He didn't know this place, yet he realized right away where he was. Medical rooms looked the same everywhere, and there was hardly any student in Japan who wouldn't visit it even once. In case of people who did sport more seriously, such visits counted in dozens, so he didn't feel particularly unfamiliar in this situation - although it couldn't be said that he felt like home, either.
The bigger problem was why he had ended here. Judging from the fact he'd just waked up - and couldn't at all remember having come here on his feet - he must have lost consciousness. Not really flattering... but there were surely worse things in the world, so he shouldn't focus on that, only on finding the cause. He'd never fainted before... so maybe it was something grave in question? It wasn't a pleasant thought. However, he quickly came to the conclusion that, had it been the case, he would have surely been connected to some equipment, drip, and all. And he wouldn't certainly stayed in a small - school? - medical room, only in a normal hospital.
So far, he'd been just lying still, but now he tried to get up, levering himself of his elbows - and fell on the pillow right away, unable to hold his moan, for it seemed to him his head exploded. He didn't remember the last time he'd experienced such a strong pain... He pressed his eyelids shut, hoping fervently that the pain would go away, along with that horrible sensation of spinning and nausea. Suddenly, he got scared that he would lose consciousness again... and that he was really ill, after all... For a moment, he couldn't think of anything else... no, he couldn't think at all, aware only of his hard and fast heart-beating. His breath was quick, too. 'I'm ill, I'm ill, I'm ill,' only this was on his mind. 'What's going to happen to me?'
However, after a while (quite long, too), the situation calmed down and the pain subsided - so he dared to open his eyes again. The bed was no longer swaying, and everything around was as still as it should be. The room was filled with warm light of afternoon; noises of some play were coming from outside. It was calm. Safe. His breathing became slower and deeper again, and his heart wasn't pounding any more. He wouldn't achieve anything panicking, he decided, remembering what he'd thought just a moment ago: that if he'd been ill, he would've been in hospital, with someone by his side. It made sense.
He was anxious to move again, but something made him check what it was ailing him. Besides, he couldn't just lie like this, in more or less unfamiliar place, hoping that someone would come and explain the situation to him. The feeling of loneliness was just too strong, and he quickly decided to focus on something else. Slowly, warily, holding his breath again and preparing for the worst, he took his arm from under the cover. Nothing followed, which comforted him. Then, however, something caught his attention: he was wearing his soccer outfit... which meant that he must have been injured on the field.
Well, it was only logical. As mentioned, soccer players often suffered injuries. But he became anxious again... and move his other arm as well as his both legs, No pain; it seemed he hadn't broken, twisted or dislocated anything. It was a great relief. Something must have happened only to his head, but a soccer player used his legs more than his head, ha ha... It was good, really good. Broken Takeshi wouldn't be of any use to Hyūga-sa-
Hyūga-san!
He clenched his teeth when finally - suddenly - his last memory returned to him. They had been playing a friendly match in Chiba with a local team. With the first half under way, they'd been winning 3:0 already... The rest was blank... but he could pretty much guess it anyway: Sawada Takeshi had fainted during Tōhō's play with another team. Before everyone who'd been watching that game. He covered his face with both hands. He took back what he'd thought earlier about the worse things. There were no worse things, definitely. What a shame, what a shame... How was he going to stand before Hyūga-san? No, it was not what he should be bother about, for Hyūga-san probably wouldn't want to see him again. For sure.
He spent the next moment in deep despair... and then put his hands down on the cover and realized he was being stupid. He'd just gone dramatic like a girl, no way. He'd become injured during the play - so what? Did he really consider Hyūga-san as a person who would scold him for something like that? Really? 'Bad, Takeshi, very bad. You know well it's not true,' he reproached himself. During all those years, Hyūga-san had showed him more kindness than all other people together. Of course he wouldn't be angry about it. Not him.
But, his spirit got down again, maybe Hyūga-san was kind to Takeshi who was of use to him, and not to Takeshi who'd become injured and landed in bed, unable to play? And, taking into consideration the fact that recently Hyūga-san had approximately as much goals as Takeshi had assists, it could be expected he would be displeased. And disappointed. And wouldn't want to know him any more. And it would be end, a real end for everything. How could life be so cruel?
Sawada Takeshi, get a grip.=
If his head hadn't been hurting so much, he would've punched it hard. Although, clearly, such things didn't bring good results anyway: his thoughts, instead of jumping into right tracks, made him more and more confused, to such an extent he could hardly recognize himself. He'd better leave them alone and try to remember what had occurred on the field.
The only sensible explanation was that he'd hit his head, and hard. How could that have happened? Well, for example, he could have collided with some big guy of the opposing team. However, for all he remembered, the opposing team had no big players - at least not such that could send him to hospital, no matter how small he was. Besides, with all respect for the rivals, their play had been so sluggish that they had trouble putting up any decent fight for the ball. On the other hand, Sawada Takeshi was the fastest player in Tōhō, and there was no chance for anyone to catch him from behind, while he himself wasn't so careless to run into someone in front of him. Apart from that, his head was aching mostly in the back, which made things more clear.
Another possibility was that he'd hit the pole. There was no need to think of their own goal, for it was Wakashimazu-san defending it, so he had nothing to do there; actually, he hardly ever stayed on their own half during the play... Now, the penalty area of the opposing team was quite a different story; he was a frequent visitor there... Then, if he'd hit something, it could be only the goal of the team from Chiba; such version was much more probable. On a soccer field, there really wasn't anything else he could run into with such a force that he injured himself.
He sighed. Then, he had been careless, after all; it was an unpleasant thought. And he'd been so much applying himself to not making mistakes during the game: to precisely pass the ball, to read his opponent's move, and to make the play that the team could benefit from. He could even say his skills made him proud... and now it appeared that he had yet much work to do. Of course, a sportsman should never rest on his laurels, only try to develop as a player... yes, work on himself... but at the moment, he felt like lying down and do nothing for the rest of his life...
He clenched his teeth and moved up a few centimetres. And some more, adjusting his pillow at the same time. Soon, he was more sitting than lying. His head was still pulsating with pain, but he could bear with it now. And he no longer felt nauseous. He should quickly recover and return to training. So that he would never hit the opposite teams' goals, faint during the games, and cause the team and Hyūga-san trouble.
He felt bad. And wretched. And lonely. They really must have hated him for that, since no-one even came to see him. Not that he was a little kid who needed others' presence all the time. It was just that... when you played in a team, you were a kind of used to that presence; it was a natural thing... Probably only Hyūga-san was a person who managed perfectly well on his own... He would lie if he said that it didn't impress him. Actually, everything about Hyūga-san impressed those around him... although, at times like this, quite too much. Hyūga-san never ran into the poles unless it was his intention: to use them for his own purpose and often succeeding in it. In any case, he would feel a bit better if someone... looked in on him.
Or maybe... Maybe they'd even lost the game? came to his mind, and it took him a while to force himself to acknowledge it just wasn't possible. Tōhō wasn't a team to start losing when devoid of one player, especially him, on top of that. How could it occur to him, in the first place?
With some part of his mind, he realized that something was terribly wrong with his thinking today... but he felt too weak to change it now. His chest ached, so it was hard to take a breath... and the next moment he was terrified to see two tears falling on the cover. Sawada Takeshi, you're really hopeless...
"Ah, you've come around already," he heard a voice that could be a hallucination yet made his heart leap anyway.
He looked up and, even though he couldn't see clearly, realized it was no-one else but Hyūga Kojirō standing in the doorway. He wiped his eyes in a quick move that made his head ache even more. "Hyūga-san..."
He thought it really couldn't be worse: here the captain and the man he'd respected more than anyone else, came and saw him crying and as pathetic as possible. The life was really cruel... Although, he couldn't deny he felt happy at the same time; they hadn't left him alone, hadn't forgot about him and-
Unless Hyūga-san had felt obliged to come here - a cold thought occurred to him - to check what was the condition of one of his players, nothing else. Nevertheless, he deserved some gratitude. "Thanks for coming, Captain..."
Hyūga-san turned around - to the door he'd just shut - and then looked at him again, as if questioningly, saying, "I thought you were talking to someone else."
He blinked. "What...?"
"You call me differently, don't you?" Hyūga muttered, coming closer.
Some warm, tickling sensation filled his chest, soothing the pain. He snorted at that remark, but new tears flew from his eyes at the same time. "I'm sorry, Hyūga-san..." he choked, wiping his cheeks.
Hyūga was standing next to his bed and seemed to hesitate. "You've received a strong blow," he said in the end. "I'm amazed you've already come to. Are you sure you can sit up?" he asked with some concern. "The doctor said you might have a concussion. I imagine you have quite a headache. I suppose an adult would cry, too..." he stated with something that could be considered a sympathy in someone else's case.
He sniffed, lowering his head. "That's not why... I..." He paused; he wasn't sure what it was he wanted to say... but he intended to be honest, if anything. "I'm sorry for being so week." 'And good-for-nothing,' he could add, but it stuck in his throat.
The silence fell. He didn't dare to raise his eyes. Now he was going to hear what he feared to. Hyūga-san would tell him there was no reason to associate with him any longer. That it was the end of their acquaintance. Of their co-operation. The pain in chest returned, along with the crystal clear realization that the last months - and those earlier ones, when they had been playing together in Meiwa FC - have been the happiest time in his life. Why hadn't he realized it?
The sun had moved on the sky, and now its light was falling on the bed; a warm spot was spreading on the cover, but he felt only cold emptiness absorbing him more and more.
"Do you really think that?" he heard Hyūga's cool voice.
He clutched his hands on the fabric and pressed his lips tight to stop its trembling. Still, he had no idea how long he could hold back a cry. Suddenly, he hoped that Hyūga-san would say what he was about to, and leave... although, at the same time, it was the last thing he wished for. But Hyūga-san had better go.
Hyūga, however, moved a chair to the bed and sat down; apparently, he didn't plan to leave, which stirred some new emotions. Sawada Takeshi, you're so stupid, he told himself, wondering when he would finally grow tired of it and return to his normal self. In the first place, he should stop focusing on himself... but it seemed impossible, for his thoughts were running in circles around the one topic. Maybe it was because he'd hit his head... but it only reminded him of his own incompetence, and he felt even worse.
"Takeshi... Someone who can scold me like you is anything but weak," the captain of Tōhō spoke after a while, his voice convincing.
He remained silent. He didn't know whether it comforted him.
"Hmm... It wasn't the best argument," Hyūga obviously reached the same conclusion, folding his arms. "But, Takeshi... You're not weak," he repeated with some annoyance. "How could you thinks so?"
"I lost consciousness during the game," he muttered, staring at his own hands. "I couldn't play... and..."
"It was a 6:0 win, so no deal."
He lowered his head even more.
"Of course, it you'd been there, we would've won some 16:0."
Now he felt like vanishing from the face of the earth. Suddenly, he was no longer sure of anything except that it was all his fault. Of course, Tōhō could do perfectly well without him... yet, simultaneously, Hyūga-san reproached him for them having scored too few goals. This moment, he would give anything to be able to turn back the time. To have that situation never happened. He hadn't known that one mistake could have such effects. He needed to learn from it... he needed to be twice as careful from now on... If there was anything 'from now on', for he wasn't that certain of it any more...
"Hey, Takeshi..." now there was some hesitation in Hyūga's tone. "Everything's okay?"
"I'm fine," he whispered; he couldn't normally talk through his clenched throat. "No-one dies from hitting the pole..."
"Hitting the-" he heard Hyūga's amazed voice. "What are you... Takeshi, you... don't remember what happened?" the captain of Tōhō guessed.
He remained silent. He didn't remember... but if he said it aloud, he would feel even worse. However, he felt an irrational fear that he'd made an even bigger fool of himself. Maybe... Maybe, by some incredible stroke of fate, he'd run into Hyūga-san... Well, colliding with the Tōhō's ace certainly could have forced him into oblivion... although that was no comfort, quite the contrary.
Hyūga kept silent for a moment, making him feel like his sentence was only being prolonged. "I was about to shoot," Hyūga finally spoke, with some displeasure, though, "while you were marking a defender on the penalty area. You were doing it so effectively that he grew annoyed and pushed you away..."
"And that's when I hit the pole...?"
"Takeshi, what do you have with that pole? Let me finish!" Hyūga seemed irritated. "That defender pushed you away... right into my Tiger Shot," the Tōhō's striker added in a lower voice.
He blinked. "Tiger Shot?" he uttered, not really sure he'd heard correctly.
"Yeah," Hyūga muttered.
He gasped. "I'm sorry, Hyūga-san..." he whispered involuntarily.
"Takeshi, are you listening to me? Do you actually understand what I'm saying? It's I who should... apologize," Hyūga stammered at that last word, then cleared his throat and added in a resolute voice, "I sent you to hospital with a concussion."
"It's not a hospital," he murmured without a second thought.
"Whatever," Hyūga replied quickly. "My Tiger Shot hit you in the head, and everyone knows how powerful it is. I bet you felt like you'd crashed into a train... Well, maybe not a train, but a car, at least..." he corrected. "Into a scooter, for sure," he added, clearly striving for authenticity.
That was Hyūga-san for you; he liked neither exaggeration nor indefinity. For him, things were always this or the other way, and nothing else. Takeshi found it endearing, and this was the first positive, warm emotion in a longer while. "I hope I'll never need to compare," he muttered, feeling that some load was off his chest indeed.
However, the next words threw him off balance again. "I worried about you," Hyūga said in a lower voice. "Sure, I gave that git an earful and, if the guys hadn't stopped me, he would've been taken from the field on a stretcher, too," he added with vigour, raising one fist and clearly trying to efface the first impression. "But you have a hard head, I give you that, since you've come to so quickly," he said with respect.
"Quickly...?"
"The game has just ended."
Silence filled the room again, but it no longer seemed so cold, so alien. Normal sounds of an afternoon were coming from outside, and the sun was still shining brightly. The world was moving forward in its usual way. Nothing bad happened... and Hyūga-san was here, with him, and nothing he'd said so far wouldn't sound scary or herald any disaster, quite the opposite. Maybe nothing unpleasant was going to follow? Maybe it would all end with this... this concussion, and then everything would be back at normal? It was amazing how a few words could restore a man's hope...
Finally, he dared to have a look at him. Hyūga was sitting on the chair, his arms folded again, just like on many occasions before... but there was something about him indicating he wasn't so relaxed he appeared to. Well, after what he'd said - and what apparently hadn't been a figment of Takeshi's imagination - he had all the right to.
"Hyūga-san... Did you really... worry about me?" he asked shyly.
"I did," the declaration was backed by a firm nod.
"Did you?"
"Don't make me say it again," Hyūga replied, clearly displeased, staring at the wall; then he focused his gaze. "Takeshi, I can no longer imagine playing without you," he said, looking him in the eye. "I wouldn't have scored even half of my goals without you," he stated the obvious and then added with some provocation, "Sure you know that."
He remained silent.
"But it's not just that," Hyūga kept talking, although with some difficulty now. "Takeshi... I never told you... Maybe I didn't realize it myself, but... You're like a... little brother to me. I don't like it that I... that you got hurt because of me," he added in a softer voice, looking away again.
Takeshi stared at him, completely speechless. He'd never imagined he'd hear something like that. For a moment, he even suspected he was hearing things; surely, it happened with a concussion...
But Hyūga-san was sitting there, still averting his eyes - although no-one else could give others such a look he could - and seemed exactly like a man who had just said something so... incredible. No. He seemed like Hyūga Kojirō, who had just said something so incredible. How could this be possible? Wasn't it just a strange dream he had yet to wake up from? He opened his mouth.
"And if you're going to ask me if I really did, I'm going to punch you," Hyūga spoke, his eyes fixed on the wall.
No, only Hyūga-san could say something like that. Real, genuine Hyūga-san. He wanted to smile but, at the same time, he felt he was more shaken than any injury could have made him.
His all doubts - all those silly things he'd been bothering his head with since he'd regained his consciousness - vanished into thin air when some new feeling, unknown to him, spread in his chest. Bitter-sweet. Evoking joy and pain. Fulfilment and loss. Happiness and harm. As if he'd been given something and lost something at the same time. The sensation was so strong he started to shiver, deep inside. His heart was racing and pounding, as if he was running fast, away from something. His head was pulsating in an unpleasant way, and his ears were humming. He didn't remember feeling like that before.
He couldn't understand it, but he realized he was afraid - not of those physical symptoms, but of something greater, unknown... Suddenly, it seemed to him he was about to face a big change that he knew nothing about, nor he knew how it would affect his life. Or that the change was already happening, here and now, in and around him, and he couldn't stop it. He hadn't expected it. Just a moment ago, he wouldn't believed he would experience it... and it was frightening, too, but also strangely exciting. Was it what growing up meant?
He didn't know why, yet he realized he would treat Hyūga in a different way from now on. As if some stage was completed... was over now. Suddenly, he understood nothing was going to be like it had been before. He didn't want it; he didn't want to lose what he'd had until now - but, at the same time, he could do nothing about that. It wasn't like a soccer play, its rules all known to him... He had no control here, not over his feelings... that never before had hit him with such a power... Yes, with power of Tiger Shot.
He tried to gather his thoughts and understand anything of that, although it seemed impossible, for all of them revolved around one person - but was it something new? Since he'd met him, he'd been thinking only of him - and never even wondered about it. Maybe now was the time? Right now, when that very man was saying such things to him. He recalled what he'd been told, quite a moment ago, and what still was ringing in his ears.
'You're like a little brother to me.'
Everyone knew what his siblings meant to Hyūga Kojirō; if not everyone, he knew for sure. If Hyūga-san said that Takeshi was like a little brother to him... it wasn't a trifle. It was something... big, dazing, shaking. He had no reason to doubt it, for Hyūga-san simply wasn't a person to say such things to comfort him.
Then why... Why couldn't he be happy about it? Why was he filled with despair instead of joy - and if not 'instead', then at least 'too', which meant the same thing? Why? As his brother, he could stay by Hyūga's side for ever...
Something pierced his heart. For ever? No, how could he ever think that, in the first place? For ever? For ever by his side? In junior high, in high school, in professional club - and longer? A vision of coming years flew threw his mind: five, ten, twenty. Sawada Takeshi by Hyūga Kojirō's side. Impossible.
And that was how he finally caught what wouldn't leave him be: he realized he really wanted to stay with him or ever... and that moment a beautiful dream ended.
So that was how... he felt about him?
His throat ached when he gasped for air. His thoughts scattered away again; he lost any grip on them and could only receive them, each of them banging at his mind along with a violent beating of his heart. Now, he wished he could black out again; it seemed the only way to stop that flood of sensations getting into his head... Maybe when he came to, he would find it to be just a dream? But in vain.
Would he settle with that he would have? Would he be able to run on the same field? To make passes and hear his own name said along with his? Knowing he would never be given more than praise, gratitude, and acknowledgement? Just a moment ago, it would've be enough for the eternity, and now it meant so little - for he wanted more, much more, so much his heart clenched in pain, and he trembled all over.
No, he just couldn't accept it. It seemed completely impossible...
But, if he gave it up, then he would have nothing. There was no real choice. If not for ever, than for that short time that was possible. Something screamed in him, revolting against such submission, such resignation - but he knew it was no use to argue with the reality. He'd always stuck to his own resolve; he was sure of his decision now, too. He told himself it reassured him.
He raised his eyes upon the man who mattered the world to him and met his gaze this time.
"I didn't say that to make you cry," Hyūga claimed displeased.
He realized tears were running down his cheeks again... but he didn't care any more. "I know," he replied. "I can't... help it."
"Being thirteen is terrible," Hyūga muttered.
"I won't be thirteen for ever," he whispered and had no idea why. "But, as long as I can, I'd like to stay with you," he added even more quietly, still looking at him.
Hyūga blinked. "You're saying strange things today."
"I did hit my head," he reminded.
"I hit your head," Hyūga corrected.
"Then, maybe you're going to ask how you can compensate me for it?" he asked and still felt as if it was someone else speaking through his mouth.
Hyūga squinted... and then said provocatively, "How?"
He got a funny feeling in his stomach... and that terrible load on his chest became lighter. He felt exhausted, as if he'd fought a difficult battle, as if he'd given his best in the final game of Japan Championships... But had he won? Lost? He didn't know; all he knew was that he had no strength left and just wanted to rest.
He lay down on the pillow and stretched his hand. After a moment of hesitation, Hyūga took it. He smiled, feeling that nothing bad could happen... and that there were still many good things waiting for him. There was no reason to fall into despair. Not because of Hyūga, anyway. And not when Hyūga was still here. With him.
"Thank you for caring..." he said softly, never averting his eyes. "I'll be fine... but could you stay with me little longer? Tomorrow..." he took a deep breath, "tomorrow I'll be your midfielder again... and your little brother," he added in a whisper, actually believing it. "So... so stay here today... a bit longer..."
Hyūga looked at him, and it was a look not often seen in that striker of Tōhō who could be dangerous as a hurricane; strangely enough, that look was able to calm down the storm. He nodded and said seriously, "I'll stay."