to talk to you about a few…rumors. Abarai and Shuhei both said I should further talk to you before writing anyone up for insubordination." Hitsugaya drew out the last word, smugly glancing at the shocked Ikkaku.
Ikkaku muttered something under his breath that sounded like "Those bastards…" before glancing back at Hitsugaya. "Oh, if ya wanna talk to anyone, talk to Renji again. He was the most stoned, and Hisagi had more than his share to drink too. I was takin' it easy cuz Unohana-taichou—the scary one—recommended that I don't drink fo' a while. I just had a few shots, nothin' heavy, when I heard Renji start shoutin' a bunch of crap into my ear 'bout you and Rangiku. Then Rangiku got all pissed and poured her drink on Renji before stormin' out on us. She left us with the bill, too. Anyways, Renji jumped on stage where this stupid comedian was telling some lame joke about a woman and her pet poodle, knocked the poor dude out, and grabbed the mic and shouted 'HITSUGAYA LOVES RANGIKU' or some shit like that. I got onto stage too and shouted stuff like 'STOP SHITTIN' US' and we got into a yelling fight and all. And then afterwards he passed out on the stage and we lugged him back to 6th Division and asked Kuchiki-taichou to take care o' him. Don't think Renji remembers anything, though, so he might've thought it was us…"
As much as Hitsugaya doubted Ikkaku's brainpower and dubious memory, his story seemed to match up with Hisagi's. "your story seems to match up with Shuhei's, so I'll leave you alone." Seeing Ikkaku's relieved expression, he added "For now. Next time this happens, I murder all three of you. Is that clear?"
A nervous Ikkaku meekly nodded, watching Hitsugaya shunpo back to the 6th Division.
-oOoOo-
A fatigued, much annoyed Hitsugaya stormed into the 6th Division for the second time that day. He was in no mood to be nice this time. 'I'll just freeze him and get back to my office.' Hitsugaya decided, an eerily satisfied expression finding its way onto his features.
However, by the time Hitsugaya had navigated through the barracks and got to Renji's office door, the only sign of him was in the form of, well, a sign:
Gone to Karakura Town to check up on Ichigo, be back soon. –Renji
All Hitsugaya could do was turn purple in the face and sputter, "ABARAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
-oOoOo-
Hitsugaya growled as he finally shunpo'd back to his office. Growling almost inhumanly as he saw the turned off lights, he yelled, "MATSUMOTO! I'm back! You better NOT be sleeping, you lazy, incompetent, slow—WHA?" He gasped in surprise as he looked at a gracefully adorned, candlelit dinner table with steaming mounds of food piled on it. And it wasn't the kind of inedible disaster Matsumoto usually ended up making. It was actual, edible, nice-smelling food that made Hitsugaya's mouth water and stomach growl.
A sexy, teasing voice sounded behind him. "Surprised, taichou? I thought you'd like a nice, relaxing meal once a while. After all, you're always so angry. Not that it isn't cute but…" She trailed off.
Hitsugaya turned around, only to blush at an amazingly beautiful Matsumoto. She had on a ruby red cocktail dress with black pumps and onyx earrings. "Matsumo—"
Matsumoto raised a finger to his lips. "No, no, no. It's Rangiku, taichou."
Hitsugaya suddenly seemed to come to his senses and smirked. "Well, then, Rangiku, you have to call me Toshiro, don't you?"
Now it was Matsumoto's turn to blush. 'God, he sounds so sexy when he says my name.'
"Sure, Toshiro. I'll do whatever you want me to do." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. Hitsugaya looked startled for a moment, before gathering his composure. "So, Matsu—I mean, Rangiku, did you make this?"
"Err, I had some…help."
Hitsugaya looked confused, but Matsumoto led him to the table before he could ask any questions, and his empty stomach urged him to drop the subject. "Anyways, Toshiro, I noticed you tend to like Italian food. So I made 4 Cheese lasagna, spaghetti alla chitarra, and some Caesar salad. And I have some fancy red wine!" She smiled, raising a dark red, expensive-looking bottle instead of her usual sake jugs. Sure, it had taken out a large part of her monthly paycheck, but it was worth it to see her captain gap in awe.
"Oh, and I have watermelon pie." Noticing her captain's somewhat repelled expression, she added. "It tastes better than it sounds. Really."
That seemed to reassure him, and he smiled, a soft, real smile that made Matsumoto blush heavily. "A-Anyways," she said, suddenly flustered. "Let's enjoy our meal!"
Hitsugaya complied, pulling out Matsumoto's chair for her and sitting down in his own. The two ate in a comfortable silence, and it wasn't long before the starving Hitsugaya completely finished the large meal.
"Woah, taichou, you must have been hungry!" Matsumoto exclaimed, still in the middle of her spaghetti. Noticing Hitsugaya's hurt expression, she added ,"I mean, Toshiro. Sorry."
Sighing in relief at Hitsugaya's pacified expression, she stood up. "Well, I'm mostly full now, so let's enjoy the desert!"
She cleared the table professionally, dumping the dishes onto Hitsugaya's desk. Hitsugaya didn't complain, not wanting to ruin the perfect night. He just leaned back in his chair, resting himself as Matsumoto stepped outside. She came back in a few minutes later, carrying a large, delicious-smelling pie.
Hitsugaya barely had time to say "Woah, Rangiku, that looks great." Before Matsumoto snagged her heels on the rug and flew into Hitsugaya, the pie landing smack-gob in the middle of them. Both just lay on the floor in stunned silence before—miracle of all miracles—Hitsugaya started laughing!
"Ehh, Toshiro, are you…laughing?" Matsumoto stared for a moment before the humor of the situation got to her and she started giggling too, before erupting into full-blown laughter.
"Hehe, Toshiro, I'm—hahaha—so sorry!" Matsumoto apologized, brushing her pie-stained hair out of her face.
Hitsugaya just smiled, his eyes sparkling with humor and happiness. "It's alright, Rangiku, haha."
Suddenly, they realized their positions. Matsumoto was all but straddling Hitsugaya, her hands on his chest. They blushed simultaneously. Matsumoto leaped off her captain before bowing.
"I'm…I'm really sorry, taichou, and I should've have tripped and I should've been more careful and I didn't know—"
She was silenced by a pair of (watermelon flavored) lips pressed against her own. When they finally pulled back for air, she was appalled to see a grinning Hitsugaya. "It's Toshiro, Rangiku."
She smiled, a huge, wide, happy smile, her eyes misting. A few tears leaked out, leaving tracks of salt in the watermelon pie that adorned her face. She knew she must've looked ridiculous, but she couldn't help feeling like she was on top of the entire universe right at that moment. Apparently, Hitsugaya felt the same way.
"I love you, Rangiku. Sorry for just noticing. I-I hope you'll still accept me?" Hopeful teal eyes glanced into sly-blue ones.
"Of course, Toshiro." Matsumoto grinned, leaning in for another kiss.
"Hey…Rangiku?" He said after a moment.
"Yes?"
"This pie really does taste good. Can you make another one for me next time?"
"Of course, Toshiro!" She exclaimed, giggling into yet another watermelon kiss.
-oOoOo-
"Heh, Ikkaku, I told you this plan would work!" An ecstatic Renji looked at a depressed Ikkaku. "you owe me 100 kan!"
"Aww, c'mon, man…" Ikkaku groaned.
"Silence, both of you! We need to take some pictures! These will sell like hotcakes!" Hisagi glared at the two before aiming his camera at an oblivious Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.
"Fine, fine. Whatever. But still, who would've thought that this would succeed? Guess spreading rumors really do lead to watermelon kisses." Renji grinned. "Now, how 'bout we sell those pics at 700 kan each to the SWA…"
A/N: Haha, sorry, i made it really obvious that the three stooges would be behind the plan, but I was getting tired at the end, so I tried to make it as simple as possible. Thanks for reading, and please review.