(Authoress Note)

Lyall: This is a humor/parody that my brother and I wrote. This story will be very random at times, and everyone will have only 10 percent sanity in this story at worst. I will be RPGing as Lyall, Kratos's sister, and my brother will be Icion, a hyperactive freak who guzzles gallons of sugar on a daily basis, and Drake, a half-dragon kid. Icion is derived from Ixion, from Greek myth. Icion is the only character with regenerative power. Icion, Drake, and Lyall will not be here for the first half. They may make short entrances, though. Anna and Virginia will be in the notes. There will be references to other places.

Icion: Today, I'm gonna crap on your mom.

Lloyd: WTF! (stabs Icion) GET AWAY FROM MY MOM!

Anna: (bangs pole on Icion's head)

Virginia: (hits Icion's head with thorny rod)

Genis: (casts Prism Sword)

Raine: (casts Holy Lance)

Icion: Duhhh, I'm still alive...urk...(falls on floor, unconscious) (twitching)

Sheena: Phew.

Icion: (regenerates and is back to normal)

Lyall: Hey, Icion, eat this. (hands Icion very deformed and moldy bread)

Icion: Oh boy, a delicious and pulsing morsel. (eats the bread) (gets measles and cancer) Uh, I feel funny. (giggling)

Lloyd: You should, Icion, you should.

Kratos: ...Tell me again, why is Icion here...?

Anna: I dunno. I'm supposed to be DEAD. Grr, why can't I have a better role in this game AND story...? (crying)

Kratos: (comforting Anna)

Mithos: I think this part of the script should be revised. (pointing to game script) I mean, why do I need a SISTER? I HAVE a house, with six ten-foot letters nailed to my roof saying "FEMBOY". And in small letters, "Lives here. Do not disturb". They are in neon lights. NEON!

Drake: Mithos? Martel's over there with those eyes that look like yours when she holds Yuan's hand.

Mithos: Riiiight...bleh.

Icion: (holding bottle that has a label saying "For Mithos" and is empty) Uh, hi.

Mithos: Hey, that looks like the fruit punch you gave me.

Everyone but Icion: ...You are kidding me...

Martel: (looks angrily at Icion and beats the shit out of him)

Yuan: Now, now Martel, you can't beat him up like this. You need this thing called a Buso Renkin I found in the dumpster. (hands Martel a Buso Renkin)

Martel: Aww, and I was gonna use this reverse blade sword...

Yuan: Fine, how about the Samehada?

Martel: Okies! (throws reverse blade sword behind her and starts hacking at Icion with Samehada and Buso Renkin).

Mithos: Wow, Martel! I never knew that you could use two swords like THAT!

Lyall: OK, this is getting too long...DRAKE! DISCLAIMER!

Drake: LyallAurion does not own Tales of Symphonia, its characters, plot, and all that stuff. All of that stuff belongs to Namco and Namco's Tales Studio Ltd. or whatever it was called. Like I really care.

(end Authoress Note)

---''---

"LLOYD IRVING, WAKE UP OR I WILL GIVE YOU ANOTHER MISCONDUCT TO ADD TO YOUR GROUP OF TWELVE! WAKE UP, MORON!" Raine screamed angrily. She killed a random bird and threw it at Lloyd.

"GACK!" Lloyd choked. He was yawning, but the bird got thrown in his mouth. Lloyd was now running in circles and threw the dead bird out the window. It landed on Colette's house's roof.

"Um, I haven't cleaned the roof, so who knows what magical artifa--" Colette started, but Genis threw his shoe in her mouth.

"RAINE'S HERE, YOU BITCH! STOP MOUTHING OFF ABOUT THAT KINDA STUFF!" Genis yelled with fury.

All of a sudden, a bright light, accompanied by a siren, appeared. Phaidra was riding a tricycle ringing a cow bell and playing the recorder extremely badly around town, while saying, "IT'S THE ORACLE! IT'S THE ORACLE!" in that old and scratchy voice of hers.

"AAAAHH! IT'S THE HORRIBLE BITCH AND HER BITCHY RECORDER AND BITCHY BELL! THE ONLY HAVEN IS THE MARTEL TEMPLE! KIDS, FOLLOW MEEEE!" Raine screeched at the top of her lungs. All of the kids and people in Iselia fled to the Martel Temple, screaming, and one guy ripped his ears off.

At this point, Phaidra scared all of Iselia to the Martel Temple, except the Mayor, who was saying, "What beautiful noise!" A second later, his brain exploded and he turned to mush. Yay!

Phaidra was now pedaling at top speed and accidentally ran into a bench. She got flown off her tricycle, and landed on top of Colette's house, on the roof. The dead bird, mentioned earlier, morphed into a homunculus and stared menacingly at Phaidra.

"Oh, stupid Colette, you're already back!" Phaidra said stupidly to the stupidly mutated bird, and stupidly walked toward it. Now you see where Colette got her stupidness stupidly.

The mutated bird picked up Phaidra by her neck with its bony beak, and then threw her into a nest. The bird then gave birth to maggoty babies, who were maggotily shaped like maggots.

At the Martel Temple, everyone heard a noise that was a cross between a scream and a gurgle.

"Phaidra got eaten by maggoty maggots," Lloyd said smartly.

Everyone clapped for one of Lloyd's rare smart moments.

All of a sudden, a man with a goatee and white robe appeared out of nowhere. He gruffly said, "OK, where are the Twinkies, man?" Everyone got question marks above their heads. Colette was playing with one of her question marks and dressing it in a dress.

"Uh, Twinkies?" Genis asked.

"Yes, Twinkies, LITTLE MAN. Rule one: Always give me, Botta, Twinkies whenever we meet! And secondly, always remember that Mithos is a FEMBOY! PEACE!"

"Eww, you sound like a retarded hippie," a random person said. He soon regretted that comment. Botta blasted his head off by strangling him to death with Scotch tape.

"Anyone else?"

Everyone just backed off.

Botta turned to his men. "My fellow homies, we shall capture the Chosen and give her to Komiyan the Third! Then she will be turned into shit with those cows from last week in the cheese grater!"

All of the men cheered and said lame, cliched, and out-of-date phrases.

Colette broke down. "NOOOOOOO, I HATE KOMIYAN! HE'S GAY!"

Yuan's little blue head popped out of the Martel Temple's door. "OK, Botta, Kratos and I are done telling Rem--HUH!" Yuan stared at all of the Iselian people here. "Botta, why the hell are they here? We just needed Co--uh, the Chosen and L-uh, that brown-haired dude."

Kratos's head popped out, too. "Yuan, stop wasting time, or I'll tie you down and force you to read femboy magazines, like last time."

"Ulp! Uh...," Yuan and Kratos warped elsewhere, Kratos being somewhere nearby, hiding in bushes. Yuan was probably at the beach, tormenting a certain red-head that wears pink...

Suddenly, Raine bitch-slapped everyone, trying to get inside the temple. Everyone but Botta was slapped and lost their memory of the last five minutes, which happened to be very crucial information to their journey.

Everyone regained their senses. Botta was pointing a bazooka at a random group of people. "OK, whoever doesn't have a Twinkie will get blasted." Luckily, Lloyd, Colette, and Genis stole other people's Twinkies. Everyone but those three got blasted.

Raine then randomly appeared and bitch-slapped Lloyd, Genis, and Colette, making them lose memory of what just happened, and ran back inside.

"Uh, anyway, I have to go places later, so you, fat dude, kill these chumps," Botta ordered. A henchman started whispering to Botta. Botta cursed. "Damn, the fat guy died of diabetes. Fine, bring out the Grunty!" A Grunty appeared.

"Uh, we kill this thing?" Lloyd said, pointing one of his swords towards the puny Grunty, who was currently snacking on a leaf.

"Yeah. See you later at this ranch place or something," Botta said and warped away.

"Noo, it's too cute...," Colette said and started crying.

Hotaru came rushing in. "No! Please don't kill my Grunty! That man stole my Grunty while saying 'Peace!' a lot like a hippie!"

Lloyd, Colette, and Genis got sweatdrops. Genis nearly drowned in his sweatdrops, which turned to Slimes. They ran inside the temple, gurgling. Hotaru took the Grunty and ran off into a Chaos Gate. Shugo and Rena were waiting.

"C'mon, Hotaru, Ouka and Mirelle are waiting!" Shugo said impatiently.

"Sorry!"

The Chaos Gate disappeared.

"Ookay...," Lloyd said, confused. "Well, let's go, I guess."

Just then, Kratos appeared with his sword out. He then got question marks over his head. "...Where are Vidarr and Botta?"

"Uh, if you mean the fat guy, he died of diabetes. The Botta person disappeared," Genis said intellectually.

"Oh, I'm reporting Botta to Yuan..."

"What did you say?" Genis asked.

"Nothing. As of now, I'd like to help the Chosen."

Frank fell from the sky. He was obviously shot out of a cannon. He came out holding a Fire Flower. "Colette! Are you okay? Oh yeah, Mr. Purple Guy, I'll pay you 99999999999999999999 million Gald to protect Colette and her freaky friends! Here's a freaky flower that a fat, Italian plumber and this pink lady with mushroomy shortstops gave me!" Frank handed over the Gald and Fire Flower.

"Um, Daddy, this is Grandma's life insurance."

"Yeah. She got eaten by maggots."

"Okies! Yay, no more horrid recorder!" Colette then started dancing, but tripped over a cucumber and landed in dirt.

Kratos took the Gald and stuffed it into a money bag. Lloyd eyed the money greedily.

"...Fine." Kratos gave Lloyd one million Gald. Lloyd then started dancing to "Temperature", then was playing Dance Dance Revolution. The three kids partyed for a while, then Kratos then lured Lloyd, Colette, and Genis inside the temple with bacon and cookies.

---''---

Lyall: Well, that's the end.

Lloyd: I get money! Yay! HA!

Anna: And I get to share the money Kratos got! Riiight?

Kratos: ...Um, yes... (kinda weirded out about the story)

Frank: ...This is weird.

Colette: Yep.

Naruto: Hey, have you seen a girl with pink hair and a red dress?

Sheena: I have the opposite. (hands over Zelos)

Zelos: Hey! Sheeeena, you're sooooooo meeeeeeean...

Naruto: Uhh, riiiight...SAKURA! WHERE ARE YOU! (runs off)

Sasuke: NARUTO, YOU IDIOT! KAKASHI-SENSEI ALREADY FOUND SAKURA! (drags Naruto away)

Lloyd: I hate the weirdness. There's too much.

Kratos: Yes, Lloyd, we all do. And yes, there is too much randomness.

Drake: Ahem, OK, this is the end of Chapter One, for those who can't read. For the stupid people, the one is a 1, not a "wun". Icion reminded me of this.

Icion: You mean a wun?

Virginia: Come, Raine, Genis. You'll get stupid.

Raine: Yes, Mother.

Genis: Coming! Lloyd, you come too. I don't want you getting stupider than you already are.

Lloyd: What's that supposed to mean! And no, I'm staying here.

Lyall: Oh yeah, review and whatever. No flames or I will throw the mutant bird mentioned earlier at you.

Mutant bird: SQUACK!

Noishe: (headbutts bird off of cliff)

Everyone: ...

Lyall: OK, since I can't use the bird...OK, if anyone puts a flame, I will throw Kratos at you and make him kill you.

Kratos: ...I'll pass.

Lyall: ...Fine, I'll use Lloyd and this cannon.

Lloyd: WOOT! I GET SHOT OUT OF A CANNON! WOOT! (gets in cannon)

Anna: Fine, but don't get yourself killed.

Lloyd: YEAH!

Everyone: (sweatdrop)

Presea: Anyone who has a kind review will get cake.

Mithos: Ooooooh, cake...

Kratos: Yuan's making out with Marte--

Mithos: (beats the shit out of Yuan)

Yuan: What did I do...? (falls unconscious)

Martel: (knocks out Mithos) Hmph!